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Everything posted by Fudgie

  1. You are correct LightBulb, life doesn't work that way. Sure, when I met a couple of my past boyfriends, I might have seen them and though "eh, I guess they are kind of cute" but nothing that was like "-WHAM- you're hot! wantwantwant."
  2. I think the "wow' factor (at least to me) is that initial physical attraction. It doesn't come from talking or getting to know someone, it's more of a "damn he's hot" thing. I agree, you should never force attraction but maybe, if you like someone on the inside, go out 1-2x. Don't just judge them by whether or not the "wow" is there the second you meet them. By all means, if it's been 1-2 dates and you don't feel any romance/chemistry, then you can move on. But don't blow someone off because you're not head over heels at first.
  3. Yes, I agree FloridaMan. Most people, and I mean the VAST majority, do not feel that "wow" moment when they first meet someone. that "wow" moment comes from pure physical attraction, it has nothing to do with anything on a deeper level. We often become more attracted to people just through knowing them and loving them. Don't give up on someone just because they don't knock you off of your feet the moment you meet them. That is just not very true to life.
  4. Well, my question is, do you find average girls unattractive and only like REALLY gorgeous women? Because regardless of who you are, I could see this being a problem. There's nothing wrong with saying "I won't date someone who is morbidly obese and doesn't shower." Fair enough. But if you're passing up girl after girl because they are average and you're not feeling that "wow" moment the SECOND you meet her, then yes, I consider this to be a problem, regardless of what you look like.
  5. LightBulb, I think you should date women that you find attractive. That being said, there are so many nice, kind girls out there who are average-looking and up. Most people find "average" attractive depending on their tastes. Do you feel the same? And yes, hygiene is key. Don't date models ("10s") only. I say this to everyone regardless of how they look. I would even tell Brad Pitt not to just date "10s". Why? Because I feel you're passing up on so many awesome women and really limiting yourself. There just aren't many people out there who are 10s. If you find yourself unattracted to ANYONE but those who are model-like, I do consider that a problem and suggest you work on it. Like I said, it has nothing to do with your looks. It has everything to do with being limited and passsing up some nice girls who could be attractive to you if you gave them the chance.
  6. This is lovely news LightBulb, I'm so glad to hear it! Sounds like you're making some really positive steps but you know what's the best part? You are becoming more confident and believing in yourself. That will get you far!
  7. I'd like to think that my parents are paying for my education because they want to...not because they HAVE to. I never told them to pay for me. They just started saving up before I was born with full intention to pay. I do think that they have a responsibility to provide money/care for my little autistic sister though. She can't live on her own.
  8. lostnscared, Yes my parents are doctors...the UBER specialized rich kind...but yeah, doctors. They are able to pay for it all. I agree with you, I think it's important for parents to try and help out pay the kids' education (college at least) but they don't have to pay ALL of it. My parents just chose to do that. There are many good schools out there where you can get a great education and not have to give up your arm, leg, and your firstborn. Kids can make do without their parents paying full way. I just got lucky, that's for sure.
  9. Yeah I think it's all up to the parents. Different parents - different priorities, right? My parents had 3 kids (me included) and saved up enough to pay for all of our schooling, including graduate/professional school. That's a lot of money. Now it looks like I'm the only one who is going to go that far but that's okay. They felt that education was a priority and a necesscity and to some extent, I agree, because yeah, lots of college graduates are unemployed right now but they still have a better chance of getting employment than someone who didn't go to college. So many jobs these days require a college degree of some sorts. I mean let's face it, people have different ideas of what a "need" is. We can agree on food, water, shelter, clothing, etc. But we can disagree on others. My parents felt that higher education was a need. They did not, however, feel that socializing was a need for me. They also didnt' see "family" as a need. I have not met most of my extended family and I've never been to an actual family reunion because my parents thought it was lame to go and didn't want to be "forced" to be around family that they didn't like. Subsequently, I have not met 75% of my family or even know of them. Some may say (about my parents) that they were denying me a need, to be part of my larger family. I disagree, because I grew up fine and don't really care about knowing who else shares my genes. I consider higher education a need, but that's for me and my family...I know others don't place it on such a high priority and hey, they fare just fine! We are all different.
  10. My parents pay for my education...aside from my partial academic scholarship. It was more like "We value your education. We feel this is a necessity. We have the money to do so. We want you to work on school and not stress like we had to." I'm grateful for it, honestly. I work my bum off in school, I really do. It's hard work but I'm thankful that my parents were able to pay. If I just screwed it up and blew it off, then I'd feel terrible. I couldn't do that. I don't feel like I was spoiled. I didn't get the designer clothes, I didn't get the fancy car, I won't be asking them to pay for my wedding (I doubt I'll be having one at this point, maybe just go to the Justice of the Peace and then a Bed and Breakfast)....I mean, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, my parents put 100% into education and raising me this way. For me and them, it is SO important.
  11. I think it's better to at least tell the other person "Hey, I don't think we are compatible. I'm sorry. I hope you find what you're looking for." You don't even have to explain WHY. You just have to say that you're moving on so that way the other person can too.
  12. I typically only like to correspond for 1 month. I have done so for longer though because I was stuck in one place for a couple months and couldn't make the trip until later. I was upfront about this. But yeah, meeting ASAP is best.
  13. I think the thing to remember is to NOT blame yourself. Most times, people disappear because they are juggling other people and met someone else, or something else is going on. Don't take it personally. Easier said than done, right?
  14. I prefer older men for a variety of reasons. My boyfriend is 58 and we are coming up on 2 years. I don't know what you mean by "social crime". That's really weird. I belong with my boyfriend and he with me. Let's not make this topic about my personal life choices and having strangers tell me I'm wrong when I wasn't seeking advice about my relationship in the first place. Thanks.
  15. Hey, i'm glad that guy disappeared on me, because now I've met my boyfriend and am very happy.
  16. I was emailing this one guy for like...3 months. We were planning to get together to meet. He was 50 and in PA. No kids but he was a "Big brother" at the Big Brother/Big Sister group. He seemed really cute. He was kind of cute too. We were emailing/texting...everything. Everything was going great. Then one day...NOTHING. I mean nothing. I heard crickets. He was logging onto the site. I sent him a "wink". He never responded so I just moved on but I was hurt. I have no clue what made him bolt. I wasn't saying anything weird...I know he wasn't married either because I did a background check.
  17. Oh I definitely know some women who are that way...no dating, no kissing, no sex, etc. In their 30s and beyond...my neighbor is that way. She is 60 years old and hasn't done anything. But you know what, she's happy and that's what matters. Most of these women that I know though are often this way by choice. Not all the time, but many of them are. It sounds like they had the opportunity (perhaps still do) and they just don't want to take it. As long as they are happy, then I am happy for them.
  18. I've knitted too and jenny's right...the first inches are always stuff/tight. It gets better as you go on. your scarf won't end up all tight like that.
  19. I think the medium sized one will work fine. Heck, I even have some other scarves that are made with thicker (larger) yarns but the yarn is soft and lightweight, so I don't really notice the weight at all. I haven't ever had a "not soft" scarf but I'm sure some exist. I'm sure you'll love it, greywolf!
  20. College is a great place to meet a partner. I'm inclined to say that the majority of the population who attends college does end up meeting their mate there. I mean, it's convenient really. You have class together, you eat together, live together, etc. Stuff happens. Of course, I've never dated anyone who goes to my college and don't plan to, but I can see the appeal.
  21. Very true. The truth is, no one is going to walk into your life or fall into your lap and everything will be fine. You need to go out and make it happen.
  22. The key word is "unavailable"...for whatever reason, men like that cannot fulfill your emotional needs in a relationship. How will anything fulfilling come from that? You'll end up wanting more, a good, decent relationship, and they will NEVER be able to give it to you because they are "unavailable". And you can't expect them to change either. It's a mistake to date people with the expectation that they will change into the person that you want. So in a word: no. Don't date emotionally unavailable men unless you are SOLELY looking for JUST casual sex and nothing more in a partner, and even then, you risk getting hurt.
  23. When I said "something" I meant AT LEAST a happy companionship. That's what I consider "something". Maybe it won't be a really passionate relationship or ground-breaking, but it's "something" and it's happy and no one is getting cheated on/heart broken. Sorry just wanted to get that cleared up.
  24. I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I understand what you're saying. I think if someone has the time/is willing to look EVERYWHERE for a partner (net, hometown, etc.) then they will find something. Maybe it won't be perfect, but it will be something (nothing's perfect). There are millions of possible partners out there for each of us, some better than others, all have some possibility of making us happy. But its on us to find them. I am saying this to LightBulb not because it's what he or I need/want to hear, but because it's what I've seen and I truly do believe it. But yeah, agree to disagree. I respect your opinion.
  25. I think when your attitude changes, you change too, inside and out. If you're willing to make a change(s) in your life and be happy, then you'll do those things, including losing weight (for health/appearance), etc. I've known a lot of people and I can tell you that the ONLY people who are left alone in the end are those with bad attitudes who don't make an effort on themselves or others. So really in end, the only problem boils down to themselves. I think there are people out for you once you're willing to make that 'tude change. Heck, even my boyfriend was alone for almost a decade before he met me. why? Because he didn't make an effort to meet people or do anything. He just continued to go to work and kept to himself. Then, he decided to make changes and reach out and he found me. I really, really do believe that there is someone out there for everyone if you are willing to better yourself as a person and are open to them. Lightbulb, I don't think that forum is good for you. at all. really, don't go there anymore, it will make you feel like crap. Come here instead. (that is, if you feel happier here). Part of breaking the cycle is severing yourself from people who make you feel negatively needlessly. Now of course, there will be negative people you can't "sever" easily (like a boss) but a forum? That's easy. I think you're afraid of the unknown and change. It's ok to be afraid of change, most people are, in fact. But don't let it hinder you. Change is a part of life. If you want things to be different, then you need change. You say that you're scared of sex and the possible bad consequences of a relationship but I think you know deep down that you still really want to be in one. I've told you this before on other threads and I think you need to break out of your comfort zone. I remember you saying one time that you were going to go out and get apps for jobs. Did you do that? I think you'll feel better if you make a "plan" on what to do.
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