mistyeyes1

You said 'The only reason why this relationship will not work out is because he and I do not agree that fact that we do not have to be joined at the hip 24/7 and he feels that we are a couple and couples should do things together'. I re-read that and I do not think you are looking at the whole picture. He has guilted you into taking him away on the work trip, he has cursed you out, he tells you what to wear and what not to wear. He accused you of cheating already. He grilled you for a week as to who was going out with you and what to wear. I think there are alot more reasons for this relationship not working out, but you need to see them. I think he is wrong for you because he will always be this way. Forget he's a nice guy. There are more issues here then being together 24/7. It seems you disagree on lots of other stuff. Just look at the whole picture. I think he needs someone who will stay at home with him, or only go out with him. Someone who will give him attention 24/7. That is what I believe he needs. Don't try to make it work because he is nice. The fact you came to this board shows there is alot of doubt in you, and if there is doubt, it will not work. But you need to see the 24/7 is the tip of the iceberg. There will always be jealousy and mistrust as I stated earlier. And again, I do not see you as the type that needs that kind of relationship. You want trust and honesty and space and I do not see you getting it with this man. Sorry to be so blunt, but I have seen this so many times it bothers me when men or women stay because the person is nice. A nice man doesn't curse out his girl or accuse them of cheating. There is never a good excuse for cursing someone out that you care about, no matter how mad you are. Again, sorry for being so blunt, but I think he is wrong for you and the relationship will not go anywhere because again, there is more to it then the 24/7. He would have to change his whole attitude about, cheating, what you wear etc, and it is not going to happen. He is who he is. Please do not stay with him because he is nice. Plenty of nice guys do not accuse and curse out their women. Think about it. Misty

Well, this is how I see it. I truly believe that he always has been jealous with others and always will be. Its a fact, you do not just become jealous. Either your a jealous person, or you are not. The fact you mentioned he already accused you of cheating should maybe tell you something about his personality. He may be a great guy, but the jealousy will remain as will the lack of trust. I can see how he is co-dependant on you as well. The fact he just moved here is part of it, but, usually co-dependancy is like jealousy. Either you are or you aren't. And he will always wonder if you are lying to him or not. That is not a good relationship. He is drilling you about who, what, where, when, why?? There is absolutely no trust there at all, and I am sorry to say, I don't think it will ever be there. If theres no trust, you cannot have a relationship. And if you were to marry this guy, think about how much more he would depend on you and expect you to do everything with him. He may be communicating to you, but to me the communication is I don't trust you to go out looking good. I don't trust you not to cheat on me. I don't trust you to be out with your friends. If he is making you feel guilty after this short amount of time together, what will it be like long term? He wants his cake and wants to eat it too. He wants a sexy woman, but he does not want her to go out without him. From past experience he will eventually smother you. Again, these are my opinions, but I have seen enough to know the signs of someone who will only get more dependant and jealous as time goes by. Alot of these cases can turn violent as well. I am not saying yours will, but you see in the news all the time partners beat up or worse due to jealousy. You need to ask yourself is it worth it always being questioned and not being trusted. I don't think its like marriage. Married people need time away from each other as well. They need to do things together and separate. But marraige needs alot of work and trust and committment. He seems like he does not work at it but guilts you into things and there is absolutely no trust there. Let me ask this, you said you were married. Did your husband mind if you went out with the girls or people from work say to happy hour, assuming you did do that? Did he tell you not to dress sexy? Did he grill you as to who was going etc? Or did he say go have a good time. Did he worry if maybe you got home a little later then you said you would? See, that is acceptable because you know he cared. But to grill you in or out of a marriage is a sign of no trust. And that trust will never be there. You seem like the type that needs to be trusted because you are a trusting person and deserve that in return. And again, I truly believe jealousy only gets worse as you get closer. I have seen people get jealous over a girl/boyfriends children. And ultimately they break up because you cannot be jealous of a parent and a child, but it does happen. I think its not a healthy relationship on his part, and he can say he will change, if he has said that, but again, if you are jealous, you always will be. If you are non-trusting, you always will be. There will always be doubt as to your committment to him and why be with someone if they doubt you??? One more thing. Men and Women can change certain habits about them for the good of a relationship. Maybe they drink too much, or they don't do enough family stuff, or watch too much TV. That kind of stuff can change if the person wants to change for the person they love, and thats ok. If they are willing to do more of something or less of something that is great. But the emotional stuff cannot change. Its inside of us. And I do not mean caring, or loving, or needing or even telling someone all this stuff, because you can become more caring and loving, open up more. That kind of emotional stuff can be changed and improved, the other stuff will always be inside, jealousy, mis-trust and eventually will come out in an ugly way!. Hope this helps. Let me know if you have more questions. Misty

I had to clarify people and emotions changing. Men and Women can change certain things. If you are sensitive, you always will be. A less sensitive person can become more sensitive. A caring person will always be caring, but people can learn to care more. A jealous person will always be jealous. They can try to keep it inside, but they will eventually explode. If they are a little jealous, it may not be bad, but your situation sounds like he is really jealous. Habits can change as well. We can do more of something, or less of something for the one we love. An example would be your partner is a couch potato. Well, that can be turned around very easily if the person truly cares for you. That is a broad example, but people can change certain things about them to become a better person. But, again, jealousy is like the 8th deadly sin. It leads to control, mistrust and fights. Once mistrust has been inferred, like in your case, the trust will never be there. They can say it is, but it is not and they are a keg of TNT waiting to explode, and it is usually not pretty whenthey do.

Jealousy has been proven to be an emotion that cannot be changed. A little jealousy is ok, but if your overboard which you seem to be, its not good. You need to trust each other and if theres no trust, theres nothing. If you try to control her, that is wrong too. Accept her as she is, if you can't, move on. Find someone who is more conservative.

I am not as long winded as the previous posters. I think once a man shows that side its a bad sign. He will always be jealous and try to control you and guilt you into doing something or not doing something. Its obvious he does not trust you. The line that he is protecting you from other men is bull. He will eventually smother you and you will have no freedom! You do not need protecting. It is his insecurity and he will always be that way and there will never be trust. He will always wonder why you want to go somewhere without him etc and it will lead to more fights and insults and more and more the lack of trust in you. My opinion is even if you like him alot, eventually it will fail because even if he says he will lighten up, he eventually will explode and the relationship will end ugly. He has a pattern and that cannot change. Other things men can change, but jealousy has been proven to be an emotion that cannot be changed!! Think about it.

I think you both need to trust each other, PERIOD. If you can't tust each other, then move on. A little jealousy is nice, but too much is no good.