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Everything posted by sadchick83

  1. Was she close to her father? Death of a parent can be very hard on a person. Maybe she let you in when she needed you around time of his passing, but is now able to move on without you. I would hardcore exit her life and if she comes back in better mental health, re-visit at that time.
  2. FYI, it is very easy to record FaceTime. I just tried it. I’m screwed if this is all he was after.
  3. This post is on point. At 26 years of age, you are quite young. When you are 50, looking back you will consider your 20s/30s/40s your best years. There is no way a relationships should have you not able to get out of bed at age 26. When parents get ill, die, will this man be by your side supporting you through the rough times? Likely not. Get out and enjoy life, explore your new attraction and hopefully the feeling is mutual. And if he is not what appeals to you, look for someone new. Your 20s are a time to spread your wings and date to your heart’s content.
  4. I actually met up with someone I met on eNotAlone. We had both broken up with people around the same time and back then, circa 2010, folks would spend hours at night and on weekends on this site, messaging and lamenting both privately and publicly - a form of therapy that was better than any professional could provide in my opinion. We had a great relationship through this site and were attracted to each other’s photos, however, the chemistry just wasn’t there when I picked him up at the airport. We went out for dinner and slept in separate bedrooms..was a very long weekend. I dropped him off at the airport and never spoke to him again. Personally, I need to see the person to know if I will have a chemical attraction to them....Was unfortunate as he was a great ENA friend.
  5. Thank you all for your comments. They have given me perspective and I’m not as flustered with this whole thing as I was earlier today. Melancholy, I only sent one blurry photo from a hidden text address, actually cropped my head off so you can’t tell its me. He complained the photo was too blurry. I didn’t re-send or send another. Rose Mosse, I will take your advice not complicate things and not send any more photos, and keep texts basic. Wiseman2, I singed up for Match with an unpaid subscription and at the same time (a month or two ago) a work friend, a woman my age and similar looks/backgroud paid for a subscription and she went on a few dates. She went on 2.5 dates with a guy that is now obsessed with her, sending boxes with trinkets and 20-30 love letters a week to her home. She is about to get a restraining order on this guy and has borrowed one of her father’s guns to protect herself and her daughters as he knows where she lives (remote area) and is now obsessed with her. This has totally frightened me from online dating. I tried Bumble for a trial week as well. The apps are fine, but the quality of men here is not. Again, the average age of my town is in the high 70s and I don’t have time to weed out the one normal guy from the bunch. Boltnrun/Batya: I agree with trying to be safe. Fortunately, I am in a fully open state, I moved to the South and it is possible to go to open air bars and restaurants and sit spaced a good distance from other people while still being able to talk, so chatting with others is an option. I agree intimacy is a risk. I went out this afternoon to an outdoor bar, just to put in more of an effort to meet people...met a nice 70 year old. I will work on this approach. After reading all of your posts, I don’t think I will reach out to him, or go back to his restaurant. There was one FaceTime that he was doing something explicit and he actually asked if I screen shot him, which I did not. I flashed him briefly, but given his location, I doubt he had anyone else recording, although apparently you can record FaceTime...something I did not know and was basically my bad. Unless he edits himself out of the FaceTime and somehow recorded the split second of me, I guess I'm screwed. I also don’t think he would identify me by name and blackmail me by sending whatever he could have to people I know, or put on some random porn site, but I guess anything is possible. If he calls I’ll just be polite and honestly, if I am up for something it will be at my place and I will lock up his phone. Or, maybe I will have lost interest at that point. Seems to be getting messy with really no benefits. I have been taking a lot of Maca powder lately. It has made me a raging, boy crazy machine. This is part of the problem.
  6. Thanks Batya, then I would have to weigh whether I want to wait for a more suitable man, or cleans myself with the 23 year old. It is literally impossible to meet anyone here. I work in a closed office with 9 people, will be working 6 days a week soon. Tried Match, didn’t work for me. Haven’t had sex in 5 years, so yea, really want to get out of this rut.
  7. Thank you MC, this is great advice. How do you know if someone recorded FaceTime???? Is this indicated somehow?
  8. Batya, I have tried to date, as old as 61 in my area. The issue is I live in a retirement-age area. Not abnormal to see folks with walkers and other devices. Not being critical, its just how it is here. There is simply no one my age here. The average age at my apartment complex is 80.
  9. Yea Tinydance, I agree, it is basically sexual. Not sure if you have ever got out of a long term relationship, but sometimes you just want to cleanse yourself of your last guy. Have you ever felt like this?? My last put on a charade of being straight, but actually was a closeted gay. This hurt me for quite a while, but I’m over it now and want to move on. I don’t mind being the object of someones fetish, what’s wrong with that? However, I don’t want to be on some porn site or be disrespected. Covid times are tough times. I also, for a reason I cannot mention here, have been unable to leave my apartment for 2 years after 7pm (due to a noisy pet), so I have little social life. This sort of arrangement was actually in someways is ideal.
  10. Pippi, I am in an area that allows outdoor restaurants, so not an issue. LOL, you are right. I am dating myself by using the term peek a boo. Jibralta: I am not planning on doing anything that can be recorded at this point. We had like one FaceTime that did something that was a bit smutty, but nothing crazy. And no, it is not worth the cost.
  11. SherrySher, thanks for your response. I don’t have children, so no I do not feel like anyones mother.
  12. Thanks for the responses. The last time I dated, either the pool of men were not doing this sort of thing (FaceTime) or technology wasn’t quite there. I can’t say I'm really looking to date him like I would someone my own age - I would not expect a 23 year old to cook dinner, be a shoulder to cry on after a hard day’s work and/or partake in more mature activities. But what should I do? Be a nun for another 5 years until someone saintly with a universal approval rate comes along? Not going to happen and very hard to do with COVID. My last LT relationship was with someone who was not sexual, who was closeted but needed a straight partner for his image. This was unbeknownst to me and a waste of 7 years. That ended a few years ago with no one since then. I don’t think it is normal to not have sex, so when this relationship presented itself, I initially thought no way, but am warming-up to the idea. Also, I should mention he initiates calls/hits on me, not the other way around. I am simply on the receiving end. This should reduce the creepiness factor somewhat as he is an adult and can make his own choices and pursue what he wants. I agree with the risk of posting things online. He is risking himself much more than I am as far as revealing activities. While I totally agree with what has been posted, I have been out of the loop so long that I am totally unversed when it comes to using one’s phone for nefarious activities. Is this foreplay? Is this how people start-off now? Anyway, I can shut the whole thing down immediately if I feel its getting creepy/risky, but that will be my call. I was more interested to know if this is is the norm for younger people, especially during the lock-down.....Thanks for your responses in advance.
  13. I am a 45 year old woman professional and in great shape. I recently met a 23 year old male at a restaurant that I frequent (he works there) and he has been pursuing me. At first I was bit freaked about the age difference, but now find him quite attractive. Im really out of the dating game, but want to check this guy out. My last relationship was with a man, similar to my age who is gay and has never come out. Im looking to have some fun and enjoy life while you can in these crazy Covid times. I find engaging with this man a little odd. Is this what 23 year old do? FaceTime for sex and play peek a boo show me what’s under your skirt? He’s a nice enough guy has manners ie hold door open, gives tons of compliments. But is the FaceTime foreplay normal? the guy works very hard, at one restaurant in the day and another one at night, 7 day a week, so most of our communications are on FaceTime. He also gets very flirty on the calls. Could someone please tell me if this is normal behavior for a 23 year old. Seems he want suggestive photos as well. Is this normal for Gen Z??? They also can’t really commit to plans or are shy about making them. Someone please educated me in the new normal.
  14. Sounds very unfortunate. Can he do anything in London under a work visa? I agree with melancholy, maybe you are doing too much. What about moving somewhere you both can find work, perhaps in the hospitality industry? Seems getting a visa in this industry is easier than others. How about you go back to school where he lives?
  15. Having gone through something similar, I can say your husband will be devastated. It will take him years to recover, and the thing is, there is very little support for the straight spouse. He gave you a portion of his life he will never get back. What you did was, sorry to say, selfish. Had he known you were a lesbian, it is highly unlikely he would have married you. I have not lived in your shoes so I cannot say why you decided to keep it to yourself, but if you truly are a lesbian, you need to tell him so he can get on with his life.
  16. It’s going to take some time. Don’t worry about repeating the pattern, just try to survive hour-by-hour, then day-by-day and try not to think about being in a relationship at all for now. You need to work on yourself while you are away from your family and friends. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself to your favorite workout or little treats like bath and body products, a new novel or anything that can get your mind off of dwelling on this horrible person. Being alone in an unfamiliar area is not helping your situation, but from what I saw in another post is that you are stuck there for a while?
  17. Unless your father gave away more than $5.5 million in his lifetime, there is no tax on his inheritance for him or you. What the poster mentioned is incorrect LOL.
  18. This post nails it. I’ve still got some time on the lease I signed here and still paying for the lease in NYC...costing me a ridiculous amount of money. What irks me most is that he tossed me some money at the end and assumes that should fix everything - including the initial move to the US for which I gave up a pension, car, business, friends and a home I owned. Now I miss my Mom so much. She is in her 80s now and not being with her hurts the most. So that is why I cry, I gave it all up for a closeted man. If things don’t improve over the next few months, I will leave when my lease is up here.
  19. His 2nd ex wife signed one. I went back to Canada only for 2 months or so, I was pretty sure I would be taking the job in Florida at the time. I can go back to Canada, but 3 years of graduate school and 2 years of work in the US has me tied here for work unless I want to do something like work in retail or similar. It was the first time I ever actually point blank asked him. I had never brought it up before.
  20. Cant go back to Canada because I have a professional designation that is only recognized in the US. Also, why should I be forced back because I outed him? I worked very hard to get where I am professionally. I was blindsided by everything.
  21. Well, we had a fight...I questioned the gay thing, he instantly broke up with me - basically threw me and the dog on the street, but agreed to give me some money so I could get an apartment - if, and only if I signed the agreement. Not sure if you have ever lived/worked in NYC LH, but you have to make 90x your rent in income in order qualify for an apartment. Rent @ $3,500/month (studio) = annual income of $315,000. So I “had to” so I could keep my job and not become a homeless/unemployed person on a week’s notice.
  22. Mack, not sure what has gone on with ENA of late, but seems the “catharticness” has all but disappeared. I’m with you with this statement. Have you ever thought that your ex misses you, but not enough to actually get back together? So by meeting up with you, she kind of gets what she needs without any sort of commitment. Meanwhile, you are interpreting it as a chance of a rekindling of the relationship. I’m with the others regarding the video. Send a nice gesture like this to someone who loves you, not someone like this. If you absolutely need to speak to her, give her a call or meet with her, not something that can be saved forever. Also, I don’t think you are not really in a position to give her an ultimatum. However, if you must, and it is what you need to move on, you could just tell her, you are not really interested in friendship given your history and leave it at that. Sorry to hear this. Getting dumped sucks.
  23. When I first read your post, I thought (out of the 2 issues - dating co-worker/vaping and weed smoking), I thought you would have more of an issue with dating a co-worker. As far as the vaping habit goes, you could weigh all of your differences and if that is the only major, you could still date her and see where the relationship goes. Dating a co-worker is, in my opinion, much more dangerous and could cause far more contentious issues down the road. For example, how would you feel if you broke up and she started dating someone else in the office? This would really sting and likely would not be good for you professionally. I have seen this happen and it was not pretty. I’ve dated people who drink much more than me and its not the drinking per se that is the problem. It’s the addictive personality, disregard for their health, putting the addiction before the relationship, etc. that will cause issues. Now I am not saying she is an addict, but you get where I am going. See how it goes from here, but if she knows she is doing something you hate and actually advertising it, you may want to consider someone more mature.
  24. Thanks for all of your responses. First, I never meant anything to be derogatory. If any of you knew me personally you would know that it is not in my nature to insult people or be condescending in any way. The relationship was loving, but work stress, the death of his father, he was fired then re-hired, the decline in health of his mother put our sex life on the back burner. I truly loved this man, so I would not leave for lack of sex. I am one of those people who mate for life. If he became a quadriplegic, I would love him until death. Also, I thought at times it was normal. The last guy I dated was 28. This guy was in his 50s, so what the f did I know? At the moment, I am going through an extremely deep depression. Not sure what is going on with me and unfortunately I have basically no heath insurance at the moment and cannot speak to a professional. I made the mistake of moving for work so I am here in a small town with no friends, no family and my dog is having extreme separation anxiety, so I cannot leave my apartment without her going nuts (I signed something that says the dog will not be a nuisance or she will be confiscated - she goes to doggie daycare during the work week so basically from Friday night to Monday morning I cannot leave the apartment without her). I am basically in prison and going crazy rehashing this relationship. I’ve never felt so lonely ion my life. So, I came back to ENA. Many years ago, this site provided me with so much strength. It was 10x more cathartic than my therapist at the time. I also had to sign a non-disparagement agreement which basically means I cannot discuss the relationship with anyone except a therapist. I wish I could call a friend and talk about this, but I cannot. Very hard for someone that wears their heart on their sleeve. All of these stupid things are making me obsess about the relationship. Like why did I give up my life (initially) to move to him in the first place? If he knew he was gay, this is a complete BS move on his part. I sold my house gave up everything for a facade. To be a beard. OK, maybe I will never know for absolute certainty if he is gay, but like everyone on ENA, we come here for some answers, some clarity, possibly some dialogue with someone else who may have gone through something similar. Sue me if I fall in this category. Thanks again (sincerely) for your posts. I’ll try to work on myself.
  25. Thank you for your posts...even the tough love ones. I made the mistake of looking at something online a week ago and saw him with another woman. Even though the break up was a year ago, I feel worse now than immediately after it. All of the fun memories have dredged up from the back of my mind and are haunting my days and nights. The gay thing is something that has been with me for quite some time and would explain a lot. I never knew what a narcissist was until I came on Enotalone 8 years ago. The tendencies explained my then horrific break up and eventually the knowledge helped me move on. A break up with someone who is gay is complicated. First you mourn the finality of the relationship, then you still have to deal with being deceived. Not a lot of people have gone through the second portion of the eruption. While I appreciate the posts and opinions, I am 95% he is gay. I agree, it is not that simple.
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