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Everything posted by Lambert

  1. well, my dear, you know what you gotta do but you just dont want to do it. if he tells you he wants to chase you, hello! that means he still likes you but you are smothering him.... dont contact him again. and don't respond right away when he does. when he finally gets a hold of you, tell him you've given it some thought and you cant go back to starting over with no commitment. Stop being so needy and dramatic. wait for him to contact you. its been a couple of months of break up drama but no real break up.... couldn't you be doing something better with the time and energy? If you change your mindset and act accordingly, maybe you can get back on track. my main concern in this kind of situation is that you are setting up a relationship that is basically you chasing him. which is a ego boost for him, while still boring to him at the same time. then he'll do things to test how much you'll take and that's when you'll really want to kick yourself. Be willing to take control of this situation by basically deciding what you want and being willing to walk away if he can't give it. it won't happen in one day. you're gonna have to do the work.
  2. i think lenovo makes good points. you cannot push yourself into her life bc she will push back and it will only degrade the relationship more in her mind, confirming you don't understand, that you're not compatible. i would not contact her. flowers, candy, cards, LETTERS are a big no-no. don't think of yourself as her prince charming to rescue her. that is for people who want your help. I am in a similiar situation with my most recent ex. Like you, i have reason to believe that the break had nothing to do with me or the relationship. its hard because who really knows what is happening with another person, let alone a person with a mental and emotional situation. As hard as it is, the most supportive thing you can do is relieve the pressure that a relationship causes and back completely off. Just ride your own feelings out. Focus on you. Take care of you. in time all these "what will happen" feelings and thoughts well quiet down. focusing on yourself helps you heal and sets you up for what will happen next in your own life. one thing i keep telling myself is - my life is about me. meaning i can't fix his life. i know he's not right, but maybe my life is meant for something else. i don't know. I also find it comforting to think I'm respecting myself by staying nc. i am showing him and myself, that I'm a quality person that knows my worth. Being pathetic with the begging, calling, etc does not make the other person appreciate you or think you are so great that they couldn't live without you. it actually makes the person think "i can do whatever i want. this person will always be there." and then the balance is off in the relationship and it never works out do not beat yourself up for how you handled things up to now. Just breathe and focus on being strong for yourself!
  3. thanks sweetgirl... i am really trying....it will get better. i just feel like dag.... dude doesn't miss me. what did i miss? i thought we were so good. not unrealistic love bombing crap. o well.... good news is, we are nc and I'm doing things for myself to move forward. i ride out the sad feelings and tell myself "it'll getter better. my life is about me, blah blah blah[emoji23]"
  4. Its so funny . it's 6 wks. soon it well be 6 mos. i just feel like an @ hole. how could it be that we don't talk. ever. it is like a light switch. i didn't and still don't see how this happened. its like this craxy person i don't know took over you. and everything will just be better if you didn't talk to me. But weren't we the best part of the day. i can still feel your hand in my hand. if all u said is true and everything that happened... that is.... a shame? i don't even know what it is. i know... its a waste. and a disappointment.... if it isn't then... i just can't believe it. dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. My very own made for home version. ugh.... I'm proud of myself, too. i had many reasons to reach out and i still haven't. I won't.... i am moving on. its hard... i wish more time would pass and i would feel better.
  5. honestly, i tried to read the whole thing but dag! I'm glad you got to get it all out. I'm not one to say who is in and out of anyone's league. if she dated you, you are in her league. sounds to me like you learned a lot and i just wanted to comfort you with this- it hurts and its lonely, but it'll get better. don't let this discourage you and make you go back to video games and isolating yourself for years. post here and chin up. if you can pull one hot chick, you can pull more!
  6. i don't get what there has been to talk about all this time. what's your fiancee think about this?
  7. when i really think about break ups... the reason really doesn't matter. we try so hard to understand but any reason is valid... if you were having fun being kind and enjoying the relationship that's great. and maybe she was to, but she stepped out. you didn't waste anything. in this specific case, she is nuts with the "please stop texting me" because you know for a fact what you did and didn't do. So that in my mind makes this a: THANK YOU FOR GOING AWAY! situation. it trumps any fun time, kindness, hurt... you have to know that is ODD behavior. good luck. pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get a new phone number!
  8. i think its ok to date around while healing. and follow some general boundaries around privacy, keeping it friendly and dating. if you only talk to one potential person... you run multiple risks of hurting them or you. if after dating and you decide you genuinely like one, then hey that's good. so maybe try socializing more.
  9. seriously... think of the waste of energy... take that and call someone you want in your life.
  10. hey batya! no issues. just keeping up my end of the convo [emoji8] you're so right about everyone judging every stage. its a no win. that's why we just gotta keep true to ourselves. i feel if you want something, you gotta keep going for it regardless of others. as my dad would say- do they pay your bills? then who cares what they think.
  11. i get it... here's what i would do.... take some time to decide but live your life. you know what you want to do... listen to it. you have to follow your heart. really think it thru... what's the best thing
  12. is the question: why? Maybe there isn't a single reason. all those people and interactions are separate. Maybe the love of your life is just around the corner. i swear i understand your comments. i could have wrote it. when things are right they are and when they're not, they're not. Maybe have more hope that it could happen than, reasons why it can't. I always say: the world is full of people, places and opportunities. Keep searching.....
  13. sorry that happened. all about the journey. its cool that you took some time and are ready to date.
  14. i agree with them, too. do things you like don't do coffee. i like to meet for an alcoholic drink. but don't get too drunk. thats unattractive. lol
  15. hi batya! As much as I love this forum and I find all the topics interesting and responses as well. There's a lot of generalizations, as we try to give advice and perspectives. And I really just think any given situation is going to go the way it's going to go because it's not exact science. Do people settle? yes. But maybe it's not settling maybe it's negotiating what you're willing to put up with in terms of compromise to get what you want maybe more so. Don't we all do that in every aspect of Our Lives? I guess I just never met the guy or I haven't met the guy yet, (never is a long time) that has potential. I think if you read my posts, you can tell I'm a giver and I always give the benefit of the doubt.... but I really try to keep my inner dialogue honest with myself. And because of that I think I've been able to move on from past relationships because i need more and it is possible. I know people judge me. And I wish it didn't hurt my feelings, but i handle it the best i can. like everything else. lol
  16. wow. that is a lot. I sometimes hear these stories from married people and how challenging life can be and somehow they make it through it. when I'm dating someone, he can't even handle I left the toothpaste cap off. [emoji23] For myself I feel that I haven't settled. And to be fair most of my previous relationships would have been settling. Not that the person was low quality but maybe not the best timing or just simply would not be healthy long term. a lot of heartache in my past. which was actually predicated by a tea leaf reader. haha... i think about that sometimes. one of my gfs told me in a drunken state that maybe i was cursed by a witch. lo l But on the other hand, I grew up a in a privileged, charmed childhood, have a career that I busted my chops to build and have a large circle of friends. My sister is more like you. So we couldn't be more opposite but we always say to each other, one isn't better than the other. Just different.
  17. a lot of opinions here and honesty, i skimmed a lot of them bc people do not proofread and i had no idea what they were saying. geez! lol for me bottom line: if you are not proud of the person you are with, respect them, and in general feel like you are being short changed, then you are. little disappointing about the height comment. you know height is the one thing we really can't change. you can gain or lose weight, get plastic surgery for the rest of your body, wear hair extensions and color contacts, become more educated in any subject... and on and on... but height? you're pretty much stuck. of course it's your choice and preference but the same height? maybe you're too tall. lol jk.
  18. this exactly! I'm sorry this happened to you, seraphim ((hugs)) But thank God, you found love and peace.
  19. i totally get it. and you're right people don't want to hear you are happy. or more so, they don't want to think about how hard it has been for them and that it is a reflection of them. i think that people tend to think just because it happened early in life, it was easier. it's like anything else, people try to defend whatever they're situation is and degrade the opposite. as a society this is so wrong... and just perpetuates more stereotypes. i feel like i learn a lot from the happy couples around me. it helps me stay centered in that, all the drama etc is dumb and to rise above it. keep going and find a nice partner that truly gives a hay. i think it took me a long time to learn that. like so many things i used to think were so important, are not. and its the caring that matters.
  20. good points sweetgirl! OP: Your situation is the one everyone on here (that's been broken up with) dreams of. I found in the past, for me, I don't give up a current relationship for a past 1. Getting back together is not easy. I have found the insecurities that developed because of a breakup are really hard to overcome. imo, why give up a shiny new bf, full of hope and promise, for a broken down relationship.... Of course him contacting you causes emotions and doubts.... you've come this far.... why go back? In my last relationship, my ex came back and I just ignored him. It did cause some anxiety for me. i never told my bf at the time (we broke up unrelated) bc it didn't matter. i would never do anything to hurt my current bf (whoever he is). i just dont play games like that. take the ego boost. know that you did better and leave that sunk ship in Japan. tell your ex you're in a relationship now and let it be at that. he can think whatever he wants. don't risk a good guy for a guy that left you.
  21. that's lovely seraphim. i know many happy couples that aren't settling.... the sad thing is many single people have a spouse and a family in their life plan, too, but they haven't found what you have.
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