Faith276

Hello, I was on this site last September and realised I did not update my story! My boyfriend and I had been together for 2 and 1/2 years when last Sept (2011) he had a bit of a breakdown - questioning his life, just starting a course, wondering if we were right for each other - the whole works. He messed me around for a few weeks before we broke up, finally coming round and doing the whole 'maybe in a few years we can be friends' thing. I was gutted - he was my first adult relationship. Family members coming round to check on me, friends staying over, breakup-diet etc. (Tbh, the worst thing was that it happened when my best friend was away!) I immediately went on the internet, searching for what to do but in the end I followed my instincts - I wrote down anything i wanted to say to him and hid it away. I took down all the photos and put them in a cupboard. I went NIC straight away but never did NC (might have ignored the phone a few times though!) 2 Hours after the break up he rang saying he had second thoughts - I told him tough. The next day he saw me looking out of a window and came round - I asked him to not contact me for 2 weeks - we had tickets to a concert 2 weeks later (for his bday) and I suggested we see how we feel then. He managed 4 days before ringing to see how I was - I answered the phone, had a quick chat, reminded him of the 2 weeks and went on my way. This happened every 3-4 days. the day before the concert he saw me out driving and in his words 'fell to pieces' - he didn't feel ok seeing me and didnt want to go to the concert. Cue me and a girlfriend going to a tear-soaked concert. I asked him to not contact me until the end of October. Again, he managed 3-4 days at a time. He begged me to go out with him for dinner and I agreed - we started working our way back from there. I have to warn everyone that it was not an easy path - though we worked our way back from the first date, there were still times when I couldn't stop crying, we had huge arguments about why he did it and how to move forward. We are better than ever now There is still the occasional time when you wonder 'is it all worth it?' but I'm glad we worked it out - though I'd say it took us a year to get properly back together, comfortable with each other. Only thing now is getting the parents to accept it - mine are polite to him, but think Im making a mistake. Anyone else dealt with that? Faith xx

I am so proud of you for going to the doctors. Even though it took this long and our break up to happen, you are taking responsibility for yourself and I am so glad that you shared that with me. I have missed you so much. You are still the first person I want to call when something happens. When you suggested going to see that film I wanted to say yes so badly but I know that we weren't ready for that. It has been one month today since the break up. I am looking after myself and taking it day by day - I hope you are too. This time apart has shown me that I was too consumed with your needs and your life, and I abandoned my own (to an extent). Tomorrow it will have been a month since we have spoken face to face. This weekend is the end of the three weeks - we are planning to meet but I am terrified! I don't know which I am more scared of - you trying to be friends, saying that it is over for good or you want to get back together. No matter what happens when we do meet, I will be fine. I have survived a month without you and I am stronger than I thought I was. I know that you broke up with my because of your depression and you need to get that under control before we think about us. I am feeling stronger than I thought I would be - I am my own number 1 and my needs come first now. The skies have not fallen and no angels have appeared to herald the end of the world - life just keeps going. I am praying that you get the help you need and that you are becoming stronger every day. I hope it is helping you. I will see for myself soon. x

Day 3 Dear ex, I am trying so hard not to re-read all the texts and pictures you sent me. They just make me cry. I have tried to force myself not to go on facebook because I don't want to be hurt anymore. I feel so sick because she has been trying to break us up for over a year and now you are single, she is moving in on you - on facebook so I can see, and privately. I know you said that you don't want her.....but I don't know if I can handle your inevitable rebound. Despite the fact you are scared of women because of our pregnancy scare and you said it makes you feel sick to think of me with someone else.....so come back! I have been brave so far - I have not begged or pleaded. I am hoping that you will come back on your own. When you said you wanted to get back together in the future my heart felt 6 tonnes lighter - when you said that I will probably have a new boyfriend by then, it sank. I wonder if you are thinking about the good times? You mentioned some of the hard times when we last spoke. Its been said that after the initial break up, the dumper focuses on the bad times to help them feel like they made the right decision. After a few weeks, they remember the good times. I hope so. I told you that if you love someone you let them go and if they are yours then they will come back. I half believe it. You always believed that I was psychic - well everything I saw in the tarot cards has come true. You got into uni and your book has been accepted. The cards say that this is a temporary pause and that reunions will happen and my wishes will be fulfilled. I am praying that I am as good as you think I am! When you said you were planning on taking me away for the weekend before we broke up, it was bittersweet. To know that we both had the same plan and wanted time with each other....but that it will never happen. I'm praying it will in the future. Everything I see reminds me of you in some way - the games we used to play, teasing, nicknames, things we did together. I used to love a lie in with you on the weekends. This has been my first weekend back in my flat on my own - without friends, parents or you....and now I can't even sleep in my bed without missing you and your cuddly pj's. I can't eat the chocolate buttons you left in my fridge. I can't watch any of the dvd's I own because I remember how we saw them together. I have wanted to phone you everyday. I wish you hadn't pushed me away. I know why you did, to help you get better, but I want to share my life with you, like we planned to. I miss your family too - they were so supportive. I am sorry your mum is ill, she will be fine. I promise. I know I suggested no-contact and you chose three weeks. This is going to be the longest three weeks of my life - please don't break my heart at the end of it. I deserve at least a coffee to talk things through - I know you said that seeing me made you realise what you had done, and you couldn't handle pretending to be ok that we are not together, but I miss you. So much.

Day one of NC. We agreed not to talk for three weeks and see how we feel. Trying to use NC as a tool to focus on me, but not rule out getting back together (seepervious posts). Finding it very hard. We were going to meet up today and I just feel empty.