lonedrifter18

I feel like no one/Has demonstrated or expressed my struggles/So it's my job to talk about/The petty and important things that make me scuffle/The things that make me scuffle/Tussle with life/So let's talk about the 14 year-old inside/Who became attached to the knife/How I tried to talk to girls/And yield to the fall/Withstanding another night/Of the dreaded blue balls/Not around gunshots or grindin'/Just a brilliant boy with dreams who was poor/Baring the pain of my parents' divorce/Which made my insides sore

It can be rather difficult approaching a girl sometimes. Afraid what one might say or what one should say are common worries. Then you wonder if whether she'll enjoy talking to you or not and if she'll be interested in talking to you again. That's the thing...you never really know.

I get jealous too especially of these couples who walk around and indulge in PDA. It almost make me sick to the stomach seeing it because I don't have anyone. I wouldn't mind picking up a rock and tossing it at the next couple I see doing that. It seems like everybody's got someone except me. Why?

During my 10th grade year of high school, I first encountered depression. I'm not exactly sure what brought it about: my parents' divorce, never having a girlfriend, stressing myself out over school or what. My 11th grade year, the depression only got worse with the arrival of stomach pains and my insides feeling rotten. After meeting someone during the summer for five weeks who I got attached to strongly(sad, ain't it) and having to have her absent from the rest of my life and then hearing she found a boyfriend not long afterwards only worsened. I expected that she'd find someone since she's not only beautiful on the in and out, but I knew I'd probably never find another like her. It took 17 years before I finally met someone I felt so close to. Do I have to wait another 17 for what will probably be another short summer fling? And don't give me that bullshit about being young and how there's plenty much ahead of me. I know people way older than me who are just as miserable and their lives didn't turn around. My 18th year of living, I had my first two panic attacks. One around Christmas. I felt like my house was unfamiliar and my entire family were strangers. All I could do was weep in confusion. With the way things are going, matters will probably only go downhill, but I've kind of gotten use to things going that way. Pretty sad, huh?