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Everything posted by paulod

  1. One of my work friends has just told me this (didn't really go into too much detail) he got married in 2001, split from his wife in 2002, no real contact with each other for years, just spoke when he needed references for work (he's a contractor) 2010 - now back together and all going great by all accounts!!
  2. Good man!!! go with the flow mate, look after yourself, keep looking forward,keep working on you, who knows what tomorrow brings!! And yeah remember it's their loss at the end of the day, you are the prize, not the other way around Best of luck to ya!!
  3. Day 60 of NC! been total NC now for 60 days (split up just over 3months ago) apart from a 10min work phone call last month that wasn't awkward at all? we seemed to just chat like we always did?? laughed and joked for a bit, all good I suppose! Been thinking about her a lot, miss her and love her every day, whew its hard, very hard! some days I just want to pick up the phone and let her know how much I love her,want to be with her, but I know I cant and wont do that. My head is clearing and gone are the long days of depression,long bouts of crying, feeling sorry for myself (just every now and then it all creeps up on me and I gotta get it under control) Am sorting out my own stuff without worrying about her issues as well,and I seem to be actually getting somewhere now I'm totally focused on me rather than us which is brilliant!! Long way to go yet but just got to keep plodding along with my lil baby steps...it's a marathon not a sprint...long term, keep thinking about the long term positives not short term ones, I'll make it to the other side...oh yes I'll make it there one day!!
  4. Animelover you hanging around with your ex???
  5. Day 42 of NC, (apart from a work related phone call week past Friday..we chatted for a bit, got on and even laughed....I did ask her about a health related matter as I was concerned about her results. But that was it.) I don't need to start NC from last Friday do I lol??? Am missing being with her a lot, I want to be with her, I no longer feel like I NEED her to make me happy, I make me happy, no one else. The time spent working on my own issues is now starting to pay off! am more confident,outgoing, back to being independent again,less stressed,drinking so much less, looking healthier,feeling happier..got my house up for sale and sorting out my finances!!really working on myself now. could that be a slight ray of light at the end of this long dark tunnel?? Got a smile from a young lady in the corridor today, and got checked out by another!!! ego boost : )
  6. Been thinking about you so much, can't get you out of my head at all! no matter what I do!!!! was a nice chat we had on Friday when I called you about work stuff....see we still get on??still laugh and joke with each other...still obviously like each other. So why wont you just let the past go..give us a chance,stop being scared, I'm not going to hurt you...want us to be together so much it hurts, I miss you H..
  7. Had to break NC on Friday..twice!! (been about 5 weeks NC I think up till then..) was a work related matter (we work in the same building) It was actually a good conversation, wasn't awkward at all really, we spoke about the work thing then she asked how I was, whether I'd got my new tattoo done,told me about her new tattoo, spoke for about 10mins maybe, had a laugh and a giggle. I signed off then but had to ring her back later on in the day. The next call was much more business like from her, but wasn't awkward, just got on with it, I asked her about some results she'd got from the doctors (she had heart problem which I was concerned about.. I do still care) I thought she'd got a bit snotty with me for asking but she mailed me straight after to say that all was now well, was due to stress but she couldn't talk about it as open plan office. I mailed back to let her know I was glad and relieved that it was now sorted and happy that she's de-stressing and hope she has a good weekend. Got a thank you mail back from her this morning. I felt actually okay after speaking to her on Friday,was glad we had a quick chat and it wasn't awkward. I do still miss her terribly and I still feel like there is something missing without her, had a down day today but don't have the urge to contact her like I used to, somewhere along the lines I ended up losing my independence, my dignity and self respect, hated myself...became needy and clingy...lost my control...need to go find that inner happyness I used to have many moons ago..I'll get there..
  8. I so miss you H, you think that you were never the one and I've cheated on you?? nothing can be further from the truth! yeah I know I kept the ex on the mortgage from you, I was scared!!! didn't know how you'd react, what you'd say....so yes I made decision, didn't say anything, tried to sort it myself...didn't want that cr** anywhere near us!!! why did you go snooping?? why?? I loved you from the beginning, love you now! just was frightened what you'd think, what you'd think of me having so much baggage! I'd never cheat on you...love you so much, just wish you'd trust me, but you don't! you think I'm just like the rest of those ars** you've met but I'm not! why can't you see that??
  9. Hey U, Wonder how you are doing?? hope you are okay? hope you're not wearing yourself out and are sleeping okay??ring me! I miss our chats, miss your voice,miss your laugh,your smile...I miss you so much
  10. Hi, woke up thinking about you, I do love and miss you very much, you're the one who's missing out you do know that?? I would love and treat you right for all time, I think you know I would too, was willing to give up everything and move so we could live together and you say that you wern't the one for me?? you were but you cant admit that you were wrong in ending it wonder if you think about me?? You should have let it go,moved on, that's what I wanted to do. Instead you're hanging onto demons of the past and wont give them up, it's broken us!it's broken you my love..I hope one day you'll heal and forgive past mistakes, we've both made them, both said stupid things in arguments we don't mean, been stubborn with each other, been off with each other but I guess I was able to forgive you a lot sooner than you can forgive me. Time is a great healer so they say....I'm beginning to see that it is, I hope you are too.
  11. Its been 6 weeks, I miss you so much,I miss being with you, miss everything about you,you were my friend and my lover and now you're gone. I'm really lost at the moment. I want to look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you, So many things I want to say to you but I cant. Why did you have to leave when you love me still?? we were so close to sorting it all out and you gave up on us. Do you think about us?? I cant get you out of my head, Ive tried to block you out, tried to move on but I cant. I cry every day, so much regret and guilt. I made a mistake in keeping that from you,why did I do that?? no one is perfect, I got scared that I'd lose you if I'd told you. Why did you go snooping?? I tried so hard to sort it and you couldn't see that. You are angry, I do understand, so many things going on in your head it must be so difficult for you to trust me now. Weird thing is, now we're split I'm sorting out all the issues that broke us up?? wont be long before all the baggage is gone, it's what we constantly talked about.. Want so bad to hold you, who knows if we're ment to be...I really do hope so, you are my one and only I miss you my beautiful Sinorita
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