Ekips
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Posts
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Joined
Ekips's Achievements
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Day 16, Harder today than the last few days... I guess progress takes time. I'm trying to accept that this is over. I've realized I may have not been perfect, but I was always me.. the good and bad. I never cheated or thought of cheating or neglected him. I simply loved him for all that he was and more for everthing he wasn't... I know people are not perfect when they fall in love.. I do know that they must accept and are willing to grow with that other person. If he chose to look at everything I had to offer and decided that this is not what he wanted... I will respect that because it is his issue, not mine. It took me a while to realize that. Everyone has their faults... but it is never all one person's.
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Cheeks, Yay for you!! Best.
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Day 9 I went for two days without coming close to tears. Today is harder bc he usually comes in on Fridays and I don't want Friday to come. One of my friends also asked me what if you two do get together, how will you overcome this pain? I was a little bit hurt by this because isn't this what I am working on now? I don't want to reconcile so the pain could just go away.... I need to find my own happiness first. It was and is still a work in progress. Then I started thinking "what does she know? Because she is friends with him on FB. I've asked not to know anything about what is on it... I can't guage the status of anything on a social network site. Especially if he rarely is on it." I'm trying to work on moving forward.... but I feel I'm taking a step back.
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day 6 still a little shaky.
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k1k1, How do you feel? Day 6, I woke up this morning and I miss him. I didn't ache for him. Progress I think. I'm at work and the only thing I can think of is how am I going to get through the rest of the day until tomorrow comes. I get off early, and just hate it.
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imjgh, Ahhh... I love the wait/patience part. Inspirational sir. Day 4, Jelly, I understand exactly how you feel. I went NC for 21 days and then boom!! I had a moment of weakness and called. No answer. Pain, that horrible pain. It completely teared me apart inside. I thought I was strong enough. Boy was I wrong. I had a dream about him last night (every night). I want to get through this dark phase, but I keep seeing him in my dreams, then I wake up and realized that I didn't laugh with him, I didn't make love to him, he just wasn't here. He is gone. I have such great days and then I have days like today. On the good days, I feel positive about the outcome... I will move forward and get through this and find the happy, confident person I use to be prior to the breakup. And then there's today, when I am wondering if he misses me and what I did wrong..... I hate how breakups ccan make us feel this way. Perhpas tomorrow will be a good day.
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Day 3 It is raining here. When it rains, it pours. And so does my tears. I miss him dearly, especially during the rainy days: it brings back memories of us climbing into bed and spending the remaining day under the covers in each others arms. I wish it would just stop. It is getting a liitle better every day. I am trying my best to accept it and look forward to finding me. That is my inspiration. I haven't given up on our reconciliation, I just know nothing can come out of it if I am not in a good place with myself. Someone told me once that reconciliation is the hard part. I'm a hard worker. Who knows, I may not want it when I am there. I want him to be happy, even if he decides that he wants to spend the remaining part of his life without me... that was extremely hard to type. I had to pause. I will try my best to pick up the shattered pieces and become the happy, funny and confident woman I was before this break-up. It is a work in progress. I just have to remember to breathe....
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jellybaby41, Thanks, you are awesome. Simple statement.... yet we forget sometimes.
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Day 1 I broke contact yesterday. I called him after my first day on my second job (to keep me occupied during the weekends).No answer. I felt awful yesterday. I relapsed. Wish me luck.
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I can't believe it! I was doing betterl for the last 21 days... I started a new part time job today and it was wonderful. The only person I wanted to share the news with was Him. And then it hit me that he may NEVER call.... so I called. HUGE mistake. No answer. I wished I never picked up the phone, and now I am sobbing my eyes out!!! I didn't think my heart could rip anymore. I thought it was getting better, but it hasn't. And I hate myself because of this moment of weakness...my chances just became slim to almost none. And if he were to call.... what am I suppose to say? I can't say "sorry, moment of weakness, would you mind calling me in a few more months when I am healed, so we can actually have a chance of healthy, successful relationship?" That's assuming he even has thought about me
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Thanks imjgh I'm so glad this forum exist... a little inspiration everyday.
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Day 17 I've accepted that missing someone is normal and healthy. I don't feel anger.... disappointment yes. I'm at a better place now than I was six weeks ago. I thought after our initial break up the pain would never go away and I didn't want to 'get over him'. 6.5 weeks later, the pain of the break up has gone away slowly. The key word is slowly. I have been concentrating on myself. I have been trying to take care of myself. I have been working out and loving the results... I have been gardening, I even walked for a good cause. I have planned small trips for this summer. Having said all this... I miss him terribly and wish I could share this with him. I feel selfish because I am trying to move on without him.... I have to because I can't wait on him to 'make' me feel wonderful again. And I still shed tears.... why? Heartbreak? yes. sleepless nights? less now. The main reason why I still saturate the pillow late at night with these tears? We may never get that chance for a reconciliation. Until I am at that place where I am indifferent, I am a work in progress. side note: I asked one of my best friend (who happens to be a guy) what my ex might miss the most. He said "Honestly? The great sex and the homecooked meals. Unless he's getting it elsewhere." What???????? True, our intimate relationship was never stale or deprived (I know, too much info) and yes, I am if I can say so myself a wonderful cook.
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Day 16 I soaked my pillows in tears last night before I fell asleep. Not because I miss him (I do terribly), but because I began to accept that we may never speak again. That it had to be the other option other than reconciling. We may never hug, kiss and laugh together again. I started to accept that for the first time in years, I had to do something for myself, not for an "us" or a "we". I thought i was ok today but I cried on my lunch break by myself. Sad I know, but therapeutic.
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jellybelly41 and cat76, Thank you. You guys kick butt.. I started to feel sad again, but I came on to the eNA and I'm reminded that I am not the only one that feels this way. The support/advice/stories in these forums are amazing and so real (I thought I was the ONLY one feeling this type of pain) ....... I'm inspired everyday. Best.
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Day 15 It was a sad morning. I dreamed about him last night. This is the first morning I haven't cried. I just miss him terribly. congrats cat76. You came out of it unscathed like I knew you would!! If you guys can do this, so can I.