redsuede

I am sooooooooooooooo sorry.. You didnt deserve for this to happen. you are right, either way you should not have had to go through this. I really really hate to tell you this, but if she was really all that sorry, she wouldnt have needed to meet him in person to break it off. Please read the signs here... Im not saying anything here other than watch out for your heart.. I am sorry you are hurting and you are going through this.

Its so good to hear that it will all get better. I feel so drained and exhausted. Its almost like I dont know how to live anymore, meaning what to do with my time especially with this fear and panic ripping through my body at all times. She is still living at the house for another week, and I just dont know if I can handle another day. Any ideas of how I can help myself sooner would be soooo appreciated.

I havent done much other than try to get my house ready to sell. We have a house together, and I need to sell it. Since it is all on me, that is what I have been doing. I am so determined though. I want to feel better, and I dont want this relationship anymore. (I never thought I would say that).. You guys are all life savers.. I just have never felt like this before.. Its comforting to talk to you guys!!!

Yes, same person.. I guess you can see then how bad I have treated myself. I guess I have hit my limit and left for really resentful and mad, and scared. Thank you so much for the reply. Its been a long and very painful road.

Yes, we did break up. Left me will all financial obligations as well, so thats more stress added on top of it. I just see how much has been placed on my shoulders through this 7 years, and now there is just so much I dont understand I feel physically sick. I just want to feel better, not like I have poison running through my body. Thanks for the replies.. I appreciate it more than you know.

I dont mean, will we get better, I mean does this feeling go away of panic and resentment.. What writing am I not seeing? I think that I see everything clear now.. That is why I am so upset... I dont know..

someone tell me that it does get better. I have been in a 7 year relationship, cheated on again recently. The first week I was pathetic and trying to keep whatever we could as we broke up.. Now I am so upset, dont want the relationship at all anymore, but how I feel inside, I dont know if it is normal.. Its like between extreme panic, and resentful, mad... I dont know. I just want to hear it gets better I guess.

I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I know that you are really needing advice and feel all alone in this trying to figure it all out yourself. Heres the real deal. You are the only one now that you need to think of. When you start thinking, what is she thinking? Or does she miss me? Or why does she do this? These are all questions that will NEVER get answered. The only thing you can do now is evaluate how the relationship is making you feel. You two have been together I think you said 3 years, and 1 year of NC. It sounds like it is pretty rocky to me. Honestly, she sounds very wishy washy, and you sound like you are head over heals. I have been in this saga for 7 years, and FINALLY (it takes me longer I guess) I have realized, that I am the only one that can help me. I may be the only one caring about what I feel. She knows that you care and probably has great comfort knowing at a drop of a dime that you will be there. That is usually when people treat people like crap is because they know that they can. Think about your future. Do you really really want a life long deal of this, even if you love her, you will eventually end up resenting her if this conitues the way that it is. It rarely changes. Trust me... Find someone who is serious about wanting YOU around and cares about what you are going through, instead of it being all about them. Do something to take care of you, and really try hard not to obsess how to do the right perfect thing in case she comes back.. You can do this. You are doing the right thing, and I am sorry that you are hurting so much.. IT WILL PASS

Going to hell is one thing.. That really does not concern me who goes or if there is one.. However, If someoene cheats, That is completely wrong. completely selfish and induces unbelievable amount of pain on their partner. If you are contimplating on cheating, my opionion is to do one of two things... 1. Leave the relationship before you do, or 2. Give yourself a "hand" and continue to be loyal. If you are not happy in your relationship and do not see a way to be, then your only option is to leave, otherwise, yes, it may take a bit of work.. That thing that some people talk about called work will go a long way in a relationship. There is never a good reason to cheat.. I just dont respect anyone who would do something like that and think its no big deal.

no offense, but that is a bunch of crap. Have you ever heard of lightworkers? They read cards, Reiki, hands on healing.. Nothing to do with the devil, just quite the opposite. People are scared and ignorant and think that they must be getting their information from the devil. We all have the capability to do such things, as we are all psychic, we just dont know it. I read cards, astrology, and I consider myself very spiritual. I do not have anything to do with anything evil. I get my peace with my own spiritualism, we all need help along the way... that is what tarot cards are for.

I am one of those people that normally really tell it like it is with people who cheat, particularly on this site. BUT>>> You are probley the first person to ADMIT they messed up and want to take responcibility. Its obvious you are not making excuses and one more thing. QUIT telling yourself what a dirtbag you are. YOu cant take back what you did. YOu have to acknowledge what you did (Which you already did) Everyone deserves a second chance, cause i dont care who you are, you have done something horrible in this life. ANyone who wants to bag on me feel free, but if you care to read any of my own personal posts, you will see that I was also betrayed by cheating and left my heart on the floor. Change does happen. I believe in change very much. Cut this guy a break. He is trying to morally see his error in his past ways, and not rationalizing his behavior to "But she didnt give me what i needed, or She was mean to me. blah blah blah. Good luck to you. YOu are the only one on this forum i have said nice words to that have cheated, but its obvious that you are sorry and want to make things right.. GOD bless you.. Thank you for seeing what your wife went through and I hope she goes back to you and you restore faith in her once again.

Yes, you do SOUND like a very good guy. but the fact of the matter is YOU are sleeping with someone elses. NOT COOL. You are picking apart someone elses marrage, and if you have ever been in a relationship, you can never know exactly what is happening between the two of them unless you are one of them. You are saying once you hit you always hit, does that mean once you sleep with someone elses wife, you have the morality to always sleep with someone elses wife? She is the biggest one to blame here because she should take responcibility for her actions and come clean. All 3 of you are living a lie. He has no idea what is happening and is basing his decision to stay with his wife on the note he thinks she is faithful. You have just as big as an active role in this too. Not trying to be harsh, but maybe you should try to be with someone who has not promised themselves to someone else. Cheating is cheating. THis is a very big deal! If she is being hit, she needs to find some help.. But you are not it. I think you should find help yourself and find out why you would even venture on flirting and being intimate with a married woman. Good luck in finding yourself.

This might be kinda harsh, but what do you expect? YOU married this person for wrong reasons, and cheated on her and you dont think she can feel something is wrong, and you wonder why she doesnt like you going out, or you wonder why she feels like she is doing things alone with the kids, she can certainly feel the lack of commitment with you. You need to do her a favor and just leave her. Let her go on with her life to be with someone who will want to be with her. I am sorry if this was harsh, not meant to be, but come on. Take responcibility of your actions first, and then micromonitor someone elses. good luck.

your friend is most definetly gay. It sounds to me like he is either having a hard time accepting it for himself, or you just mean to much to him and he worries about what you are thinking. Dont worry about "lables" so much. Go with the flow, you will be fine and so will your friend. Life has a way of making things happen. Good luck

I know that this all seems so definite that this is all life will show to you forever, but lots of people, very smart people dont pass all of their classes. This too will pass. This isnt what you are here in life to do is pass all of your school classes.. You should be proud of yourself for all the millions of classes that you did pass. Suicide is NEVER the answer.. You will look back one day at this day and say, I am so glad I did not do that. You are only in the middle of something very hard to face, and the accomplishment you will feel if you can look this in the eye and take pride in YOURSELF, dont allow what anyone else will feel to define you.. This is your life.. It can feel good to know that you are putting your feet where you want to. IF you fall, join everyone else on this planet cause everyone falls sooner or later, the trick is to pull yourself up and get back on your feet.. I know that this feels so over and no where else to turn.. but you have us.. We care and we will listen to you. please do not kill yourself. Life can be good.. but there has to be hard parts to life too. and this just happens to be something that is very hard for you. keep us posted.. DONT DO IT!!!!!

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Im sure that we all can relate right now to you, cause at least for me, that is why I am here. DONT KILL YOURSELF.. First of all, she said to you that she was only with you cause of the attention, which means you were good to her. This is her loss and she probley will see that one day, but that is no reason for you to sit around and hope. Go get your life back. What she did was HORRIBLE to you. I am sorry to hear that you lost your job over this.. First things first.. Try to get your life back in order, it will make you feel better. I know it hurts moving on without the one that you love, but really, that is the best thing to do.. Time does heal all wounds. The more you can give to yourself the better.. Also, watch what you are saying to yourself.. The more you say to yourself you miss her, you will. The more you tell yourself how much better off you will be and that you didnt deserve this, the more you WILL feel it.. Please keep us posted, we care!

Yes she very much does swing DRASTICALLY back and forth. For example, we could be having a great day, laughing going to movies going to eat.. and we go home, and she sits down, and from out of NOWHERE she starts in on me about how I have done this or that in the past.. Which in honesty, really deep down honesty, accusations of things I have never said or done.. For years, I just believed I had done them or said them and later pondered on the conversations, and I think what the heck. NOOO I didnt say or do that.. but really, its been like that the whole time. Wrong if i do, wrong if I dont kind of thing.If i try calling her on some of them, and say, no I didnt say or do that, she just says that she is not going to talk about it because I am defensive. Our whole relationship has been I love you so much, you are it for me.. but the constant yelling and belittling, yes, even some (not much) physical abuse as well. I have realized that I have a part in this for staying, but I always thought if she really saw that I had her back and wouldnt leave her, or cheat on her that she would come around.. I have tried writing sincere notes on how I feel and always included in that are words of how much I love her.. and try to tell her I have been hurt by something, but she cant react to my hurt.. It only upsets her and she then again is further mad at me. so i back off and close in the inside, and then she eventually comes around and says she misses me or something like that., but the phrases are getting less and less intimate, because up until a month ago, I took what words I could get.. I have learned because of this breakup to find my life without her.. Its hard and it hurts and I cry for what I thought we were, but not what we really were. At one point she thought that she had borderline personality disorder, which to tell you the truth, she has all the charactoristics. she is the one who brought this to my attention and even bought me a book. and I thought, okay. You just dont leave the person you are with because they have an illness, I do love her very very much, I dont want to live without her.. I of course am going to stay.. but then she took it all back and told me that I was the one who was trying to convince her that she was crazy ...(???) (ouch) taking care of myself is what I have to do now.. I cant look after her.. I appreciate your feedback because It totally made me feel validated. something I have desperately needed for years. I have had no real thanks from her for putting up with her hurtful rageful emotions. I appreciate your words more than you know..

anyone who has read any of my posts can see that I have been with a woman for 5 years. She left me for a married man.. Biggest heartbreak of my life.. having a horrible time with this whole thing...

I am not the one who is cheating with him... Its with the person I was with. I have never cheated on anyone.. VERY PROUD TO SAY.

This person has been married just a sweet 6 months and now cheating. Married in the mormon temple. telling this person he is cheating with that he wants to be with her and that he cant stand going home, and never felt this way before. I cant figure out if he is just throwing in the lines.. or what>

Honey, relax! What you are feeling is normal, in a desperate situation that this calls for with her moving and all you are panicking. DONT!! Take a deep breath and think for a moment. You have already said you didnt want to be with her when this all started. ask yourself why. There were reasons, and I believe that our insides tell us what is best for us, and then our hearts make us react sometimes just the opposite.. Second of all, she is "with" someone else.. but the fact that she says that she doesnt know, maybe tomorrow may be different and that she may come back to you.. That is a string my friend. It always is.. When someone says to you that the future may hold you in in, they know you most likely will pine away, and then they can have their cake and eat it too. Bottom line is that this girl of yours, hurts as it does, wants freedom, maybe not to give up this other guy.. but its clear she is confused about you and doesnt want to give you up completley either. If i was you.. (which in a way, I am) Think about you.. This does help. Do you really want to be with someone who doesnt know if she wants to be wtih you? You have been with her for 3 years, that is long enough.. Things most likely wont get better, and she will pull this again cause you are such the good guy you are that is willing to accept this situation.. Its not fair to you.. You deserve more than this.. the amount of love and energy you put into this just downfalled in your lap and left you dealing with alll of this.. I say turn this time over to you and what is best for you.. I cant tell you what to do, but I want to tell you to RUN. this is not right!

I have a question that is very important to me. I want to know why it is that you cheat? Do you allow the person that you are cheating with to think you are in love with them when you really arent, and just want sex? Is this an addiction, does it really just happen with just one person or is their mulitple people that you are cheating with? Do you feel guilty and think about telling the wife? I just want honesty, brutal honesty, even if it doesnt make you look good, I am not wanting to bash, and I promise I wont.. I really want answers to this question. Why do married men cheat?

When you DECIDE to cheat, you arent thinking of your partner when you do that, but in fairness to your partner that you claim to love so much, you owe it to that person to be honest and fair. Hopefully both will apply such as guilt and to be fair to them.. and YES THEY ARE FREE TO DUMP YOU LIKE A BUCKET OF TRASH because that is where you threw them when you cheated, right there in the garbage!!! the person who was cheated on is not making things more complicated, it was when the person decided to take their pants off is when complications started happening.. grab a shovel and clean up the SH** that you dished out, you did it, not the person who was cheated on.. Maybe people should think about having a wife, house kids and not their body parts outside of the love they have at home. Its not fair, its cruel, its mean.. you never know, while someone is out cheating, their partner is clueless, feeling free to feel in love with the person that they are with.. think about it.

Thank you eve so much. Your words came as such a help at a time I really need it the most. Its been so hard for me to get out of this relationship completely because I care. and when I care, i hold the belief that you stick by the people you love, when things get hard you dont just bail.. BUT i cant take this anymore.. I am getting so painfully hurt, and it all comes back on me if I am not there for her the perfect way, IE, like I am hurting, I should just be over this because its not what she wants right now. I feel like I should have learned everything that i HAVE to learn right now long ago.. so i feel so lost and confused. This situation has forced me open up my eyes and realize what has been happening to me, but I still feel stuck cause I care.. My feet will move forward whether i like it or not, cause I dont want to be here any longer that I have to.. Thank god for people like you.. Bless you!!!

Hello people, Maybe someone can shed some light on me.. I am very hurt and vulnerable tonight. I have been in a break up for nearly 3 months. I have been with my partner for 5 years, we all do things wrong, but I really loved this girl. She was my life. She has cheated on me a few times while we were together, and our sex life was far and few between. She met this person at work (as usual) and all of a sudden she is in love, having feelings she has never had before (ouch). So, i try to say to myself, these things happen in life and it happens to the best of us, so i am TRYING to be a big person about this. I have ttried to stay friends with her, listening to her crisis about this person who she is sleeping with, who is married and mormon. BUT, it all comes back on me.. If she is hurt about this other person, she takes it out on me, telling me cruel details of how she makes out with this person at a local store by my work and how does this feel, and I try to say what the he**, what are you doing, why are you saying these things to me.. when all it is she is just frustratrated with her "new fling" Ok, so i tried the NC thing and it lasted 12 days, and then lo and behold, she is back in my life with all sorts of new stories about her new love. SOOOOO my problem is not so much all of this.. but moreso that I still care about her deeply, We have shared a life and home together and really feel like I want to have her back, but I know i am being stomped on by her wanting to have her feelings and feel no guilt. how do you stop caring about someone so mean and cruel to you.. How do you have so many questions like "why" and go on.. and not try to figure it out.. We fought alot, and we did our bad things to eachother, but .. I really tried. Ireally did. I wanted her to see that no matter what life had thrown at her, i was there to help, her problems, my problems.. .. She was emotionally abusive to me, and I just want to feel better again, and the only way to do that is to stop caring. she told me tonight that she is suicidal, and probley the only reason why is because her married lover is in a home without her.. but I am worried, and I am so mad that I worried, I want to grieve, but I cant seem to step out of what she is feeling to worry about me.. I cant sleep.. or eat.. And this is all unfair, and I am angry that this has happened to me. Its all been a twisted lie.. and i want out.. HOW DO YOU STOP CARING ABOUT SOMEONE WHO COULD CARE LESS IF YOU ARE ALIVE OR NOT!!!??? sorry..