I've written here before and it has really helped. I figured I would give it a try again. For a bit of back story:
Prior to dating my ex was a girl I knew for two years and was INCREDIBLY smitten with. We would quietly "like" each others instagram posts but didnt know each other that well. She contacted me asking if there were any jobs open where I worked, so I did my best to get her hired. I eventually found out she was interested in me so I got up the courage to ask her out. On our third date she mentioned that she didnt know if she was ready for a new relationship (she had basically been a serial monogamist since she was 18). She had been single for about four months, but wanted to find herself. We talked about it. I didnt pressure her but we decided to give it a go.
About a month in she tells me that during a dark period after her previous break up she began sexting with her first cousin. They never got further than that. I accepted it. I told her people do things theyre not proud of when rebounding. During the course of our relationship there was a LOT of indecisiveness about where we stood. She would periodically be uncertain about "us", so I would say "lets break up/go on a break, and when youre ready, maybe we can pick this up." We would try it and within a week she would come back desperately missing me. It was hard to say no to her.
Looking back there were other little things. Her inviting me to a renaissance fest, only to cancel because she forgot she made a promise to go with her best friend. Choosing to hang with her best friend rather than coming to support me at my art opening, then showing up late because her friend canceled. She would constantly harp on not connecting with me on a deeper level, which was partly my fault. I felt that I needed to be on guard in case she left. I couldnt let my guard down, admittedly.
Then I find out she was comparing my parents in a conversation with her brother to her exes parents, who she loved. I also saw in her journal once while she was writing in it (not TRYING to read it, or not consciously anyway) where she brought up a time when I jokingly mentioned marriage. She wrote that staying with me would be settling. I never brought it up to her. Im sure it wasnt to do with looks. She definitely found me attractive - she told me so frequently. I think maybe it was more to do with the lack of connection, or differing interests maybe.
Then I came to find out that she had began texting with her cousin again. That she had feelings for him, etc. Clearly it wasnt over between them, though it did end for a while. We discussed it and she showed me the texts where they talked about their mutual "desire", but it didnt go further than that. Still emotionally cheating in my book.
I broke it off with her after a year and a half. At first I was pissed and disgusted. Happy to be free of it. I DO see her at work, but we dont have to interact really. We hung out to discuss things once for closures sake. I told her that I felt that she never really gave us a chance. That she always had one foot in and one out. That her heart was closed. She laughed which upset me. She immediately apologized but disagreed. That was in January I believe. Maybe March.
Lately Ive been missing her a great deal. I still find her to be the most beautiful and perfectly attractive person Ive ever seen. I still think about all of the wonderful times and the way being with her made me feel (like I had won at life). I am still very much in love with her. I just found out she has a new boyfriend. Im not the best looking guy, but her new bf is definitely not as good looking as me (objectively speaking). That does make me feel a little better and I know thats not all that matters which is why since Ive found out I have been dying inside. She is all I can think about. Im obsessing over this. I feel like I want to throw up and cry when I see her.
My question is how do I get over this girl. I cant imagine a more perfect dream woman for me. If only I didnt have to see her. The sad thing is, if she came back to me tomorrow, I dont know what I would do. I like to think I would refuse. The knowledge that she realized her mistake would be enough solace for me. Every gf Ive ever had has come back at some point, but no contact doesnt really work when you work together.
Since breaking up Ive moved to a nicer apartment in a great part of the city, lost 20lbs, and Im joining a gym tomorrow. Im trying to bury myself in work and self improvement but its not working. My friends are all married and settled and never go out so I dont really meet new people. Im terrible at Tinder lol.
How can I get over this person? Any Ideas? I know the facts. I know as beautiful as I find her to be, her personality and weird cousin thing is not good. I can rationalize all the reasons I shouldnt care. But at the end of the day I cant change my attraction or love that I feel like a switch.
Thank you for taking time to read all of this. I know its bananas. Im just too close to this to know what to do and dont know who to talk to.