Well it's been a good while since I posted my predicament. I figured I would post an update, and see what kind of response; if any, I could get.
Things have gone from weird, to good, to really weird, to terrible. Mixed bag, huh?
First; it came down to actually bringing up the disscusion of a seperation, maybe a divorce. That was the only way to get her to agree to counseling. She has gone to therapy twice so far, still hasn't invited me in. I'm there for every session, anticipating my oppurtunity to join a session. But not yet. "Let's take care of my problems first" she told me. Ok, I'm patient. During the interum, I'm working, she's at home on the computer, still continuing as if nothing is happening. Following this guy around the internet. I come home and she pretends she was playing games, or reading other message boards. Keeping up on other news. I'm wondering; what 's going on here? I'm noticing more and more, the fact I'm always saying "I love you". Initiating hugs, kisses or any intimacy for that matter. Sleeping together; opposite sides of the bed. I was getting alittle romantic again, actually courting her again; opening doors, holding hands and walking arm in arm. She was gradually growing colder, and I was growing more and more insecure. [see I said weird]
I finally confronted her about the whole cold thing. This lead to another blow up; and now again we're not talking. Five minutes of an argument leads to days of nonverbal avoidance. I just can't stand it much more. I've fallen into apathy. She E-mailed me her heart felt thoughts the other day. I replied. I received a reply that catogorically states why, since we married, we have been drifting apart. Now I'm confused, for ten years, she has been falling out of love with me? Since we married? What the f---?
And here is the bit about this actor; it really is nothing, just interested because he's a rising star. Really catches her eye. Would I feel so threatened if she was a devoted football fan? Following a team every weekend? Uhh; football is a team thing, we're not focusing or obsessing about one guy shaking his butt, or flexing his manly build. She also threw the annalagy of my collection of Beatles music; again; we're talking about music. I don't see the comparison of music to a fascination of one guy. I know, it all seemsso ridiculous right? I'm not sure where this is all going, but like I said; I'm to the point where I just gave in, I apologised for everything she claims I've done, Even whent through, re-read her posts in some groups. I could kind of see the intent in them. Anyway; I definitly read them differently than before. I told her about it. I apologized for possibly misinterpreting them before, and accusing her of things. [Just really worn out of the fight.] Any suggestions of where this mess is going? Should I stick it out with the counseling? Is it worth it? I do still love her, but I'm not sure where this future is going.