Blinded

I'm going to be the best thing you have ever lost. Just watch me. Better then your rebound, better then any girl you've ever seen before. Stronger. Because that's what this break-up is doing to me. I'm working on my shape, I'm letting my hair grow out and I'm on a diet. I've bought some new clothes. I'm getting over you. I will get over you. And then, when you finally wake up and realize what you have lost, I'm gone. Goodbye.

I'm having a though one today. Tomorrow we would have been one month apart. I guess I'll be the only one mourning about our lost relationship, since you already have her. I wonder if you still think about me, T. Think about us. I heared from a friend of ours that you told him that you would be devastated if I already had someone else. But the next day you're already together with her. I guess she really is a rebound, using her to get over me. How sad. I'm crying for you T. I've held back the tears for so long, since I first heared you were with her because I figured out you didn't deserve any of them. I hate you for what you did to me. How bad you treated me. I can honestly say I'm no longer in love with you. Right now, I'm just trying to get over the pain you caused me. To forget the hurt. It feels like you have cut me with a knife, cut my heart out and gave it to her, and she stuffed it into a blender. I want to forget you so bad right now. Forget all the nice memories we had. Forget the 'iloveyou's' you said to me. I know our love was once real. But somehow it got away. So now you left me wondering; where is the love now?

Believe it or not, but since you've hooked up with that rebound of yours, I'm finally letting go.

I hope your new girl is everything that you wanted.. I hope she makes you happy.. Do you miss me, T? Miss the times we've had. Or is your love for the new girl so strong that you have forgotten me? I guess you did.

I miss you T. I miss you really really bad. Please don't leave me alone ;(

I still hope you would give us another chance ;(

Why did you started to text me yesterday? I really wasn't happy with it, I was in such a good mood and suddenly I realised that you are still here. That you are still the one that broke my heart into tiny little pieces. I won't reply to you. I think the reason you're texting me is because somewhere deep down there you're missing me. And perhaps, you also feel some pain somewhere. Ofcourse, not the amount of pain I am feeling at this moment, but just.. A little. Enough for me. Today was the day you should normally have come to pick me up from college. It made me hurt. Ofcourse you didn't came, but I must admit that I had a little spark of hope that maybe you would. I even paused for a minute, in some sort of slumber, to look for you. Then the sudden realisation hit me, and I quickly went home. I do still miss you, T. I know you're no good for me, but I do still miss you. I miss your smile, your hughs, your ability to make me feel alright.. And now when I need it the most, you're not here..

Day 3 I've been coping. Some moments are harder then others, but I know I will not give in. I won't let myself give in this time. I blocked him on facebook and msn three days ago, and have not contacted him either since he broke up with me. Yesterday night I recieved a text from him, wishing me good luck in college today, but I didn't respond and deleted it together with his number right away. I wonder why he still texts me, but I'm not going to give in. But I am worried though. We have mutual friends and we're going out this friday. Ofcourse, he's going too. I really want to go aswell, but I have no idea if this is such a good idea actually. I'm afraid seeing him will make me hurt even more, but on the other hand, if he is going to have fun with our friends, why should I be the one who sits at home crying? I could really need some advise on this one...

Where are you when I needed you the most?

I hate you, your lies, everything about you. I threw away everything that reminded me of you. But still .. I love you, so, so much. I wished I was the girl that made you smile, the girl that could keep your heart safe, I just wished I was your girl.