reise

He could be gay (nothing wrong with that), altho' he has apparently taken out a couple of other women from work who are on another shift (still gets along with a least one of them fairly well... enough to occasionally speak to). Altho having a couple of close gay friends, I know this is not a reliable indicator (both friends admit to having slept with women before). If he is, then why is he acting the way he does around me? He doesn't do this to other people that I can see (male or female). I definitely do not resemble a guy (and no mistake, attraction or disgust or whatever, I am the focal point -- not my two buddies). I like the guy, and would like the opportunity to get to know him better (maybe he's only meant to be a friend... can't have too many of those) -- or if he's not interested and keeping his distance'cos he's sussed out I have a crush on him...(hey, he started it! ) well, then I can and will let him pass on by just as easily. I just wish I could get a clearer reading one way or the other. His mixed signals are frustrating. Amdabar, I can understand your concern... and it may be that has been your experience; but for many people, work is where you meet and spend time with the widest variety of others, and things -- feelings that develop into relationships -- are most likely to happen. To me, it depends on the type of work place and the atmosphere there. Where we work is known for fostering couples (married and unmarried) as long as they work in different departments and one is not subordinate to the other. Secondly, for me, this is not a "career" job. This is a long-term temporary, "fairly- decent-paycheck" thing while I work toward a more permanent future gig elsewhere. To leave it might be inconvenient for a short while, but no great loss. Would it be worth keeping and missing out on a possible companion for life (not that I'm saying this is The One, no)? Definitely NOT! Lastly, I would never date a subordinate or a superior at work nor would I be likely to stay working there if I developed a good, exclusive relationship with a co-worker; but I have (successfully, imho) dated another "equal" co-worker before in another job. The relationship lasted 3 years and went on long after the "job" went bye-bye. He was a great guy... should I have missed out on that experience because of some high-labor, low-paying, dead-end job? I think not. Still wishing I knew some "genteel" way to get this off dead-center or understand him better, but I am indebted to you for taking the time to answer.

I would sure appreciate some feed back on what's up with this situation... I recently changed shifts at work a couple of months back. I had worked this shift about 2 years ago and still know a few people on it -- enough to have some fun joking and flirting with some of the guys. There is a newer guy on the shift tho' that has recently flown into my radar and now has my head spinning. I think he likes me, but his actions confuse the heck outta me. He has a humorous, joking nature (most of the time, but I get the impression he's lonely and a little isolated, too -- apparently no current G/F). We joke with a lot of the same people and we hang with the same group at breaks, altho' he works in a different dept. on the other side of the business. Before I really sat up and took a second look at him, we had a couple of casual conversations about pets, family, etc... no biggie and we flirted very mildly (imho) as co-workers will do. Then I started noticing him watching me, checking to see where I was and ending up doing projects that would put him close to my dept., even waiting to see me come out of work. So, I started checking him out right back. Anytime he's come up to me I've still tried to keep it casual and nonchalant -- still mildly flirting (nothing overt or flat out suggestive... altho I might step it up if something doesn't give soon). The few times he's initiated conversations, I've tried to be attentive and really listen to him (which hasn't been easy -- distracted by his mere prescence), look him in the eyes and generally try to show that I am interested in him (but not, obviously, how much). I always try to greet him when we arrive at the time clock together at shift start. I have even been the one to initiate a few casual convos (however, he always seems to clam up). And herein lies my problem... Virtually anytime I start the interaction, he gets this "deer-in-the-headlights" look on his face, shuts up and seems to try to avoid me (easily done, as I never have a reason to go over by his dept.) for either the rest of the night or up to a day or two (altho we will exchange glances as I catch him watching me). If I ignore him and don't say anything, he's back talking to me -- especially if he sees me laughing and having fun with two of my "safe"(I have NO interest in them beyond friendship) male friends in the depts neighboring mine. A couple of times he's seemed to almost trip over himself to come get in on the exchange. But just let me acknowledge him, and the next break, he'll position himself anywhere I can't sit next to him or he'll start up talking to another female co-worker (sort of bothers me, but hey, they're friends too)! I guess I am okay looking, maybe pretty if I work at it (no one has told me to put a bag over my face... yet), but I would not describe myself as anywhere near "striking" or beautiful. I am however considered to be witty (I love to make people laugh), fun to be with and fairly self-confident (I have a lot of "internal talents" I rely on). But with this guy, my confidence is taking a bruising. Am I crazy? Is he? Does it seem that he might like me and is shy about it, or am I fooling myself and I have him running scared that I might actually want to be with him? He's mentioned (to the group) about a couple of ladies that threw themselves at him and he wasn't interested (his story anyway). If given half a chance, I would so like to rock his world, but I'm not out there to scare him to death... I just don't need that to deal with. Anyone out there offer me any insight into this guy? Especially, any of you guys who have been there, done that and can give me a clue to what he feels and how I can best move on from where we seem to be stuck at the moment. Sorry so long (wanted to give a fuller picture). Thanks in advance. edited to add: I thought I was being nonchalant, calm and cool, but I recently saw a list of non-verbal sex signals women give out to show interest, and didn't my jaw drop when I realised I done all the things on the list around this guy... many a lot more than once!

Here's just a little food for thought, 'cos I am usually one of those girls that likes to laugh and have fun with a lot of my co-workers... The guys I have the most flirt sessions with are usually people I've known for long enough as friends that I feel comfortable with and (in my mind) they are 100% SAFE (even if they might be mildly interested, I know nothing is going to happen with them!) Having them to joke around with gives me confidence on the job, getting in a good mood when I come in with a bad one, and making dealing with people I don't know well yet, much easier (deep down I'm still really shy and having these guys around gives me support to be out-going). I have also used this (rightly or wrongly) to show someone I am interested in that I can be fun to be around and again start flirting with this "dangerous" (as in he could easily steal my heart) guy without having it be too obvious that I am into him before I want him to know it. With ladies like myself, the tell tale difference is not in how much I flirt with a particular guy... but how "little" ( because I care about what I say and how I act around him and am more guarded in my voluntary reponses so I give myself the best chance to attract him). If I happen to embarrass myself in front of friends... who cares? But if I embarrass myself in front of "him", I'd have to slink away into the bathroom for a bit of a cry I think. A good clue to go with the "quietness" around you is a lot of stolen glances at you. Not all flirty, fun girls are like this, but some of us are and I hope this admission gives you another way of discovering those types.

It depends on the couple and the situation they face (together and individually). My sister has been married to her high school sweetheart (and only flame)for the last 12 years and they have a beautiful son together. They went through a lot to get where they are tho' and it wasn't easy. Right after graduation she went to live in Europe (and start college) and within a year he joined the Army and was sent to Central America. They kept in contact and he flew over to visit once. They did break up for about a month at one time, but then got back together. She went back to the USA for one semester, but then returned to Germany. When he got out of the military, they decided they'd spent enough time long-distance and he came to Germany and worked for a year (earning his own money for school) while she finished her degree. He was there when she graduated one June day and they married that August. They immmediately went back to the states where she got a job to support them, while it was his turn for school, and as I said... that was better than 12 years ago. Today they work in the same field (almost in the same place of business) and are still like a couple of honeymooners (not without the occasional disagreement, but making up can be fun, too). I think it helped them to set their own goals for a future and then work them out to benefit being together (not the other way around, i.e. giving up one's dreams to be with that adored partner). They also have a huge love and respect for each other as individuals, not just partners. They also were wise enough not to put massive pressure on themselves to stay together if they started to grow apart. So, my answer is that I think it can happen and be wonderful, but nothing of value comes without some sacrifice (like being together "right now & forever after"), hard work and mutual respect and lotsa honest communication. Not to make this post any longer than it is... but I will add my two cents about my own experience. I was with my first love for 4 years (two high school, two college-age years). It would have been three, but we both wound up taking almost a year to break the news to each other that it was apparently over (lol). At the time it was natually upsetting, but now I feel grateful that I had him in my life for the time that I did. Thankful to have had him to share those first feelings and experiences with. That we simply grew apart over time does not negate that he was an incredible, precious, beautiful man-- that I was lucky that a higher source sent him to spend time with me. I will always cherish the memory of the love we had. Even if a first love doesn't work out (and I think that the majority don't -- for all kinds of reasons), I believe there are things you take with you from that person that will help you become who you are. Even a relationship that seems to have ended badly can have something to teach or reveal to you futher down the line. Come what may... best of life to you.