Liria

I met a great guy - he was in constant contact with me each day for over 2 months. In the beginning he said, "I don't want a relationship" however things got intimate. He again told me, "I don't want to date you." 2 weeks ago, he called and asked me to do a favor (nothing big, just edit a University paper) and I honestly said that I was too busy. He said "Ok, I'll call you back later." That was 2 weeks ago. I"ve left a few messages on voice mail (he doesn't take the phone) asking at least an explanation - to go from "friends" to nothing. When the "benefits" with "friend with benefits" stopped did he bail? If he hated me for this stupid term paper - wouldn't he just say so (this is a guy who clearly tells you want he's thinking.) I don't get it. Connection, connection, connection - then Poof! Silence. Did I do something wrong? Was I USED?

Should I leave him alone? I think he's quite clear about the fact that I care about him...and want to be with him... Your post is true - let him go and if he comes back great.... I just miss the contact.

Long distance relationships take ALOT of work. Break out the bucks - get a great long distance phone plan. Most important is to take the TIME to keep you both "included" in each other's lives. I've had many LD relationships - flights, calls, etc. - on one hand, the anticipation and meeting (at last) were great - then the sadness of saying bye again and again. If you both have long term PLANS I find LD relationships easier. When it is long distance dating - it gets kind of difficult. People change with their environments - new people, friends, interests - in time people can grow apart. Since she's away at school, she's free on breaks, all summer, a whole month during holidays - it can't be so bad. You are lonely - she has gone, and your companion isn't readily available. Keep light, positive, and don't be upset or depressive on phone - it'll make her want to avoid your calls, not gladfully await them. All things take time. Give it attention, and see what happens. If you have a solid foundation for a relationship, you'll both weather this fine. Good luck! (oral sex forum? - ok....)

I've been dating someone whom is my friend. He's in a situation where he just isn't available for a true relationship as we know it (he's foreign, living on a student visa) and hasn't ever had a serious relationship in his 28 years of life. He told me that he needs to get his life in order, and a "woman will be a distraction." He also said that if he continued too closely with me, he "knows" he'll fall in love with me and that will take his energy away from building his life in USA. I took that personally - unfortunately. His actions are close and loving, however he uses words saying "no future" and "it won't work out" then later in the day he'll say, "we are so good together, bla bla." We share many dreams and goals...I guess I harboured some hopes. I have lived many years in his culture, so the "manly" attitudes I can cut through, however it gets harder and harder to say "bye" when the weekend ends. (He lives 4 hours away, we meet once a month.) He's conflicted, I know. I'm just plain sad. Unfortunately this past meeting I was a bit cutting about his words of pushing away, when his actions pull me closer. I feel on a rollercoaster! He then seems to be avoiding me. Months of nightly calls - ended. Three days only email and IM. He says he's not ready to talk to me. But he contacts me (is that a good sign?) My outburst about the pulling/pushing wasn't my best behaviour, of course, however its done, gone. Friends say "move on!" however I can't. We DO care about each other, but he's scared and I'm confused. Of course I never want to lose him as a friend...but its true, I do hope for "more". Do i just leave him alone and hope/pray/voodoo doll that he'll come back?