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Everything posted by sadchick83

  1. You have a great relationship Seraphim. I admire that you adore each other. I would have had no issues staying with my ex if it was a medical issue. I agree that I should move on, but I kind of feel bad for my ex in that society won’t let him be his true self. If he was 10 years younger, maybe it would be possible. Also, when we were breaking up he tried to assign blame to the fact that we didn’t have sex, when in fact, it was always me initiating. He never brought it up at any other time during the relationship. Also, he came from a very strict Catholic family. Being gay would not be acceptable. Actually his father and brother beat him growing up...perhaps they suspected something. Believe it or not, there are a lot of folks that live closeted lives and wreck havoc on the lives of their spouses. Check out the site Straight Spouse if you are ever interested in the damage that can be done to those who are fooled.
  2. Have you and your husband been intimate in the last 2 years? Being from a Catholic family makes it a lot harder to come out. I did not say Catholic=gay.
  3. He is a bit of a public figure that cannot come out. It would be career suicide for him. That’s why he leads a straight life and pays his exes not to speak. Why else would someone be paid to be quiet? Even my lawyer mentioned this was unheard-of and that he was hiding something. Basically as a woman, I could not make him happy, not me as a person.
  4. Yes but knowing he is gay will help me move on and hope that he one day finds happiness with another man. If he came out I would support him 100%. Ever hear the quote: The truth shall set you free? Everyone on this site should just move on, but part of moving on is gaining knowledge that will eventually lead one to mental peace.
  5. I will change my focus, and yes it is over, but it provides closure as to why it didn’t work. It was him, not me in other words. Other things he did: -See an attractive man seated across from us on a flight and would have to know who he was. This particular time it was a very well dressed, athletic, African-American and would talk about him days later; -Took trips by himself before and during the relationship; -Was very fussy about having flower arrangements in the house - would spend 30+ minutes arranging bouquets; -Was super clean about his body and took Accutane as a teenager just so he would not get pimples. He only had 2 or 3 but begged the doctor anyway; -Did not like me to wear heels because he did not like how women’s butts looked when worn; -Was very fussy about home design. He was ordering white calf-skin rugs for our home during the break up; -Had a crush on an attractive man at the gardening center, had to be served by him, went to visit him ofter and was visibly upset when he retired; -Spoke about men like this: “now he’s a really good looking guy, isn’t he?” Never once spoke about women being beautiful; -Turned me down 99.9% of the time when I tried to initiate sex and scolded me for thinking he could just “get in the mood.” Not sexual contact for the last 2 years of our relationship, however, wanted to hold hands in public; -I never saw his eyes follow an attractive woman walking down the street. Even a super gorgeous one that could turn women’s heads; -He came from a very Catholic family; -Had an impeccable wardrobe-would get very upset when the cleaning lady folded his t shirts incorrectly; -Was not at all sexual with his ex wire for the last 2 years of their marriage; -was very clumsy sexually, like didn’t know what he was doing, kissing or touching; -had erectile disfunction; -Paid me money so I would never speak about the relationship; -Drinks a bottle or 2 of wine a night to numb himself. I could think of other examples, but this is a start.
  6. So not only do I have had to deal with a very upsetting break up, but in addition to the mind fu*k that that gave me, I am almost certain my ex is gay. After 6.5 years, he only initiated sex a handful of times. No sex for the last 2 years of the relationship. Someone told me he did the same with his ex wife - hadn’t touched her during the last 2 years of their relationship. Was never pervy or checked out women. He seemed to have number of man crushes. He was a really bad kisser and never really wanted to watch Miss America pagents or Victoria Secrets swim suit shows. What do you think? When we broke up he said “well you know I’ve always been sexually insecure.” As an excuse for our lack of sex life. Is this for real? Or is he gay?
  7. Jenberry, the art class sounds like fun. Please report back and tell us what is was like
  8. Batya, I think I remember you having your son. I wanted to ask if you recommend any self help books?
  9. Sweet B, if you think you feel bad by not being in an LTR, try being in on and see how horrible a break up feels. I am just coming off a 6.5 year and a 2 year before that. I am so miserable and burned at this point, I would not date anyone. Consider yourself lucky! Women like us do not know how to “play the game.” We are nice and honest and get walked all over. Be more like Megan Markle if you want to hold on to a man.
  10. Thank you KimmyO, Carus, and Honeycomb! Carus, I think you are right. The anger propped me up for a year and I am finally out of shock and into mourning. All week I have been waking at 3:00am thinking of him. Funny today he emailed for the first time in months making sure I got his next check (part of the non disparagement agreement). I was going to be snarky in my response, but I basically just said “yes, I got it”. Tonight I called my brother who I have not spoken to in ages. And KimmyO, I'm looking into art classes once work dies down a bit. Weekends are the worst because I literally have nothing to do, so for now I’m just reaching out to the few relatives I have to chat and catch up. When you move for a love, you really so screw yourself. After breakup, had to leave job (could not really afford NYC), therefore lost friends, had to find new job, new house, and am away from Canadian family. Spent a ton of money as I am still paying for the apartment in NYC and in Florida. Its like every part of my life has turned upside-down. Thank you again for your responses and enlightenment.
  11. Love this. Also, I remember both of you from 2011!
  12. Jenberry I can totally relate to what you are going through. I dated my ex for a year and a half and I left Canada to live with him in NYC. He supported me and put me through school so I could work in the US. 5 years after the move (this time last year) he broke up with me. Like your situation, he really loved to go out and drink, despite having a very demanding job. I could not party excessively and function at work, so I preferred to stay in most nights. Like you, that’s what eventually broke us up. Socializing was very important to him and he resented me for not being the same. I ended up moving to Florida because I cannot work in Canada because of a professional designation I now have in the US. I am so homesick, it hurts. Jenberry, you can contact your ex, but I think it will just delay in your healing. You have had so much happen - your Dad passed away, your relationship fell apart, and not you are stretched financially. You sound like a really sweet person and are deserving of someone similar. Take some time to love yourself and try to get yourself in some social situations where you are living right now. I am telling this so you experience positive socializing with people (men or women) so you don’t get too lonely. Being alone all the time is why you are thinking of your ex. Think about getting out even if it just petting someone’s dog or chatting someone up at the grocery store. You need some human contact.
  13. Sounds like he is with you because of your niceness and stability. He is way to volatile for a normal relationship. You basically have to look in the mirror and think of yourself as you are: a successful stable person. The longer you put up with his abuse, the more damage he will do to your confidence. Who care about what other people think, just get him out of your life and be safe.
  14. Thank you all for the responses. I'm still thinking about him constantly, but feeling a bit better today. Im going to try to meet up with the woman who was a mutual friend. I also invited a few girlfriends to come visit me. Hopefully, they will come. The holidays can be so tough for so many.
  15. Wiseman2 I have to stay in the US because of a professional designation I have here in the US. I appreciate your response and there are some days when I just want to move back home with my mom and get a basic job and live with her. I will think about this when my lease is up.
  16. ImWithCupid, I have our dog who is having separation anxiety so cannot be left alone. I take her to daycare every workday, but they close at 7:00pm, so I am homebound more the I want to be here in sunny Florida. I have just reached out to a friend (one of his friends - one of the only ones who actually reached out to me to say she was sorry to hear of the breakup). We are going to get together, but I have to careful because she is gossipy and I had to sign a non disparagement agreement when we broke up. She said my ex told her I was here. I was trying to keep a lid on my whereabouts. I go Thursday evenings to Monday mornings speaking less than a few sentences to people (not including calling my Mom back in Canada). She is a fun woman, but will probably tell him everything. Im just so lonely, I need some human contact.
  17. Did you break up with him, or did he break up with you? RayRay, he broke up with me. I was blindsided by the breakup. I really thought he was my forever person. His car was in the garage, so I know he is still there. I am surprised at how upset I am a year later, like it happened yesterday. I have gone a year infuriated at him for the breakup which had me leave my home, friends, career, pension, family, car, etc. to start a new life with him in NYC and now in my 40s I have been stripped of everything. I’m back to not wanting to eat, work out or get out of bed. I just want to be better. Funny, when I came to Florida for a brief visit to meet my new boss and check out apartments I was sure I was making the right decision.
  18. I cannot even to begin to describe this ride. We were together for 6 and a half years of (lived together for 5) . He was the guy who saved me from my narcissist ex., put me through business school so we could be together in NYC. The break up was almost a year ago - The pain and work stress post break up were so unbearable I quit my NYC job and moved back home to Canada for a while. I was finally getting better. I ended up getting a job in Florida in November, in the town we built a vacation home. I will spare everyone the whole story for now, but I have been so upset in the last few days to the point my teeth are chattering. I made the mistake of googling him and saw him in a photo with a woman from our old neighborhood arm in arm at a charity event. I also drove past our old place (unfortunately on my way to work) and saw children playing at his house. We didn’t have kids and they are not the kids of the new woman. My thoughts are haunting me. I cannot sleep because all I can think about are the vacations, dinners and good times we had. I’ve pretty much been in NC since we broke up. I was doing decently since the move, but now have regressed to severe upset. I thought moving to one of my favorite sunny places in the world would cure me, but its done the opposite. I'm here with no family and basically no friends outside of my small office. I feel like the breakup has just hit me. Has this ever happened to anyone? I was angry for the first 11 months, but now so depressed. We are done and I’m in shock.
  19. She sounds depressed. Sex has become perfunctory for making babies and that’s all. It may take some time for her to get out of this funk. She needs to separate the death of your daughter from the pleasure of sex. So sorry for your loss.
  20. Maybe do some charity work to help you realize how lucky you are to be successful, have lots of friends, etc? Sounds like you just need a wake up call. Learn to be grateful, it will help minimize being critical. I knew of a guy who had everything going for him. A super good looking, cocky as hell, successful firefighter, who had a line up of women wanting to date him. He made everyone know he was very picky. He had a dont-come-near-me-unless-you-are-a-model attitude. Until....He fell from a rocky ledge at a party and basically crippled himself. He eventually healed, but cannot work due to the residual effects of his coma. No one wants to date him now. Do you think he has become a little less critical in the dating arena? Of course. Im not saying you are in any way the same as this guy, but being grateful for what you have in the moment will help quell this quality of being critical. Sounds like you just need to step down from the preverbal "high horse." What is good for you is not necessarily good for everyone else.
  21. SO maybe one day you will get back with her...does it make you feel better knowing she hasn't slept with anyone?
  22. Actually, I kind of like reading this thread. I have dated professional athletes who think of women less quantitatively. The good thing about this thread is that it actually turns me off men. It reminds me of a book I read called "The Game." The men in the book thought "getting" a girl meant getting her phone number, or getting her to call. Whatever. To each their own.
  23. Here is one: One of my girlfriends went through a brutal separation/divorce. A mutual friend set her up with a much better guy. My friend wanted to have children, the new guy did not as he already has 2 daughters. The had a few minor fights about this. At one point they were supposed to go on vacation. A big fight caused the cancellation of the vacation. My girlfriend decided instead of laying in bed for a week, she went on a cruise by herself. The cruise was boring, but, her man found out she went away by herself. Upon her return (February of this year) then got back together and are now moving in together. They may or may not have kids at this point
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