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Everything posted by Snny

  1. Every pregnancy is different. The best thing you can do: LISTEN TO HER. She will tell you what she needs and when she needs it. Don’t argue. Don’t debate. And especially don’t question it. It is not about you anymore. Your job is to make sure she is comfortable while she goes through 9 months of Hell with her body and carrying a precious life. I had the worst experience. I suffered with a condition called Hyperemesis gravidarum and was puking 8-10 times a day. Puking lessened the further I went along with my pregnancy, but I was still vomiting all the way up to being in labor. The home remedies... mint, Ginger, salted crackers, the sea stone band gimmick, etc. did nothing. I had to fight tooth and nail with my OBGYN who was a f’ing b***h that didn’t believe giving prenatal medication even though I dropped over 20 lbs and blacked out in her goddamn office. I live by the beach, and even the salt air from the ocean had made me puke my guts in the driveway. I was in and out of the hospital with IVs, and the doctors couldn’t do a damn thing but watch me suffer. The two months I was starving and dropped near 30 lbs. It finally stopped when the baby came out. I clearly remember after giving birth, I made my husband go to the nearest McDonald’s and bring over a Quarter Pounder burger, a large coke, and French fries ... and hysterically crying tears of joy because I couldn’t have any of that during my pregnancy without vomiting. It was amazing! Good news is that HG is rare, but it does happen. I know 5 women who have gone through it. It’s by far the worst experience of my life. It’s why I refuse to have a second kid What my husband did... he had to take off work frequently to take me to the hospital and doctor as I couldn’t drive (good luck handling that OP with 1. COVID restrictions and 2. Not being family preventing you from access). I was so feeble and weak at that point to operate a car (and I love driving/tinkering cars). He had to tell visitors to not bring food or anything with strong smells over because it triggered my nausea. Grocery shop (because I puked there twice trying to do it myself). Doing any form of exercise was the last thing I wanted to do with nausea. Most of the time I just laid in bed or slept next to the toilet.
  2. Eventually the disability/sexual preference/race/religion/etc card expires when it’s overused as a “crutch.” Don’t over patronize. People with ADHD are impulsive. But when they want to make something work, they are one of the most dedicated people to that particular goal. Impulsiveness doesn’t necessarily make you a s**y person. But cheating on your partner, who recently moved in from another state, does. OP needs to be held accountable for that.
  3. This already sounds like the relationship was set up for failure from the very beginning. The first part... your boundaries are not clear. Moving in is a big commitment step, yet you DON’T want to commit and want to date whoever and whenever your sexual appetite strikes. This whole arrangement is playing house, and it sends a very mixed message to both of you. So... it is no wonder you feel there are “mixed signals” here. Both of you were indecisive with that you all really wanted out of a relationship. Both you you tried to force each other into something you all did not want. Deciding on Polygamy and monogamy is a massive deal... you can’t do both. AND when someone is very upfront about not wanting to do something because it affects their values... RESPECT IT. Don’t force her to go to sex parties or participate in orgies... she will end up resenting the hell out of you (and it sounds like she did). Chalk this up as a lesson... find a person who is into orgies if that is on your high priority list. Please let this one go. Having similar values is what upholds a strong relationship. Let’s be honest... you are only sorry because you got caught. You never intended to settle down with someone... you made your bed with this one situation and have to live with it. I would of walked too if I were her. Also... speaking as an individual who is bisexual, has ADHD Types 1 and 2, and married with the same person whom I’ve been with for over 15 years... don’t blame the ADHD on this failed relationship. ADHD can affect the management, but it is super rare that they are the root of destroying one. There are many people out there who have ADHD and are in very successful relationships. The real issue was you both were incompatible based on value differences. In fact, neither of you are in the position to enter a relationship until you all sorted out your baggage.
  4. So what advice were you looking for? You asked whether you should stay with him and every single post (including myself) is saying that this is a really bad idea! You came here seeking outside advice of which you have zero control of. This is an ADVICE forum where people are going to share their wisdom based on their experiences and expertise. And sometimes, they are not going to agree with you. ENA does not sugar coat advice - we give it to you based on what information YOU give us. This statement alone is very problematic, because it shows how you are actually projecting your own lack of control in your relationship... onto other people. By snapping at us, you make it into a power struggle. The fact you respond this way with STRANGERS shows how powerless you really feel because of what your boyfriend does to YOU. You have to feel power from some other source restore any self worth you have. And I say this from a place of concern for your well-being rather than out of anger/offense. Him making you quit your job, give up wearing leggings (absolutely ridiculous), and even sending you a death threat IS ABUSE. And by staying with a person like this, YOU are enabling him. He thinks his behavior is acceptable because there are no consequences. And when he is not being reprimanded, it will INCREASE the likelihood of his controlling behavior. And that’s not me being a judgmental b**ch; That’s exactly how human nature and psychology works. Your very existence and agreement I continue your relationship with him IS a positive reinforcement for him to continue harmful behaviors to you. So no, he has made it clear that he will not stop by imposing more demands to “keep you in line” as he sees it. So really... and hollering from the back of the bus here... YOU ARE BEING ABUSED BY THIS MAN. FULL STOP. This relationship needs to end now because it WILL turn violent. I was in a relationship with a controlling man who emotionally abused me left and right. I was young and did not understand and thought he did it out of love. But when we came into a disagreement (he wanted me to separate from my friends and attacked my family, and I told him I was no longer putting up with it), that was when he freaked out and ASSAULTED me... that put me in a hospital and therapy. But whatever... you’ll probably chalk up my warning too.
  5. Usually, when people use the Family Card, they’re just using family as the scapegoat to get out of a relationship instead of telling you the real reason. I feel there’s more to this story than just his family’s disapproval based on the information given. Either way, you are better off without him. You don’t want to marry a man who doesn’t have a backbone to future in-laws. EDIT: Ok 7 month relationship? Yep, this one’s a doozy.
  6. As a person with diagnosed ADHD types 1 and 2 and someone who assists clients with disabilities for a living, I honestly find this post offensive. Throughout the post, there is placing a diagnosis and disability label on the ex. I’m sorry, but are you a professional therapist? Be careful not to diagnosis a person with a disability they probably do not have. Also, he is an individual with ADHD, not “an ADHD boyfriend.” Think of how that is labeling and leaving a negative stigma. People with ADHD have suffered multiple hardships and are affected by its stigma. Not cool. Most of the “traits” described here are not traits of an atypical ADHD behavior patterns. He’s an a**. and it has nothing to do with the disability. My husband does not have ADHD and is a lousy cook that I do it all. I have yet to destroy kitchenware or burn down my house. If he has not seen a therapist, then it sounds like he self-diagnosed himself rather than getting a proper medical diagnosis. He shouldn’t even be going around claiming he has a disability. Also, you only knew this dude for sixth months and moved him in? Way too soon. Get to know someone first and see how much they take advantage of you before deciding to have one live with you. Don’t. You and this guy were not compatible to begin with. Now many people act as selfish and self-entitled like him. Head held high.
  7. Late to the party. Just a BIG WARNING because this happened to me. To qualify for the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), you MUST be employed for about a year AND have worked at least 1280 hours within the year. I missed the hours requirement and that is how I got massively screwed. 3 months into a new job, I got pregnant. Unfortunately I had pregnancy complications that put me out of work for a month and a half. Because I was out of work - puking my guts out 8-10x a day due to a condition called HG, and being hospitalized numerous times for it - I did not make 1280 hour requirement therefore DID NOT qualify for FMLA. I was told by my work that I must return as soon as I am medically cleared... but they could not guarantee my job back. I ended up returning back to work 4 F’ing weeks after my delivery. I had to LIE to my doctor to get cleared to return back to work or I would lose my job. I was NOT ok and suffered Postpartum Depression. I nearly took my own life because of all the BS and stress I was dealing at both home and at work. I am very level headed, but I snapped and had to be evaluated (I am ok now thanks to the supports I received). Whatever you do, please wait and eggy establish by working under a company for a year BEFORE getting pregnant. You have no way of knowing OR planning how your pregnancy will turn out once you are pregnant. I had everything planned to the T’s until the medical issues sabotaged my plans (I even had to cancel my BabyMoon trip because I could not stop puking until after I had my baby). Some women have it easier than others, and I won the lottery of having the lousiest. Welcome to America, where they F you over maternity leave. It’s ridiculous.
  8. This makes no sense whatsoever. I sense there’s more information Behind it. Either way, that cat belongs to you. There are also studies on domestic abuse about a partner/spouse getting rid of pets Or holding them hostage before abusing. Has that man abused you in any way? Physical, verbal, emotional, economically?
  9. Jim committed a hit and run and can be legally charged. He needs to come clean
  10. I have a 23 month old and am hitting the terrible twos/parenting conflict... I feel you. It is not uncommon for a couple’s sex life to dip after having a baby. Lots of stress and new priorities. The bad news is that it can be that way for a couple years. Children really take a toll on a marriage. As for the “attitude,” you all got stress and the pandemic is making it worse. It’s like that for many families now. You might even have Postpartum, so have it checked out. Find some ways where you both can unwind that doesn’t involve sex right now... but the focus is reconnecting your relationship. If you are living with his family, have them look after the baby and go out somewhere with just the two of you (a park, the beach, outdoor restaurant if they’re open). Mommas need a break too and should not be shamed for it
  11. I live by the water and own a kayak and wave runner. My parents have a mother boat and always have them stored on their boat. I was also a lifeguard and was on the swim team in school. Weather can change very rapidly while on the water. I have nearly drowned once on my waverunner while riding 3 ft waves and have had my kayak tip. What saved me was wearing my life preserver. In April of this year two family members of the Kennedys took a canoe out onto the water (30 mins away from me) to retrieve a beach ball. Waves were rough and 2 feet high. They did not wear life vests and they both drowned. Made national news. I have watched state troopers in helicopters and boats trying to look and recover their bodies (found on the bottom after a week of the incident). Please wear life preservers.
  12. Unless you have a lot of money upfront, do not buy a house and flip it. Some of those repair will cost near the same as paying for a whole mortgage. You are better off taking a loan that you and your husband can afford. Depending on your salary and credit history, Some loans do not required a down payment! Avoid dealing with contractors as much as possible unless it can’t be helped. I’ve had some really bad experiences with contractors personally and live in the US. I have found that many contractors are not always reliable because they are independent/self-employed and will work at their own pace... meaning it can take MONTHS before a flipped house is done and ready to move in. And if it’s a “small job,” they will just jack up the price for “labor” than what it’s really worth because they can. And they will especially do that to women who aren’t home maintenance wise. It’s a monopoly for these guys. Buy a home where you plan to live the most. It can be small. Live in it for several years, do some cosmetic upgrades to raise the value on the house and build your equity and move out to a bigger, better home.
  13. I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years and he has never laid a hand on me, choked me or grabbed my throat. But the last guy I dated before him did. He ended up putting me in a hospital for a concussion. This is not normal. Don’t put up and shut up. This relationship is over. You are in for trouble with this man. Don’t marry him.
  14. Let’s not compare apples to oranges here. There is a high divorce rate among first responders (Police and fire) and Military because some spouses find that they cannot handle the “distance” or or being absent for holidays due to job demands. It’s a real issue for some people. I have been in a long distance relationship with my husband (before getting married) on and off because of school and career. We didn’t get married until after 10 years of dating when our lives were settled because of it. LDRs are not for everyone. They take more effort to maintain than a regular relationship. If you are finding this a dealbreaker, then please end it. Be honest, say that LDRs are not for you. Hearts will be broken, but you need to do what is best for YOU.
  15. Thank you for hopeful words. I now just have a hacking cough. No other symptoms so far. Over the counter allergy medication is helping. That’s the scary part. The only lifestyle change I made in the last 10 days was that I returned to the gym to start personally train (wore a mask the entire time) and swam laps at the local outdoor pool (They minimize patrons for one hour slots). I think the outdoors of breathing in chlorine and pollen caused it, but who knows??? My doctor hinted that what I may have is allergies but now... possessing any kind of respiratory symptoms = testing. I have no qualms with being tested, but the fact that suggestion came up has me on alert. The only thing that slightly comforts me is that if I have it, I still have a high chance of surviving it. My husband made it through. I have no pre-medical conditions. The survival rate of COVID is actually higher than childbirth (and I lived through that hell). As long as I have very mild symptoms, I know I will be fine.
  16. Has anyone here had COVID? I’m being tested tomorrow because I’m experiencing dry cough and congestion. No fever, body aches, fatigue, or difficulty breathing. I’m hoping it’s just allergies.
  17. The massive details that stick out: I don’t care about the other fluff in your OP... THESE are the glaring red flags that need a serious boundary check. Mom is a home wrecker. Your fiancée needs to step up and be the adult here by being more assertive and shut her down whenever she acts out of line. Otherwise this woman will continue to run your relationship... because your fiancée LETS her. So for the wedding, who is paying for it? When you guys start accepting money from family to help pay for all the luxuries, then they get a say in planning. If you want a wedding where you and your fiancée control all of the planning, then you both pay for all of it.... venue, catering, photography, open bar, attire, everything. If you think she’s this bad, just wait until you have a baby. My husband is a Yes-Man around his mother, and the only reason our relationship is still functional is because his parents live across another ocean away from us. But I had to butt heads with my parents and in-laws EVEN MORE once I was pregnant and had my child. I still do sometimes and she’s only one-years-old. Enforcing boundaries with parents never stops. You got some soul searching to do. I would personally cancel the wedding unless your fiancée can start stepping up to her mother and mean business.
  18. I use a fake name account for this reason. Anything you post can come back to haunt you (even on here). Also you don’t have to give your account out to everyone either. Remember, you are in control.
  19. My father was a fire captain and was at the Pentagon and WTC. He has survived his own fire station being caught on fire while he and other firefighters were asleep. He has had been under gunpoint a few times during fire calls. My mom, sister, and I have sometimes celebrated the holidays earlier as he is putting out fires or assisting people in distress from auto accidents. He has shared nearly the same experiences as a police officer and works among them. If anything, he is far from abusive. He’s a hero. If he were to die on the job, I would know that he died from what he loved doing - saving lives. There’s a sense of peace in that. But I also know that he is extreme well trained and was top of his class in the academy. Sometimes, that enough is to not worry. Just like the military, the police and fire department are ingrained within the family lifestyle. That being said, it is not for everyone. Unfortunately the divorce rates are higher because most women/men cannot handle their spouses working in public safety jobs, not having off for every single holiday, or refusing help when going through PTSD. The “turning abusive” is a myth. There are bad apples anywhere you work. You might be mistaking it with PTSD. Police unions offer free counseling to help their officers undergo support. If he feels the call to become a member of law enforcement, he should do it. It is not up to you to decide on which career path he should take. Though it is a very challenging decision, you should respect it. It is up to you whether or not you want to be involved in that lifestyle. They make close to nothing. If he wants to advance and become a detective be needs to work in a larger district. Teaching is tough work and you will work during the weekends with grading and lesson prepping. Teachers also work after hours too just to avoid bringing work home. And about teachers having summer off, that is false. They are either preparing for the next school year, attending summer professional developments to maintain credits with the state dept of ed, OR teaching summer school/working a seasonal job for extra income because teacher salaries are crap. If anything, they get a few weeks off... not the entire summer/2.5 Months like the kids do
  20. I’ll be real and it may not be what you want to read... but here’s the deal: You are pregnant and it sounds like you are keeping the baby (kudos). Whatever you decide to do with your life also must be in the best interest of your child. Therefore, the ship has sailed from rekindling with an ex. I’m not sure whether or not you should telling him, but what is the right move for everyone’s sake is to cut contact with him because your life is about to drastically change and he will not be on the same wave with you. The reality check is that most men do not want to be apart of dating a pregnant girl and raising a baby that isn’t theirs. And as a responsible mother-to-be, you especially DO NOT want to involve your own child with someone who has alcoholism history and is not fully recovered. My mother grew up with an abusive alcoholic father who later ended his own life because of depression mixed with alcoholism (and alcohol is a depressant). Now is the time to move on and prepare for motherhood. If you’re planning to split from your current boyfriend, you need to consider how you’re going to raise a child on your own. Motherhood is very exhausting that you will need support from trusted people. It’s easy to say you won’t stay in a relationship because you’re pregnant, but single parenting is extremely challenging and you will be dealing with child custody with that decision. Trust me, I have a one-year-old and raising one without childcare because of a pandemic is tiring. I am at the point of fantasizing a weekend getaway. My shortened advice? Cut the ex out entirely. He’s the reason you are unhappy and unsure about the relationship you are in. Staying in contact with him does you no favors. Focus on your pregnancy. It will be a “bumpy” ride. Have a talk with your boyfriend about custody/co-parenting. Be prepared to get in touch with a family attorney to resolve the custody.
  21. OP, is this the same guy as I'm seeing in your past threads? The age stated in both matches it. He has jested about your mental health. A good husband should be supporting you through it. You both also have political and personal value differences. Please re-think your decision of marriage with this guy. A good man would treat you far better than this.
  22. Most of these counselors are going to tell you to break up. I have been to one. So have my parents and my relatives with the same experience. All have said to us "divorce/break up." Save the $150 for something nicer. There is a reason you broke up with this man before. It is the same reason you told us here, and that same reason is reoccurring. Wake up, darling. It's not going to change and you had already given him one chance. After blowing his promise and chance, does he really deserve another? Do you really want to gamble a marriage with a guy like him? You cannot change his behavior- especially if it involves a very close family member of whom he regards as a father figure in his life. That should speak volumes of what you are dealing with if choosing to be with this man.
  23. So he has broken his promise to you. This proves his uncle will be around no matter what. Fiancé REALLY needs to man the F up. Seriously, I would call it all off. You don’t deserve his family treating you like this as he stands back and pu***foots around them with insincere apologies. This man does NOT have your back and is not husband material if he cannot enforce boundaries.
  24. I was also thinking this too. Either men are playing off on the OP. And it’s sickening.
  25. Is this man even married? Doubtful if he acts like a mentally disturbed child. He has no place giving ANY marriage advice with his stated behavior. The uncle is incredibly mentally abusive and a pathological liar. Dude needs serious professional help. I honestly could not read after the second example because the things he’s done has made me sick to my stomach. And no, I’m not exaggerating. He is an attention w***e and does outrageous things to seek attention.... like Logan Paul stuff. But the person who is the worst here is your fiancé for not manning up to his uncle’s outrageous behavior. Did he even KNOW that his uncle was faking a 9-11 distress emergency with you??? Please tell me your fiancé was not in on it, because WT*, he is just sick and twisted as his uncle... and not in a very funny, good way. Why is he even hanging out with a person who treats his future wife like this, especially calling you a B** and writing a very morbid email after given Best Man honors? This also speaks a lot about your fiancé’s character too. His uncle isn’t going to change, but your fiancé should if he wants a marriage - either with you or with another woman. Because NO woman would put up with an abusive relative like that OR marry a man who ENCOURAGES such treatment . Your fiancé ultimately decides how he handles his uncle and reinforces relationship boundaries. My husband and I had to cut some friends out of our social circle because of how they treated us... expect to do the same even while in a marriage. This uncle is testing boundaries with your fiancé... and he’s winning because your fiancé allows it. I mean JC, APOLOGIZING to an uncle who barged in your home for not hanging out? Are you F’ing kidding me??? Please know that once you marry that man, his family is part of the package deal. So unless he cuts his uncle out, Uncle “Bob” will still be in the picture and tormenting your relationship. Please remind yourself that Weddings are a lot cheaper than a divorce. Do you see yourself staying married with this future husband if Uncle “Bob” is around antagonizing you? Seriously ask yourself this question and you got your answer. Hell... I would call the whole thing off in a heartbeat. If you all do resolve your ends and still go on with the wedding, I would uninvite that man AND HIRE SECURITY SO HE DOESN'T TRY TO CRASH IT. I am all for proper wedding etiquette and treating your guests like kings and queens... But the moment someone starts abusing and threatening the groom/bride, that goes out the window. The invite is revoked.
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