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Skylark89

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  1. I've been seeing a guy for some time. We've both told each other that we really like each other, and we've talked a lot about a future together. However, my guy suffers from crippling anxiety. He told me he didn't used to have it, and thinks he's gotten better over time. I wonder if he's really just adapting to it. I think it's worse than he believes. He can't go to certain places or do certain things, for fear of having an anxiety attack. At times, he says he "can't handle" people and shuts down. He has a "comfort zone" of about 60 miles in radius, which he can't leave. He can go to the grocery or work, but I think he has to stick to a slight routine. It's frustrating that his doctor just prescribes him pills. I don't think his doctor ever suggests he sees a therapist or support group. I've tried to gently suggest therapy, but he has no interest in going. In the end, I drop it and don't push it. The problem is I don't feel like I can always talk to him. I try to be understanding about his anxiety, but how much is too much? I start to wonder if he's actually just taking me for granted...or maybe even playing games. I don't know what to think at this point. Whenever I try to state what I need out of this relationship or we begin to disagree on something, I think it starts to trigger an anxiety attack in him. He will either verbally lash out and abruptly end things, only to come back a few days later...or he will just shut down and push me away for some time. I try to give him space and wait until he reaches out. When we end up talking again, he usually brings up what happened and wants to talk about it. Yet, he never fully apologizes unless I directly tell him how much he hurt me. He also reassures me that he doesn't want me to feel like I can't speak freely; he wants me to tell him whenever something is bothering me. It's very annoying when I hear him say that. I don't know what to do, because whenever I do try to state what's bothering me, he gets triggered all over again. I know it's not healthy, and it's really hurtful. I realize I can't and shouldn't continue a relationship with him, unless he's willing to go to therapy. It's starting to affect my self-esteem and mental health a lot. But I don't know how to say this, without him getting defensive. I want to be understanding and supportive. I want to give him space when he needs it. I just can't keep going on with the way things are. It's tearing me apart. If anything, I'd like to be a friend to him. My friends aren't helpful in advice. One says I should just let it go and give him space when he needs it, because it's probably very hard for him. The other says I should dump him. Right now, my guy and I aren't speaking again. I've written down a few things that I want to say to him, but I'm not sure which is the right step to take. 1. Should I just give him space and wait for him to reach out again? 2. Do I contact him and ask if we can talk? 3. Do I send a text saying that I can't do this anymore and can only be friends? I would really like to remain friends, if that's all we can do. I enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. We have a lot of fun together. I don't want to have to say goodbye. :( I hope I can hear some replies from people who have had or do suffer from a similar form of anxiety. Even if you don't, I'd like to hear your perspective. Thank you.
  2. I was surprised he called yesterday. I missed it, though. I called him back later, but he didn't pick up. He hasn't called today.
  3. I think I need to clear something up. No where did I say his dad was in the hospital in critical care or for a serious illness. You are assuming. I didn't want to give too many details for fear he might read this thread. I probably should have clarified. His dad got injured, nothing life threatening...yet, still important for him to be there. His family is really close. His dad has some other problems too...but my guy worries because his dad is getting older. I forgot to mention that my guy has GAD. From what I've heard, his dad is actually back at home now. I was just trying to do the right thing and give him time and space for that, because it's obviously more important. I did say that he's been stressed and busy with work, as well. And I did mention that his interest has been waning since before his dad was in the hospital. I just thought his text was a bit strange. I wasn't sure how to reply. I kind of felt like a secretary. And...I've been questioning his interest lately. I'll keep with the message I sent and see where this goes. I'll try to keep you updated.
  4. Thanks for the help, everyone! I sent a message per @Cherylyn's and @LootieTootie's suggestion. And I agree with you @SarahLancaster. @Rose Mosse Yeah, I have a few other examples that I could give. They probably don't really matter, right now. Usually, I try to give a little more than inconsequential texts. I just wasn't sure what to write. Like I said, I don't want to bother him too much. I understand his dad is top priority, right now. @Hollyj Yes, we've met.
  5. Not sure what to think anymore. Am I overthinking? Is he stringing me along? I've been dating a guy for a little over a month now. We have a few mutual friends. He seemed really interested in the beginning - texting a lot and eventually calling often. He's still been texting, but he hasn't called me since last week. Yet, I know he's had a lot going on lately - his dad's in the hospital and he's been stressed and busy with work. I haven't called because I didn't want to bother him. I've tried to be understanding and give space...but I can't help that nagging feeling. Lately, I feel like his interest has been fading. Even before his dad was in the hospital, I felt like his interest was confusing. Sometimes, he'll text frequently. Other times, he'll take hours to respond or never respond until I text again. Yesterday, I ended up texting him, "Hi" to which he immediately replied with a "Hi." However, he didn't say anything else. Roughly an hour later, I texted, "What did you do today?" and he never responded. I was puzzled again. (I realize it probably would have been better that I had called, but I already sent the text. So, I decided not to call. I don't want to come across as needy or clingy.) Per advice online, I decided to give him 48 hours to respond. If I didn't hear anything, I would know he wasn't interested anymore. Well, he replied this morning. "Just working and trying to keep my thoughts on that. If friends ask where I've been, just tell them I'll be back soon." Okay... Do I reply? I don't know what to reply. (And he's capable of telling them himself. :/ ) Should I just take it for face value and continue giving him space? Should I call him? I miss talking to him. :(
  6. Hey OP! Reading your situation and the responses you've been given, I have to agree. He doesn't deserve your generous heart, time, or energy. It sounds like he doesn't appreciate you or value what he has. This resonates with my situation. It's given me a lot to think about. Good luck, OP! Stay strong and know you deserve only the best!
  7. @Tammy72 Probably what I should do. @JamesDe I've been thinking a lot. Probably too much. I feel like I'm in my head all of the time. I was happy when he reached out and we talked again. However, it's like he doesn't acknowledge what he did. He hasn't apologized. That's what really hurts. Maybe if he did, I'd be willing to take a step forward. I don't know if I should say anything about it. I apologized for my side. He did make an apologetic gesture towards me, but it was a passive apology. I'd like to hear the actual words. Is that petty? Adults should be able to say, "I'm sorry" in my opinion. I asked him why he kept reaching out. He said he was worried about me. Then said, "I don't know." He went on to say that he doesn't want anything from me, but he would like to casually talk again..."serious doesn't seem to work well between us." My friend said it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. I wonder if he just wants me to be a back up option or an ego booster. We haven't talked about what happened, because I have no idea how he'll respond. I think he will just shut down and get defensive. I'm getting to the point where I want to bring it up -- screw the consequences. Besides that, we've just been talking like standard friends. No significant conversations. Mostly, small talk. It usually doesn't last more than an hour. I feel like he keeps doing this in/out thing. One day, he'll talk to me for a bit. The next, he barely says anything to me. I can't figure it out. He also made a confusing comment. We were talking about Survivor. He randomly threw out, "I'd save you." I feel like we're stuck in the middle, not going in any direction...just standing still. Does he want to reconcile or not? Is this a reconciliation? What is this really?
  8. What happened was he reached out. He didn't give any sort of apology during the conversation, and he pretended like the fight never happened. We hadn't spoken to each other in over a month. At the time of our break up, I was having a problem with someone at work. That's what he asked me about. He asked me how it was going. I just gave simple, straight forward replies. I ended up asking him why he reached out, since he had made it clear he didn't want to talk to me. He said, "I was just worried about how your job is going." :-/ I replied, "Okay. Well, you don't need to worry. It's all good." He said, "I just wanted to check that you're okay." I said, "I'm doing fine. Thanks." Then, he said, "I'll leave you alone." I replied, ":-/ I never said, 'Leave me alone.' If you want to talk, we can talk." And then, he went silent. I hadn't blocked him on social, so he can follow me around and like my posts. I feel really bad about blocking people. @Rose Mosse It was definitely a break up. He had told me, "F-ing leave me alone. Don't talk to me again." He said a lot of other mean things, but I'll omit them. That's why I was confused when he reached out asking me about my life.
  9. I hope you're doing well. I don't wish you any ill will. Whatever is going on with you, I hope you figure it out. I truly wish the best for you. I miss talking to you, but I'm not letting it get to me anymore. It's too bad you acted immaturely. We could've talked things out...like adults do! ( ¬_¬) What you did was harsh and mean. You really hurt me. (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ﹏˂̣̣̥)੭ु I guess time really does mend things. (I knew that, but.....) I've been working really hard to move on. Every once in a while, I think about things. I miss the times we hung out. I miss seeing you...hearing your voice. Certain things make me think of you. While it makes me sad, I try to look back fondly. I still wonder if I was a rebound. You said I wasn't, but it's hard to believe that. I feel like I was a rebound or temporary replacement. You seem to have a lot of things you need to work through. I know I have my own things to deal with, as well. Let's work hard for the future. As for me, I had an awesome birthday!!!!! It was so much fun!!!! I got to hang out with someone new too! ( ̄︶ ̄) I'm really doing great. ( ̄ー ̄)
  10. I got a lot of helpful advice on here and from friends. Thanks everyone! I think he's just playing games. Probably looking for an ego boost. o(> I sort of gave him an ultimatum. I don't like mind games. I'm not going to play them. It's in his court now. He has to decide what he wants. Meanwhile, I'm not going to worry about it or wait around for it. I've been back in no contact, doing my own thing, and having fun! Been doing great!! ( ノ^ω^)ノ゚ I hung out with someone, yesterday. And I had a lot of fun! It is annoying that he keeps following me around on social, but whatever. └(・-・)┘
  11. I do want to talk to him again, but I don't know what to make of what he said. I don't want to post the conversation, in case he happens to lurk on here.
  12. I don't know what to do in my situation. I've been in no contact with my ex. He's been texting me lately. I tried to resist replying, but ended up talking to him. I don't know what to make from what he said. Can someone please pm me? I'd like to get advice on our conversation.
  13. @MissCanuck: I haven't sent any photos showing intimate areas of my body. Only photos like me in a swimsuit, tight dress, short skirt.
  14. @MissCanuck: You're right. I think it's a good idea to nix the cyber sex. I guess I am afraid to show my face, since I don't know him in person. It's not like I met him through a dating app. Online, you can be anyone you want, so I don't have a lot of trust. Really...this post was more for me than anything. I guess I needed confirmation that he is getting his rocks off and nothing more. It's been fun, but I'll roll it back and see where it goes. @DancingFool: Yeah, that's kind of how I felt about it...like a sex line without the dirty talk. @Batya33: I know he is a man. I've seen his face in video chat.
  15. I can get long winded, so I'm going to try my best to keep this short. Plus, I don't want to give away too many details, in the off chance that he reads this post. (I did put a TL;DR at the bottom.) I met a guy via an online game, and I'm not sure what to think of our relationship. We haven't met in person, but I've seen his photos and Facebook profile; and we've done voice chat a few times. I'm going to call him Guy. Guy and I first started talking because we are both in the same guild. The guild has a Discord channel, so we mainly chat in there. (I've known Guy a little over a year.) Initially, I bantered with Guy...but we ended up creating an ongoing joke between us which led to chatting more often. I never considered it to be more than casual talk. Side note: I never spoke on a mic in Discord. I would just text chat. He would joke all the time that I needed to get a mic. (Sometimes, I wondered if he was slightly obsessed about it?) Fast forward, Guy ended up private messaging me that he enjoyed talking to me and wanted to chat more than casually. Somewhere in the conversation, Guy confessed that he was lonely and hadn't been in a relationship for several years. It began to feel as if he were looking for a girlfriend. I wondered if Guy was only taking interest in me out of convenience (being one of 4 known girls in the guild) and desperation, so I asked about both. Guy said no; he said he didn't love me or anything. I explained and made it clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship since I couldn't handle one at the moment. Guy said he was slightly disappointed; but honestly, he just wanted to get to know me better. We agreed to be friends. Since then, Guy and I have been talking as friends for over a month. We've really spoken a lot within the last 2.5 weeks. Since we became friends, Guy has told me a lot about himself and past relationships. He's even sent photos and shared his Facebook profile. I told him I didn't feel comfortable adding him or sharing photos of my face and explained my reasons. He was fine with that, but hoped I might show my face in the future. He did seem to push about voice chatting though, and I gave in. I finally started voice chatting with Guy a week ago. Not only that, we have flirted and teased with each other. Guy sent me some sexy photos, I sent him some sexy photos (no face), and then he sent me some nudes and UDPs...he's even done a few video chat "shows." I haven't done any "shows" or sent nudes. I prefer not to do that. (I've told him this, and he said it was fine.) My problem: I'm really confused about what this is anymore. Is it still simply friends? Sometimes, I'm not 100% sure that he's really interested in me as a person; I tend to carry the conversation often. I've spoken about it a few times with him, and Guy has told me I need to trust and have more faith in him and that he is interested. What's more, I feel like he enjoys sending nudes lately. More confusing...Guy will send me messages that he misses me. He's asked if I've fallen for him yet. He will often joke about me coming to live with him (since I have a not-so-great living situation right now). We've even gone into the details. And he once joked about marriage...at least, I took it as a joke. I can't figure out if Guy is forming a fantasy, getting serious, or using me to get off. A few days ago, I tried to get clarification about our relationship. I asked if we were still just friends, online friends with benefits, or e-dating. He put a laugh face and said we are "strangers that cum together"; since he hasn't seen my face, video chatted with me, nor spoken to me much via voice chat. I said I'd rather "online friends with benefits" since it sounded nicer...but later, said I changed my mind and preferred e-dating. He never replied about it. Today was odd, since it was more like a getting-to-know you/first date type of vibe. Odd, but nice. Guy said he missed me, made more of an effort to carry the conversation, and didn't mention anything sexual or send any nudes (they were starting to seem like an everyday occurrence.) TL;DR: Guy that I've known from game wanted to get to know me more. He was bummed I wasn't ready for a relationship, but said we could be friends. Has it changed into something more? I am interested, but not ready to do anything about it. He sends mixed messages. With text, he doesn't talk a lot unless I initiate; with voice chat, he talks more; he sends nudes and likes to cum for me (is he just using me?); jokes often about me moving in with him; sends me cute emoji and messages that he misses me. What's his game? Should I dial it down?
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