Several years ago I first came to this site because of a devastating break up. Here is the very first post I’ve made on here:
Now, almost 10 years later, this ex has come back into my life after years of growth, self reflection and self positivity. I’ve moved on. I’m in what is probably the most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in... but, well, I guess I’ll just copy/ paste what I had posted on a different advice site... of course for a complete history of my complete heart break when X and I first broke up you can view my first post for a clearer picture (not to confuse things but I referred to my ex as “C” in my first post on here. The below refers to him as “X” and my current bf as “C” - for current:
I won’t go into the agonizing long story that was me and my ex but long story short, we met when I was 23 and recently out of an abusive relationship. He was 33 and showed me what it was like to be treated with love and respect from an SO. We got engaged. Our relationship moved fast and passionately. Both of us lost a parent in that time, he was still going through the motions of divorce, child visitation, etc and after almost 2 years we broke up very suddenly due to both our faults, outside circumstances and a lot of stress. The day after we broke up he moved back to his home state. We spoke off and on for about 6 months after, but it was toxic for us to do so and we dropped contact for about 5 years.
In those 5 years, I never got over him. Every relationship I compared to the one I had with him, ultimately sabotaging any prospect for a fulfilling future with that person.
One day, when I was living with my most recent ex (I’ll call R), he sent me a friend request on social media. I accepted. We kept it pleasant with “hi, how are you”’s and kept it basically at that. I felt like at this point I was strong enough to move past my feelings for him and concentrate on the relationship I was in. Ex fiancé (who I will call X) had a girlfriend, which didn’t send me into any sort of crazy fits of jealousy like I thought it would so I figured I really did move on.
3 years ago I got out of the relationship I was in at that time (completely unrelated to X) and soon after met C (current boyfriend). I had never had such strong feelings for another person since X until I met C. C and I are great partners. We tackle issues head on, but sometimes I would notice myself wishing our relationship was as passionate as it was with X. Don’t get me wrong, despite many ups and downs C and I have had, we always work things out, even when we reached what we thought was a point of no return at one point in our relationship - I won’t go into detail, mostly just lack of communication that escalated over time.
Over the course of the 5 years X and I have been fb friends, it’s obvious he is just looking to make enough money to pay bills and have fun. Him and the gf eventually broke up, he is still living a lifestyle that would be acceptable for someone in their 20’s, but maybe not a 43 year old father of 3 (although now his kids are adults).
Before I got with C, I confided in my best friends that I did believe X and I would end up back together when I was 40 and he was 50 when we were in better places with our lives. I had also confessed this to X during a drunken conversation we had while I was getting over my breakup with R, before meeting C.
Last week was my birthday and I went to visit my family in a different state. X messaged me to wish me a happy birthday and to tell my family he said hello. From there, he texted daily to tell me how much he misses me, how much he thinks about me and always had. I told him I am happy in my current relationship and I did not feel that he (X) was in a place in his life that I could consider being relationship potential. He agreed and reminded me that I had said I see us getting together in our next decade of life. He said “I have less then ten years to get my life together and now I have motivation. Maybe I can get it done in 5!”
Now let me preface my next sentence by saying that I would never cheat on C. I would never leave C for anyone else. But... the feeling of happiness and warmth I felt from X saying those things a couple of days ago is so strong and I feel so guilty. I’m back home with C now and just going over the conversation with X in my head keeps tearing me apart. Not because I fueled that conversation, but because it made me happy to hear that from “the one that got away”. I thought I was over him but now I’m second guessing.
I need advise.... what should I do? I don’t want to block X because he is still someone who was there during one of the hardest times of my life, and someone who showed me that it’s okay to have standards for myself in a relationship. But I also feel like I’m completely disrespecting C by remaining friendly with X.