sweetharmony

haven't posted in a while here, but I'm on day 45ish of NC/LC. doing much better, though he still wants to be in my life, as a friend. he continues to contact me... not sure what his motivation is...but i reply sometimes out of courtesy. I am not spiteful or mean to him and I am aware he's not trying to get back... the hope still exists, but every day gets easier. i've had enough rel'ps thankfully to know that I will find love once again...

mac4ever, i enjoy reading your posts. keep posting away, you def. came a long way since i first saw your posts on here. sorry, but sometimes i also get a good laugh-but not in an offending way at all!

yes, i agree with Dil. I, too have had sucidial feelings, though never really posted in this forum about it too much. But i have read some of the discussions and I really think it's best to refrain from telling these people they're selfish. no one can understand the intense emotional, psychic pain that person is experiencing until they've walked in their shoes. telling a suicidal person to think about these other people rather seems futile for a person who doesn't really have support or close friends, or may have family members who are abusive to them. these individuals may feel that the pain is just too unbearable and wish that others could just understand them wanting to end it. for these people, they see no other way to end the pain and to live it daily seems futile.

instead, maybe talking about their own pain is a better approach. and please don't take this as i am not standing on an ivory tower giving my expert advice, because far be it for me to say my advice is better than others.

Hi Ottersmom, I would say that since he's been apologizing for three months, you should contact him. I can imagine how difficult it is for both of you...i can see his point of view, esp. since he was in a 29 yr marraige. He still has a lot of risidual feelings left over. I would take it slow...don't jump right back into the relationship, but keep the lines of communication open so that when he has healed from his divorce, and you from the relationship, the two of you can start anew. But the ? is, is he ready to start again yet? take it slow...and see what happens. it sounds like he really wants to be with you and is making an effort. I don't think that every ex needs to PROVE themselves to try again. That's a lot for one person to promise...esp. if there were issues that prevented the relationship from both sides. he truly cares. good luck and keep us posted!

Hi Ottersmom, i know how you feel! I feel like my ex also forced me to break-up whcih makes NC more confusing since I formally did the breaking up-though was almost imminent. He continues to e-mail me, telling me to be careful of the ice snow, etc... and it's really difficult. anyways, every day is hard. I'm on day 33 and it's so hard. some days good some days more difficult. I feel as though he might have been trying to test waters by sending me sweet e-mails, but since i don't really respond, he's giving up now. I am deluding myself. he is a nice guy and wants to be my friend, nothing more. Oh, i have to think about the positives... i started the process to apply to grad school, motivated me to start making friends by joining political campaign group 08, and other meetups/organizations, finally getting my apartment and new furniture of my own...and a life of my own instead of revolving around his. i guess this is what needs to happen and it's all in perspective now. i actually feel better than when i was in the relationship...so dependent and needy. i feel like i'm getting a lot more done...

It's been a month of LC (basically none) except him e-mailing me and me e-mailing him occasionally regarding the apt. i'm living in (he owns it). he e-mails every few days, more so recently. and expects me to answer! it's so hard. the past few days have been ok. going out tonight with friends, looking for an apt. (to finally be released from the relationship), and focusing on my job, future, and finally applying to graduate school.

it's hard, but getting easier. i wish he would stop e-mailing things like, "Please be careful when driving home today, because the roads are icy". or "have a good time at the concert" (a concert i bought tickets for him and i before we broke up). he forwards articles about politics, global warming, things we shared and cared about when together. i guess i gave him the impression it was ok to do this, since i've been very polite in returning his emails (though short and sweet) and because i had sent him a nice, goodbye closure letter (which i do not regret) since my actions and attitude contributed a great deal to the demise of our relationship.

It's too confusing, i know he really cares for me, and wants to be my friend, etc...but it's just hard! i know he will e-mail me again, "why didn't you return my e-mail?" since i didn't repsond. not sure how to handle. we've both been civil about this. but i don't know how to just cut him off completely, until i'm out of the apt. in two weeks.

scrambled eggs, great for you! this forum has been so positive and upbeat, and a great place to root each for each other. SuperDave thanks for all your support for these people.

Rosie007, that is amazing for you! Leep it up and I think we are all so happy that you made it 30 days! It's difficult, but we're all rooting for you.

I wish I could go through all the old posts, to see how everyone is faring, but so many new ones come in so quickly, it's hard to keep up with everyone.

bear, i know it's hard. sometimes i feel the same way. some days are positive, others are negative. memories that i cannot erase reappear without warning. It seems that the days get more difficult rather than easier...but it ebbs and flows...and eventually the feelings dissipate. NC is a tool to help make the healing easier and less bumpy. trust me. i'm an emotional rollercoaster. each time he e-mails, I wonder..what does this mean? it makes the rollercoaster worse. moving on...speeds up progress.

my ex of 4 1/2 yrs....i remember many years ago. we broke up after a year and a half. we broke up two weeks before v-day. i contacted him on v-day (pathetic) b/c i was lonely. he did not want want to discuss. i never thought he would ever contact me...he was the stuboorn type, polite guy who would do the right thing, honest, etc...

4 months later, I met another guy, began dating again, moved on, graduated from college, went away to Arizona for a grad. vacation...and truly things were getting easier. when I came back to theairport...guess who was there to pick me up! we moved slowly and just became friends but then it turned into about 3 more years for us...but the problems were still there and in the end it didn't work out...

if a person truly loves you, they will contact and really make an effort no matter what. but you should not even think about going back so quickly with a guy who didn't want you. i keep telling myself this. right now, the pathetic e-mails to see how i'm doing...it's not enough. just because he misses me b/c he's lonely, it's not what i want anymore. don't you want more???

i surely would not take my ex back so quickly even if he wanted. today, i'm feeling positive, who knows about tomorrow.

okay, I'm starting NC today. I caved in this morning. We've been broken up for one month now. I don't ever contact or call him first, but he will e-mail me and occasionally I reply. Before we broke up, i purchased tickets for us to attend Josh groban. The concert was Monday, and he e-mailed twice, "i hope you have a great time at the concert" (once on Friday and again on Monday) i know he wanted me to think about him again...

i didn't reply either time, but he e-mailed again today to ask about something about the apt. and to mention that i didn't reply to his last e-mails. (i'm living in his apt-he doesn't live there). so, i e-mailed back very politely, short and simple.

i will be moving out of the apt in two weeks (thankfully this will make life and healing easier). i will e-mail him one more time (i know!! but i have to let him know I'm gone from the apartment and where his keys are, etc... we have to be civil for this sake. but that is the only time i will e-mail him!

no, the point is that we discussed our relationship over and over again. He told me that he did not see us getting amrried though he cares for me so deeply. You see I tried to constantly sabatoge the relationship and became dramatic and overly emotional. I never not wanted him, I always wanted to be with him...it wasn't a qeustion of deep caring or passion or friendship, it was a question of practicality. He always told me, love is just not enough.

we have all the seeming basis for a great relationship-the passion never died b/w either of us, the respect, or friendship, love...it was our incompatibility-he worked too much, i was too needy and emotional, he wants calmness, i was too living in the past and future, he was focused on now. we tried to make it work to no avail. but our friendship and deep caring doesn't end on either side. what do we do?

I broke up with my ex on Feb. 16th (he was unsure whether or not he saw me long-term). Anyways, we both moved too quickly and didn't evalaute the relationship practically in addition to my relationship sabotaging behavior that pushed him away. But we seriously have a deep connection and friendship, passion. The passion was there (though only 6 mos), the friendship and caring is there, etc...and he truly wants to continue having me in his life.

When we broke up, I asked him to leave and hadn't contacted him since. He had to e-mail (b/c i am still renting his apt-he lives elsewhere) and we needed to make arrangments.

I know he had been in so much pain when the relationship ended as he had indicated in an e-mail to me requesting friendship. I replied that it was not a good idea, but kepy it rather civil.

anyways, since a majority of the issues were mine, sabatgoing, I sent him a closure letter (yes, i know people say not to), but it was simply that, to end things peacefully. He wrote me back a letter with similar feelings and when i didn't respond to that letter, he asked why i hadn't responded. I told him that my closure letter was simply that and that I didn't want to continue discussing this and to end it ona friendly note. he continues to send me e-mails asking me if i need help with my computer, sends me articles of interest, etc... and although i know he doesn't want to get back with me,. he doesn't want me out of his life.

I really want to be with him again.

as for friendship, while we are both back on the dating sites where we met, i know friendship is difficult, esp. when feelings are so near to surface. but, having him in my life provides a sense of peace, solace, and comfort-he is truly a good person and I ultimately respect him as a person, depsite the fact that he doesn't see me (i messed up).

i can't help but feel that getting these sweet e-mails validates me, and shows he cares and i think helps me to move on faster-without anger and the pain i was feeling at first. or am i deluding and numbing myself into thinking he may come back and not truly moving on?

yes, maybe I'm trying to hold onto something with a glimpse of hope, hoping that through our good friendship (which seems better than the emotional drama dating) we can ultimately get back together. yes, i suppose I am deluding myself. any thoughts? PS I have been in practically NC, though he e-mails me and I respond (out of politeness and maturity). I'm sorry, but I live in his apt. and I want to be as mature as possible. it is impossible and not the best to ignore him. although he respects limited contact.

thanks everyone. Yes, maybe in the past I have chosen emotionally unavailable men. This time, for certain my most recent ex was not emotionally unavailable-just to me...after I pushed him so far away.

He is the most honest and moral person I know and he has never been in a relationship and is a virgin, not because he is emotionally unavailable, but because he is too nice and often gets overlooked by women.

Despite his strange and absent relationship/intimacy history, I felt almost out of league with him. we seemed to have long-term comaptible goals, but my insecurities kept sabatoging and i ended up pushing him away for fear. He didn't want to end the relationship (he cares so deeply for me), though he saw no long-term future (as ai asked and pushed for an asnwer so soon, from 4-6 months). I feel as though I am doomed to a series of these intense relationships (where the bf loves to date me for as long as he can). i am a good girlfriend and though my boyfriends rarely break up with me, I am not marriage material. I have good and bad qualities, but when I talk about the future, they cannot commit to anything true. these are not emotionally unavailable men, they just don't see me in their future. I am not angry with them, as it is always my fault, I'm not sure how I can become the person who could be a good support to myself and to another. i don't know how to handle the little things and blow everything up out of proportion. I don't have anyone to base it on!

Yes, my parents have a dysfunctional relationship. They are constantly arguing. My dad is very emotionally abusive to all of us. But I cannot continue to focus on this any more. I must take responisbility, but my head begins to think (when my boyfriend) says one thing that maybe insulting, that he hates me, it's over.

Yes, I am afraid of abandonment and this causes my worst fear. It's just so scary that I am so aware, yet feel helpless to change! and the conversations are the same over and over.

I am obviously having difficulty with relationships. I am quite self-aware and can see the obvious things I need to change and learn from my mistakes, but unfortunately, for some reason I am unable to implement what I've learned into future relationships and to live in th present. I decided to look at my old posts, for clarification and what I read is soooo eeringly familiar.

this specific post (while only two months) is the EXACT story of my recent break-up. almost exactly, although this most recent was 6 months. I feel like the conversation was a script that I keep replaying over and over. This recent relationship, however, actually had potential, the most potential so far, as he was decidingly interested in pursuing marriage and completely honest with me about everything.

I want to get out of this cycle, but feel helpless to do so....what breaks the cycle? I just lost someone who had real potential and afraid that unless I make serious changes, this will continue to haunt me. I am sinking in my depression because I feel I cannot do this anymore (though I try so hard) and afraid that I won't be able to come up for air anymore.

First, let me say that a woman who is 35 (if she wants to raise a child) has already planned aor at least seriously considered it at this age. A woman has a very difficult chance after her late thirties to conceive. Although 35 is VERY young, yes, for a woman thinking about childbirth, it is the ripe age. I'm not saying a woman can't wait until her early forties, even mid-to-late forties, as we hear stories about this, but it is not ideal (as many doctors will say), because it is much mroe difficult.

So, I can understand that both of you are on different paths in life. She needs to plan for a child and unfortunately, a man who plays around all day, smokes pot, and has a job here and there is not most likely husband/father material. i understand her concerns and I do believe she cares deeply about you. She probably did not lie, but for practical considerations, the considerations of her future family, and compatibility issues, she cannot be with you. She probably did/does love you, but cannot be with you for the aforementioned reasons. I would seriously consider planning for your future. I'm not sure if there are women out there who do not do this at 35. I'm not going to say all, but many women, unless they are like you and wish to party all day do not want to lead this lifestyle. 35 is young, but you are an aduklt and have repsonsibilities.

ENA-all the people on here who spend their time helping other people

all the people in the world who volunteer or sepnd their life trying to make a difference

my friend who has always found a way to make me laugh

love

my nephew who is adorable

creativity

passion

breathing

the warm sun

amazing/challenging job

empathy

intuition

opportunities to travel

having a healthy physical body

ideas

the ocean-as it ebbs and flows

safety

moments of insight

spirituality

I think that is great that she is focusing on her career and went to graduate school, saving for a home, planning and wants stability. She sounds like a very positive woman. and I admire her for not moving to your town and become a secretary. To be honest, her values seem incompatible with yours. I don't want you to take this the harsh way, and who am I to day that your values are wrong, but as someone who is 35, don't you see a reason to plan for your future? regardless of whether you want kids or not, don't you wish to use the $ you are investing for a nest egg, whether for you and your future family. Partying is fun, but you can do both. Responsibility is maturity and it seems that she wanted this. Don't hate her. If you truly want a woman who has no goals but to party, there are people out there like that.

I know hoe you feel. This week, my boss just asked me to be part of a powepoint presentation where I had to talk for 5 minutes about what our department does in front of 100 people. I am a Director of Research for Fundraising, so most of my job is sort of behind the scenes. I was absolutely terrified, but considering that I was hired in a pretty professional position and being paid more than I've ever dreamed of, i was even more terrified to tell her that I couldn't do it.

I've been sick all week and thought I would choke and freeze. I've prepared all week, read what i was going to say out loud until i knew my material. i once froze like you and couldn't do it. i was just unpreprepared. don't worry. people are very forgiving about these types of things. they won't care and won't remember it or think anything bad about you. Always remember that. still that doesn't take away the anxiety.

Today was the day. i was sick, nervous and expressed this to coworkers. minutes before i was to speak, i blanked. but i got up in front of the poidum and just spoke. I looked up and at my powerpoint, but not at anyone else. but i didn't look too much at the paper. and I did ok!

Advice, you're going to be nervous:

Breathe

Keep your head up, but don't look not the people

don't drink any caffeine.

speak slowly but enunciate

pause. one you start speaking, it will start to flow.

good luck.

well, it's simple. talking to your ex in person is very difficult. i'm sure there is risidual pain. E-mail or texting is just simpler, you can think through waht you are going to say and if you get a reply that you don't want to hear, it's much easier than in person. Regardless, many exes (even though she broke up with you-i think) still go through the series, of pain, sometimes regret, confusion,. It's not black and white. she may miss you, she wonders what you are doing, etc...just keep it cool as you are. if she really wants to tell you something, she must do it for you to respond in any meaningful way. just take it as it is, she's just wanting to know what's going on for now. you were a part of her life and I'm sure she misses you to some degree even if it couldn't work.

thanks. i know the real reason. there were a multitude of reasons we couldn't work. we tried so hard. I was insecure and pushed too much for the future. We jumped headfirst into the relationship, he told me he wanted to marry me, so of course, he was very excited and new to this. the perfection at the beginning was bliss, but not reality. I was swept away and finally thought this was it. until this day, i think he's good for me. But there are many things i needed to work on. I became scared and started to push him away. so I pushed him to do so. He kept trying to make it work. unfortunately,i became too dependent on him. but this is not me. the pain of losing him made me push until the wall was too high to climb. i lost his mind, not his heart. our passion is ever so great and our compassion/intense connection ever so deep. He was trying to fulfill his dreams, and sometimes i was supportive, other times too demanding. I wish i could take all of these back, but when i realized it was too late. his head was already made upm, but couldn't tell me.

I don't want to accept this, esp. when he has been 100% truthful (to the point of being too truthful). I'm not sure if we're compatible b/c I couldn't give us time to see and I don't even know what I want. he is determinded to fulfill his dreams, and i became selfish. i wish he knew that I could change. But it's too late. i know he cares so deeply for me too. I feel it and i see it in his eyes. He wishes he could take my pain away. but my pain is his and he couldn't take it any longer. and I guess I'm the one really who shouldn't be in a relationship until i'm healed. But I just can't believe i let something so good for me go. or perhaps it was just not meant to be. he knows my feelings, but I'm surprised he would do something to cause me further pain. he is not the type. he would travel 5,000 miles to save a puppy. he would return a nickel if he was given back the additional change. this is not hsi moral character, so I am just confused and it's making me hurt ever so much more.

Hi everyone, I've been in NC since last Friday, 10 days now (except for a few necessary e-mails dealing with me living in his apartment).

he is back on the dating site where we met and on another not even a week after our break-up. I am devastated beyond belief. He told me he would not get into a relationship or date for a long time b/c he needed to focus on his career dreams, securing financial issues, etc and did not want to do this again to another girl...because he loved and cared for me so deeply. He consoled me for so long. I just can't understand how he can just do this when he knows we met on the site and i would be using it too. He e-mailed last week letting me know he was in pain and having a HARD time and is usually so resilient-but i e-mailed and told him i couldn't be but that i wished him luck, etc...very light.

I want to contact him, to be with him again. I see him online and it drives me crazy. I deleted all of his e-mails, letters, gifts, photos, phone # from my phone...yet, seeing him online everyday looking for another relationship is a constant reminder...and knowing the reality that he did have the time for relationship...work was an excuse that he used for months. he just didn't want to be with me.

I am living in his apt. right now for the next month (he lives in his own home), and i was wondering if it is ok to send this? he did ask me to stay in touch re: the apartment, and if i ever needed anything (but of course, those are just lines). He told me he was in PAIN and wa HURT and finding it difficult to concentrate and thought he would be resilient and that he would LOVE for me to be in his life. I replied that I couldn;t be his friend and that I wish him luck. two days later, he's on the site.

I really want to mention to him the fact that I saw him online and how hurt I am about this when he lied to me and said he couldn't be in a relationship b/c of his career. but i know that will be bad. But is there a way to word it so I can get an answer and some closure. I feel that there was none. I want to say more than this, but I don't think it's good. please help. i just want him back in my life. it hurts too much. PS. he is not the type to try and get me jealous or lie or cheat, etc...he's been nothing but honest with me, but now I don't understand this.

Dear you,

I know we’re not really on speaking terms, but I have a favor to ask you and I will understand if you say no. but I don’t know who better to ask and I figured you will be at the apt. on Wed. eve.

I don’t want you to think that I am angry with you b/c I don’t wish to be friends, it’s just that I need time to heal from the relationship; being friends would prevent that. But I want you to know that I appreciate your help with everything. Yes, it is a little painful that both of us are beginning a new chapter in our lives and looking once again for that person with whom we are ultimately compatible.

Anyways, back to the original reason for the e-mail. I purchased my computer at CC and I haven’t been able to get onto the internet. The guy from CC assured me that the wireless adapter card is compatible, but I am not so sure.

I followed the instructions, installed the driver, then opened the computer to install the PCI-I think I did it correctly, and when I turn the computer on, I can’t find the driver anywhere. Well, I tried to reinstall the driver, but it says that the driver already exists and I have to uninstall before installing again. I did an entire computer search for the driver to no avail. I’m not sure what’s wrong. Can you offer some suggestions? Also, if you could help set up the computer with some of the programs you have, that would be so helpful. I just thought I’d ask. Thanks so much.

best,

me

i know this is a late post, but I agree with all of the posts. DOn't beat yourseld up for your depression. you didn't ask for it, not does it make you selfish. You know what you love, do it.

I find my happiness through volunteering and traveling. I just went to Egypt (alone) with a young adults group (from all over the world) and it just brought me peace to visit the land, culture and people.

Why don't you try link removed. I did two weeks volunteering in Romania in 2004, then Hungary, Czeck republic, slovakia, etc...and it was the BEST experience of my life. I dodn't have the money, but saved up enough for the trip-the whole month trip cost $1200 (has enough miles). I ended up doing the eurail thing, staying in cheap hostels, meeting people from all over the world. THIS WAS LIFE. try volunteering long-term overseas-get credit for school.

when i am not traveling or helping others, i am miserable. so i am starting to volunteer for an at-risk youth shelter as an art therapy assistant. I hope this provides meaning, allows me to pursue my passion in art, while helping those less fortunate. find something-it needn't cost too much money. follow yopur dreams. this post has been therapeutic for me as i lay here in my depression. talking about my dreams has awakended something. good luck to you!

hi everyone thanks for the answers. While the first week, i stayed strong and accepted the reality, this weekend i started falling apart. I Know for certain, we could never reconcile and get back together. he is the type of practical person who thinks with his head and not heart-yet claims he's a hopeless romantic. he promised to be there for me, to help me through this, yet i know i depended on him too much with these words.

yes, i can't let go...not yet. maybe there was a piece of me that fantsizes he would ask me back, but i know this is not the case.

Now, i just feel devastated and seriously cannot understand how a person who says he couldn't be with me b/c of work which was true can do this.

thank you, all. it may sound as though he is looking for something short-term fling, but he is not. he is a virgin and respects women too much. he is quite emotional annd gets attached very quicly.

We dated 6 months and did not even have sex. i doubt he is looking for something not meaningful. he always respected me and always inspired me to pursue my dreams and to focus less on the the relationship (which he told me my dreams were his). He is a hopeless romantic, words of affection, small, meaningful gifts for no reason, planning our future wedding, meeting families. I Held his hand at his father's funeral and he expressed that this was a sign of commitment and understanding b/e us. he wanted us to work...i pushed and now i thought i could let go, though proving more difficult. I feel like i let go of the mnost important person in my life. he kept asking us to try, but i kept starting arguments instead of letting things just be.

thanks for your replies. I don't want this relationship to be over. I never wanted it to be over. But I constantly sabatoged it. he is an amazing person and we had so much promise. My fears and baggage could not let this grow as it should. coupled with his independece and 32 years of being single (virgin and never had a relationship), it was volatile...but the love was there and still is. he kept asking me to get in therapy and it would take time to heal, but i was too hard and i wasn't patient enough. i thought we were both in places in our lives to move forward. i spent a year alone to grow spiritually, etc.... i think it was my fears that cause this. Had I been more understanding of his career/dreams, he wanted us to go through the ride together and wait until this "difficult' career thing passes. I didn't want to wait that long. We were so confident, his confidence could not encourage my pessimism,

I wish I could go back to January when the last straw. he even promisede fo go to therapy for me, asking his sister, doing research. I wasn't sure he wanted to do this for guilt or until i was emotinally stable. i am confused. I am hurt and i can't understand this. i guess he really didn't love me at all nor considered my feelings. I want to wrtie and express how this is not quite nice, but I don't want to become the crazy x-sending an e-mail. is it ok to send a little note expressing my confusion-or let it be?

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. He has cared for me deeply, but we were having so many fights, etc...it was just causing emotional drama for both of us. Yes, a lot of it was my insecurity, but he is also a workaholic-pursuing his dreams (career wise). i've been supportive, but the work/career/dream thing did not allow us time to get to know one another. He often worked nights, weekends, having to break plans b/c of this.

I kept asking him if he saw a future...he asked me to stop pushing. it kept a wall b/w us. we were trying to get back on track, but my insecurity kept pushing him away.

he kept saying he thinks b/c i hate his working so much, maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship right now. our passion and deep compassion, caring was there, but the wall was up. this has been since january. last friday, i ended it finally, because i couldn't take the pain of knowing the inevtiable reality of the relationship. as he clearly stated.

he e-mailed me wed. wanting to be friends, letting me know how he was hurting, in pain, and couldn't concentrate on work, and would love to have me in his life as a friend and if i needed anything to please ask. he wanted to send me photos of our trip. i was hurt, i e-mailed back saying i didn't think it was a good idea to be friends, and that the i'm glad it ended it rather than drag it out, that i'm looking for to be out of the apt as soon as i can find another place and that I hope he finds his dreams, etc... simple direct and non-chalant.

tonight, i went out with a g-friend for dinner, came back and just came accross this dating site referred by a diff. girlfriend. to numb myself, i filled it out-i didn't put up or fill out the info, just wanted to check it out to feel better. you answer all these questions and get matched with people. who do i get matched with? him! out of thousands of men.

what do i realize? he posted this yesterday (put up a film we just saw last week-our last date), placed three photos, filled out the complete profile, including responding to over 500 questions. I'm feeling confused and quite devastated. yes, i was on the site, feeling depressed, but did not have any intention of dating yet. I am not actively looking...nor did i post anything. and i am the one who got the line, supposedly from the most honest person i know, that he is too busy for a relationship.

i am devastated, renting his apt. (he lives in another home), and feeling completely horrible. can someone clarify his behavior? why is he doingthis, when he clearly stated that he would not date anyone b/c of his work/financial situation? in addition, he is online at the dating site where we met, where he knows I may be using, too. ok., yes, i logged in there to check up on him-after i saw him on this site.