dollface33

Hi everyone. I love u all and so grateful I found this site. It's been about 4 weeks now, since he left me. Left what we had and shared and I fell from heaven. I loved him like there was no tomorrow......more than anything. thanks to him I have felt what real love is, I learned it when he left me. I get so sad when I read your storys, so much pain and still we all hope that this person who hurt us will come back. deep inside we hope that. This month has been like hell for me, and suddenly I realized that only love can raise me up again. I love him deeply, but can't express that anymore as I did. He moved on. But someone else needs all my love and care now...ME. Only way to get over this pain is through LOVE. I tried so much to understand why it happened, searched answers, and every time I was thinking about him or what he did I hurt me more and more. U see, time may heal our pain, but it may take very long time if we constantly feed our anger and pain. he or she has already hurt us, we can't change that anymore, can't change facts, but we can forgive them cause we don't deserve more pain. Forgiving is freedom, and only a free person can heal the memory of hurt and hate. I tried to find excuses why he treated me as he did......and I ended up blaming myself. Did I felt better then? No way. There is no point to think about how to please that person who left us, how to make things better or fix something that we didn't break.. it wasn't our desicion, he or she wanted out.....no matter what the reason was. No matter what they say, don't listen and don't blame you....most important, respect their choice. Not cause of him, but because of you. Contact or no contact.......it really doesn't matter until we feed us with false hope. Until we love that person more than we respect and love ourselves, we are not gonna get better. And I'm amazed.....Love is most powerful tool to fix any kind of pain, after u forgive freely and from your heart, u feel it. And it doesn't matter if he or she knows, the fact is , they don't truly care......It's for you and for u only. U will find a peace and now it's up to you.....contact or no contact. Your mind is clear and you are filled with love and respect. They have no power to hurt you anymore. If they want to stay friends....whatever that means though....they should act like friends. If they can't act like friends, though they promised to be there for you....u already know what to do, u are now strong enaugh and this betrayal will not cause u more pain. And I'm not saying this is easy, it's never easy to lose your partner, your dreams........Everything starts all over again. And maybe he will come back one day. Maybe. But U can't make him. U can't love him more or better if he doesn't want it. It's your time. All u have, give it to only person u always can count on...YOU. Respect and love YOU. I learned once that love is give and take. But there is really more.....Try believing that love is simply giving. They say "Give until it hurts". Let's say "Love until it hurts no more". And I would like to share one poem I found, so simple but true....... Little Treasuresby Crystal Kniss A forest of friendship, A garden of love, An ocean of kisses, A bushel of hugs A handful of wishes, A pocket of dreams, A big box of tenderness Busting its seams A cozy warm blanket Tucked up to my ears, Made of velvet rose petals, Love letters and tears A chest full of promises, Drawer full of chances, A great big red barn Full of all of life's answers A little red ribbon To tie it all up, A buffalo nickel Stuck in for good luck This is the present I'll give to myself The moment you put My love on the shelf I'm not afraid of not being your pleasure Cause I've got a little red box full of treasures I love him and always will. But I can't make him love me. And for all of you who feels that just middle of the road, u are left alone with all this love and no one seems to need it anymore.......look inside, this person who desperately needs your hugs and kisses and care is always with you and will never leave you. I love u all, and thank u so much for being here for all of us.

Short version, it didn't work out between us and he moved on. cry and accept it. lol. Longer version....we have never met. how can I forget something that I don't know? about 16 months have we been in cyber relationship. about 3 -4 months ago he started to date other woman. I found out about few weeks ago, when he decided not to come here, not to visit me cause he said he is not ready to commit, maybe will never be, it's me not u bullshit and he's fear and issues from the past was reasons for hes desicion. little later other woman came in the picture. Cause he want.s to be single and have fun, he said. too much trouble and bad communication and our distance has caused it. Ok, u have your fun I thought, there is no button I can turn off my feelings.....I'm here and love you. He wanted to stay friends. suddenly. I got confused, if he just will date for fun, why I'm only friend now? Still don't get it. he said, cause I made it clear once, I will never the man I love with anyone. And he can't give all, so we are friends. But I'm still woman. Love him like one. it's very hard to hide all emotions suddenly, step back and be buddy-buddy. now, I must say I really don't get him. He left me, our relationship, but he says he didn't. he just act like he did. he said that maybe we will be one someday, no one knows the future, and he keeps sending me cards and our webcams are on for eachother still, exept that time he plays home with her. I know he cares about me a lot, he has sent me money all this time and still does, he want's to help me as he can and be there for me, he is still emotianally involved with me. My mind is telling me, he want's to help me get over this, by not cutting off everything overnight. He is nice and kind and doesn't wan't to hurt me more than he already did. But I feel like part of him is still with me, and as long he is I can't let go either. I would feel more calm by knowing there is thruth behind hes words, that he just want's to live single life and have fun. But it seems like she lives there now every weekend, shows me that he is interested to get know her more and more. so seems not to be just "dating others" in this case. I don't get men. he sent me card with love and kisses, before she came to he's place, after she is gone he opens my cam and say's hi hun, I'm home. lol. "lets just be nice and maybe someday we will meet and maybe not".....he doesn't wan't to be with me anymore, but he didn't leave me.lol. Am I nuts? Absolutely. I always had so much faith, believed in us all this time. He tried, but wasn't happy. So how can he believe now that maybe one day....I love that man. I'm angry cause we didn't get a chance in real life. I didn't. he choosed to not find out who I was, and I can't change anything. But if desicion is already made, why still be here with me one foot in.....well, not even that I guess, but still so it feels. why? be grateful what u get and enjoy or make your desicion. ...But why give at all? He is also CP. I know they have hard to end something completely. I wan't to believe he's words and learn to trust him. he said we need to take it slow, learn to communicate, be friends, he needs to learn to respect me.....just lets see what future brings. I love him and I'm full of hope. Don't coun't on anything he said. ...I'm crushed. I'm scared that time will run out, I'm left to watch if it works out between them or not, or actually I choosed to stay, but I wan't to be part and fight. fight for us. I just don't know where am I....where is he...is he gone totally and just being nice? it just hurts so much. And I can't go away, until we like eachother and keep talking, there may be little hope......and in mean time he prefer her and if they get real close we were not meant to be. it's monday morning and he put he's cam on. she was there tonight also, usually she goes sunday evenings, he called my cam and said he missed me. So, please, am I nuts? I wan't to believe him, but I laugh .....He went back to bed now, cause tired. lol. it's monday morning 8 am. there is ocean between us, I don't know if I ever see him in real life, he left me cause of other woman, but my faith is so strong.......I love him and always will.

THANK YOU

I wish this all is a bad dream and I will wake up soon....if this is a truth, how can I trust again? believe again? how could it happen to me....I'm not born yesterday, I thought I knew him.

ohhh, yes I should talk more about it just everything is so fresh and painful at the moment. we met on the internet 15 months ago, since than we have been chatting, sent cards, living in this box every day. Our webcams are open 24 hrs for eachother....and we have went through a lot. good and bad.....but I always thought there will be end for that madness. we made plans, talked about future, talked about what do we expect from eachother, he invited me to states cause time spent together in real life would show what we really feel and if we work well and are good for eachother. I never got visa.......but never lost my optimism either. When there is will, everything is possible I thought. He was not so exited about coming here to see me, always told that few days will not give any answers and wanted me there. I was dissappointed, but we both wanted to be together and that was all what I really saw. he was here with me. Suddenly he changed and showed me he's anger. I wasn't thoughtful enaugh, I wasn't at the same paige, I was poor communicator, I had million faults and he didn't like me anymore......and all beauty was gone. But for him love means flowing together, no work, he didn't like that feeling.....And I didn't saw the red flag. he is 44, never been married and sometimes he talks very bad about women generally. What I did? started to work with me, he always said he needs a strong, healthy woman, and my goal was to show him that not every woman on this earth is not bitch, complainer, user. My goal was to show him I'm capable to love him , make him happy. I had to learn to love me first and be happy with myself......and I'm always grateful to him that I have grown so much. I just never did it for me, I did it for us.lol. And there will be no us...I know it now. few weeks ago he started to talk about coming here....finally I can see him, hold him, kiss him for real I thought.....and then he said, he can't decide what do to. was very hard to understand for me, if he finally got vacation and he wants it as he said, how can there be any question about it? suddenly one friend was sick, other needed him, money troubel, and weather issue........he can't leave if getting cold, cause they may need him at work. I was crushed. felt I'm not even worth that.....after all this time I still wasn't good enaugh to visit me. Than he opened he's mouth and said....it's not u, it's me.....lol. He was scared. Scared about what will happen after he return. he is not ready for commitment and he thought if we spend wonderful time together I may get hurt more later. he likes to be alone and maybe someday he will change......after 15 month it was like knock down. I never waited him here with a ring, lol, just would of been one step forward for us. Why start to climb if I don't want to be on the top he said. I cried 3 days, confusion and pain was just too big.....And then he asked, did I got everything wrong? he was never walked out, he is just not sure if he want's to walk closer at the moment...lol. cheer up, our story is not ended. I wonder why they(CP) keep doing that. seems they have hard to let go....maybe they r great manipulators, he said he doesn't want to loose me, but also told me that I should know what kind of man he is and no woman can change him, only he and time can. But as I see it....he likes it as it is. He knows he has a problem, but it doesn't bother him I guess. I'm far, I care a lot, I'm always there for him.....ofcourse he doesn't want to loose that. My mind is telling me that I must run and never look back. But how can I turn off my heart? I have always followed my heart, my intuintion........and even when we had rough times, I believed for both of us. I gave and gave , cause there was always hope. I could wait a lifetime if I knew he wants to deal with he's past, disappointments, I would be here, support him, do whatever I have to. Thought about being with one scares him, feels like he must eat pizza the rest of he's life, he said. And in the same time, he doesn't want to loose me and our story is not over.......Soft landing for me or is he really messed up? worst of all.....I love him.

I'm in love with most wonderful man I know, he has all I admirer in a man.....and I just fell from heaven after 15 month together. found out he is typical non-committer. But I can't leave, still hoping he may change, though I know by now he has huge problems and I can't do anything about it. I'm stuck....scared, loosing my self-esteem, peace. I understand I must move on.......I don't know how. I just can't.