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Everything posted by musicman777

  1. Hey everyone, I am back! Things are starting to slowly look up for me again and I'm now dating a new woman since January. :) We're the same age. I just wanted all your opinion on this subject. So, I'm pretty crazy about this woman. She's a bit shy, inexperienced with dating, and awkward, but I'm really drawn to her. It just feels right. She's not the typical kind of woman I'd go for, but I don't know, there's just something about her. This weekend, we had our first kiss, and it was just electric. We were both into it, and kissed more than once. She actually confessed to me that I was her first kiss. I thought that was really sweet and bold of her to share, and I feel humble that she felt I was the right person to do that with. Although I've kissed and had relationships before, I haven't gone very far in the physical department myself, so I think we're both kind of very right for each other in that regard. My concerns with her, though, is lack of communication when we're not together. Particularly in texting. She basically never texts unless it's to make plans. Text messages go unanswered for days. We had a couple light conversations about this. She said that she is just not a texter. She said she leaves her friends and family hanging when it comes to text messages even. She just doesn't care for it and she just doesn't see anything in it. While I don't want to have countless, repetitive text messages, eg. "how's your day?" all day, I think it's nice to check in a couple times a week. If I'm feeling down in the dumps or lonely, it'd be nice to hear back from her in a timely manner. Additionally, I don't believe she's on any social media. I'm just kind of used to these things from past relationships. She's a bit old fashioned. I mean, she checks her watch instead of her phone for the time, so that tells you something about her. What do you guys feel about the texting stuff? Part of me, the lack of texting kinda makes me feel like I'm very disconnected from her life. I basically never see or hear from her during the week. Now, we're NOT a couple yet, but it definitely feels like it's headed there. But still, I think about things like this before getting too serious. In person, I'm just so in to her. We got similar personalities. When we kissed and held each other, it just felt so right, and I think that's more important than silly text messages. But again, there's nights like tonight. I am kind of lonely and wouldn't mind texting her right now. Or even calling and hearing her voice. I should mention that, she's not one to pick up for phone calls, either! She does always gets back to me, and makes the time for me and our dates. But I feel she could communicate a little more when we're not together, because sometimes it's a couple weeks of time before we see each other. I feel those periods where we aren't gonna see each other for two weeks (or more), we should at least catch up on the phone on the weekend or something. I'm basically like, the first person she's started to date serious. Like I said, I was her first kiss! Should I relay this stuff to her? I think when you date someone, there should be communication, especially if we can't be together on certain weekends.
  2. Hey, I just wanted to share my thoughts. I'm your age (just turned 30). I 110% am sympathetic to your anxieties! This past like 4~ months for me were anxiety-ridden hell after a bad experience with a woman. It took medication and a lot of therapy to get on the other side of it. I'm not 100%, but I'm doing a lot better. I just wanted to tell you that, you are NOT alone. Be compassionate to yourself and understand what it happening. And understand that your anxieties, that is not your true self. Especially OCD if you are dealing with that (I have minor OCD symptoms that intertwine with the anxities). You need to find a therapist and stick with them. I went to one therapist for a year and a half. She was great for some things, but wasn't helping me get past unwanted, ruminating thoughts, so I found another therapist better suited. This new one, I had a tough time going to at first. You know why? She was getting to the root of some of my issues, and making me talk about things that are uncomfortable to talk about. That is how you kinda make progress with that part of your life. Keeping things bottled up and ruminating in your thoughts is no good. My MD, I told him about my mental struggles, constantly worrying things, he put me on a popular antidepressant that has minimal sexual side effects. It so far seems to be making some different for me. I don't feel 100% happy (yet), but I am in a much much better place than I was a few months ago. You need to take care of yourself mentally. The longer you let mental issues go unchecked, the worse they can get. And man, you need to quit worrying so much about how women see you. The other people here are right; not all women give a crap about a perfect hairline. I got about 90% of my hair still, just some minor loss up front (I been pretty blessed compared to the rest of the men in my family). It's just part of life, man. The other people here are right; it's not the hair, but the person wearing it. Women want someone who's happy with themselves, someone confidence and independent. Someone who is going to compliment their life and not complicate it. You mentioned your anxieties got the best of you. You need to work on that before dating again. One thing I've learned in life this past year. I've gotten a great job, a lot of money now, dated quite a few women. Those things don't really bring me happiness, or as much as I thought they would. If you're not happy with who you are and where you are in life, getting those things isn't going to magically make it better. Good luck, I hope you reach out for some help with your issues.
  3. I hear you. Well, yeah, living in the moment and making moments. I watched a youtuber about that, who talks about "making moments" with people, which leads to a relationship. Look, there's definitely planning/assessing. But I'm also trying to be a bit more laid back about it, cause with this first woman, it's like two dates in and I felt she was going to be my future wife or something. In some ways, I totally flipped, in now I am keeping my guard up a lot. And, we did actually have a second long date today. :) It went pretty well. The good morning text, haha, that's really her! She started doing it before we even met. And, she actually did miss sending one on the day of our first date. I didn't freak out about it at all, it's just texting to me.
  4. Hey all, I just wanted to update you all on for who followed and gave their wise words here. I moved on from this lady that I had the negative experience with. I've since had dates with two other women (mentioned in my post from a few weeks ago). The first one I dated was the single mother of two, I dated her a few weeks ago. We didn't click... at all. There was just zero chemistry. She was a nice lady, but I think she's not ready to be dating anyone at all. She has children with two different dads. We went on a date on a Sunday, and her mind was on her workplaces, her employees, she sitting there distracted texting people half the time (which was very rude). Hey, I gave her a shot so whatever. Second woman was last night. Date went 1000x better than the single mom. :) She has no kids, her mind is in the game. We already want to see each other again today. Her face, she's beautiful and has amazing eyes. We have similar personalities and interest, I just felt good and comfortable around her. I know this is a first date, but, this woman has officially rekindled the spark in me a little. That woman I first posted about not turning me on... it put me into a serious sexual rut for weeks!!! I, honest to god, went through a case of sexual OCD, which is the absolutely worst crap you would ever want to go through in your life. I was freaking out, questioning my sexuality, losing my my mind, identity, and self-worth. It's like, your constantly checking to see if and what you're turned on by, and nothing (people nor porn) seem enjoyable anymore. You kind of drive yourself mad and feel false attraction for things and people. I did go to my therapist for it. It was all because I wasn't turned on kissing that first woman. This date last night is the first time I felt like I came up for air, that I felt relief. The truth, I'm not afraid or embarrassed to say anymore... I'm a virgin. Yep. 29 years old, it just never happened (obviously). I think that situation with the first woman wanting to bang in the woods, it just felt like a little too much too fast for a guy that hasn't done that before. In my physical inexperience, I might have came on to hard to her with the making out and wasn't expecting her to respond the way she did. I think I put way too much pressure on myself, and sex, losing it, that it became a bit uncomfortable. My only comparable physical experience prior was with a closet lesbian (which I think is the reason why I had a sexual breakdown over not being turned on, as well as not knowing how far to go with this first lady). Another thing... maybe me and this first woman weren't all that compatible as I thought. She was a bit religious (I am not), I wasn't into the foods she likes. She was very obsessed with traveling, going to this country she used to live in, I'm not a big traveler. I think some of you hit the mark that maybe I create something in my head what I want these people to be and not see what's really there. This new woman, yeah. 110% comfortable around her so far. :) So, I'm a bit of a potty mouth. And she is, too. Honestly, a turn on for me. I don't feel like I have to pretend around her. She talks a lot, but that's okay, cause I also run my mouth! It just felt right. I honestly don't have anything bad to say about her. She texts me a lot more, says good morning every day, I love stuff like that. It makes me feel wanted. I've said this before but this time I mean it. I'm taking things SLOW! I'm just gonna live in the moment with her. I'm gonna let things naturally progress. If and when sex is in the cards, just let it happen naturally. But for a man to function (at least for me), I have come to realize it has to be real, genuine, not rushed. I think it has to be in a more appropriate time and place (not in the woods at a crowded public park on a third date), especially for a first timer. I will post back occasionally with how things progress.
  5. OP, I'm 10 years younger, but I can kind of relate. I think it's pretty bold of you to come on here and tell us about your inexperience with women, some people don't fess up to that so easily. Look, as everyone else here has said... if you like her, just ask her out, quit beating around the bush. Look, in the past... I was like you. Very inexperienced with women and dating. Now starting to get drastically past the anxieties of approaching and asking them out and have dated a few women now. I've learned that dating... it's a really complicated thing. It takes time to get to know people, to get to build relationships with them. Intimacy and sex is complicated! You may really like this woman now, or be interested. But after spending some time with her in the romantic sense, you might not click. And that's life. So for that reason... just get past your anxieties and ask her out. You're never going to learn about her, or learn about yourself, by sitting around doing nothing. You'r way overthinking and over-analyzing things, and you're not getting any younger. Just ask her out, if she's not interested, move on with your life and look for someone else. I'm telling you man, listen to the others here, listen to me. You're wasting time on thoughts and fantasies, thinking about "what ifs".
  6. Yet again, well spoken, you sound very experienced on this subject. :) I'm surprised, 10 months, and you still sound like you take things a bit slow with your current girlfriend. You're right on three dates thing. They lasted several hours but you're right, it was three dates. This entire experience, this one person alone, has just so flipped my perspective on dating upside down. I'm back on the dating site where I met the last one, and I'm now talking to two women. One has already agreed to a date and gave me her number. :) But, I am going at this with a drastically more open mind. This person... she's actually a mother. But, she sounds like she has a very solid career and income, and has her head on straight. In the past, I would automatically reject someone that has a child. But now... why not give her a chance? The truth is, I don't know anything about these people. And clearly I didn't even after a few dates with the last one. What's there the harm in seeing if something is there? For all I know, she may be more serious and responsible than this last woman. This other one, she's not a mom. But, she sounds nice, and is cute from her photos. I'm just keeping a very open mind now, keeping my expectations a lot more in check. Maybe I'm more spiritual of a person than I realized, or used to be, anyway. I'd feel like all the stars aligned for me to meet these people. When really, we're being matched up on a dating site.
  7. Hey all, For anyone that was following this thread, just on here to vent. I went on a mini-vacation this past day, same state, just left out of town to see a concert, and am staying overnight. I'm trying to move on with my life and get over this woman. I thought it'd be good for me to get far away and take a day off work, as I haven't taken a vacation day since I started in April. In some ways, it's been great. The concert I went to was amazing. And, I think I'm handling the break up pretty well. In the past... I would have completely self-destructed over this, into a pit of self-hatred and depression. This one. I don't feel that way. However, I do still have some lingering feelings for this woman I hate to say. I keep having dreams about her, every night! No matter what I distract myself with, I have dreams about her, meeting her family whom I've never met. We... we just really had something in the beginning. That saying people say when you know you've found the right one, that's how I felt about her. I know we only had three dates, but we communicated for much longer, it was almost a couple months. It's just really sad and heartbreaking. Everything felt very "right" about her in the beginning. My last dream... I dreamt about driving up to her job one day and catching her in an attempt to reconcile. I hate that! I have absolutely NO intentions of doing such a thing, but I hate that I have dreams about it. Part of me I think wishes she would still reach out to me. But I have blocked her on facebook, as well as my phone. My sister did contact her, however (without my consent or knowledge...). She was upset about the way she was ignoring me and things. She never answered my sister either. She also had my home phone # but never called that either. I think it's pretty clear she wants nothing to do with me. Yet sometimes, part of me finds it hard to accept that as well. She was just ridiculously in to me. And I can't believe how fast and sudden someone can change their feelings like that. I think, part of me just can't wrap my head around why things ended. Part of me just thinks we should have brushed off this physical contact stuff. But, it is what it is. She just didn't want to answer me. :( I am active on the dating site again, and attracting a couple women. But, I haven't made any dates (yet). I just, I wanna make sure it's right. And I don't wanna go into something with feelings of this other woman still.
  8. Whoa, man. First of all... I sympathize hugely for what you went through with your brother. I lost my mom last year, preceded by deteriorating health ailments. Death is a horrible thing to go through, and of course that is something that can affect how you think and interact with people around you. On the other hand. I am just baffled as to how you could have had a relationship for TWO YEARS with this woman and never told her about your kids! Hasn't she stayed at your place? Noticed a room, or toys (assuming the one you visit is young), or seen family photos around? I mean, this all sounds very fishy to me how you could have kept it a big secret for that long. It really sounds like a big ruse. Unless you were inviting her to some secret place/apartment that you never take your kid to. Even so, that makes it even worse. Your kids are part of your life, and (supposed to be) your pride and joy. That's something that should have come up on the first date. I feel bad for not only this woman, but your kids as well. I read your other comments, that you didn't tell her in fear she would not be interested in dating you. Well, guess what? That's peoples right to not wanna date someone with kids if they don't want (assuming she wouldn't have wanted to). You essentially built your entire relationship on a lie. I'm personally very iffy about dating women with children already (although something I may have to compromise on considering I'm almost 30 now). I think, relationships can be challenging enough without children involved. Also, I just, if I meet that right person... I wanna part of that experience of that woman giving birth to our first child. It's more special. Our first kid, born out of love. I don't wanna be number two or three on the list. But, I'm just giving you my thoughts on the subject, and how other people may think about it. You sound like you're not that bad of a guy by the way you write and how sympathetic you are to the situation. What you did, it's not as heinous as say, cheating on someone. But, you did form your relationship on deceit. You need to forget about this woman and accept this is 100% over. No more letters, no calls, no facebooks. If you care about her, you'll leave her alone. Take some time to heal and next time if you decide to date again, be upfront about your life.
  9. TY for you detailed response, bluecastle. I wrote you a response earlier and forgot to finish it. I think you have an interesting rule for the 12-month thing before calling someone "the one". I'm almost starting to not even like the concept of "the one". It's kind of a numbers game where you find someone you're compatible with. It sucks. I was kind of a "hopeless romantic" person, and that side of me is changing. I'm not really sure there is such a thing anymore. Yeah my life and having productive years, I don't know if I'd call them amazing, but did a lot of growing. In the past 3~ years, I've went through the death of one of my best friends (commit suicide), my mom, my dog died who was like a brother to me. I used to say if my mom and dog both died, I was done with this world. Yet... here I am. The death of my mother was actually freedom for me (she was overbearing on me and had health ailments). Last year, my dad (a lifelong alcoholic), I let him borrow my truck to go to the doctor one day. He instead, went drinking, crashed it into a wall. He devastated us both financially from it as we own the property together, and now his very little SSI he gets was going to courts and things. This pushed me to put myself out there and get a great job at a software company, where I'm very happy at. I have steady employment, health & life insurance, a few dollars in the bank now. Where I am at in my life right now, I for the first time in my entire adult life, don't have to worry about money whatsoever, or being dependent on anyone or anything. I just have a way of bouncing back from things. Mom dies? Make the most of it, live life as she wanted me to. Dad ruins things for you, scared of not having money and losing your home? Suck it up and get a job. I also been pretty consistently going to therapy for the last year and a half. I used to go every other week, now every other week (big insurance copay). But, I think it helps having an outsider perspective. You can go to a place like that and talk about almost anything you want. Family, death, sex, I think that helps. It's not a solution to all the problems in the world, but I think it helps. Even if I'm feeling better, life has a way of sneaking up on you sometimes (like this experience). So I think it's good to keep appointments going, because I do have depression. This dating thing. For the first time, it wasn't so much that I was desperate to be with someone, but I felt like I deserved a chance to be happy, and not have to life my life alone. It's what my mom would have wanted as well. So, I tried! I still have the account up on the website where I met this woman. And... actually messaged some people. Life goes on. I feel I should have stayed proactive on this dating site even while dating this woman. Part of me thought about that, and i got too obsessed with that idea of her being "the one". That's gonna change next time.
  10. I've actually gotten pretty good at "being lonely". It's not all that bad. You don't have any expectations to set, you don't have to worry about looking good or being your best every day. That's great you are finding other things to do, and you are also a car girl. Maybe buy an older car, an antique, fix it up. :) I don't know, just, keep yourself busy as you have been. Get a pet, spend time with friends and family. Find some TV shows to binge watch. There's a lot you can do.
  11. I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out with this woman. No, it's VERY wrong for you to "fight to get her back". Don't do that! This relationship sounded a bit toxic. Breaking up, getting back together, breaking up again. It sounds to me, like there was a lot of infatuation with this woman. You know, there's a difference between love and infatuation. The fact that you couldn't get her off your mind (and still can't), that "she became your world". That's an absolutely terrible mindset to have with dating. When you date someone, you still need to be content with your own life. You need to have your own life, your own hobbies, friends, relationships. You can't dump your entire feelings and thought processes into another person, or you will set yourself up for disaster. It didn't work out, man. And, you know I want to tell you something. My first real love... it took me years to get over her. You mentioned 9 months. Maybe that's not enough. It takes time to heal and get over someone. This has been said on here countless times, but I will say it again. You need to cut her out of her life. Destroy pictures, take her off the social media, remove her from your phone. You need to find other things to occupy your time. And you need to tell yourself that, this person isn't worth my time or energy. You even met people that were better than her, so why would you dwell on someone like that? Distance yourself from her, keep your thoughts distracted. Over time, things will get better, I promise.
  12. Hello everyone, For those that have been following this post and have offered kind words and suggestions. I have unfortunately not heard back from this lady I am dating. This morning, I made one last effort to communicate her via Facebook and asked if she would like to talk on the phone to clear the air. She did not respond and I also sadly have a feeling that she may have put me on the ignore list on facebook messenger, as she was online and did not read the message. Strangely she left me on her friends list. I've decided this relationship is over. I'm sorry, but this is NOT what love (or a budding romance) is supposed to feel like! I'm not supposed to be depressed, anxious, lonely, or confused, sitting here having to give the person space, wondering how or why they're not answering me for days on end. I don't know if it was the physical contact, maybe falling for each other too fast, maybe she's got other issues, all of the above. She sounds a little indecisive about parts of her life as well, and where she wants to live, etc. Maybe it's for the best for those reasons, and also because I did not connect with her via the kissing. I been thinking about when I first talked to her on the dating site we met, and even our first date. I was iffy about her appearance before even meeting her, that she wasn't quite my type. I felt mean and wrong for thinking about that, but maybe I shouldn't in the future now. Attraction is important. I don't know if I felt like I was quite into her the way she was to me. She's got a bit of a strange personality, too. Kind of very shy and reserved, where she can't find words to say, then suddenly is this complete chatterbox in the polar opposite direction. At the very least, I would have appreciated a final conversation, she should have acknowledged she doesn't want to be with me instead of making me cling on like this. It's the "adult" thing to do. It speaks a lot about her character, ghosting a man whom she swore she wouldn't hurt, and someone whom she kind of agreed to be in a serious and exclusive relationship with. Maybe I could sense this in her before. Yes I'm a grown man, but I cried it out today. I really thought she was the one, and maybe mom sent her my way. I never felt the way I felt about her for anyone in a long time. We had a couple magical dates and moments, and she was just an incredibly sweet woman (until the end). But, there are other women out there. I'm a changed man than I was years ago when I first came on here. I'm a better person, more patient, I have my life and career figured out, and I'm still pretty young. I have more confidence and don't feel unattractive anymore (especially after this experience!). I'm sure there will come across other women, online or in life. One that will feel right to kiss. One that will feel right for everything else.
  13. TY. I just wanted to let you all know I am doing a lot better today. I talked to a dear friend of mine last night, we're like brothers. He made me feel 1000x better about everything. It's different than talking to a therapist or on the internet about this. He's been through the same situation with his long-term girlfriend now, where she didn't like kissing him when they first started dating. It's also nice to hear things from a male perspective in-person from someone my age that I've essentially grown up with. I just feel a lot more normal today. Regarding the lady... I would like to see her again. In all honestly... I miss her now. We would text every day and things. I have not heard back, but it's only been a couple days, and I know she's working. She works very very long shifts at an important job where she has to be completely aware of what she's doing and attentive to her work. That doesn't give her much time to think about her personal life. I'm just giving her lots of time and space to sort out her feelings. ... I really think her and I had something very special. I just think, we should have a good talk on the phone and then just go out for a new, fresh date idea, minus the erotic makeout sessions. I really think we should just brush this last experience off. I've been getting upset about it here and there. But, I'm trying not to be too hard on myself at the same time. I think we're just both inexperienced at dating. Neither of us deserve blame or guilt for being so into each other. I'll let you all know what happens. I'm just gonna concentrate on other parts of my life (as best I can). I may reach out to her next week if I don't hear anything back, but obviously that wouldn't be a good sign. But... I really think she's going to reach out to me. We were getting pretty close, like I said, bf/gf already. There's more to this story I haven't posted than our physical encounter dates that we kind of built some early trust and a relationship on already.
  14. Hey guys, Thank you again so much for the replies. You don't know how much I appreciate the feedback and criticisms both. I need people to talk to and to help guide me through this. So, I have not heard back from this lady (yet), but she is known to be a notoriously slow responder to text (and calls I would include) sometimes. That was said reason for the voicemail, she's kind of a difficult person to get a hold of because of her job. Honestly, she already knows about my anxieties and even depression. She has it, too. We talked about that, we did a lot of talking on our dates. That is part of the quirks of people, we're not perfect as one of your said. She knows I'm a very emotional guy. We really had something great going our first couple dates and had a connection, in fact, we kind of agreed on the last date to be exclusive. I really think we should talk on the phone. I don't know what she is feeling or thinking now. I'm willing to go on another date, short and sweet, see if the spark is still there that we had on the first couple dates. If it doesn't happen though, whatever. I'm growing up on the subject of dating and gaining more confidence in myself with women. I think some of you are right, how I put these women on a pedestal. How I kind of hope/want/dream of them to be this amazing, perfect person, and set myself up for disappointments like this. I try to rush things, try to make a relationship happen too fast and things. Honestly, this woman is the same way. She was kind of talking/thinking about all these grandiose plans and adventures we'd go on. Some of it just sounded like total overkill to me. Some of you may or may not know, my mom died last year. Which still has a lot of emotional weight on me. Even though I'm not super spiritual/religious (quite the opposite), sometimes I feel my mom makes positive things happen in my life. I almost felt like my mom sent this woman to me , or intervened somehow so we could meet. Because she seemed so damn perfect at first. Kind, sweet, generous, patient. Maybe I have to stop thinking that way. We met via an algorithm on a dating site designed make people with similar personalities meet. It had nothing to do with my dead mom. The pressure of it being someone my mom sent me sometimes weights down on me. :( It makes things sadder and harder to deal with. I really wish she was here to talk to right now.
  15. Hey all, I final update regarding this topic for the night. After talking with my friend, therapist, kind of doing some soul searching. I decided that, I still want to see this lady. I called her up but I think she was asleep, she typically goes to bed very early. I left a VM telling her I still wanted to see her and would like to dial it back, bring things back to where they were on our first couple dates. Not focus on the future or think about getting physical too fast, just have fun and relax. I apologized that things happened too quickly. I just think, there's a lot of anxiety going on right now. I have bad anxiety in general, and now it's directed at this part of my life in full focus. I'm willing to just take things slow and see if things work out between us, because prior to this, we had such amazing chemistry. I don't think it's worth throwing away (yet). My therapist said, you don't always feel sparks/fire when kissing someone so early on. She said, things aren't like in the movies. She thinks I had performance anxiety as far as not being turned on goes. I also think, this woman I'm seeing is very inexperienced with men and dating. I think it's very plausible she's a virgin and maybe eager to "lose it", my therapist mentioned that in particular. She says we need to have open discussions about this stuff before crossing that line. Ask her if she's been with any guys, etc. Maybe she wasn't being her genuine self getting into the situation as much as she was. I'm willing to take this slow and go on some more fun, low-key dates. If things still don't feel right with her, I can chalk it up as experience. If she don't want to date me anymore, well, same thing. Life goes on. I'm gonna try to focus on my work now and my other hobbies for the rest of this night. There's more to life than dating and romance 24/7 and it get's quite exhausting thinking about it all the time!
  16. Hey all, Thank you so much for all the replies. I've been talking with my friends as well as went to see my therapist today. With my therapist, I talked about everything, thinks I've never told her about before, with sex, masturbation, etc. I just want to approach this subject as clear as possible. I also received a text from the lady I am dating. She at this point, is on the fence about continuing our relationship now, and said that we did indeed move to fast, and she's very confused now. I know it's best left to spoken words, but, I texted her back. I told her a little about my history with women, and that I'm not all that experienced in the physical department. I said I fall for people too fast, too easy. I said, I would be willing to dial it back a lot, let's maybe hit the reset switch and see where things go. Get to know her a little more, her friends, her family. And it would be OK if she didn't want to. I don't know people, I kind of feel like I lost my passion and desire for this person after this experience though. I'm starting to think, maybe she's just not my type! She doesn't get my motor running. She's a beautiful woman, but maybe not the right one for me. So I'm not sure I want to continue this myself. We'll see what happens with this, if I want to go on a few more dates and feel things out if she even wants to at this point. It felt very magical in the beginning, now it feels questionable and awkward. Even before we dated, I questioned if she was my type. I was so used to getting constantly rejected on the dating websites, it felt good when someone finally messaged me that was decent looking and showing a lot of interest in me. Maybe that's starting to become more apparent to my inner psyche now. I started looking at her pictures on Facebook. I been wanting a blonde girl. She's brunette. I kind of like women that wear some makeup, eg. eyeliner. She wears no make up. Some things about her face, I don't know. I hate to say it because she is a beautiful girl, but maybe not the right kind for me. I feel like garbage saying any of the above now, I feel like I am doing what women typically do to me. Kind of lose interest, maybe not find me all that attractive. I don't know.
  17. Hey, thanks for all the replies everyone, and nice to see some of you again after all these years still on these boards. You people are making me feel a lot better, I don't have many people to talk to about this, my mom died last year and my dad drinks. You're right I was caught off-guard. I admit I was putting the moves on her a bit and initiated a lot of this stuff. But she also misread my intentions, and I really didn't think she would want to have sex that fast! I thought it would end at making out, I can't believe she implied about going into the woods. She's been a very physically reserved woman as I have said. She's a got a spiritual and religious background, she's kind of old-school. So yeah, it was kind of a big shock to me she implied that. Our other plans that evening, she thought I was lying about them so that we would instead fool around some. At our evening plans, we actually had a great time, we were holding hands, cuddling, kissing more. It felt "right", but I still wasn't turned on (yet). I felt a slight pressure the night that she would want to try to have sex after the event was over. I asked if she wanted to, but she changed her mind after she calmed down from our earlier makeout session, and said she didn't have birth control or anything (neither did I). And honestly, I only asked her cause I thought that's what she wanted, it really wasn't I wanted yet. Last night, I texted and apologized, and told her my honest intention was to just go for a first kiss, and I was glad we didn't cross that line yet because I don't think neither of us were ready. I have not heard back from her since then but she is a busy woman. She's starting to know and trust me, she knows I'm kind and sweet to her. Hopefully she understands. I just hope now she doesn't take me for some master seduction artist (I'm not), or think I don't like her, things just kind of happened naturally. I had zero plans to have sex with her so soon. And yes @dancingfool, you are totally right about me! I plan things out a bit too much/excessively. I'm very nervous, always worried about texting, saying, doing the wrong thing. And yes, I absolutely did put her on the pedestal as you say. I fall for people too fast, too soon. We were both talking about how strongly we feel for each other, and we kind of want to be exclusive now (which isn't bad at all). Maybe it's all too much too soon for a stranger from the internet, and then piling the physical stuff on top. You know what? Talk about setting, too. The park (to me), wasn't as romantic as I thought it would be. There was tons and tons of people, all these kids, cars were honking horns at us. The sun was kind of blinding me. And yes, the kissing was kind of bad, I think she may have never been with a guy before. Maybe a different setting would have got me. I would like to dial it back and continue seeing her if she wants. We'll see what happens from here. We had a really, really good day together other than that, I think (both me and her) would be dumb to throw it away at this point over some of the awkwardness from physical contact.
  18. Hey ENA, It's been a while, and I could really use all your advice and opinion on this subject. So, after many many years of struggling to find someone. In my late 20's, I finally found this amazing woman on a dating site. Note, I've made several other improvements in my life to get to this point. Better job, career, therapy, working on depression, I've really turned my life around and become (I think) a more desirable person. Anyway, we've been talking about a month~ and have been on three dates so far. Emotionally, and in the beginning, I felt in instant connection to her. I thought, this woman could be my future wife. We instantly hit it off, it felt like we've known each other longer than we have. She's kind, sweet, everything I ever wanted. But, there's one problem that's killing me. On Saturday, we went to an outdoor thing for our third date, as well as had plans to go to a show later that day. Well, at this outdoor thing. I went here because I wanted to go for the first kiss. I did, and, we started making out, pretty hot and heavy. And she was very very turned on and, at one point, suggested we go in the woods to "do it". The problem? I wasn't anywhere as turned on as her. It's absolutely crushing me. Now, honestly... I'm inexperienced when it comes to the physical stuff with women. But, I know I'm straight. I've liked women since I was little. I've had women mearly touch me in as far back as grade school and I would get instantly aroused. I had an ex (I never had sex with), but the kissing would turn me on big-time. But, for this woman... there was just nothing. It's completely ruining my life, I feel like less of a man, and additionally worrying she's not the one now, it's making my head spin. I don't know if it was anxiety of the situation. I mean, prior to this, she was a very very physically reserved girl. She only gave me like half a hug on our first date. The second date, it felt like she didn't want to be kissed (yet). Now all of a sudden, she's moaning heavy and tells me she's turned on making out. I'm concerned because, I'm (normally) a very aroused guy. Like, there is part of me that probably would have took her in the woods and did something, but it didn't awaken for some reason. I also don't know if it's a physical problem. I'm almost 30, I now have high blood pressure, my doctor is actually sending me to get tests next month, including one for my thyroid. Some maybe it's a physical problem? Still, prior to this, the week (even night before), I was very aroused and fantasizing about her even if you catch my drift. I've never had sexual problems before on an individual level. And, I want to mention, on our second date... I was aroused the whole time, when we were just cuddling watching a movie. So I'm confused why the making out didn't escalate that. I don't know, I guess I'm saying I didn't feel sparks when I kissed her. Have any of you experienced this before? I'm very concerned that, the main problem here is that I'm not physically into her now. Why I wasn't as turned on as she was? It's crushing me and breaking my heart, she's so perfect, and she is very beautiful, I do feel very physically drawn to her. I just don't know why I didn't feel more aroused at that park to go down on her. And now, after this event, I've gotten severe sexual anxiety in general. I can't "get it up" looking at anything online, I can't eat right, threw half my dinner away last night! I normally get "in the mood" on a daily basis. My friends and close family think I should continue seeing her and just take things slow until I feel more comfortable in that department, and address this anxiety issue now. But yeah, I'm freaking out about it. Fortunately I go to therapy every couple weeks, and today I have an appointment today and plan on talking about all this. But I want opinions from others. I just feel like such garbage right now. It's taken me YEARS to find someone this special and someone I connect with. I just hope we have sexual compatibility. I want to mention, we had other plans for that day, and she misinterpreted things thinking I took her there to put moves on her. I only wanted to go in for a first kiss as I am a gentleman. I never had a woman react that way to me before. I'm very flattered, I just want to make sure this is the right person for me.
  19. I can empathize; I've had asthma my entire life as well as severe allergies. I've manage the most part to overcome it. I've been in martial arts for 20 years, and also started doing YouTube videos as well as singing. My advice; do NOT let asthma control your life! If you want to do you podcasting thing, do it! Chances are, you are freaking and noticing things more than other people. I don't know how new you are to podcasting, but when I started doing singing, I just... I hear every flaw in my voice. Even my YouTube videos, with the way I speak and hear myself, sometimes I get sketchy about it. So don't fret too much about how you sound on the mic in regards to your breathing. That sounds like a common thing to anyone who gets in front of the mic. That aside, for your asthma, I recommend what I do... martial arts. Have ever considered taking up any kind of martial arts, or even kickboxing or something similar? Karate has done wonders for my asthma. I study Shotokan karate, which involves a lot of controlled breathing. Punches, kicks, etc. everything is inhale and exhale on a move. I used to be on a daily inhaler as a kid, and I have not needed a daily inhaler for 18~ years now since karate. I will say; asthma sucks. As you age (I'm almost 30 now), it doesn't improve. I wake up cough-y and congested some days. My lungs ain't what they used to be. But, I still breath great, and can still workout. And I think the karate does a lot for me. So yeah, get into some kind of fitness. The worst you can do is sit around and not do things in live because of the asthma.
  20. Yes, I been there. I never attempted it but think about it from time to time. I started seeing a therapist over it. I can relate to how you feel... I also lost a very close friend, to suicide, back in October 2016. It's been almost two years now. And, my mother died back in June from sepsis. The person I was closest to and always tried to do things for, she was a motivation for me to push forward with life and not she's gone, her voice isn't there anymore. It's just hard for me to find the light in things anymore. My work... it feels like I'm stuck in a rut for years now. Career in IT not moving forward no matter how hard I push or try. And I need the extra money. Two of my cars are illegal now, need windshields, a muffler, etc. The roof on my house is leaking horrendously, I can't afford a $7,000 new roof right now. Startup businesses aren't picking up. I love music, got back into that a few months ago, started a YouTube channel. My most viewed video has a measly 50 views. It's like it's not even worth the hard work of putting together songs/videos no one listens to. And yes, worst of all, the dating life. I am utterly 100% convinced that, this part of my life is over. I am 100% convinced there is NO one out there for me. I'll never amount up to what other men can offer someone. There's always someone taller, richer, better looking, not depressed like me, no unmotivated to even date them to begin with. You know, you just have a feeling about certain things in life. Like, I knew when my mother was going to die, you just have that gut feeling about it. Well, I have that same feeling towards my romantic life, or lack thereof. I just think, this is is over. And my therapy, it almost feels like torture at this point sometimes. It constantly goes back to the dating, "you have to keep trying, blah blah blah, you're not that bad looking, you're a nice person", lol, that's not enough anymore. Making me try to be more social; I go to social events in town, they make me feel worse than I did before going. I actually went to an event at an amusement part last week and came home feeling miserable and depressed more than I was before I left. It's like, I don't even feel like going to these things to begin with because they feel pointless. Why am I spending time going to things to meet women when I feel like that is a hopeless and pointless endeavor? I feel like there's something really wrong, some days I just want to die anymore. So yeah, pulling yourself from the ledge. You're right, it does feel easy to end it. And, what's scarier than that, for me, its how bad things for that to happen. A neighbor/friends house caught fire last month. And I thought, wow. You know, if this happened to me, this would make it enough for me to just kill myself. I don't have insurance anymore because the roof went bad. Or my dog dying. You take away too many things from a man and there's just not enough motivation to life anymore. I feel like I'm suffering enough.
  21. Well I'm someone that started going to therapy (in person) this year, so I have the actual experience of sitting in their office. I'd recommend doing therapy in-person if possible unless there is absolutely no one that speaks your language there. It's a little more intimate that way. You're in the private office. Mine has a reclining chair and it sits really low, below the therapist. I think they do this as a reverse-psychology thing, makes you feel as if you are talking to a parent or adult as a kid again. I also prefer the private space away from my home where people can't eavesdrop. I don't know, for me it's the experience. I don't think I would be the same sitting from home. But, if you don't mind that, if you have a very private space you can communicate with them from, I think it can still work. You may have to considering your predicament. Also, I went for the same reason... depression, or at least you feel like it. Be aware, not all therapist "diagnose" you. There's a lot of factors that go into that, including what type of therapist you see. And, my experience has been mostly positive with mine although I'm not 100% better.
  22. I just wanted to share this story quick and honestly I forgot about it until reading some other posts on here. I first signed up on this site some, heck 7 or 8 years ago now when my ex-girlfriend dumped me. She turned out to be a closet lesbian and it just absolutely destroyed my life for years. It really caused me a lot of problems with dating ever again. Especially because I felt like this girl was the one and I felt like a sucker for falling for her and not seeing the signs. I am still dear friends with one of her family members. In early July he invited me over for a gathering and my ex was there. I had not seen her in years since the breakup. I did everything I could to avoid ever seeing or talking to this person again. I was shocked and at first almost didn't even recognize her. I always wondered what would I do or say if I seen her again. My friend and his family were kind enough to invite me to their place that day, and I didn't want to make the day miserable or anything try to avoid her in this very small house of theirs. I ended up talking to her face-to-face very briefly. It was a positive encounter. I just talked to her very briefly, asked how she was doing, told her about my mom passing away (because she got to know her when we dated). Overall it was a positive experience and me not acting like a jerk came off as a sign of forgiveness from me. If anyone had a right to be pissed off or make a scene it was me, but I didn't. It turns out that this poor woman, besides being gay, had deep psychological issues over the years I was told (including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder I believe). That may be the reason for why it felt like I was talking to a different person. And, I just couldn't be mad anymore. After learning that. After all the time that has past, after losing my mother. I just couldn't care to stay angry or upset anymore at this person. I just wanted to share with you people on the breakup forum here; eventually that time comes when you forgive these things. I haven't forgotten, but I do forgive. I still feel pretty doomed with ever finding love again. I just don't feel like that's in the cards for me. But, I don't carry around all this resentment anymore for this person.
  23. Ugh, just cut it off with this guy. Don't lead him on, especially if he's a nice guy. You gave him a fair and honest shot. You gave it time. You did everything right. It's not working for you. If you don't find him attractive, move on. Yeah, looks aren't everything, but they are. Someone you're really into will give you "butterflies" as they say. Unfortunately that's not always a mutual thing. And if you don't feel that for someone, it's not worth pursuing. The longer you wait, the more difficult it's going to get to end things.
  24. Thanks for the replies. This one - as I think I said, there's nothing physically wrong with me. I got to the doctor every year, in fact I stay up to date on everything, dental, vision, etc. I think my sleep is just the way I am since I was a teenager. My brain doesn't like to shut off when I sleep sometimes. I'll toss and turn for hours. Thinking or even worrying about stupid things. I've tried practical advice; turning off TV's, not playing the computer an hour before bed, no caffeine, etc. NOTHING works! It's almost like, my body can go longer than 14~ hours on 8 hours of sleeps and it causes me to progressively stay up later and later, even if I exercise and things. So I decided to try the melatonin the past couple days again after skipping a day, this time 3MG instead of 5MG. I have to say I am handling it much better. No next-day headaches or drowsiness, no dizziness. It actually helped me fall asleep and I even got up Saturday morning for a karate class. Last night I fell asleep 8 hours uninterrupted. I think the stuff is really helping me now. :) I'm impressed that a supplement like this works as well as it does. I am going to proceed with caution, though. I don't want to become dependent on this or take it forever. But in between and on important days/mornings where I need to get up. So far the 3MG seems to work without the side effects.
  25. Coucou le coeur, Votre anglais est très bien par rapport mon français... I can relate to your life a bit. I'm also a singer, well, have just started this year anyway (I was in a professional choir group back in high school but that was a long time ago and with a group). I've never taken lessons for my solo work, but have seriously considered it last month, and I think a little bit of instruction can go a long way not just with singing but anything you want to get good at. Anyway, your vocal teacher. First of all, feelings and attraction aside, I think it's wildly inappropriate she was flirting with you if she was your teacher. You went to her for vocal lessons, right? So you two should be working on SINGING. She shouldn't be using your time together to flirt with you, even if you're shy. Unless you are overlooking into things she was teaching you. Maybe she tried to boost your confidence to sing on stage, or paid you a compliment. That doesn't mean she is interested in you. Second, as everyone else here pointed out; you have not dated this woman, you never went on a date, and she has a boyfriend. Elle à un copain!!! You do not "love" her. She has zero interest in you. If she's really flirting with you and has a boyfriend, she's a big, fat tease. Some women are like that, especially in the States but I suppose over in Paris, too. You're barking up the wrong tree, friend. My advice; get a different vocal teacher. You need to work with someone that you're not going to have feelings for and someone that's not gonna flirt and tease you which I think is extremely unprofessional if that was the case. And, if you want to date, go date. Forget about this woman who is taken and find someone that is a good match for you. Vous habitez la ville de amour, n'est-ce pas? Il y a beaucoup les femmes sans petits amis en Paris, oui?!
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