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Everything posted by Lambert

  1. how would you interpret Sam’s response? I think Sam was following a form of "bro code" with you. He didn't want to do you wrong but it came at a cost. He resented you. He couldnt deal with the drama. Blocked you and Angie for his own sanity. I don’t know, how am I suppose to believe there wasn’t some feelings there? So it's not enough for you that he or she didn't act. Their own feelings have to be what's best for you, too? Come on.... Not everything is about you. Yes. You are the star of your own book but you're just one book in the whole library. Not everyone is going to read your book. And honestly, two years later, what are you doing to work on your own life and happiness? You're not with Angie, you've lost some friends... maybe it's all for the better. Move on. Fall for someone else. Sam and Angie Who?
  2. I'm sorry. it hurts no matter what when you find out they moved on. Try to remember this a lot of your ego, telling you, to fear. That's what the ego does. it makes narratives out of situations. It's actually a survival mechanism but we get in our own way at times. Look at it as an observer... you guys had a great run, 14 years! But ending was for the best. The ex is on their journey and you're on yours. Of course you want them to be happy... but it's actually none of your business, not a reflection of you or indicative what great things are to come for you!
  3. I don't understand why she is mad at you for seeing him? Because he hit on her and she turned him down? That's not fair. she doesn't want him, but you can't have him? Or is it more she thinks he is a predator and you should listen to her experience with him over your own? That's kind of off, too. You're free to do what you want with your life. I had a guy friend that creeped out one of my girlfriends. She didn't like him and that's fine. he's my friend. What he did was, one time he looked at her funny. One time! she thought it was creepy. which I kinda felt like ok... don't you hang around him. But I still did. And if he comes up, i say, I know you don't like him, but I do. Be your own person.
  4. I'm sorry you are feeling blah over this. but life is about experiences and lessons. Like ordering at a restaurant. You thought you wanted that and then after the meal, you're still hungry but for something else. Since it wasn't an emotional connection and was just a physical itch that got scratched, go forward doing what's best for you-- seeing your doc & getting tested. If you don't want to see the guy, don't. Maybe it was just as unemotional for him and neither of you want to see each other again. It takes time to build a connection. This doesn't mean you can't built one, if you both want that. But it could also be, you guys went too far, too soon for your own comfort. Which from how you're feeling, sounds like more the case. It's ok. ❤
  5. Wow. As heartless as his actions must feel, letting you go is the best he can do. I am sorry. I know you expected better of him. I felt that way of my ex, too. He can't admit to himself he's a user and won't change. So he'll never admit it to you. Pride... it is all his pride, 'you should leave.' Like it's his great idea. it's like no you dumb donkey, I'm telling you, I'm out the door. Good ridden! I hope every person considering moving in with someone reads this. makes sure you're moving in for the same reason they think you're moving in. More and more. It seems one person thinks it's a step in their relationship's progression with deep meaning. Meanwhile, the other person is just looking for a roommate. Hang in there girlfriend... no matter what, you did the right thing. Where you living now? you ok? ❤
  6. So... were you just using May? You don't even seem to care that you made out with someone you consider a friend, but you never considered dating? That is not cool.
  7. None of these qualities show or speak to being a good partner. I'm sorry you're beating yourself up over this. I find that pretty common among the abused and people pleasers. You were doing your part and now you're blaming yourself for having your own needs. Ask yourself, why is it ok for him to say no to you. to be harsh to you, but you're not allowed to stand up for yourself. Seems lopsided, from what you've written. You keep saying you are not sure what to do. What do you want to do? Are you willing to forego all your own hurt feelings in order to be with him?
  8. It's never you. Because you are you. You decide for you. it makes no difference what other people think or do in their relationships. You have to live with yours. If you decide blue eyes are a deal breaker, then they are. You don't need anyone to agree.
  9. Trust your instincts. Some people never really get over an ex... they use others to pass time or so they won't be alone. I dated a guy that was not over his ex and in the end it was only myself I could blame because I didn't want to accept what I knew was true. Never again. When you discover one lie, it's like roaches. There's tons more you don't know about. Do yourself a favor and dump this loser.
  10. This guy is garbage! He totally used and objectified you to impress his buddies... GROSS whatever you thought he was friend wise, caring, gentleman, etc has been completely debunked by his own actions.... What man wants his woman looked at by other men? a pig that's what man. He has no respect for you. I would block, delete and NEVER EVER talk to him or give him one more moment of my time. I would tell his mother or anyone else, he humiliated me in a very personal and private manner. Specifically to the mom, I'd add, knowing he is your son and the respect I have for you, I really don't want to get into any more. Please respect my decision and let's not discuss him. Never allow anyone to record you. Sadly, this you learned the hard way. What a pig!
  11. For what it's worth... he really acted poorly and put it all on you to fix it. The "f you" part is completely unacceptable, as is the silent treatment, and the waiting to see how long you would take to contact him. What is he? 10? Those are not acts of love. Now he's being prideful and putting all this on you. It's a hard pill to swallow, as this was probably not what you expected from this guy. I would really do some soul searching... do you regret it, in a sens you're going to stroke his ego to get him back? Or is it more grief that this man is not that great? what you thought he was didn't really exist? And it's sad to end any relationship? At 52, this is who he is... mean and disrespectful. Once the respect is gone, what is there? If I were you, I would accept this is the end. Find a better guy that doesn't say f you and other hurtful things. Someone that knows how to communicate. As for the initial problem.... I don't know if I would expect my partner to sit in an uncomfortable chair. His response wasn't the good either but... You're an adult if the spot was unacceptable or if the host isn't interested in making all guests comfortable than I'd go home early. This was an unfortunate experience but it identified a huge crack in your relationship. I'm sorry.... keep going. you deserve better.
  12. Sorry you're crying and such. That totally sucks. Tell me, what is the actual issue? Are you not producing quality work? Or is he just not directing things the way you like? When it comes to work, you have to take the personal feelings out of it. Don't say I'm new. Say I need help prioritizing what I have. If xyz needs worked on, abc has to wait. You might be lower on the totem pole but you deserve respect. I have found, when dealing with people that don't use or respond to the niceties of the interactions, then don't. keep it brief and only admit work. That makes things smoother. Separate yourself from work. Work is work and even if your not producing a you should, it doesn't mean you are a loser. You just need some help. If you have too much on your plate, talk to your manager about it. Get some advice from someone that seems to be doing well. in a new job, floundering, I got this really good advice- do what you can do really well.
  13. People who throw around the love yous need to be vetted carefully. I have experienced and seen others fall for each other fast. That in itself is not so bad... but! the actions MUST MUST MUST match the words. Cut your losses. Insecurities at 3 months becomes controlling behavior at 6 months, becomes abusive behavior at 12 months.
  14. I'm so sorry about the miscarriage.... How are you feeling about that? what a selfish jerk this guy is! Breaking it off is one thing to not let you finish what you wanted to say and only getting his own point out was unfair. Write him a letter and don't send it. This loss is actually a gain. You deserve better. Do you have any access to a therapist or a counselor?
  15. I think a lot of what you wrote sounds like excuses and you really don't have any empathy or understanding of how your wife feels. How would you feel if she was sending & viewing sexual pics and chatting with real live men? Would you believe it meant nothing and was just an interactive firm of porn? Listen to what you're saying and consider if this was done to you... it's quite disturbing and hard to believe it's NOT a form of cheating. And why are you so lonely? You can't handle time alone even though you live with your wife and I assume she came home each night? You really couldn't find a way to entertain yourself that didn't involve your sexuality while your wife was at work? That is pretty sad. considering there are many people that were/are alone 24/7 for months during this pandemic. Don't be surprised if your wife leaves you. Your attitude towards your transgressions is almost worse than the acts themselves and that's saying something.
  16. I think you have to choose to take care of yourself. And by that I mean force her hand. Talk to an attorney figure out the financials, make a plan, execute the plan. What's she's doing is total BS! she can't have her cake and eat it, too. There will be marital assets to split and that will help her get started but she's going to work hard to start over. Just as you are. Save yourself from being used. It stinks... no doubt about it. but your self esteem will benefit from you choosing you.
  17. At some point Kim, you have to decide your life is good enough for you. many people succumb to pressure to do things and then they regret it. I'm older, not married, no kids... I've heard every question there is about this and felt the judgment. But! Any choice you make you have to live with. Not them. Instead of using your energy to worry about what others think, say & do, focus on building a life you're proud of and is what you want. I do wish I was married. That's true. but that's not enough for me. I have to be married to the right person and that's my choice. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm not a loser. I'm actually a winner and I intend to keep that way. I'm just not rude enough to question other people's poor life choices and say to their face that their looks pitiful to me and I'm glad I'm not them. So how about those apples? 🤣
  18. I'm so sorry! I wonder if you could sue him for damages. what a piece of garbage this guy.... what do you want to do?
  19. I'm sorry that happened. He had to be mental, right? I get so disgusted with people in general these days. the road rage and impatience I experience every time I leave the house gets me so down. So I can imagine an in person a-hole experience would freak me out, too. Try your best to shake it off. It's over. Now I need to take my own advice. lol... I bet you won't buy yogurt for a while. 🤣 let's try to laugh it off.
  20. I think its nearly impossible for two addicts to have a healthy relationship. In healthy relationships, the relationship is the priority. In addiction, the addiction is the priority. Do you want to get help to stop? That's the answer. but until you decide that's what you want and do something about it, it always going to be the same. If I were you, I would find resources near me to get help. Start with a Google search. Talk to a doctor, call a help hotline or someone that cares about you. Someone that is not an addict. Get help for yourself. Invite your hubs to get help with you. but unfortunately, you might have to go it alone. You have to take care of yourself FIRST. Then you can work on other things. It's like they say on airplanes... in the event the oxygen mask drops, put yours on first. Before you assist someone else. Because if you can't breathe, you can't help another person. Same with your situation. You have to get yourself healthy. Have you tried in the past? Do you have someone you can trust to help you?
  21. I agree.... you're not confused. you don't like it so you're looking to make it right. I think you should look into getting your own new place and your own pet. One change does spark other changes in other areas. a new place might be just what the doctor ordered
  22. I 2nd @DarkCh0c0 Do not fall for this BS! You can make new friends. He's being a selfish jerk! Tell your friends and family. You need your support system around you. Do not protect him! Do not let him use you! Turn the tables and dump him! This is soooo wrong on many levels. He needs to grow up. You are not just his booty call after 3 years. If you do this... he will use you and date other women. Then when you're hurt, he'll say you agreed. is that good enough for you? The break up does hurt but FWB will torture you. To get respect, you gotta start with yourself. You go back to college single and see for yourself, you can do this.... it might even be the best thing!❤
  23. Have you posted under another name? this situation sounds familiar. Regardless.... You don't trust him. You don't trust yourself. You can say you do all you want but you don't and you shouldn't. He was very cruel to you. Of course that would cause cracks and distrust. Now you are on eggshells telling him you are perfectly fine if he doesn't want you along. But it sounds like he is not concerned whether you are fine or not. He is a mean drunk and doesn't bother to text you back. Honestly, you deserve so much better and you should break up with him. Stay single and fix your own issues. Love yourself more by doing what's best for YOU. He's not a great guy. You're better than this.
  24. I understand. And I do feel for you, it doesn't feel right.... because you're very invested even though you were not exclusive. I think the main thing to remember is you can only know your perspective. If he was very overwhelmed and not sure what to do about you, you don't want to push him to end it. You know, you have experienced when someone pressures you or you perceive their actions as pressure. What do you do? You shut down. Thier pressure makes you decide to end it. By simplying doing nothing you are allowing him to come to you and being a woman of your word. Strength is sexy. Don't ever forget that. you said you would let him come to you. Well.... you have to do that. Big lesson here, right? Next time you say, "Can I call you in a week or two? maybe we can get a coffee?" People do not need checked on when they decide they need space. They need their space respected. Go on with your own life. Don't push this.... If he decides to call you on his own, that will be all you need. If he can't give you that, you are wasting your time anyway. Keep doing you.
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