Mayhem

I have a bit more of a problem being shy then have realized. Im stuck having to deal with this alone. Im lost in what to do just lost.

Of course im sure you have all heard this before and youll hear it again. Lets see where to start? Alright well ill just jump right into. I have a problem with being to shy and quiet. When ever im around people I tend to escape into myself. Im 20 years old yes still young and able to change my whole life is ahead of me blah blah blah. I just dont know how to start. I want to go out and do things. I have no one to hang out with or anything. So I tend to just stay home when I could be out doing something. Im not comfortable going out and doing things by myself. I never open up to people I like to keep things to myself. I guess its a fear of being judged some how. Something like that I dont know exactely. I tend to always worry about what someone might think. Which stops me from even just saying hello to some random person. I need to get over this being shy and quiet also to stop dwelling on only the negatives of everything. I want to go and meet people I want to go and do things. Im alone and the only way im going to make friends and meet people is if I go out. Im just not comfortable to go out by myself and find something to do. I dont know where to start with this change I should make that I want to make. I guess thats a start knowing that this is something I want to change. I need to come out of my shell. So whats the next step?

I do sit back and analyze everything. Im at that growth stage in life I suppose. The point where you realize you make whatever it is you want happen that you are in control. You take your own path. Just I sit and look at all the paths and its over whelmig thiers so many things I could do but I cant decide how I want to go. Something thats keeping me from being happy I suppose would be being alone. I do need activities I need things to do something I need to meet people. Im going to work on that figure out what my interest truly are. In this life what do I want most? Now that is the question that may or may never be answered atleast not fully. I want to just find part of that and now is the time I need to discover. So many things I want to see so many things I want to do. So many for me I need to find myself and where i begin.

Well I have been looking for a place like this for awhile. Nice to see im not the only one in these types of situations. So well lets see im 20 years old. Been in a sort of depression for awhile. I dont really have any friends no girl. So what ever I have to do is pretty much on my own. Not that its a bad thing all of the time. Thiers not anywhere to really go and meet people around here. Right now im at that turning point. I know im not happy I know this is not how I want things to be. Im very bored with my life I want change. Im a decent looking guy little low on the confidence I guess little bit of shy. Im in that whole deep thinking about everything mode. I want change I want to get out enjoy things. My problem is I just dont know where to start. The first step is to realize you need change not yourself but something different then that. Im at this point and now I want to start to change things. Where do I go from here?