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Everything posted by abitbroken

  1. What do you do? You turn down any advance from a drunk woman, no matter who they are = boyfriend or no boyfriend. If there is pressure from your friends to not be the last to "lose" your virginity, get new friends! Friends that don't care whether you have been previously married and divorced, never had any sexual experiences or had a ton. Make friends that have higher standards. If you let your desire to 'score' get in the way, it would have had dire repurcussions at work and you could have even been arrested for rape because she was too drunk to properly consent. When you see Anne, pretend like nothing happened - that she did not embarass herself -- afterall, you didn't make a move -- and pretend you did not hear what she had said drunk (except the part about having a boyfriend). Offer to call her boyfried or sister to drive her home if you see her at another party drunk or ask a female friend to do so. do you want a girlfriend or go on dates or do you want to be a creep who tries to take advantage just to win esteem with your gamer friends?
  2. Its a good sign that she has a social life aside from you. What are you afraid of because she is going to be away for a week? This will implode if you are too needy - i am glad you are recognizing it.
  3. Could he have been complaining about his electrical bill because he is fishing out if yours is inexplicably high too? That could be.
  4. She is not asking you for help in eating. And you are far away. The only thing you could possibly suggest is "hey, since you are at a hospital with your husband, there are people there who can help you. Maybe its a good idea to get checked out and tell them what has been going on with you." that way someone else is identifying it -- not you. She could turn against you if she is not ready to hear it . i can't tell whether she is noticing no appetite as a problem or proclaiming it as a victory. Eating disorders are not usually *really* about food per se, but about control (if someone has felt a lack of it), body image, and many other things depending on the person. If she had a healthy relationship with food, i could understand suggestions would be totally acceptable/supportive, but not to a person with an eating disorder because they are only going to binge it, purge, it, etc, without proper treatment. but she has to be ready to accept help. Really, counseling with someone who is versed in ED and medical care would be helpful, but you cannot put her on that path. If you lived near her and were there holding her hand, you could offer different support. But telling her what to do from a distance will have no impact.
  5. You cannot dictate child support but if you have a prenup that each party only leaves with what they came in with, the spouse whose career took a back seat will come out with nothing. Harder to rebuild a career after 10 years home with the kids working part time after a divorce. One of my coworkers had this happen. They both had careers going into it. She works several part time jobs to support her teenagers and gets child support but its not a lot. She had no share of the home because he bought it a year before they got married. He's out of the picture and besides that little bit of child support, he doesn't help. they only really got married because they wanted kids and the toll o fertility treatment ripped them apart
  6. Oh, i didn't mean steps. i meant an actual ramp without steps -- a gradual incline. Also, try teaching him different commands like heel with small pieces of treat and verbal praise and then wean him off the treats. I have had huge dogs and positive reinforcement to teach them works best - you can't start to "correct" them if they haven't gotten the right thing down. I don't believe in snapping a leash at a little dog. It takes more than one day, but he will get it
  7. Unless you are two famous celebrities with billions of dollars that are intended to remain in your family or one of you is an heir to the Postit Note company, and you are two regular people who don't have a lot, a prenup only states that you are prepping for a divorce - you are getting married with your fingers crossed behind your back. In a lot of areas, what you bring into the marriage is yours, but what you make during the marriage is both of yours. What if you have kids, she stays home with them a few years and puts her career on the backburner in favor of yours - a prenup in areas where the split is equitable based on financial contribution - you could leave her destitute. Anyway - i guess i am saying don't put her through this
  8. There is nothing wrong with wanted to get married. Its wonderful that she knows what she wants. She should not have to compromise on that. if it means that she marries someone else -- a guy that also wants to find a wife and wants to spend the rest of his life with her - and you end up without her -- so be it. By 30, you should know - by reading literature, watching movies , observing other people in an older age group than you that marriage indeed means something to people. I had a friend who didn't want to get married, but didn't bash people who wanted to get married, or pretend they had no clue what the big deal was. They thought marriage DID have meaning, but they did not want a lifelong partnership and were respectful of others by only occasionally going on dates, not dating anyone who wanted to get married, etc. Friendships and occasional dates suited them fine. I think if marriage does not have meaning for you -- you should not marry her NOR should you convince her to just live together. You should find someone who wants to remain equally unattached. If you go into it with the attitude "people usually divorce anyways" etc, you won't give 100% of yourself. you will always be holding back. My ex married me after a number of years because he didn't want to be old and alone. I had not realized that until after. He thought marriage didn't work - and guess what -- we barely lasted. he was abusive anyhow -- but when stuff in life wasn't going the way he wanted to, he ran home to mommy. Marriage is not about a big wedding. It could be a church wedding if she is a person of faith with 25 guests and no reception. It could be just two witnesses at a court house - but you would want to share the day/your joy with some family, you know? Its your family and friends that are the ones rooting for you as a couple and want to be supportive over the years Anyhow, i am not about to convince someone who doesn't want to get married to get married -- but don't take the other person down with you . Do not move in with them as they will think its a "step" and its not. It could be that you just don't want to marry HER. Sometimes someone comes along and we never considered marriage before - suddenly our mind totally changes when we meet someone. It happens all the time. A woman lives with a guy for years, they break up and she hears that he was married to someone else in less than two years.
  9. I would also go to a training class -- not the ones at the pet store. There are places that have ongoing classes that include fun tricks and agility classes where when you finish with some obedience classes where he really can gain confidence. Terriers can be tenacious and stubborn and bold. and fiercely loving and loyal and a best friend, too
  10. Your dog is little so has to pick up some speed to jump on the couch. He is not being bad. its an accident that he collides. Buy or make a ramp so he can walk up there and train him to use it. Reward him for it, or do not allow him on the couch at all. Or only when a child is not on it (baby gate him out of the room). You can't allow a dog to do something and then scold them when they do it, but only in a certain way. Because that isn't consistent. You are only confusing him. DO NOT pull your dog back down off the couch and scold him! Do not "pull a dog" in anyway. Just say a firm "SIT" or other command he knows when it appears that he is heading for the couch and reward him. Give him another positive activity. Pretty soon you will train him to lay down near the couch. BUT also have him out of the room when you are not there to supervise.
  11. BTW, i don't think mom is pressuring her on kids. Its a reality that if she wants kids, the older she starts to try, the more expensive or less of a chance she will have. I want to go back in time to my younger self and tell myself that. But if you see your child with someone they are dating and you don't see any chemistry at all - like zip, its concerning. My BIL was not all over my sister when i met him, but you could totally tell that these two people meshed really well with eachother personality wise and they were obviously well matched - he was excited for her about things she was proud of doing, etc, as well. They have been married 15 years now. This sister can sometimes not be everyone's taste and he really "gets" her and it was apparent that they already had inside jokes. But even the little things and the care that he showed her at the table in making sure she was taken care of, etc, was very sweet. They are still the same way with eachother and still in love and going strong. Everyone wants their daughter, sister, niece to be with a guy that feels they are so fortunate to have her. And that's what everyone deserves
  12. "touching" in front of parents -- it doesn't mean you have to tongue kiss, but there are little ways to touch someone that makes it obvious you are smitten - holding hands, or when you are talking to them, your finger brushes their elbow, etc, walking at a pace that matches hers vs walking 10 feet ahead, you offer your hand if she is wearing high heels and you are going up or down stairs, etc -- so many ways to touch where someone wouldn't say 'get a room!' but its obvious that there is respect and affection. They wanted to see a guy who OBVIOUSLY clicks with their daughter . My ex did that -- walked feet away from me, etc, - if you saw us as a group with my parents, you would definitely not know we were a couple. It upset my parents that it almost seemed he didn't even want to share the experience of what we were doing with me. It didn't look like two couples (us and my parents) but me and my parents and he wasn't part of the group. My mom's heart broke for me. At 37, if she wants babies, the wrong response is to ask her to move in with you. The right response is to decide if she is the one or not. If she is, then plan to marry. If she is not, then don't waste her time by moving in to try things out, put off things because you want to fix up your house and break up so she ca find someone who loves her. At 37, she needs to already be checking with her OB and Reproductive Endocrinoligist getting herself checked out - to see if its feasible with her ovarian reserve and levels to get pregnant naturally or if she will need help. Babies don't just happen. if you "start" it might take 6 months, a year, or she could be 40 and nothing happens yet. People rent out their house and move out of state all the time when something happens - a great job offer after unemployment, meeting someone you want to marry and have a family with and they have to move near parents because of their health. If the house is good enough for her to "live with you in" its good enough to start the next part of your lives. It seems that you have been sending messages to her that you feel Meh about and her parents confirmed it.
  13. Exactly this! So much is about personal mastery. This isn't MMA where its about who can beat the crap out of eachother the fastest.
  14. He could have pulled up to confirm that it was you.
  15. He sent you a text meant for someone else - big deal. 3-8 phone calls in one day seems excessive. In fact, I would not want to talk to someone who was that demanding of my time. If you had gone to him and said "hey, i am interested in being an instructor someday, what do i need to do over the next few years to make it a reality" Because someone is very good at something does not make them a great teacher of it. often the best people in their field cannot break the subject down in a way that inspires self discovery or a grasp of concept in students. While people that discovered cures for diseases, are the most famous violinist or what have you may be fascinating to listen to (to hear speak about their passion or literally listen to their music), they may not have the skillset to break things down in a way that other people can learn it, too. You do really have a tone of typing where maybe you don't realize it - you come across as arrogant. ONE person doesn't want to help you be an instructor so "no one makes money at it anyways". If you say martial arts has taken a hit due to covid - why do you want to go into it right now - then blame others? To me, i would think its not an overnight thing - you apprentice with an instructor - working under them and assisting them for quite awhile - there are ins and outs on the business end that you need to learn. And martial arts is about inner control as well, and it seems you are just mad-- If you feel that teachers are replaceable -- is that how you will want your students to view yoursel. On the contrary, there have been a lot of martial arts instructors that have had classes at the park, or have put out technique videos just for their students or have "met" with individual students over zoom or evaluated their techniques by videos the students shot. I know martial arts that someone does at a regular gym might have suffered - people who are curious about it and try it - but people who are committed to it are practicing.
  16. Quit the "revenge" mindset. If you have that mindset, it may rub off and people do sense it. Also, if you just want money and don't care what you do, people can tell. Also, turn it around. Its not things that "people did to you". its just how it worked out. If you take that mindset, you will be less bitter and you also may be ignoring opportunities because you are so focused on what you didn't get. The person that hired the 65 year old PE teacher -- they did a good thing - its hard for a 65 year old to find a job and this was maybe his last chance to do so at something he loved. you have tons of other chances. Also, maybe the 65 year old could bring something else to the table -- he already had a track record as a gym teacher that was well known. No one owes you a job Then I had a martial arts sensei who faked caring about me when I told him that I wanted to become an instructor as well, to doing everything in his passive aggressive power to prevent me from doing that. Meanwhile being polite with me & going along with me, saying that we could be doing private lessons now that there's the corona virus & don't worry. Are you even qualified to teach martial arts? Do you have the personality for it. Its about experience AND mindset. And you have to be good at guiding other people. Do you have a studio? But really -- ONE person doesn't jump for joy that you want to be an instructor and you quit? that's the mindset i am talking about. You could have asked your sensei what path he took to get where he is now -- is there a certification? How many years did he practice. stuff like that. But now "no one makes a living at it"
  17. 17 hours? You must really be timing it because most people would say "the next day" or "he only gets back to me in the evenings" 17 hours is pretty darn good for someone who has kids. I do not blame him for not introducing you to his kids, especially if they are small unless you get to the point where he is really serious about you and thinking about getting engaged and then integrate you with the kids before he does -- because little kids attach quickly. I think if he was pulling away - just showing up at his house possibly knowing its his day with his kids probably was the last straw. I had an ex relative that used to do that - if i said no to something, she would show up where i was with someone who could "witness" my no so she could prove i was stupid/wrong/try to get the other person to change my mind. I am not saying he is perfect, but texting everyday hardly is disappearing -- relationships move slower when there are children and if the texting is just to arrange the next date vs constant back and forth all day - that sounds normal.
  18. agree with this. If you wait until things calm down, you will be lulled into staying, thinking "ok, finally, things are good"...
  19. Your parents might be giving you tough love because they know they aren't going to live forever at this point and cannot and do not want to think about you dying before them from alcohol poisioning, trusting the wrong people and just going with the flow with them (someone can slip you a drug, or strangle you or give you HiV which i get is not a death sentence but people still die). They want to retire in a few years - its time for you to take this all seriously.
  20. Are you accepting. And are you interested in him now? Or meh like you were before?
  21. THis above was from the last thread. You didn't take the advice. I hope you do this time.
  22. I knew this sounded very familiar. I really feel you are beating a dead horse, so to speak. This relationship is taking a big toll on you. It is just as bad if not worse than it was last year. How much more of yourself do you have to shrink in order to keep this going?
  23. I would not sell the property to appease her. If you bought the property while married or before you knew her (plenty of people are on friendly terms with exes if one of the driving reasons for the break up was coming out) and have it as an investment as there is no financial benefit to selling it, you should not liquidate it to appease someone with mental health issues. No offense to those who are suffering - but if you sell it, she will fixate on something else that you need to get rid of most likely. Does she think that you still have the hots for him even though you took a big leap coming out and ending your marriage? I would strongly caution you to invest long term with this woman. Bipolar is for life. I am not saying people who struggle with mental illness are not worthy of love and relationships, but this sounds like a bit too much as far as how she copes and how she manages it. There are healthier people out there.
  24. you should not do so to "fix" her problem. You should only combine households when you have a wedding date and its right for your relationship and the younger daughters - not as a remedy to escape a problem. Otherwise your big hearted fiance will say "oh its only for a night" when they come live with you. You guys are not in a situation where you are working against the clock to have a baby --- so take your time so she sorts this out. so don't sell your house. when is the wedding date? once you marry, its also your problem. If you do not let her run to your house, she will be forced to put her foot down/deal with it. Shame on her for leaving her two other daughters there to be subjected to that, though.
  25. I think that she was not a liar -- its just that you don't trust women. You don't think they are trustworthy and you also feel that they should not have had any sort of crush, attraction or relationship before they met you and you should be the first man that they looked at with love and attraction. Yet you expect them to want to have sexy talk with you -- and when they speak of things that make you curious or aroused you are upset that they must have had a lot of experience before you. You don't feel retroactive jealousy right now because you have broken up with her. You will feel it again with the next woman.
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