crcsurf

Scout; Thanks. Your comments have given me a perspective that tip the scale more evenly. You're right, I am not in a position to take on this monumental task. And, after a 28 year monogomous relationship with my ex, I am enjoying being single.

Scout; You said, "RUN, MY FRIEND, RUN!!!" That is my first reaction. My second reaction is; here is a lady who needs just a little compassion. Her brutal honesty was quite a mindbender, but the burden she carries, quite possibly, but not necessarily, from her own bad decisions, is hard to shoulder alone, wouldn't you agree? After all, herpes is not leprosy, and relationships don't necessarily need to be based on sex. Like CarterJonas said, why not take things slowly with her.

Dear Moderator. Yes.

I'll try to be brief. I have been divorced for just 4 months. I have been active trying to scare up a date, and finally went out with a lady who also has been divorced for 2 1/2 years, has two children 8 and 6. The 6 year old is on controlled medication for ADHD. We talked a lot, and in the short time we were together, this lady confided that she was taking medication to treat bipolar disorder, other anti-anxiety medication and stress medication. Her ex has slapped her with a restraining order, just a week ago, even though she has primary custody of the children, so I can understand why she is stressed out. In addition, she confided in me that she was infected with genital herpes by her infidel ex. Can anybody advise me...When we add up all her baggage and all my baggage we have a pile of issues to deal with. We have only had 1 date, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself with her. But I dropped her at her home with a good night kiss and left with a whole lot to think about. Any practical advice to me about this relationship would be appreciated.

Give up the idea of rekindling the old ex-tinguised flame. What did you do to get your wife's attention before you were married? Start back at that point. Arrange for a night out and plan for the babysitter yourself. Never come home empty handed, always bring something home, like a nice bottle of wine, or fixings for a special dinner you want to make her. Then, help her do anything and everything around the house to show her that you want this thing to work. Offer to go to the grocery store, do the laundry, clean the house, change your baby's diapers. Experince tells me that you cannot out-love your wife. You cannot out work her either. Love is not a feeling, it is a matter of the will and you have to will to love her. You also have to love yourself. That means, shed those extra pounds. Go on some evening walks and you push the stroller. And finally tell her everything that you're thinking. Let her know your heart. But more important, ask her to tell you every little thing, then shut up and listen. There are no guarantees this is going to work for you. But you have to put forth the effort. Unfortunately, I was the one who got left for another after 25 years. Even though I tried all this stuff, it was much too little, too late. Getting dumped like that has given me so much sorrow and grief I can't begin to describe it. Don't dump your wife. You know the right thing to do, so do it. Never forget that you promised to be faithful to her and forsake all others.

It has been just two months since the breakup of my marriage of 25 years. Just a couple weeks before she left me for the other guy, ( I'll call him #3) he told me that she had been raped by a friend (#2) of the family three different times during our marriage. I confronted #2 and he said it was consensual. Not too long after that, she admitted to me she was having sex with #3. For a guy who has never been unfaithful, and never had sex with anyone but my wife, this came as quite a shock. It has been hard, and within a week of her walking out, I filed for legal separation. I know that someday the pain will go away, but I couldn't deal with the situation, so I let her go. We have two boys together, and it is tough to take her calls when she wants to talk to them. The best thing to realize is that if a person is going to be unfaithful, there is nothing you can do. The only person I found I could control is me. I also have to learn to control my thought patterns. If I dwell on what happened, I get really depressed. So, I had to train my mind to immediately think of things other than that terrible situation. I found a great way to rid my mind of the negative is to pray. You may not be religious, but some good advice I found is to meditate on things that are true, things that are pure, things that are noble, things that are lovely and things that are praiseworthy. Works for me.