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Lambert

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Everything posted by Lambert

  1. I don't understand how the relationship progressed to marriage, if you've always had a problem with his hygiene. Can you explain a little more about this? Why is his hygiene so bad? Was he not raised to do this? Why? Did he come from an environment where it was not possible or very difficult? Was there some neglect in his upbringing? Why did you continue on with the relationship, if you were struggling with this? Did he promise to change and not? Did you just assume you could fix him?
  2. Only she really knows for sure. But I find this really hard to believe. You've both contributed to the problems. And its going to take both of you to fix them. I think you're right to have doubts. Every instance you name can - of course, be explained away.. but put them all together and you see what you are working with. Regardless of her and the marriage, work on your issues. That way, if she doesn't come thru, you're healing yourself and in time will be a good partner to someone else and more importantly a good dad.
  3. I wonder if everything was so seemingly normal. Meaning what you wrote, many people experience. Everyday challenges... blended family, work, kids, chores.. but then for whatever reason (that's what you have to figure out) it escalated to her leaving, monkey branching to an ex and getting tattooed. That's the more unreasonable aspect. What are you in denial about? Those two pictures. They're hard to bridge.
  4. If she won't, I think you're a lost cause. You will both have to be equally committed to making it work. I think one of the consequences of being a couple that cheated together, is an underlying mistrust of each other. Its dysfunctional by nature. you're always questioning the love and asking the other to prove its real but pushing them away. There a lot ego & drama involved. Maybe you're addicted to the drama. Maybe a fear of being vulnerable with each other because you know that dark cheater side. It's so complicated. You're right to question if it can be salvaged. Can you think of a happy time in your relationship? Was it ever light, easy and fun? Or was there always some dirty little secrets involved?
  5. I think you both have a lot of work to do on yourselves before you can ever come together again. Your story reeks of the need for instant gratification, immaturity and what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Those among a few other of the most selfish of human traits, that frankly, ya'll should have outgrown by now. While the cheating and impulsive tattoo doesn't paint her in great light. You also have some work to do. It takes two to cheat. if you threaten divorce, the other person is going to react. You both play major games with each other's feelings and emotions. Your ego did whatever to get her back but now, you realize you fought hard for a bill of goods most would pass on. I would think about what Dancing Fool said. Maybe it's better you divorce and at least maybe you can create a stable life your child. Do you think you could start therapy for yourself; ask her to go to couples counseling, and also start a therapy for herself? Do you think she would do this? The child is the one that needs to survive this roller coaster of a marriage. Remember you are teaching her what love is, how a man should treat a woman, what marriage is etc. I'd maybe focus on my role as parent and see what happens with the relationship once you guys get into therapy and some time has passed. It doesn't sound like she understands slow and steady. So I am not sure you really have any choice. It seems she'll say whatever but do what she wants. It's up to you if you are going to fall for it again.
  6. Young guys might hit on older women, because they think it's easier to get them to have sex.
  7. Ok full disclosure I just skimmed your post... because after the first couple lines, it's pretty obvious this guy is not a good person. I know... I used to think I was such a great person because I accepted people for what they are, warts and all. But most people don't deserve that much unconditional love. Think about what a good person is.... and ask yourself why are you holding on to this mediocre at best person?
  8. That's exactly it- those triggers! It is so hard or they wouldn't be triggers. Right? 😀 I know I have mine, too. I guess when you feel that spin, taking a break might help. You know that saying, don't quit, rest. Maybe hold stronger boundaries. Like, ok this sucked and I'm going to vent to a friend or write a journal entry and then let it go until you're back at work or until next time. I heard a wife of a famous coach say, in our house we celebrate our wins for 24 hours and the same for our loses. I always liked that because it's the balance of both sides of that coin. Nothing is so great, nothing is so bad. I think you got this, J!
  9. I agree! Its an arduous process but just looking feels good. you never know! just looking here and there, in your spare time, you might find a great fit! I think if you decide not to leave,you have to honor that decision. Meaning, when it gets tough, you remind yourself- I chose this because I want two years on my resume or whatever. Then decide what are the things you enjoy about your job? And remind yourself of those things. All jobs have good and bad. Nothing is perfect or you'd do it for free. Find what motivates you. one horrible boss, I stuck with because I needed the job. I made a decent living, I had some seniority on the vacation schedule and the number of days I had... so that was enough to keep me going. I was fake nice to him and I sucked it up. he was the worst!! even took me aside to let me know he didn't expect me to take an extra day off after my grandmother died. Meanwhile, I was one of her care givers and there was a lot happening to address after the funeral with hospital equipment that had to be returned... AND I had perfect attendance prior to this ONE DAY! Unforgivable in my eyes. But I got the last laugh... a new senior boss came in, got rid if him and I got his job. As for dealing with the bosses, try to separate yourself from their shortcomings. Remind yourself that just because they're bosses, doesn't mean you have to admire them. Yes you treat them with respect because they are bosses but you know they are morons! when they walk away, laugh to yourself at them and the ridiculous ways they act. That's what I did. Some bosses I learned how NOT to be when I became the boss. Coping and dealing with difficult people are great life skills. These are bosses, not people you'd pick to keep in your life. demote them in your mind to that. Lastly, I'd always keep in mind things don't last forever but if you stay professional and do the work, you will end up winning in the long run. hang in there!
  10. I think you might care because work is a big part of your everyday life. And as much as people may say it's just work, it is a big bulk of time. So it makes complete sense (to me) you would care. For what it's worth, I have a career I care about and I've had some success. And while on the whole, I enjoy my work. I have had horrible bosses, similar to what you wrote. And the way that I dealt with it was to continue doing my best, while quietly trying to move on. It's easier to get a job, when you have a job. It's your life. You deserve to enjoy it but you're also responsible for every aspect. I would update my resume, start posting it. It takes time to find opportunities and for things to come together. it's timing and luck just as much as qualifications and experience. The sooner you start the better. My current job, I got recruited and so that turn around time was like a week! They knew they wanted to hire me. The job I had prior, I applied and didn't hear back about it for almost a year! I actually forgot about and when the company called, I was like- wait you guys are still filing that! I ended up beating out over 200 candidates. Who would think a company would take that long and vet so many people. but that's what happened.
  11. That's a good idea. I'm sorry. That has to be scary... its heartbreaking. I hope you stay safe. xxoo
  12. Do you think you could mention it to them? Some people (a lot of them) are clueless to others.
  13. I don't know if this will help you, but it helps me. And its something I've always done to keep things in check.... If I think of something bad that could happen. I follow out in my mind what I'd do to get myself out of the situation. So with covid, for example.... if I start to feel sick, I will do all the home remedies I do anytime I'm sick. And since its bothering me now, I'll make sure I treat myself like I am already sick. Meaning I will get a lot of rest, drink a lot of fluids, get lots of vitamin c, eat healthy, get regular exercise, & wipe my door handles (also on the car) It usually helps.... as it helps me feel prepared.
  14. ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry for your loss. Congratulations on the birth of a beautiful baby girl.
  15. sounds good! i always wanted to learn to crochet. I can knit, thanks to my Nana but not crochet. I've tried to teach myself with a kit from Michael's and you tube videos but I get frustrated and quit. I really want to learn to make little flowers! and then I'll put them all over everything. [emoji847]
  16. I have a few grocery stores nearby to choose from so this might not be helpful for everyone, but I judge by the parking lot and pick the least crowded store. When I've gone into the store, I've experienced super clean stores. I can smell and see its pretty clean. The employees don't want it in their workspace... So its not like a big cesspool of sick and disease. It's actually quite pleasant, not a lot of shoppers. Everyone is staying away from each other. (my experience) I wear my mask and gloves, take a list, keep away from the other shoppers, dont touch anything I'm not going to buy and when I get home I wipe things off with a paper towel soaked in lysol. Wash my hands etc I did learn the CDC said its not necessary to wipe groceries off. We must wear masks while out in public and the stores are limiting the numbet of shoppers allowed in at a time. If you go out once a week to get food, you don't use public transportation or get too close to anyone, that is infected, which, if it seems like everyone around you is following the guidelines, you're probably going to be fine. The virus doesn't seem to be like a pollen where it's created outside and you have to combat it. You do have germs in your home... micro organisms that live there, if the people that live there are not leaving and no new people are coming in, the massive disinfective cleaning isn't needed more than usual. You have to come in close contact with someone that has it. Are the gloves and masks guarentees? No. And I know that is a concern but people are also living in households with a sick person, shut off in a separate room and it doesn't spread through the family. I don't get too worried about it. When I am out, it seems everyone in my area is being cautious. I'm cautious. I do think if you're in a high risk group you should stay out of the stores. You cant be too cautious with your health, but you can follow the guidelines and do what you're comfortable with. Just my two cents....
  17. I get it. changing hours like that is very hard in happy times. I talk to plants, tv, myself... I've been practicing my accents... lol. I sing with the radio, I make my own songs up... I'm a real character in this situation. Anything to just stay up and in the moment. i wish i had a cat so bad. But also I try to let it out when I need to.. cry, sob or scream into pillow, rip up the junk mail before trashing.... reach out to friends- phone more, text less. laugh hard with them! I'm sure you're gonna do fine. And if you don't, ok. these are tough times. but bad times don't last. we must save ourselves for better days. I watched a doctor on you tube give cleaning advice and he kept saying, just do your best. And I agree with that. Its something my mom always said on test days. Somehow, when you are doing the best you can, even if its not that great [emoji5] the universe recognizes the effort and it works out. keep the faith. You made it through last time. you will this time!
  18. Hi bolt... sending you a hug. I saw on tv to hold your own hands together or wrap your arms around yourself and close your eyes. imagine being held or hugged... I know it sounds hokey. I'm alone, too. The lack of human contact and lonliness are real struggles... i tried it... it helped.
  19. Hi everyone. I'm doing ok. Today, I'm off of work and there's not a lot to do. I decided to surrendered to it....I feel like until there is wide scale testing available, nothing to be done. I must go with the flow... Easier said than done... Mediation helps.... focusing on the breath, stopping the chatter in my head. I shopped on line and sent wine to a couple of my girlfriends and a coffee cake to my parents. Give them a little surprise in the coming days. I have some old bread to go feed the birds. Then I'll make some lunch. I have a phone date with my crush. Hope everyone has some laughs today, maybe gets some fresh air and some exercise. Don't forget to breath, this too shall pass. xxoo
  20. I worry about this, too. People can be foolish and wreckless. But I've been reminding myself, I can only control myself and live in the moment I'm in. Over thinking and taking yourself down the path of how this all plays out is the devil right now. Try having positive self - talk... things like, I'm ok today. I am smart and follow the advice to protect myself. I have what I need for right now. I hope this helps... this is hard and just trying to cope can be different for everyone...
  21. I can't sleep... and so I'm thinking about all kinds of past stupid stuff.... why is it when I cant sleep, I ruminate on bad memories. not good ones? think I'm gonna lay here and recount good times. wish me luck zzzzzzzz
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