Lambert

Ditch this guy. Too much drama with him.

I would pull back. the less said the better. She knows. You know. If you don't want to be together, the solution is to move on. In time, you may become friends. I have an friend I dated over a decade ago. It took over 5 years of us not being in each other's lives. We had a lot of mutual friends but we were able to stay a good distance from each other. No ill will but we were not a couple. we both needed to move on. Years later, we ran into each other a few times and would chat and say hi. That moved to let's plan to meet. And now we are friends. I don't care who he is with or if he is single. And it's the same on his side. We could/ have double dated and it would be no problem. That's friendship. He's not my ex. He's a friend I once dated. But like a lifetime ago. lol

What you're doing. Well, you've tried telling her. Talking to her will hurt her and create drama. I would do as you're doing and only talk to her about it if she asks. In time you'll fad away. That's how it is sometimes. it's ok.

Have you ever thought about what you might want? Guide posts are the posts that hold up a fence. they are put up first and show where the fence is and where the slats (the cross bars on the fence) go. Google it if that doesn't make sense. 😀 They are symbolic in the way I mean it here. Your guide posts are the things that show you are on the right path. If things are good you're in the right path. if you feel bad, you are not. So in this case, all this information about the guy is making you confused which is bad. If you smell the milk and it smells spoiled, you don’t have to taste it.

Great points! I agree.

You know now. Sorry. I know how you feel. I liked the guy I was seeing. I thought it might have been a pretty good relationship. And that's his loss. Just like it's her loss Losing someone that is cruel is a win! Listen there's no rush. let it be. Don't push her farther away. Maybe she needs to grow up. That you can't do anything about. You might meet someone better. Be cool and get back to the gym. Do some push ups. The humble push up. the best full body exercise - no equipment or giant space needed!

Bummer. Do you think they know you worry about them?

Got it. Well I guess I world encourage my parents... to a point. There was / is damage to humans being shut in like we were. They adapted to being home more. Do they say they want to do those things? I went through a similar thing. I dropped the subject and they went back in their own. Do they have fond memories of the activities?

why do you make these suggestions?

Sounds like a plan. My parents are older than yours. I love them and it's hard sometimes. I try to remember they have probably had to deal with my faults too. lol

You're not. the parents and adult children relationship is just like any other. you have to think about what's important to you and the piorolities. You're obviously close to them so you should communicate more and have some boundaries like let's pick a time to go and I'm going without you if you don't follow along. If it can't be that way, why? then at least you're trying 🤷‍♀️

I'm so sorry. I would wait. When someone says they want space. give them space. It is a respectful and caring thing to do. It will be helpful for you too. Do you have interests, friends, family? Try to focus on those things. Maybe she did you a favor. Don't settle for someone that thinks they're better off without you. I honestly feel that way about someone right now. They think they can do better. let them. lol. So it's ok to move on completely. you deserve better.

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! Keep moving forward. Proud of you. Keep taking care of yourself. Holidays are notorious times for feeling sad, lonely, regret... but when the holidays are over guess what? Nothing has changed. You're right, he wasn't being malicious. But he was thinking of himself. Someone thinking of you leaves you alone, doesn't give false hope or cryptic messages.

I think its a case of too much, too soon. It became overwhelming and turned her off. It's like eating too much candy. you're loving it and then you're sick of it. There is no slowing down. The lesson here is to slow down. Even if you are crazy about the girl and she seems crazy about you. Relationships are like plants they need sun light, fresh air, water etc. but go overboard and you kill it. It's a disappointment for sure. I'm sorry. ((hugs))

Be careful you're not being strung along. a quick Google search confirmed what I already thought... law school like other colleges have a winter break. finals are over and it's holiday time.

While I think the therapist makes a good point, if YOU think YOU are avoiding or discounting viable candidates for dating. However, dating people your gut tells you, you don't really like is not being picky I have definitely gone on meet and greet dates that I wasn't sure of and all that proved to me was, "yep. I knew it" I caution you. be careful dating when you are so indecisive. Not being able to decide or not knowing for sure what works for you, will leave you with your wheels spinning in the mud. Knowing what works for you and what makes you happy in a relationship are the guide posts you should be looking for. They are the things that say, yes, keep going! or nope, it stops here. On line dating is a big pool. It's like meeting people at the dept of motor vehicles.... very low bar. So it's on you to make good decisions.

ok. I misunderstood the problem. In this case I would tell her how I feel and that if she isn't interested then, sorry you have to move on. It's super hurtful to you to remain in this situation. You can't sacrifice yourself for her. In the long run you'll kick yourself for wasting your time with a dead end situation. Believe me- I know it sucks. I was seeing someone and thought it was going great. He ended up saying that I checked all the boxes for him, BUT not in religion. So he ended it. Which i am kinda mad about it because he knew my religion was not the same as his. So why even start anything... but what can be done? nothing. let them go. This too shall pass.

Of course you know better than I about your family. The only reason I see it as manipulative is, if they are saying it to motivate you to move to them. That is manipulative. Your example of telling a friend your uni is best would also be manipulative, if you were saying it to get them to change schools. Have you ever asked your family to stop saying these things to you?

If you aren't interested in a romantic relationship, then end it. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.

I think you have to decide if the situation would not change, would you marry him? He's dragging on his commitments to you and I think you're right to question it. I would not marry this guy until you move. Honestly, as an outsider, I can totally see him happily marrying you and then stonewalling on the move. because after all, MIL needs him. Ugh. I'm sorry but there's no way this situation would be good enough for me to be married to it. He's showing you what it will be like. That move is not going to happen.

I think its fine to have a dream to live somewhere else someday. But it has to be on terms and conditions that are beneficial to your life. It's part of being a successful person- making good, sound decisions. Your family sounds very immature, trying to manipulate you with ridiculous statements. There is no best. There's only best for you and you current situation. So I wouldn't fall for their attempts to control you. If you won't have a good job there, how could it be best for you? That literally makes no sense. You would either be working all the time, with no opportunities to enjoy the area or you'd be trapped under your family's control. The best place in the world is the place you can flourish, be independent and control your choices.

I don't think it's healthy for kids to grow up with parents that only stayed together for them. You think you can hold your tongue and hide building resentment and no one will notice? That's not realistic at all. Kids know. They pick up on things. If you can't see yourself integrating the families with your current girlfriend, then end it because of that. Stop wasting her time. It's not a one or the other problem.... There is a third choice. Learn to co- parent and focus on healing yourself.

We do some of our best thinking in the car😇 She gives some good insight- it takes time to clear one's head and determine what do I need? It's sad this happened and is a lot to deal with, the accident (and I hope it was accident. I think of the driver here. like holy cow, hitting a pedestrian. That's got to be devastating) Anyway, cool heads need to prevail here and it's just not possible until she gets the care she needs to be back on her own, working, etc. And that is a long way off right now. And that's what she needs to understand. It's almost like you are the parent to her. You have to be super strong and recognize- nothing matters but her health getting back. And for now, the state of the marriage is on the back burner. of course, you can use this time to think and determine what you want and need. Don't feel pressured. She being hit by a car, is sad AND it's separate from what was happening before the accident.

Hi @Carus I'm sorry. This must be very difficult. As I was reading through all the comments, my thoughts are- you did the right thing. she is in a fragile state, so you don't want to hurt her more or give her hope that will ultimately hurt her more. I was thinking, as her spouse and next of kin, you are involved with her care and well being. So in your shoes I would keep contact with her care givers to see how you can support her behind the scenes. And then with her, I would maintain that I do truly care for her well-being, her, and that is what we should both be focused on. Once she is stronger, you can have the conversation that the marital problems are still the same.

Hmmm. this sounds like a lot of drama. But I will admit in my 20s I had a lot of drama, too. I would think of it this way- I know what I'm capable of and if I think someone is manipulating or trying to manipulate me, then I will take steps to stop it. I would not argue or confront this guy. You don't owe him any explanation and you will just be creating more drama. Instead, do these things- Do not drink with this guy and stop confiding your relationship problems to this couple. Focus on what is actually the important part of all this- why are you in a rocky relationship? Determine what you need to happen to be happy and then communicate that to your partner. If you do this and they can't do their part to give you what you need, end it. Find a partner that you don't need to vent to your friends about.