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Everything posted by Blue68

  1. My bad. I think it was the way I read it. Like you were questioning it. Nevertheless, I still think you need to think twice about moving to be with this man. A year online is not the same as a year in real life.
  2. I think you should hold off from moving to be with this guy. You’ve not spent nearly enough REAL time together to know whether you really love each other. That is why he can’t say it …. he doesn’t know yet. You even said yourself you are “sure” you love him. That’s not quite the same as knowing without a shadow of doubt you love him.
  3. It is inevitable that he will meet someone eventually … but so will you. Instead of focusing on what he is or isn’t doing, try to focus on what you’re doing. Then, should you hear or find out that he has moved on, you would have also moved on significantly enough emotionally for it to not bother you.
  4. I haven’t read your other posts but it sounds as though he has been detaching himself from you for a while. He hasn’t ended things because you turned up at his house. He ended things because he hasn’t wanted to be with you for a while but you gave him the perfect opportunuty. His reaction leaves a lot to be desired. In fact, there is something sketchy about the way he behaved and the fact that after a year he hasn’t introduced you to his children. Are you sure he isn’t still married? Have you been to his house before? Either way, it doesn’t sound as though he was as invested in this relationship as you. It also seemed to be very one-sided. If I were you, I would ask for your key back and move on from this guy.
  5. Hi samsingha. Have you spoken to this girl about marriage? Does she have the same cultural pressures to marry? Maybe she feels that she has no choice but to keep tight lipped about her past, especially if she knows that you have a “conservative Indian mindset”.
  6. He sounds like a big baby! He is the one being unreasonable here. It is normal to look at ways to fix things when you are still healing. It’s “hope” basically, and we cling on to that as a way of coping. He definitely liked you and it sounds as though he still does - just not in the same way. It just got to a stage where he couldn’t see his feelings developing any further.
  7. I don't see that you have anything to feel guilty about. We can't put our partners first all the time. Life isn't that simple. Sometimes studies or work have to come first. These things are a necessity. If we had the chance to prioritise all the nice things in life, none of us would bother showing up for class or work! If he really liked you, he wouldn't have bolted at the first signs of him not being top priority. A caring partner would be understanding and supportive. To be honest, I don' think that was the issue here anyway. He gave you - what seems to be - a very honest answer. That is a lot more than some people get. I think you are looking for things that you feel can be fixed. Personally, however, I think it just got to a point where you were moving further forward in the relationship than he was and whilst you were speeding things up, he realised he wanted to slow things down. It's really sucky, I know but I don't think the outcome would be any different had you done anything differently and to be honest, you shouldn't want to jeopardise your future in that way. It is not necessary to do so.
  8. Then I really don't see that there is a problem. Your brother likes this girl enough for it not to be a deal breaker and not make it an obstacle. It only has to be a problem if anyone makes it a problem. You just need to accept it. It might be awkward at family gatherings or get-togethers at first but this will soon pass. My friend married someone I had been on a few dates with. It is something I don't even think about now.
  9. My situation is the same. I was married for 12 years. When me and my ex-husband broke up, I had three children with me full-time. Thirteen years later, my youngest is still at home. My middle daughter is at uni so she is home on and off. I have been in relationships during this time but I both love and crave my own space. I’m not sure I could live with anyone full time (adult that is). Like boltnrun says, it’s a different situation though.
  10. So it is something you have been doing on your own but you could see evidence of your "little" self in your texts to him. Is it something you want to control? If you are doing it because you are running away from problems then maybe therapy will help you understand why you do it and thus control it. Yes what is it that pops out exactly?
  11. Well I'm glad about that because I think it helped a lot of us make sense (somewhat) of this thread!
  12. Even if it did get out that the pair of you were naked, I don't think anyone will think anything of it. It is your home and you can do what the heck you like in it. I don't think they will say anything because the texts between the two of you are are evident that she is in the wrong. Chances are, they will come across as the weirdos. Not only did she not let you know they were on their way over (as you quite clearly asked) but they let themselves in unexpectedly. She knows she made a mistake, she is just siding with her boyfriend because she is under his spell.
  13. So right now, you have everything as you want ..... so relax and enjoy 😉
  14. So chill. If he comes over he comes over, if he doesn’t he doesn’t. It shouldn’t matter, right?
  15. That’s because you’re a “tiny”, Tiny. 😉
  16. I am so confused by your post. I had no idea what “little” was. What an eye-opener! However, I’m still struggling to understand your post so forgive me if the following doesn’t make any sense. I’m struggling in making it make sense!! Is this “little” behaviour something you KNOW you do or have only noticed in your chats? Or is it something you know you do but didn’t realise you were doing in your chats as well - until you re-read them that is? Either way, wouldn’t your boyfriend already know you do this? Even if it is just in text form. After all, he has read them too? And if it is something you do in real life then surely he would be aware - even if he doesn’t know it’s a “thing”. He might just think it’s a YOU thing and think nothing else if it. Or maybe I’m missing something entirely here!
  17. It most likely means that in that moment he wanted some attention. Unfortunately, you gave it to him. He got what he wanted. He wasn’t actually interested in your answer or response. I know that sounds a bit harsh but that is how it is with ex’s. They quite often reach backwards when they’re having a stumble going forwards. Ultimately, they pick themselves back up and carry on going forwards once again leaving their past and anyone in it, behind.
  18. Blue68


    Technically, you and Nick can do what you want. You are both free agents and I don’t think you owe your ex anything after he admitted using you and then moved on so quickly. Neither do I think Nick owes the ex-wife anything seeing as she so cold-heartedly cut him out of the children’s lives after making him a part of it. That said, I don’t think you should enter into a FWB situation with Nick. Firstly, it doesn’t sound as though it’s for you and, secondly, you should walk away from anything to do with John and Sarah and move on completely. If you are looking for something more, I would wait until you meet someone who is willing to give you more and put this drama to bed.
  19. I wouldn't get involved. They both seem young and very foolish and they will continue on with their young and very foolish journey even if you do have evidence. Meanwhile, you will be the bad person trying to break them up. I wholeheartedly believe this will backfire on you. Don't mess with other people's lives. No good will come of it.
  20. So you hit on another woman when you were out with your gf. Your gf is annoyed at you for getting beaten up, not for hitting on another woman. Very strange relationship. I'm not sure either or you are ready for a grown-up relationship.
  21. Peace of mind will finally come when you have accepted what is and no longer need to seek answers. You will never know what is going in the mind of someone who does indeed sound like a narcissist so you are just prolonging your own healing journey by seeking these answers. To be quite frank, you still haven't let go. If you had, you wouldn't be on here asking about his intentions. It is understandable that after 10 years together the break up will have a profound affect on you. I split up with my ex-h after 13 years and 3 children together. I understand the questions .... and more importantly, the need for answers. I felt that was the only way to find closure but no amount of answers gave me peace of mind. It just lead to more questions. Eventually, I started to naturally focus on different things and after a while, the countless questions constantly running through my head stopped. I didn't wake up in the morning wondering if he was thinking about me ... or if he had been with a certain someone the night before ... or whether today was the day that he was suddenly going to realise that he had made the biggest mistake of his life by leaving me. I woke up wondering if I enough bread to make the children's packed lunch or if I had enough cat food in the cupboard. Simply put, I no longer cared. That is when I new I had closure. Don't get me wrong, thoughts of him still popped into my head but they didn't monopolise my thinking and gradually they faded away to nothing. I was free of the questions and free of the emotion. I do believe that after two years, you would have made better progress if this man didn't have means of getting in contact with you. This contact is keeping him very much a priority in your head,
  22. What is keeping him in your thoughts is the fact that you "gave him the time of day". Be honest with yourself, you're after specific answers here. Unfortunately, you're not going to get the answers you are hoping for. This man wants constant attention from wherever he can get it. He told some awful and very damaging lies about you. He has never said he is sorry and doesn't seem to care who he hurts and uses. Now he is trying to manipulate you into having sex with him by telling you that doing so may lead to him wanting you back. Perrrrlease!!!!! You do realise that is the wrong way around? He should want you back first and foremost .... the sex should be secondary to that. Clearly sex is the only thing of importance on his agenda. The man is clearly a narcissist. He is angling after you because in true narcistic style, he will get a huge kick out of getting you back under his control. People like this, love the control they have over others and the fact that they can control their highs and lows. They also like to play their lovers off against each other. If you choose to have anything to do with this man, you are setting yourself up for a life of emotional turmoil and pain. That much is very, very obvious. The choice is yours.
  23. You say NOTHING. All the while you are giving her attention - even negative attention - she will keep on coming back for more. If sending you threats works in getting your attention, she will continue to do it. Stop reacting. If you truly want this to stop, you block her where you can and ignore her COMPLETELY.
  24. Okay, so without wanting to offend you, this sounds like a lot of teenage stuff going on here. If you want to do the mature thing, then you need to tell Josh that you don't want things to go further than they already have. Then you give discord a miss for a while until things settle down. You do not do anything about Leo. They are friends. Leave them be. There are plenty of other guys out there.
  25. Playing it cool is just playing games and whilst I absolutely get that in some situations that might be a good move, I don't think that is necessary or even fair in this case seeing as he was the one who ended the relationship. Best that everyone is as open and upfront from the very beginning so they both know where the stand and no-one gets messed about (should either of them want anything more). There is every chance she may just be wanting to return the album, of course.
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