pbsurf

Well, K, I have been good about not calling or texting you, but I still think about you all the time. Part of me hopes you are happy, and part of me hopes you arent. Sorry. I am still afraid of losing all the nice memories, like a dream really, but whether I remember them or not, those things did happen, lots of good and liittle bad. I just have to accept it. I don't want to idealize you but you are pretty interesting, sexy and a bit nuts. I always told you that I did not expect anything from you, but I'd hoped that you would have at least had the courtesy of being up front with me. No matter. It was fun for a while, but then way too stressful for me. I do wonder what you think of me now though...

Hi Kath Its been four days since I left. It has been very hard, but not as hard as the last time I think. I keep waking up at 3 AM, thinking of you staying over his place. You have nowhere else to stay. I see you moving in with him, cooking him dinner, having sex with him. You are good at that aren't you? I miss you. It occurred to me this morning that I'm never going to teach you to paint now, we are never going to really talk with each other again I suppose, and that is very sad to me. I should be angry about the lies. I know that you have a real problem with the truth. It seems to me that your definition of the truth is whatever comes out of your mouth. You are very good at controlling and manipulating. I should be pissed about that, but then again, maybe I'm good at being controlled. This bothers me. I do hope you find happiness. I think that maybe you are truly, desparately unhappy. I know that you have had some difficult things in your life to deal with, but on the other hand, you are a radiant, remarkable person. You don't need to lie or exaggerate to get people to like you. I suppose I will get angry or just forget about you at some point. This was never going to work out anyway, because of the age gap, and maybe because of the pesonality differences. But still... I miss you terribly.