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Everything posted by Moonchill

  1. Looks like my healing just took an U-turn. I don't know why.. I was doing so good.. And now I've just got an Imisshim attack. I feel empty. It doesn't go away.. No matter how much I go to the gym or hang out with friends.. I miss being loved. A friend of mine made a stupid joke about my pathetic attemps to have relationships. I can not let go of the thought he is actually right.. What if it's not him, it's me. I don't know what I keep doing wrong. But the most relationships I have, they don't last long. I wish some of these men would just tell me the truth. So I can learn from it and be a better girlfriend next time
  2. Even though mentally I am stuck. I've been stuck for the last 6 months.. Physically I'm moving forward! My condition is much better due to running. Yesterday I decided to start a new sport called Zumba. I feel so much better for finally taking that step! Trying to burn the pounds I gained from that break-up. Who knows.. I might bump into you some day and actually Feel good ánd look good! Though I do hope someday I don't care if I bump into you or not.
  3. I should just accept the fact that I want you back. I want you back and that feeling will not pass. I should just accept the fact that I can not forget about you. I can not stop longing for you. Bút what I can do is go further with living. It's been months since I have seen your face. It's been months since I have checked your facebook. I'm trying to accept that I can not move on from you like I have moved on from others. But I can promise you I will enjoy life again. Maybe after a few months, maybe after a few years. I don't know why I am having such a hard time moving on from what we had since we don't know eachother thát well. We did not date that long. So one thing's for sure: There is no logic to feeling.
  4. Dear ex, Still thinking about you. I do not want to forget about you anymore. You and me.. it could have been so much more.. I'm not even fighting against missing you. It comes and it goes.
  5. How are you doing? I'm really genuinely wonder how things are going in your life. If you are wondering how I am doing I can tell you I'm not allright now. Besides the fact that I miss you , there is so much insecurity in my life. It's a good thing for you that I will not bother you with that. In the short amount of time we spend together you said you would always be there for me. Well, darling, we all know that's a promise you can not make let alone keep. Though right now I really wish it would be true. I really wish I could just call you up and tell you everything. I wish you would put your arms around me and kiss me and tell me it will be all right. What would you do if I would turn up in your life in this state? Would you be there for me? I don't have the guts to find out.
  6. To be honest , I miss you too right now. I gave you the idea I was just doing fine. I was nót doing fine, I'm still nót doing fine. In fact I've fallen back into it. You know.. back into the thing you can't understand. You just thought I should get my life back together, just as simple as that. Well I can tell you something. It's not that simple. It's very very complicated.
  7. Congrets, jakel!!! Just heard this song on Bones and.. It brought back so much memories of a long time ago... Where I sang that one special song with his friends. I really really miss the person I was back then. But I got a hair cut and I'm working out , losing a bit of weight. It's not all good and it's not all bad But now I'm just having a tough time.
  8. Remember the good old times? The time when I put the lime in the coconut? When we all sang along to the coconut song.. I miss that time! I want my old self back! It almost feels like your heart absorbed the happy me and left me with the depressed one.
  9. day 30+ "Van veraf was het zo mooi" That song makes me think of him. (It's a song in my own language) It's been such a long time since we broke up..almost 5 months No contact has been the best thing that I have done since then really.. I have no regrets about the text neither have I got it about the decision to stick to NC after that. But hearing that song touches something inside of me. It touches the [i miss him] button. (I hope after some hours it switches back again
  10. I heard this song and it made me think of you so that's why I hearby dedicate it to you Van veraf was het zo mooi. En ik hoop dat het me ooit zal zijn vergeven. Ik bracht m'n dagen door, dromend dat je bij me was. Van veraf was het zo mooi. Hoe kon ik denken dat het anders zou zijn? Hoe kon ik denken dat het groter dan de wereld was? Hoe kon ik denken dat we samen zouden zijn? Van veraf was het zo mooi. En ik zal je nooit vergeten. Ik breng m'n dagen door, wetend dat het pijn blijft doen. Van veraf was het zo mooi. En er is niemand die het meevoelen kan. En er is niemand die iets troostends hoeft te zeggen. En er is niemand die voor mij schoon schip moet maken, Dat doe ik zelf wel. Van veraf was het zo mooi. En ik hoop dat het me ooit zal zijn vergeven. Hoe kon ik denken dat het anders zou zijn? Hoe kon ik denken dat het groter dan de wereld was? Hoe kon ik weten hoe het is om zo veel spijt te hebben? Of is het maar verstreken tijd? Van veraf was het zo mooi.
  11. ( ^ beautiful poetry, a pleasure to read.. thanks) Another dream, another day without you. Out of sight, out of mind right? But you are not out of sight when you still appear in my dreams... Anyhow I miss you but I do think it's better this way. We would not have worked out because of the distance and because of my own insecurity. I thought you were a stabile factor in my life which is ridiculous after the short amount of time we spent together. Finally there is less"what if" "what could have been" and more peace with it all. Still though I think I can't have someone better than you
  12. I thought I moved on from him. Thought I was healed.. Then suddenly I have this very realistic dream about how it could have been between us. It was such a nice dream, we had súch a nice chemistry. *sigh* Get out of my subconsciousness please,mister!
  13. Cleaned up my room.Memories of you scattered all over the place. That picture... your fake smile... the way you look.. like you were thinking *I don't feel as comfortable with her then she feels that way with me*. My mom wanted to save that picture, god knows why.. I'm putting it all in pandora's box. I will wait a couple of years to open that thing, that's for sure.
  14. Naw Helpmetoheal, don't be so hard on yourself. This NC challenge is a work in progress for you. You make mistakes, you learn from them and then forgive yourself for it and move forward. I don't know what he said to you to make you feel this way about yourself but it sounds like he's the loser, not you. Having feelings and expressing them is not the type of thing a loser would do.. losers beat you down because they feel better for it. Don't forget yóu are the one who is growing and learning, he might be the one stuck in his own childish behaviour for a while
  15. * Having a tough time * Typing down the text messages in a word doc and deleting them from my mobile... Something I should have done a long time ago but better late than never I guess.. Those text messages, no matter how small, bring back so many memories.. I'm listening his favorite music so that certainly doesn't make things easier.. .....*sigh*.... we really did have a good time and I miss that...
  16. Do I miss you or do I miss having a boyfriend by my side? I can't decide... I haven't looked at your fb for ages and I'm glad for that. I will certainly keep that up because I know it would sting a bit.. To see you happy or with a girl by your side. Jealousy is a strong and hypocrite emotion isn't it It's strange though because I feel like I'm really moving on from you and.. I wish you a merry relationship with a happy new girl!
  17. Thanks for making me laugh haha when I read that suddenly there's this "men, men, men, menmen, men, men, men, men, mennnnn" tune in my head. I bet you know the tune
  18. Today was his birthday.. I couldn't care less. I'm not responding to his past text because there is nothing left to say. "nothing left to say but goodbye" NC helped me a lot more than I could ever ask for A big thank you to myself but even more to the people out here that helped me keeping this up and giving good advice.
  19. Happy Birthday, I'm giving you the only present I can give: my silence. Enjoy!
  20. Wow that short simple reply you gave me made me feel a lot better This whole NC thing seems to pay off. No I'm not making that much of an improvement but still I feel that I am finally moving on!! I hope I can keep feeling this way
  21. Hey ms. popside.. Back again? You have made it quite far ( as far as I remember). I am not going to ask what happened because I read you don't want to pay too much attention to that but whatever happened .. I hope it was worth it and it makes it easier this time to stick to it
  22. You are able to sound so got-my-act-together and grown-up via one simple little text message.. Can I borrow your gift?
  23. BTW, italiannnmf24, good to see you are on the right track too! I'm also just going to let it be. I'm sure that if we start small talking again via text it will lead to nothing special.
  24. No it's absolutely a response. Because in the text he is referring to the text I send him a month ago.. But ok it's not like I have the right to get a quick response , since I'm not his girlfriend anymore
  25. By the way, people.. My ex responded to my text message a month later. A bit strange right. Good thing I don't feel like overanalyzing it! But even though I'm finding it strange it takes him a whole month to reply to a text message, I'm glad he did read my text message and replied in a kind way It helps me to find closure.
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