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Everything posted by sadchick83

  1. Thanks for the responses. The last time I dated, either the pool of men were not doing this sort of thing (FaceTime) or technology wasn’t quite there. I can’t say I'm really looking to date him like I would someone my own age - I would not expect a 23 year old to cook dinner, be a shoulder to cry on after a hard day’s work and/or partake in more mature activities. But what should I do? Be a nun for another 5 years until someone saintly with a universal approval rate comes along? Not going to happen and very hard to do with COVID. My last LT relationship was with someone who was not sexua
  2. I am a 45 year old woman professional and in great shape. I recently met a 23 year old male at a restaurant that I frequent (he works there) and he has been pursuing me. At first I was bit freaked about the age difference, but now find him quite attractive. Im really out of the dating game, but want to check this guy out. My last relationship was with a man, similar to my age who is gay and has never come out. Im looking to have some fun and enjoy life while you can in these crazy Covid times. I find engaging with this man a little odd. Is this what 23 year old do? FaceTime f
  3. Sounds very unfortunate. Can he do anything in London under a work visa? I agree with melancholy, maybe you are doing too much. What about moving somewhere you both can find work, perhaps in the hospitality industry? Seems getting a visa in this industry is easier than others. How about you go back to school where he lives?
  4. Having gone through something similar, I can say your husband will be devastated. It will take him years to recover, and the thing is, there is very little support for the straight spouse. He gave you a portion of his life he will never get back. What you did was, sorry to say, selfish. Had he known you were a lesbian, it is highly unlikely he would have married you. I have not lived in your shoes so I cannot say why you decided to keep it to yourself, but if you truly are a lesbian, you need to tell him so he can get on with his life.
  5. It’s going to take some time. Don’t worry about repeating the pattern, just try to survive hour-by-hour, then day-by-day and try not to think about being in a relationship at all for now. You need to work on yourself while you are away from your family and friends. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself to your favorite workout or little treats like bath and body products, a new novel or anything that can get your mind off of dwelling on this horrible person. Being alone in an unfamiliar area is not helping your situation, but from what I saw in another post is that you are stuck there for a w
  6. Unless your father gave away more than $5.5 million in his lifetime, there is no tax on his inheritance for him or you. What the poster mentioned is incorrect LOL.
  7. This post nails it. I’ve still got some time on the lease I signed here and still paying for the lease in NYC...costing me a ridiculous amount of money. What irks me most is that he tossed me some money at the end and assumes that should fix everything - including the initial move to the US for which I gave up a pension, car, business, friends and a home I owned. Now I miss my Mom so much. She is in her 80s now and not being with her hurts the most. So that is why I cry, I gave it all up for a closeted man. If things don’t improve over the next few months, I will leave when my le
  8. His 2nd ex wife signed one. I went back to Canada only for 2 months or so, I was pretty sure I would be taking the job in Florida at the time. I can go back to Canada, but 3 years of graduate school and 2 years of work in the US has me tied here for work unless I want to do something like work in retail or similar. It was the first time I ever actually point blank asked him. I had never brought it up before.
  9. Cant go back to Canada because I have a professional designation that is only recognized in the US. Also, why should I be forced back because I outed him? I worked very hard to get where I am professionally. I was blindsided by everything.
  10. Well, we had a fight...I questioned the gay thing, he instantly broke up with me - basically threw me and the dog on the street, but agreed to give me some money so I could get an apartment - if, and only if I signed the agreement. Not sure if you have ever lived/worked in NYC LH, but you have to make 90x your rent in income in order qualify for an apartment. Rent @ $3,500/month (studio) = annual income of $315,000. So I “had to” so I could keep my job and not become a homeless/unemployed person on a week’s notice.
  11. Mack, not sure what has gone on with ENA of late, but seems the “catharticness” has all but disappeared. I’m with you with this statement. Have you ever thought that your ex misses you, but not enough to actually get back together? So by meeting up with you, she kind of gets what she needs without any sort of commitment. Meanwhile, you are interpreting it as a chance of a rekindling of the relationship. I’m with the others regarding the video. Send a nice gesture like this to someone who loves you, not someone like this. If you absolutely need to speak to her, give her a call or me
  12. When I first read your post, I thought (out of the 2 issues - dating co-worker/vaping and weed smoking), I thought you would have more of an issue with dating a co-worker. As far as the vaping habit goes, you could weigh all of your differences and if that is the only major, you could still date her and see where the relationship goes. Dating a co-worker is, in my opinion, much more dangerous and could cause far more contentious issues down the road. For example, how would you feel if you broke up and she started dating someone else in the office? This would really sting and likely would
  13. Thanks for all of your responses. First, I never meant anything to be derogatory. If any of you knew me personally you would know that it is not in my nature to insult people or be condescending in any way. The relationship was loving, but work stress, the death of his father, he was fired then re-hired, the decline in health of his mother put our sex life on the back burner. I truly loved this man, so I would not leave for lack of sex. I am one of those people who mate for life. If he became a quadriplegic, I would love him until death. Also, I thought at times it was normal. The last
  14. Thank you for your posts...even the tough love ones. I made the mistake of looking at something online a week ago and saw him with another woman. Even though the break up was a year ago, I feel worse now than immediately after it. All of the fun memories have dredged up from the back of my mind and are haunting my days and nights. The gay thing is something that has been with me for quite some time and would explain a lot. I never knew what a narcissist was until I came on Enotalone 8 years ago. The tendencies explained my then horrific break up and eventually the knowledge helped me
  15. You have a great relationship Seraphim. I admire that you adore each other. I would have had no issues staying with my ex if it was a medical issue. I agree that I should move on, but I kind of feel bad for my ex in that society won’t let him be his true self. If he was 10 years younger, maybe it would be possible. Also, when we were breaking up he tried to assign blame to the fact that we didn’t have sex, when in fact, it was always me initiating. He never brought it up at any other time during the relationship. Also, he came from a very strict Catholic family. Being gay would not b
  16. Have you and your husband been intimate in the last 2 years? Being from a Catholic family makes it a lot harder to come out. I did not say Catholic=gay.
  17. He is a bit of a public figure that cannot come out. It would be career suicide for him. That’s why he leads a straight life and pays his exes not to speak. Why else would someone be paid to be quiet? Even my lawyer mentioned this was unheard-of and that he was hiding something. Basically as a woman, I could not make him happy, not me as a person.
  18. Yes but knowing he is gay will help me move on and hope that he one day finds happiness with another man. If he came out I would support him 100%. Ever hear the quote: The truth shall set you free? Everyone on this site should just move on, but part of moving on is gaining knowledge that will eventually lead one to mental peace.
  19. I will change my focus, and yes it is over, but it provides closure as to why it didn’t work. It was him, not me in other words. Other things he did: -See an attractive man seated across from us on a flight and would have to know who he was. This particular time it was a very well dressed, athletic, African-American and would talk about him days later; -Took trips by himself before and during the relationship; -Was very fussy about having flower arrangements in the house - would spend 30+ minutes arranging bouquets; -Was super clean about his body and took Accutane as a teenager just
  20. So not only do I have had to deal with a very upsetting break up, but in addition to the mind fu*k that that gave me, I am almost certain my ex is gay. After 6.5 years, he only initiated sex a handful of times. No sex for the last 2 years of the relationship. Someone told me he did the same with his ex wife - hadn’t touched her during the last 2 years of their relationship. Was never pervy or checked out women. He seemed to have number of man crushes. He was a really bad kisser and never really wanted to watch Miss America pagents or Victoria Secrets swim suit shows. What do you think?
  21. Jenberry, the art class sounds like fun. Please report back and tell us what is was like
  22. Batya, I think I remember you having your son. I wanted to ask if you recommend any self help books?
  23. Sweet B, if you think you feel bad by not being in an LTR, try being in on and see how horrible a break up feels. I am just coming off a 6.5 year and a 2 year before that. I am so miserable and burned at this point, I would not date anyone. Consider yourself lucky! Women like us do not know how to “play the game.” We are nice and honest and get walked all over. Be more like Megan Markle if you want to hold on to a man.
  24. Thank you KimmyO, Carus, and Honeycomb! Carus, I think you are right. The anger propped me up for a year and I am finally out of shock and into mourning. All week I have been waking at 3:00am thinking of him. Funny today he emailed for the first time in months making sure I got his next check (part of the non disparagement agreement). I was going to be snarky in my response, but I basically just said “yes, I got it”. Tonight I called my brother who I have not spoken to in ages. And KimmyO, I'm looking into art classes once work dies down a bit. Weekends are the worst because I literal
  25. Love this. Also, I remember both of you from 2011!
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