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EricSweden

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Everything posted by EricSweden

  1. well if i were you i'd just ask her if she wants to do something, rent a movie, go out and eat or something.
  2. EricSweden

    Help

    This is the first time I'm ever talking about this, but I'll do my best to explain my situation. I've had two serious relationships in my life, once when I was 15 and when I was 17. I am 25 today, just turned 25 on October 19th actually. When I was 17 I was with a girl for exactly a year. She was my biggest love of them two. During that year I went through an emotion that is hard to explain. It felt like a weight in my heart, a worry that she would leave, be unfaithful or hurt me in some way. I felt this worry whenever I wasn't with her, every single second. The worry felt like a mixture between being nervous and being jealous. I would worry even more when she didn't call me at times when she said she would call. Of course there could be millions of reasons to why someone doesn't call at a time when they were supposed to call, but still I worried. I would also worry even more when she was going out with her friends. This was the worst. I didn't mind so much her being with her friends, but I couldn't help worrying that she was going to be unfaithful to me. The thought of some guy just hitting on her worried me very much. There was this time when she had been out with friends and I wasn't able to cope with the worry, so for some reason I decided to cut my face several times with a razorblade. It looked like a cat had scratched my face. She and I met after she'd been out with her friends and asked me what had happened to me. I said that I had been attacked by some nazi skinheads who played around with me by semi-cutting my face. She believed me and put her arms around me. At that moment I felt much better. She felt sorry for me, she showed me she cared. I knew what I had done was wrong. I knew it was wrong to cut my face when I was doing it too, but I wanted her pity. It's hard to explain. I haven't been in love with anyone since her. Our relationship lasted 1995 - 1996. She left me after I had gotten very mad when she and I and our friends were out at a bar/club. It started over a stupid thing and just got worse. It felt like everything came out. The constant worry within me had spoken. The next day she left me, saying that she had seen a side of me she hadn't seen before. I tried getting her back but failed. So I decided to attempt suicide by getting drunk and taking a lot of pills. I don't think it was a real suicide attempt, mostly just a cry for help. I called her the next day from the hospital and told her what had happened. I enjoyed hearing her cry over the phone. Hearing her tears made it all worth it. I did a similar thing with my first love when I was 15. It was a stupid thing. She told me that she was going away for the day with her parents. For some reason I didn't believe her and went to her friend's house where I believed she was instead. She was there. She had lied to me but why I do not know. Maybe she thought I'd get upset if she told me she wanted to be with her friends. But I don't remember getting upset at times when she wanted to be with her friends. Anyway, I went home and swallowed pills, lots of them. I knew that I wasn't going to die, but I knew it would get her to pity me. Writing this really makes it clear to me how disturbed my behaviour was. I ended up going to the hospital and the next day I was fine. I told her that I had taken the pills because I was hurt by her little lie. I don't remember much else from this. I thought that I had outgrown this worry, but I haven't. I'm feeling it again as I'm sitting here writing this. I've met a girl who I really like. Us being girlfriend/boyfriend is not official. We are taking it very slow because she's not sure she has room or time in her life right now for one. She called it off two weeks ago and then we started talking again and decided to try again but take it slower. She says she has issues that she needs to deal with before being able to devote herself to a relationship. She doesn't want to talk about her issues which really makes it impossible for me to understand what she's going through. I've had the worry since I met her. I'm scared she'll tell me that she doesn't want a relationship and I'm scared that she'll be with someone else. I also worry when it goes days between calls. I've done most of the calling. I really thought I was past this teenage worry or whatever one wishes to call it, but apparently I'm not. I feel really disappointed with myself about this. But I know that I will never hurt myself in any way as I did before. I'm trying to cope with the worry but it's hard. It just won't go away, no matter what I tell myself. She and I spent a few hours together yesterday watching a movie. As soon as she left I started to feel the worry again. I do not want to spend the rest of life with this worry whenever I meet a girl. I hope someone here might have some words of advice for me. I'd just like to say again that the worry feels like a mix between feeling nervous and being jealous. Eric
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