Nature
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Thank you lonewing. It means a lot...I try laughing at myself. It is certainly not funny sometimes! I am going to the doctors today. I have developed a health problem, and I am not well. I look and feel awful today. Hardly slept at all. I think enough is enough. Back to DAY 1 NC!
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DAMN- Just broke my NC rule. I could kick myself. ](*,) definitely not worth it. Making the same mistake over and over again. I just have to accept I cannot run away from this guy. NOT NOW! So yes it is back to DAY ONE for me! and yet its only been four days... I think I have an obsession, and my compulsion to contact him cannot be controlled. Bloody hell dont know what to do! Should I go to the doctors? And say what exactly? I seriously need to pull myself together.
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It gets better with time trust me. Just find something else to occupy your mind and attention. Ban music for a while, because music instigates... feelings...Watch comedy, or cartoons...Go to the gym- do some boxing punching the bag helps...you have a lot of anger in you, it needs to come out somehow, that is why you are feeling depressed.. Some people prefer to be around friends, I prefer to be left alone. I spend a lot of time alone, I take long walks into woods, I go cycling and enjoy nature. I realise this is MY battle and I must deal with it myself. Different people advise different things, as if to confuse you even more...you have enough of complex feelings as it is. You hear want you want to hear, so some people's advice does not help...be careful. Distance yourself from everyone for a while, take some space for yourself and think carefully - do you really want to waste your life on someone who is ignoring you and does not want to be with you. There is plenty more fish in the sea. She is not worth it. I know exactly how you might be feeling, you feel terrible because she is ignoring you, you feel as though you are a bad person because of it, but you are not. She just chose to ignore you and she is at liberty to do so...for various reasons we dont know the reasons she does. You have a responsibillity to yourself, and yourself only. Do not distress yourself with imagining, many fears are borne from fatigue and loneliness....Look after yourself. Good luck x
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I had my phone switched off this morning, when I switched it back on I saw a voicemail. I thought it was from him and I was anxious to hear it, BUT it was not ](*,) and I could feel my heart break again. Why do I do this to myself. He is not worth it. Why am I even wasting my valuable time expecting his calls. I am going to change my mobile number now, at least then I know, he will never call... I am so fed up of all this...I cannot wait to meet someone else and fall in love again!
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DAY 5- I am feeling a bit better, hardly slept and kept waking up through the night but managed to fall asleep eventually. I would feel much better if only I could find some peace and rest at night. Because I am fed up of my own pathetic behaviour and because of constant feeling sorry for myself, I decided to look sexy today... But still *sighs... looking good does not mean feeling good!
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Guys it is my DAY 4- after a nervous breakdown yesterday, and going offline completely I feel much better today. This is the only place I am available for contact online lol -perhaps he is also posting stuff about me on this forum lol I wish.... Anyway, I had a good nights sleep. I woke up wanting to wake up next to him. I miss him. But I miss happiness not HIM. I think I deluded myself. I think he manipulated me. He was a physcologist by the way. What a nightmare. I will get better. I have no needs to contact him, but I am waiting for his contact. When two months have lapsed I shall start panicking...Why is do we do this to ourselves? Well at least I am trying to smile today. I am alone but I am trying to make myself entertained somehow...
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Are you sure your reasons above for not changing your number are not just exuses to allow contact to him. Look within youself sweet. You know you dont need that bastard in your life. If he will never make any effort to contact you directly then you can summarise him as a a) coward b) time waster c) not even worth your friendship d) and loser - It is his loss for not wanting to be with you. It really is! Stay positive xxx
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It is a shame that being a great person is sometimes just not enough... Not depressing. Be patient. Some day you will meet someone as nice as you and who deserves you I am sure.
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Oh bless! Listen to some good music and/or watch TV. Read a book? Study a new subject? Relax on the sofa...I am sure you will not be alone for too long. Besides being alone is not that bad. You only have one person to annoy you then, and that is yourself
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Leave it another two months then- Change your phone number. Eliminate the person from your life.
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lol I had a similar day today. You need support of your friends... I often feel sorry for them because I suffocate them with my miserable stories and I go on and on about the guy I 'used' to be mad about. ! PS> I am using past tense here delieberately.
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Even though I only had 3 days NC - I made an important decision today. I closed all my emails he can contact me via, I closed myfacebook, I changed my mobile. He can no longer contact me- I DO NOT WANT HOPE. He has had numerous chances in the last two years even though he hinted now and then he would want to be with me, he disrespected me greatly. I deserve better than this man. I do not want to hear from him and I do not want to be friends with him. Why should I be there for someone who does not give a toss about me or my feelings?!? I think this time I will win this. What a loser he's been. I cannot believe I wasted two years of my life on this person. I am sure my emotions will change tomorrow, or when the reality kicks in and the obsession to have him in my life resurfaces... Good luck all. x
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It is my DAY 3 I hardly slept last night, I am getting a bit worried about my health these days. I am not eating and not sleeping properly. I feel as though I have no peace. I am restless. I have lectures to attend today and I just could not care less. I used to love what I do, now everything is a struggle. I often stop and wonder 'how did I ever end up feeling like this'. I never felt like this before, I always had control of myself. I can't be bothered to have a breakfast most mornings, I wake up feeling angry and frustrated, these feelings are distructive. I know it is all in the mind. I tried eveything possible in the last two years to help me move on- but nothing worked. Even if I do get better, I would get reminders, I feel that special connection that I have with him but I cannot talk or think about that, it's too freakish. All I know is I need my 60 days....57 to go!
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May I just add....my friend, that is definitely a fake feeling of 'great' ! It's a glimpse of hope. You did not need that!
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Thank you. I will take your advice.... Though I feel like I have urges to see his pictures. And if I do not have any contact or see him in any way, I kinda feel like I am waiting for my judgment day to arrive...life is just not the same. So hard!
