indea08

YOU have every right to go see your parents, and bring your children to see their grandparents. Your wife also has the right to not want to be around your mother. But, if your wife isn’t going to work with you to reach a solution, then honestly, she gives up the right to keep complaining about it. She can’t say “I don’t want to go, but I’m not going to NOT go, and I’m going to make you miserable because you want to go.” If my understanding is correct, your wife is the problem here and she doesn’t get to hold you and the kids hostage. You really need to have a discussion with her and don’t walk away without a compromise.

Is there any reason why you can’t take your kids and go see your parents without your wife?? Not ideal by any means, but why force them to interact when your wife clearly does not want to?

OP, if you’re still reading, here is what I would do: 1. Immediately stop going through each other’s phones. There’s just no reason for that, it will never bring good results. Don’t do it. 2. Understand that your boyfriend (and yourself) is going to grow through many different versions of himself as he experiences life. Falling in love changes you, break ups change you, career shifts change you, time changes you. This means he’s not the same person today that he was however long ago. Does this help you feel like you can let it go? 3. He didn’t owe you an explanation for his actions, and he didn’t have to make you aware. I have plenty of memories that are just for me, for various reasons. Some of them are lessons I learned and don’t care to relive, some are very happy memories that wouldn’t make my husband feel good to hear about…I don’t owe anyone the knowledge of my story. If I choose to share, that’s a privilege for those I love. Taking information from your boyfriend’s past without his consent (aka snooping) is not okay. As far as STDs go, if he wasn’t a virgin then the risk was there. Period. If that’s a concern for you, handle that upfront with testing. 4. Look at what you have in your relationship today. Far too many people know how hard it is to find a good match, and build a healthy relationship. If you have a shot at that, you should take it. The past is over, but right now you’re setting yourself up for your future. That’s what matters.

I guess it depends how the events of the night unfolded…but if I were him, and I’d made it clear that this was casual, I would think you were being manipulative with the “oh, it’s so late and I don’t have a way home, can’t I just sleep here with you?” You’re adult enough to go have casual sex with someone, why weren't you adult enough to have a plan for getting home at the end of the night? Seems like a pretty basic responsibility of an adult…I wouldn’t have compromised my boundaries simply because of your poor planning. All that being said, there’s nothing wrong with having casual sex, but know that it’s your responsibility to take care of yourself (protection, transportation, communicating your boundaries, etc). A casual partner does not want the burden of those things.

My husband is my younger brother’s best friend. We met when he was a freshman in high school, and I had just graduated the year prior. (2009) He eventually asked me out in August of 2014, and at the time, he intended to join the marines. I had a daughter who had just turned 1 year old at the time. Because I was looking to settle down, we decided to try cramming a relationship in between then and his enlistment (3 months) and determine if we wanted to try and continue or call it quits. Long story short, we fell in love, he decided not to enlist, and we have now been married for 5 years. We spent two years traveling the US as a family of three. He’s adopted my daughter, and we have a second daughter now. She’s two and she’s absolutely incredible. We are very happy. We learned how to be good partners to each other after we were already married. See how the first real argument goes, that will tell you a lot. Pay attention to how you both handle reaching the resolution, because that’s important. After that, you know if this is someone you want by your side during life’s hardships. Enjoy your relationship, it sounds quite wonderful, and fun.

I agree with this. OP, as I was reading your post, I felt the resentment your bf must feel, and a sense of entitlement from you. If I were financially supporting you, and offered to let you sell MY stuff and keep the profit, I would at minimum expect that you would handle it yourself. Your explanation for needing his help sounds more like an excuse. Honestly, if I were him, this relationship would be hanging on by a thread. It seems like it might be, seeing as he’s chosen to passive aggressively keep $40 instead of telling you to get your sh*t together and support yourself.

Will you please just lie to me and tell me you did something crazy for your final exit?? Burn your bra on your desk, knock over the 5 gallon water container, order a stripper and have her show up in Simon’s office, set a horse loose in the building...my only limit is your imagination. 😂

I expected toxic and petty...wasn’t sure how it’d play out but I definitely expected those two themes lol. Telling my ex-boss off would’ve really been more for me than her. She tried to pit my teammates and myself against each other. She had a complete misunderstanding of how we really operated in our office (the corporate office for God’s sake). Any time she had an opportunity to give clear guidance and expectations, she was nowhere to be found and just assumed her minions handled it, then circled back around to let us know how we didn’t meet her expectations. She threatened my livelihood. She had no business managing anyone. It got so bad that eventually someone decided our entire team would report to her boss instead of her (omg that was a great day) and we let him know what we really thought. I still to this day wish she knew that I think she’s an idiot.

Interesting. Not the reaction I expected. Probably for the best lol. I remember the day I walked out of the job that crushed my soul, and man would it have felt good to tell that idiot manager what I really thought. Oh well, she’s someone else’s problem now. I’m so happy for you, and I really hope the job you’ve taken is the one that gives you what you need to soar to new heights.

Finally!!! That was too much foreplay, Jibralta!! Lol CONGRATULATIONS! Be proud to have stuck it out, and please let us know Simon and Kasey’s reactions!

That right there is what kickass is, girl. That faith, confidence, and perseverance that you have to have to continue forward despite not knowing how much further you have to go. It doesn’t matter if you swing and miss 999 times, you just have to make contact once. That’s probably the most important quality a person can have. And you’ve got a lot of it.

Every time I see this thread pop back up, I come in here hoping to see “I GOT THE JOB AND IM OUTTA HERE.” I’m emotionally invested now so I need you to get the offer too!! I’ll send up a prayer for you!

Don’t forget to still continue looking elsewhere. Don’t put all your eggs in his basket, especially if it’s fallen through multiple times before. I am so hopeful for you! I really hope this works out for the best!!

Congratulations, Jibralta! I’m excited for your new beginning and I hope you thrive in your new position!

I think you said the right thing. I would imagine you want them to expect quality work from you. And you are human, so you can only produce quality work when your workload is at or below a certain level. Once you become overwhelmed, quality is usually the first thing to slip, followed by timeliness. Knowing when to say “no” is an excellent skill to have. Don’t second guess yourself. You seem very intelligent, driven, and far more willing to persevere than most people I’ve ever met. I can easily see that no matter what happens with this company, you will still find a way to be successful. I hope you see that too. Keep the faith!

If that’s truly how they operate, you have two options if you want to stay with the company. Do as they tell you to and make sure you have your objections documented and in your hand when they try to address an issue. Or, thank them for their suggestion and let them know you’re going to do it *this* way, because you don’t want to cause a repeat of *that* situation. If they don’t respond positively, remind them that they hired you because you know how to do the job effectively, because you were 100% on point when you mentioned that in your earlier response. Either way, you have to find a way to change YOUR behaviors (because you can’t change theirs) so that you can thrive in the environment you’re in. Otherwise, follow your happiness on down the road to a new opportunity!

Best advice I ever got in this area: stop having the meeting after the meeting. This was intended to mean, once you’ve left a meeting with upper management and you have a new set of tasks or maybe even a new direction to work toward, we tend to walk away and go re-discuss it with our close colleagues. It usually turns into a conversation full of complaints about how all of these new ideas are going to be disastrous. DON’T DO THAT. And let that spill into all areas. If the owners say “XYZ” then all you need to think is “they want their business to be done XYZ way, so how can I achieve that within my scope? What do I think is the best way to do my part while aligning with XYZ.” When any coworkers start talking anything other than that, walk away from the conversation. Not that their concerns aren’t valid, but the conversation will not yield positive results. They can address concerns with management, meanwhile you’re three steps ahead on your own action plan. If you can keep that mindset always, employers will fight to keep you. You’ll have your pick.

you and I are in EXACTLY the same place. hope it works out for you.

I hate you for giving me a second chance, because all it did was give me false hope. You let me back in so you could use me to feel close to someone. I know that I messsed up first, and I know I messed up terribly. I know now that what we had before was everything I wanted, I just didn't know it at the time. But I'm tired of all that blame being on my shoulders. YOU should've told me you felt that strongly. YOU shouldn't have said you forgive me if you hadn't. And just because you are angry at me DOES NOT give you the right to intentionally hurt me. I hate you for the things you said to me. I hate you for telling me you love me, but you don't think you'll ever see me in the same way. I hate you for not being the person I know you could be. I hope you think of me every day and cry. I hope you lay awake every night and miss me laying beside you. I hope I'm in every single one of your dreams, reminding you of us. I hate you for not being here beside me right now. Most importantly, I hate you because I'm still * * * * ing in love with you....and you don't even think of me.