cartier3

Hi WhiteOkiron Thanks for your kind words they are very thoughtful. It does help to share ones feelings and experiences, especially with others going through a similar situation.. This is an old post as you realize and I've only recently logged into this site again, thankfully I am completely over the guy I spoke about, we are distant friends and he has gone back to his country of resident, I very much doubt I will see him in the near future.. Strangely enough I got to know a different side to him last year, you could say I saw the faults more visibly and no longer desire him.. If anything I feel that he missed out on a good friend.. however, I do smile when I look at his photos and I do smile about the fact I had a great friend while it lasted, I may have let him hurt me, or let myself be hurt but I dont regret or feel the need to change any of it, I can gladly say I can think about him and - smile..

hello bexcelant i am sorry i didnt reply sooner, i haven't logged into the site for just under a year - until today. i hope things have worked out for you let me know.. take care cartier

hey there, actually i think i read one of your other posts. since i last wrote i got the urge to text him and he responded which was a nice surprise (i really didnt think he would) i now know that we needed some time apart, as thats how he found it easier to deal with. i havent seen him for months as he's in another city but i know that things will not be awkward when i next go there to visit. maybe we will never get together, however, things happen for a reason. i guess in both our situations we werent meant to be with them, not at this current time anyway, but who knows what the future holds. although, if im right you both do chat right? and are friends so be thankful that she is not out of your life for good - wouldnt that hurt more?

hello, its been over two months how is your situation now? i havent contacted the guy still, although i sent him a text to say happy birthday in december. sometimes i feel sad cos i know i have lost a friend who meant alot to me.

yeah i often wonder if he thinks about me. i know people ask him if he has spoken to me and he laughs it off and just says no, a sign of guilt? ok. there must have been a time when a girl has liked you and you may have ignored her or not wanted to go out with her. in my case when a guy friend has liked me and i have said no, its cos i didnt find them attractive, there was something about them that i didnt really like or i had a better offer...and i have avoided guys friends when they have hurt me or when they are annoying me! - but we know she does care so im assuming it just too awkward for her at the moment, and of course she thinks about you...she is a girl! i think its mainly due to the awkwardness the majority of people like to avoid signs of tension until they feel better and less guilty. they are feeling guilty because they know that we are hurting and they also know the only way we will get over the hurt is by being with them now or letting time heal us. but they still value us and miss us perhaps not as much as we missing them but they do.. after all we all like reminising.. i have a guy who is feelings for me now, but im not sure if he really does like me as much as he says he does. i dont call him (he calls me every week) however at one stage i was confused about my feelings for him he has been after me for a few years now, i do think he is nice but there is a few things i find irritating and of course i am feelings for another... hope this helps abit..

hi. its true what is meant to happen will happen. for example i avoided him after i left uni and he did contact me and we hadnt spoken for 3 months then. and in august he came down to my town but i decided not to meet him. so i know he thinks about me and vaules our friendship. its not like i will see him in the near future anyway, like i mentioned he is in another town, and i have decided not to go and visit my friends there for a few months. i just happened to be there when we both needed someone. in a way i am glad it happened. obviously i would have liked it to progress but its not a viable option us being 2 hours apart and him not wanting too! he definitely does care about me though we were good friends but perhaps not enough to want a relationship with me. not at this current time anyway. i didnt mention that we are of different colours he is black and im a brownie. he may think that it would be too much hassle as well - who knows.. i just wanted to say talking about it has really helped and i have been feeling much more positive about the situation. i hope this has helped you too. deep down you really seem to know whats best for you and i do hope you will stick to what u have decided. like you said when u care/ love someone you will always have feelings. so even months and years down the line - if you are both single it maybe a completely different and properous picture for you both. in the meantime its best to move on. i have been doing that.. and your right - love is not infatuation i have often questioned my feelings for him, to define them but sadly it runs deeper then lust. and i agree completely with your terminology of love - and being happy for them even if they are with another. when he was with his g/f i was happy for him and liked her. his happiness means alot to me. remember your initial question - about no contact - well you seemed to have reached the decision. in the future im certain you will bump into each other, she may even contact you first. so be patient and wait.. who knows when the time comes you may have found another and be the one saying to her - your too late...

what a friend said to me years ago was that i had to show him not tell him how i feel. lol perhaps if you'd snogged her instead of telling her the response would be different? you said you previously dated so did this happen.. in the past i have had many guy friends tell me point blank they fancy me, and sometimes persistently. everytime i have laughed it off and said i dont feel like that. i even had neutral friends tell me the guy is feeling for me and i have never let this interfer with my relationship with the guys - cos i knew there was no way i would ever get with them, the attraction wasnt there - but the friendship was important to me so i stayed friends. but when they ignore/ avoid you its different. u question why? obviously they care to go to the extent of avoiding you... surely...? hmm i recently found out the guy was holding hands with some girl. i feel used and quite hurt. but in a strange way it makes it easier as i can focus on what a creep he could be to me as a friend. he knew how i felt and he still made the first move. infact that night he even said he did like me. i know he finds me attractive what i dont understand is why he will go for the dirtest girls and not want me. i think he is going through the screw all the girls while he has time. as its his final year at uni and he was previously in a relationship and couldnt do it then.. irrelevant of that - i just cant handle the rejection - whats wrong with me!! i have plenty guys who wanna date me.. but stoopid as i am i only want one.... so did ya call her..

no message

hi. i understand your situation it seems pretty similar to mine. this no contact thing is killing me too! cos i miss him like crazy - why did he say it? in your case why is she? well since i told him how i felt i have left him alone and will not call/text him until his birthday- conveniently is next month - but that will be short and sweet. i think its right that you dont contact her for a while (this has no limit - can be from weeks to years - and yes that will be difficult), but if you truly value her friendship and she values yours this time issue will be beneficial for all the reasons you stated. however you say its been 3 months since you last saw each other and that is quite a long time - do you feel it is the right time to call? do you think it will still be awkward after so long? if you do - perhaps it wouldnt be best to lay in deep, have a chilled out conversation something light hearted and later add that you were curious why she never responded to your letter but that its cool. etc.. however realistically i doubt the friendship will be the same initally because your feelings are still very strong..if you do you want to wait until a later date, you will probably be able to control your feelings better and have a less awkward relationship. i think that she knows being friends now/or at that time would have been awkward for you both. and in reality it would have/ still may. admit it. u will be hurting even when you are friends cos no matter how much u deny it you want more. like you said she may wonder how you are and call you. i know my ex from 5 years recently called me and wondered that too, its nice to get a surprise call, mail etc. and even if in a year you still havent mended the friendship you have many years ahead of you to do that.. i dont want to keep repeating myself but what im trying to say is if you both really care about each other you will always remain friends.. im sure you have had friends in the past whom you have lost contact with, met up again and rekindled the friendship. it will happen.... thats what i believe and know - eventually me and this guy will be friends again and be able to talk without any awkwardness id rather give it time no matter how long, be it a month or years, then loose him all together - that would kill me... and in that time... who knows... p.s let me ask u something have you ever acted like this with anyone and why? was it... - no attraction? - confusion? - felt they not good enough for you? - not felt good enough for them? - too early for commitiment? - scare of getting hurt? - the distance?

hey there, how you feeling now? i understand how u are/ were feeling as i am currently going through the same emotions. i never dated the guy friend ive known and had feelings for 2 years now. initially we were close, however after i left uni we rarely spoke, i thought it best as he had a girl at that time (no longer) and i wanted to get over him. until last month - i went back to visit uni, saw him and we ended up snogging etc. we never spoke about that night and i left to go back home so i wrote to him and told him how i felt, he basically said that he only sees me as a friend and that i should get over him, he also said its best for me we dont chat until i get over him. but emotions arent that easy to get over...are they. obviously there are a number of reasons she may be avoiding you - she likes u but she also likes her man. - she doesnt want to lead you on. - she doesnt know her own feelings - she may not be avoiding you - you may be avoiding her. we all look for answers - i know i still am - but the only person who can truly help you is her - she holds the answers so ask her.. and realistically u may lose out there no point in lying and saying you havent got anything to lose cos inside apart of u will be crushed but then it may be positive. whats the point in living in a fasle hope. let her know and the ball is in her court. if she doesnt take it - she doesnt deserve u.