heffie

That sounds a bit like a load of crap............you're placing the blame back on her. There may not be anyone to blame. Watching herself do what? Everything right, but feel that it's not good enough???? That's silly. I agree, that if he's telling her flat out that she's not good enough, or making any kind of comment that alludes to that, then there's a problem. I don't see that here, though. First time real relationship, unsure of what to do, as all of us are, or were, and feeling that she's not doing a good enough job isn't unusual. Many of us have been through it. For example, I was out of work for over a year. For part of it, I had a medical reason, I couldn't work. Then, the economy was so bad that I couldn't find a job to save my life. Not even the gas stations were hiring. As a guy, that was tough, and as a guy who's 34 and raised to believe the man supports the woman, it was even tougher. Did I feel inadequate, that I wasn't doing enough? Of course..........but I also had to realize there wasn't alot I could do about it. Regardless, I was very depressed, and had to get help to cope with it. Not that I wanted to, but I had to. In the end, it worked out just fine, and we're quite happy together. Still day to day struggles, but those are common. Given today's society of broken marriages, single parents, and an overall non-caring society, I can totally understand the feeling of inadequacy, that I'm just not doing enough for the one I love, even though what I can do is more than enough. On the other hand, I got to cook, which I love, and clean, and do things for my girlfriend that she truly appreciated. May not have seemed like much to me, but it mattered to the person who counted.

Doesn't sound all that unusal. I haven't read your previous posts, but it seems like you may have a bit of a self-esteem problem. Not a big deal, everyone does to an extent, but it could actually be depression. Is there anything he does to tell you that he's not happy? If not, I'd not worry about it, but tell him that you're worried that you're not doing enough for him, see what he says. I would also look into professional counseling, if not for both of you, at least for yourself. I've been there, and it took quite awhile to get out of it. Maybe a face to face with a counselor can help you, or at least diagnose that you have a problem that's outside your control. If it's just a matter of time together, and you both work, he might not even realize there's a problem. Guys are different in that way. Not that family time or time with a girlfriend is any less important, but I know in my case, spending less time with my girlfriend doesn't matter that much, as long as the time we have is quality time, and we enjoy it. Try looking for some personal counseling, if it's that bad.........there may be something going on that you need help with, that talking can't fix. No shame in doing that, there's quite a few of us out there that need the help.

now, hold on here. I'm in a great relationship, but we both understand that if our parents need us, we're there for them. Becoming a gilrfriend does NOT supplant parental love. I can't even make a long post on this one. Grow up, lose the selfishness, and move on.

hm. Well, let's see.........long distance friendship, marriages, kids........do you really know what this guy was feeling? Perhaps he was just looking for a friend to talk to? Sometimes us guys do that, you know. I agree, I think you'd better back up, think about what you're doing, and ask yourself how much of what you were reading into emails between friends was "love" or just "got a minute to listen". You made a commitment, and one that I don't consider one to be lightly made. I would guess that if you're looking so hard for love in a place that it probably didn't exist, that you'd better examine your home life a bit closer, and see how much of that is just you, and how much is real. I've been there, I know it's not easy to look at yourself and your actions that closely. Aside from that, jumping from a marriage to an affair is not the way to go. You'll only wind up losing both your husband AND your friend, and gain nothing.