hopeful1234

My boyfriend (now technically "friend") and I had been together for 13 months. We both have been divorced and have custody of our kids. We both introduced each other to each of our families, I spent Thanksgiving with him at his mom's house, he bought Christmas gifts for my kids and I bought for his. He wanted me to spend Christmas with him and his family, but I already had plans, so I declined. On Jan. 4 I told him that I loved him. He did not say it back. He continued to hang around with me at my place for about an hour and was getting ready to go at his normal time and he said that he would call me later. When he got home, he called me to let me know that he got home okay, which is something that he has never done before - he usually asks me to call him when I get home to make sure that I got home okay, but not the other way around. He called me the next day and had our usual nightly conversation. Then he did not call me for 2 days. Had usual convo at night (he normally would call me every night at the same time). Then 4 days after that, he calls, but at 5 p.m. rather than our usual night call. He told me that he would call me later that night, but he never did. Then 5 days passed and nothing. I sent an email to him saying that I felt that something was different. He sent me an email saying that we needed to talk because after I told him I loved him, he did some thinking and said that he is not looking for that kind of relationship right now. We were not dating anyone else (I know this as a fact because he has custody of his two kids and he is the brother of one of my friends and he is always with his family and his brother confirms that). We had a phone convo the following Tuesday (about 3 weeks after I said the three words) and we ended it with agreeing to be friends for right now because he has a lot to deal with. He said that he cannot say right now whether or not there is hope for us in the future, but he does not want to date anyone else right now either because he wants to focus on his kids, who are currently dealing with issues. I want him in my life and am willing to be friends with him, but I do wish for us to eventually get back together. I know that he needs his space and I am willing to give it to him. I know that there is a possibility that it is over and that there may not be a chance for us in the future, but I don't want to totally close the door either. The last time that I talked to him was 10 days ago. He called me because he saw that I had called. We have not phoned each other, emailed or texted since. There is a party on this Sunday that I already committed myself to prior to all of this - it is a surprise b-day party for my friend who is dating my "friend's" brother. thereforee, most likely he will also be there. I am okay with that. I have decided that I will not be the one to approach him. If he wants to approach me, I will be cordial, etc. Once the party is over, I will continue with my NC. Would I be breaking the rules by going to this party? I was friends with my girlfriend before I started dating him, so if I don't go, then it would appear to be a slight to her. I also feel that if I don't show up that it will appear that I am angry, vengeful, etc. and I am not. I'm just going to be my old fun loving self.