darkmavis

Lilu.... don't worry too much. Its probably nothing and dont stress yourself out further worrying about it or thinking the worst! Big hugs.

I've been lucky to chance on this Forum as I am going through a really hard time now. Here's my story... and while I have already heard from mjones, who has been really nice to reply to my PM, I'd like the point of view from girls on here as well. I have been in an 8 year online relationship with a guy from the UK. When I met him in a chatroom, he was in a dead marriage. He has a son. I never thought to develop anything with him but we moved from being friends to more than friends. In all of the 8 years, I've learnt so much about him but I've never been allowed to meet him nor has he ever sent his photograph. I attributed all of this to his bad marriage and divorce (he sorted it a year after we met and it wasnt something he did for me, just something he wanted to do on his own) we had many ups and downs, I kept wanting to meet but it always got cancelled by him. We talked everyday for hours and he became my life. Because of the time difference, I'd wake at 1/2am for me everyday just to talk to him. I ran my life on UK time, neglected friends, stopped going out, killed my social life. He was everything to me. Over the years, things started going downhill, my gradual erosion of self confidence, trust and low self esteem started taking a toil. I'd get paranoid about him fooling around with me cos if he loved me so much he'd meet me surely? Everytime it was nearing our planned date to meet, he'd always cancel cos of work or some other reason. Lately we broke up cos he told me he actually likes someone over there whom he's gone out in a group for 3-4 years already. I was devastated but accepted it. Then he mailed me again to say that he wants to meet me in Jan. But he has reservations about the future. And while he says he hasnt started anything serious with that girl there, he says he'd have her. But he wants to give me a chance. Am I setting myself up for a fall? Should I walk now even though it makes me suicidal or should I trust that he wont let me down again?