sadchick83

On 9/15/2021 at 11:25 AM, smackie9 said:

My advice....Attracting men: a positive attitude, cheerful out going personality, quick wit, flirty, feminine look but sexy too, healthy and fit, strong eye contact, smile lots, not afraid to do light touching during a conversation, some compliments, show confidence.

This is great advice! A smile will draw in just about anyone and you can decide it they are worthy.  Just go out and have fun, lightly date more than one guy at a time.  This is something women don’t do, but should.  Somehow when I get asked out on a date, another guy will call for the same evening - it’s uncanny. 

You are still really young...Nothing to worry about and I honestly think it is better to meet your forever person when you are older.  People change and you will be a very different person 10, 15 and 20 years from now.

On 9/15/2021 at 11:25 AM, smackie9 said:

 

 

 

On 9/12/2021 at 8:50 PM, boltnrun said:

Please do not mix prescription drugs and alcohol.  One of my good friends died at the age of 40 because he was doing this.  His liver failed.

Do you know what his relationship goals are?  You said you are 20 years older.  Has he said if he wants children?  No, not necessarily with you (WAY too soon!) but eventually?

Do you view him as Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?  Or Mr. Fun Time That Will End Sooner or Later?

Bolt,

I had the smallest amount of Ativan and bit of vodka.  Advice taken, I won’t do it again. 

I was with someone (for almost 7 years) who uprooted me from my country and I ended up away from my family with a job I can really only do in the USA.  I don’t want to get into the details of my failed LTR, but basically I am of the school of thought that many people don’t need up with whom they thought.  Most relationships don’t end up permanent, as I sorely discovered, so I choose to live in the moment.  If they person makes me happy, albeit nervous, I am good.  I try not to analyze what may happen in the future.

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, I have - and I suggest weil method of 4-7-8 breathing and a warm bath -no meds.  

I will try this Batya - keep it in my calming repertoire for next time.

I felt that shaking thing with two other guys.  One was a player (I was in my 30s) and the other ended up having an anger disorder (also in my 30s) so dealbreakers on both accounts.  With my husband I don't remember shaking but that was because I'd known him for so many years before we got back together -I felt a very similar intensity but the shaking I think was more about this being someone I was over the moon about but also someone I didn't know at all so that was the source of the "adrenaline".  I did "shake" the first time my husband and I kissed when we got back together -something like that but again I think it's due to the not knowing the person that often triggers the shaking.

These are interesting examples, especially the one who came out.  I agree, the chemistry could lead one to the wrong person.

 

Thank you for your responses/good advice.  I will definitely post again when he comes back into town. By tranquilizers I am just taking 0.5 mg of Ativan. I had anxiety when one of my parents died and they allowed me to take the edge off.  I only take one a few times a year if I am really upset.  I do cardio, eat healthy, actually so healthy for the last 15 years, that I am due for some fun.  I can go 6 months without a drink, so I’m not an addictive person.

I will definitely try to relax the next time he contacts me by working out or do some meditation.

Lambert, I think he is special, but I don’t think “we" are so special because we have only been on a couple of dates. But, I agree, have to keep my head on straight and just go with what happens.

Thanks Audrina, I will be cautious, but for the record, the death was in an obituary and the job is listed on his LinkedIn. I live in a small town, so would be impossible to hide/have a gf or wife.

Not sure what to think of this woman.  After date #1, I generally know whether I like someone or not. I am going to crawl into this woman’s head: Even if I meant someone else, I would not end things with you, and I only say this because she definitely had a connection with you, and if she did meet someone amazing she would possibly keep you around just in case.

It sounds like she just had a change of heart. Better to know now rather than after 3 more dates.

Sounds like you really like her, and perhaps she is undecided about you.  I also sounds like you are chasing her a bit, so I would go cold for a month.

After a month tell yourself you are going to have one more kick at the can.  Message her to say you would like to see her and if she doesn’t respond/blows you off, forget ever moving forward with her.

Andrina, I don’t know that he was sure he was going to take the new job, and we didn’t meet online, he approached me at a restaurant, actually I was facing a wall for the 30 or so minutes before he walked up and introduced himself.

I mentioned being disappointed about the move, but he said he would be back in 2 weeks and that I could come visit him.

Maybe she is only sexting because she feels a little pressure from you and this is misconstruing her sexual interest in you at this time.  If I liked a guy and he wanted to sext, I would probably do it, but not willingly.  I would draw the line at actually having real sex.

It doesn’t mean it’s over, just invest the time if you feel it is worth it to you. 

I went on a very impressive first date about a month ago. Like ridiculously romantic - invitation to the beach to watch sunset with a bottle of wine and drinks afterwards. He gave me the most beautiful kiss just as the red sun disappeared from view.   Due to me having to travel and him having to travel and deal with a complicated death in the family, our second date was only last Saturday.  We kept in-touch a bit (through texts) while away and he mentioned he would like to meet up for dinner once we both returned.  Also, I bumped into him at a local restaurant the day before he texted me for date #2.

When he texted me to meet up last week, I literally started to shake, like uncontrollably.  I have had a few guys ask me out in the last few months, but none who have made me feel like this.  Sure I am happy of a guy I like texts for a date, but this is crazy.

Before our second date I had to take a tranquilizer and have a vodka, or I would have been convulsing in front of him. I also noticed his leg shaking on our first date and his hands were shaking a bit about 2 hours in to the second date when he showed me something on his phone. Maybe the feeling is mutual?

To make matters worse, he just move and hour and a half away for a new job (but family is still here and is very close to them) and is 20 years my junior! I am not really looking for comments regarding the age gap, because you simply cannot help with whom you have an extreme liking.

He texted me a few days ago to mention he would message me when he is back. Can anyone relate to this type of attraction?  I really don’t want to make it a habit of having to tranquilize myself prior seeing him.  Has anyone ever experienced this type of physical reaction with a date or partner? And what did you do to control it? I would like to enjoy this feeling, but at the same time quell it at a few degrees.

It just sucks. I’ve moved to place with no young people and was about to move because of the crappy dating situation and of course I meet a date-worthy guy a fews days before this surgery. Anyway, I look like I have been in a car accident, so cannot see anyone for a while. But yes, I agree, need to focus on healing and see what happens.

Thanks SooSad and Dancing Fool, So I guess if a guy doesn’t contact you (it’s been about 2.5 days) after a first date to forget it.  I believe he is about 40 years old.  Not sure if people still go by the wait 3 days thing. I’m on like 20 different drugs right now, so a bit doped out LOL.

I met a cute guy at a bar this past weekend.  We did a bit of texting post-meeting which he clearly showed he was interested in me.  My sister was visiting at the time so I was going back out the Saturday night he texted.  I had surgery booked for a long time 2 days ago (Wednesday). I really wanted to see the guy again because I probably have about 1.5-2weeks of recovery, so I decided to message him to suggest going out (on the night before my surgery).  He fully planned an evening - wanted to go to the gym, then go to his favorite restaurant.

I could only go to the restaurant since I had to work.  I mentioned prior to meeting up that I could not drink because I was having surgery the next day. He texted no problem, that he was not drinking this week anyway.  We are both into healthy lifestyle.

The date went very well. The conversation was easy and we have a lot in common.  After dinner he suggested we walk on the beach and then parted ways.  I tried to hug him good night but it was a bit awkward. He also mentioned on the date he would send me links to all of these interesting things we discussed on the date. He did not send.

So I get home and send hime a short text thanking him for the evening and mention something funny he said during the date.  He answers back “Ha!"

That’s the last I have heard from him. So, Tuesday night date and now crickets.  Any thoughts as to what is going on? I now have about 4 days to stew by myself in my house and don’t want to drive myself nuts.

Thanks in advance!

Wow, surprised to read all the harsh comments.  Reverse the genders here, and “he" would be getting high fives. All kinds of respected men date/are married to women 25+ years younger. Maybe not 18 years old, but much younger.

I think 18 is too young, if he was a few years older I think it would remove some of the “taint.” I also have a lot of younger men hitting on me frequently and I too try to date guys my age.  Just my opinion, but it is a lot harder to connect with men in their late 40s. I try and generally it doesn’t work out, or they are scarce - one’s that are single that is.  I recently put a lot of effort into an age appropriate guy who basically vanished. The younger guys are aggressive and make it easy, and generally don’t vanish.

Enjoy/live the moment.  You aren’t going to marry the guy, but you probably wouldn’t be marrying the next 40 year old either. 

Lost,

Curious to know your line of work?  Please divulge to your comfort level. 

Lost,

You sound (understandably) very emotional at the moment. While I am not retired, I have had a few gaps in employment over the years.  I suggest working on YOU, since it sounds like you did a lot of sacrificing for others in your career.  I have a Peloton bike which allows me to spin, stretching and yoga classes.  An exercise routine is something I would recommend. Make exercise the foundation of your day.

I agree with Cherylyn.  Acquire great eating habits, maybe do some gratefulness journaling.

Congrats and good luck with everything!

Sad

SO maybe one day you will get back with her...does it make you feel better knowing she hasn't slept with anyone?

Actually, I kind of like reading this thread. I have dated professional athletes who think of women less quantitatively. The good thing about this thread is that it actually turns me off men. It reminds me of a book I read called "The Game." The men in the book thought "getting" a girl meant getting her phone number, or getting her to call. Whatever. To each their own.

Here is one:

One of my girlfriends went through a brutal separation/divorce. A mutual friend set her up with a much better guy. My friend wanted to have children, the new guy did not as he already has 2 daughters. The had a few minor fights about this. At one point they were supposed to go on vacation. A big fight caused the cancellation of the vacation. My girlfriend decided instead of laying in bed for a week, she went on a cruise by herself. The cruise was boring, but, her man found out she went away by herself. Upon her return (February of this year) then got back together and are now moving in together. They may or may not have kids at this point