ToodlePip
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Everything posted by ToodlePip
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Well, late 40s for me and I get a text this morning, prodding me about my statement about wanting to be friends after we broke up - will go update my other thread. I feel ok by it now - we'll be working in the same office starting next week so am going ot have to face up to bumping into her, and if she needs that reassurance to be civil to me then fine. I've been on some dates, feel like I've accepted she isn't coming back so may as well dip my toe in the water and see what happens. I can always tell her I'm not ready and go back to NC if it feels too much.
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Day in the 40s. Last few days have been odd - met someone I quite like and it looks liek there's potential there, but it has had the effect of making me feel quite emotional and I daresay shed a few tears. I think it's the fact that while I accepted things were over, this is the first big test of things actually moving on. I've also had a break in therapy for a few weeks so struggling a little bit to make sense of my thoughts. Back there next week so will see what my therapist says. It's probably just a bit of wanting the security blanket rather than something new and scary. We'll see!
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Well, I went past day 30 a couple of days ago. Not a peep from her for 30 days, no attempt from me to get in touch with her. Been on two dates, Kinda got myself in order - ish - and still working towards bettering myself. Have a long way to go on a personal level but I can see he beginnings of a life plan and I'm actually, for the first time in my life, enjoying being single. Not too sure what to do next - I STILL miss her friendship, and feel ok within myself at the thought of her being with someone else. However, I can't seem to face unblocking her from facebook. So I'm taking that as a sign I'm not ready. So gonna keep in NC for now, day by day, and see what comes of it. I hope everyone is well and I can confirm that 30 days is doable and clears the head nicely!
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I fluctuate so much - one minute and working out like mad, the next it's icecream and films all day long. Anyway, good luck to all - gotta say I feel a hell of a lot better this far along. Still have bad days but on the whole meetings loads of new people, my social life is slowly on the up and I'm definitely in a happier state of mind generally.
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Those friends are really irritating I have one who is far funnier than I am, and I have to actually ask him to not get involved in convos I have with girls I fancy
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It's been roughly 3 months sine the breakup, two months since I last saw her, and that was the last time I initiated contact. After responding to a text from her two weeks ago, I haven't heard anything since. Feeling ok about it all now. Still struggling abit with making changes to my life "stick" - still have aimless days, but my fun-loving side is coming out again here and there, I'm fliring with women for fun, and I'm assessing romantic possibilities. I still really miss my ex, but I think it's as a friend rather than anything else. Maybe one day we'll talk again, maybe quite soon because in 3 weeks I'l be in the same office as her. But for now I'm continuing NC. It still does feel rude, and as if I'll lose her forever, but it's not like she's kept her side of the bargain about wanting to stay friends ater the breakup - no phone calls, no invitations to meet, only emails and texts. Feeling a bit in limbo right now because I truly feel at that crossroads - let go, or cling on for a bit more.
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Day something or other - probably close to or just past a month. Getting back into the groove of things. Caught myself NOT thinking of her for the first time since the breakup which was a weird feeling. And of course got me thinking of her again Onwards and upwards!
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I'm getting a bit worried. I've been going out and drinking regularly now for a couple of weeks, and had my 2nd one night stand in 3 weeks. I feel like things are falling apart at the seams a bit. I can't tell whether I've regressed from anger back to denial and this behaviour is symptomatic, or whether I'm still in the anger stage and "taking it out" on myself in a way. Problem is that the girl from last night is someone I can't really avoid if she doesn't want to drop it - really feel stupid this morning. I think she could tell from my behaviour this morning that I was conflicted with what happened. I guess I'm going to have to have a difficult conversation with her. Really need to think with my head, drink less and keep my trousers on.
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So so. I have a half date tonight - meeting this girl for a drink before we go join some other friends for a gig. We got off one night 3 years ago, didn't follow it up and neither did she. (she was in a dying relationship, I was hopeing to date someone else). Met up once more just before my last breakup, got on well. So we'll see - just going into it with friendly expectations.
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Went for a run in the rain - had a nice lunch and watched the end of flight of the conchords series 2. Wizzed through the whole 2 series in about 4 days. I've started block booking my time up, a bit like in the film "about a boy" - it's helping keeping me organised. Gonna give my fat a good clean, do some ironing and then get ready for gig tonight. I really need to get cracking on some new hobbies.
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Always hot rock chicks at small gigs. Hard part is finding the "right" moment to chat to them, but I find a lot of them are single, in London anyway (there to fantasise over muscicians!)
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I kinda wish I could stop missing her. It's been 7 weeks since we last saw each other and spoke. Been the odd email/text communication initiated by her but no going into detail as I've always kept my responses closed. I guess she'll be coming out of the guilt phase soon and I can feel my anger dissipate slowly so probably starting to come out of that phase. Gonna have to check what's next. It does get easier - not muh, but I can look back and se the progression. My first wind was all denial, looking back now. Feeling my second wind build up.
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end of the day X. Lost track a bit. Feel a second wind coming over me and have started making personal plans and goals. Still think about her all the time.
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Couple here: I use the fire one when my ex is stuck in my head - i "take a picture" of what I'm thinking about and burn it. It invariably lets my mind move on to other things (or fall asleep when in bed)
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Hey scorpigal, did you try those excercises, any joy?
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This recent one hasn't yet tho - just had a response "so, your job is safe, good to hear. have a good one too." Guessing she didn't like the fact I'm not going into detail and including her into the events of my life (never told her whether i was redundant or not). Oh well.
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Thanks guys - I've made the decision to be single for at least 6 months so it's now become ratehr irrelevent whether she comes back soon ro not. Makes all these things mildly irrelevent. Just spoke on the phone with an ex from when I was 15 - it's a long story but she was keen, but I was in an other country so didn;t feel it would work. She now has kids and is happy with this guy. We tend to touch base once a year for a quick catchup. They are planning on coming over next month from france to visit london, and we'll probably catch up then. It's an example of when things are respectful following awkwardness like a breakup or rejection, things can actually end nicely. I've known her since I was 8. Every time I talk with her I feel warm inside cos it reminds me that I was young and scar-free once
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Well, I replied to that text. Just along the lines of "hi, doing well thanks. Trip was fun! Hope you're doing good and have a nice easter." I don't know whether it was the right thing to do or not, or whether I need ot reset my NC clock. I do feel like the whole time I wasn't responding, I was thinking of her continuously, whereas now I've replied something that doesn't require a response, I can move on mentally. I do feel a bit liek I've played into her hands, but I'm getting to the point where not responding felt liek a game I was playing borne out of ill-intentions. I feel truer to myself now.
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I agree! I never get this "I need to talk to you" but not leaving any indication of why. She's probably testing you.
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Day 19 - Didn't reply. Really didn't like the "I'll understand" line - feels manipulative. Can't repond while I still have negative feelings. On a good note, I've just been invited on another press trip, this time to Montreal in June. Really excited about it - always wanted to go, and I'm half-french so it'll be a great opportunity to practise my french. So glad something has come along for me to look forward to, really needed it right now.
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Haha! Every breakup I have had, including those I initiated, have been just before, during or just after Xmas. I now have this dreaded gut feeling whenever we get to that time of year!
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TBH, I think my current unhappiness is mostly to do with the realisation that she isn't coming back, and the fact I'm resigning myslf to friendship, whatever form it takes. With that in mind, I'm tempted to politely reply back, and add a very adult "I would like 1 month of NC starting now to give us best chance of being friends, please do not contact me, I'll contact you". At least my guilt at not replying would be dealt with. Gonna sleep on it. Thanks for all the advice guys!
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It's at the end of this thread:
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Just received a text 12 days after the email i ignored. Feels like the games are on. Or I'm being paranoid.
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It's tough when you come to the realisation you have to let go emotionally - I think I mentally did that weeks ago, but only recently has the heart followed and it's a new challenge. Good call on the morning run!