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abitbroken

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Posts posted by abitbroken

  1. On 10/23/2021 at 12:27 PM, Skip90 said:

    So in other words if I choose to ruin my health then it's my business as long as I don't get into a serious relationship? 

    in other words, Its sad that you don't want to stop ruining your health for yourself - to be able to have mobility, your vision, etc, as long as you can so that you can do everything you want to do until the day you die hopefully in very old age.  I had a relative who died of it -- their vision started to go, they lost their foot and part of their leg due to diabetes in stages and also had episodes of diabetic amnesia before all that, too. Its nasty. you don't want it.   you don't need to become a body builder or be vegan to be healthier.  It takes just a few small changes. 

  2. Go out for dessert on the way to drop her back at home. I would not have done dinner at your place on a second date because you want the date to have a definite start and end. It can be awkward if either is assuming you should get physical or the sign of not means something, too  Or do dinner and go to a movie or something. 

     

    I you did smoothie bowl on the beach, i would have done lunch, dinner or an activity like bowling next.

    • Like 2
  3. Honestly, this is one of the saddest posts I have read in awhile. you are pre-diabetic, so right now you have a CHANCE to make a change that will make sure you have a long life. It might even be simple changes at this point. If you are set in your ways, how are you going to handle testing your blood multiple times a day, insulin pills or injections?  Are you going to say "sorry, i am not doing that?" and gradually lose your vision, or a foot?

    you don't have to turn into a gym rat, but simply giving up junk food would be a major step.

    As it is, the only women you will attract for more than one date are women you won't want to date - either women who want to fix you or women who are stumbling towards diabetes and heart attacks themselves.

     

     

    • Like 2
  4. 30 minutes ago, Skip90 said:

    They won't see the smoking part right away because I won't be smoking in front of them. Smoking won't be allowed inside the restaurant anyway so I would have to refrain from smoking anyway. 

     The overweight part? Yes she would see that right away. I know I can't hide that. The smoking thing I would have to bring up.

    A nonsmoker will be able to tell. Smokers don't realize, its in their clothes and hair. If you get to the point of a kiss - then there is no way to hide it. Even if you had used toothpaste.  Trust me. 

    • Like 1
  5. btw, lots of people who love eachother break up = people who can't be together because of immigration issues, because their cultures are too different, one wants kids and the other doesn't, one is abusive and the other knows they deserve better, bad dynaimics, because the other person has a kid and has to move out of state to be closer and the other person cannot do that, someone has a gambling or drug addiction. One of the parties is married to someone else. Lots of reasons.

  6. On 10/14/2021 at 8:47 PM, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

    I feel like I’ve been single for two months now. Some people seem to want me to wait forever to date again. I’m not going to become a nun and wait forever. I’m definitely not holding a grudge against  my ex. The breakup was mostly my idea. I’m not sure what you mean by projecting my ex’s faults.  And all I’m going to say is that I’d like him to come with me if he wants. If he says no that’s fine. I really don’t think I have him in a pedestal either. I mean I do like him and we seem to click but I know he’s got to have faults like every other human on earth.

    8 weeks is not a long time to be by yourself (and you have had no time by yourself because you jumped in with this guy right away even if it wasn't a "relationship".) take a little time to reconnect with friends you lost touch with because you were consumed with your ex and your relationship, do things you would not do when you were in a relationship (if you always wanted to take a cooking class or join a hiking group but didn't because it interfered with "your date night" or because your ex didn't want to do it).

    If you like this guy, date him because YOU want to, not because he 'hints" that he wants more.  Who cares if he wants more.  He can want.  If its not just about sex for him, he will go on sex free dates to see if you actually hit it off or you annoy eachother.

    Don't have a guy you hooked up with in wedding photos.  He could be your future husband or looking back a glaring mistake and this fizzles out as soon as you 'make" him actually date you or until someone else comes along for him. 

    Do not invite him to the wedding. Do not take a guy to be your social safety net. have a great time with your family.  And then DATE him. Go out on a date with no sex afterwards.  If you can go on a few "proper" dates with him you will figure out whether this is just sex fuel hormone fueled decisions or he is actually someone you would like to date AND you are ready for it and not just on the rebound

     

     

  7. On 10/15/2021 at 1:03 AM, relationships123 said:

    @lostandhurt@Rose Mosse@abitbroken  It’s crazy but he just recently stayed with me for two weeks and left a few days ago. It was fun but we fought so much and it got really bad many of the days. I’m not going to act like I’ve been perfect because I do lash out and get mad at things very easily (I became like this because that’s the only way I could deal with his toxic behavior in the past), but he blames everything he does on his mental disorders and how he’s at a really low point right now. I do partially believe that so I’m conflicted because I want to be committed and not run away because of his problems. He supports me with my anxiety problems and depression too, so I just feel so bad that I want to leave when he has that too.  He’s also mentioned scary things before and it freaks me out because I genuinely care about him. 

    You say you can't leave him at a low point, but when he is at a high point, you will make the excuse "things are better now."  And then they will get worse again...

    He doesn't "need" you for his mental health - you don't live near him and somehow he survives the days you are not together with family, therapist, video games, strangers on the internet or whatever he does or uses as a support network. You THINK he needs you to function - and he controls you into believing that as well.  When you walk away, you need to block him - phone, text, email, social media. It might seem terrible to you at first but the more days he cannot contact you anymore -- everything will start to lift.   It may take days, weeks, months. 

    A relationship built on having similar mental health issues is not healthy. I suffer form some social anxiety and panic attacks -- the panic attacks only happen very infrequently now -- maybe once a year or twice a year - because i am in a safe, secure relationship where my panic attacks started when i was in an abusive one.  BUT my guy does not have the same issues.  And i have improved by being around someone who does NOT have anxiety because two people with anxiety can spiral out of control - one person gets anxious and the other person is triggered by the other's anxiousness....

     

    he could be GIVING you more anxiety.

     

     

    • Like 1
  8. No.  Your cousin, if you are close, knows you broke up with your ex.  Don't take him just because you have a plus one. Ask your cousin to adjust her list as you are going solo.  Ask him out on a REAL DATE - not a hang out that is also not a wedding.

    And figure yourself out.  you told him you were still figuring out your breakup, so any attention from him is going to be him thinking this is FWB or an invite to hookup - not a relationship. Get clear with yourself.  You don't actually want a relationship, but think he's hot, so you are bending on what you are ready for. 

    • Like 2
  9. 1 minute ago, relationships123 said:

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year but we’re long-distance and only met 3 times. It’s been rough because he has bipolar disorder and depression  and emotionally it was a lot for me at times, even though I try to help him as much as I can. He has been toxic in the past but he’s slowly changing too. He loves me a lot, is really loyal, and goes the extra mile. The problem is he’s very introverted and doesn’t have any friends really, and that’s been bothering me for a long time. I like to go out and hang with friends, but he’s so against it. I can’t even go out any weekend in college because he wants me to stay home all the time. I feel like I’m missing out on a lot because we’re so different. I can’t get over the feeling that he’s not the right type of guy for me, but how can I break up with someone who loves me that much and someone who I also care about a lot?

    We can care about lots of people, but that doesn't mean we have to make them our closest friend, our lover, etc. We don't "owe" someone our time if they are unhealthy for us and does not accept us for who we are (he is expecting you to change - he wants you to stay home even when you are apart).

    I think that you should break up because 1) You can't have an in person relationship 2) He wishes to isolate you and keep you from having relationships with friends or do other activities. 3) You are starting to feel responsible for his mental health since you point our that he doesn't have any friends really - so perhaps you are hesitating to break up.

    Please, for your own mental health, break it off. It is a blessing that this is long distance so it will make it easier for you to do it (he is not living next door or something).  He survived before he met you, so he will find someone else he can latch on to.

     

    • Like 1
  10. could it be that your body was totally depleted of nutrients while you breastfed? Also there could have been a medical problem all along that extra estrogen masks during pregnancy.  change in sensitives to smell is normal.  are you sure you don't have hashimotos? 

    i honestly would not have another pregnancy intentionally - as it sounds like you are falling apart, no offense. Get yourself healthy - spend the money on a dietician, specialists, etc to get your health manageable again.

    You CAN adopt from the foster system very economically, but i would wait until your child is older and can speak before doing so -- you want to make sure the child can communicate. 

    But i would wait on ANYTHING for a few years until your health is in order. 

    • Like 1
  11. 23 hours ago, catfeeder said:

    You're setting yourself up for a miserable future. I'd stop and rethink that.

    YES. this sums it up.  You are not a bison or an elk who is coming into being fertile so you have to take advantage of a male being around.  getting off contraception and staying with this man should not be linked.  For the implant, you owe it to yourself to get rid of it, to see if your cycles can be a bit more normal - but it is going to take a long time to know.  But that means that you should be celibate/abstain for awhile so that your body can reset itself because you should never risk pregnancy with this dude.  AND you will have no idea if you are ovulating or not because you will be irregular for awhile. 

    I have a strong feeling that if you start insisting on condoms and also possibly go through periods of abstinence to be sure, this guy will run.   Now that you COULD become pregnant, he is going to high tail it out of there.  But i would leave HIM

    • Like 1
  12. If a man talks about a mortgage first rather than marriage - run.

    Honestly, as a 40+ woman, I would encourage you to not wait until your 30s to start to think about kids. Get all your fertility testing done now to make sure you can and to see what's ahead. So many women wait until 35-40 and find that they have hidden endometriosis , premature ovarian failure etc and wish they would have thought about it earlier.  If at least you know what you are in for and aren't heartbroken when the time comes - you would have already gotten some stuff out of the way. Polyp removal, uterine septum, low AMH, - some of that can be dealt with over time before the time comes.

    friends my age are out there traveling, are killing it at their own small business and their children are out of the house or close and I am just sitting here childless.

    I am not saying have kids with this guy -- meet another guy if you want...but. You never know what life is going to throw at you and you can't plan like that.  Life may never "go back to normal"

     

  13. 18 minutes ago, possumblacknose said:

    It's been more than 2 years since my post. I am doing well in the meantime by cutting off all the connections with this guy, had therapy and rekindled the feeling with my husband. Now looking back, I just got carried away in the circumstance. Recently due to cloud gathering of the old contacts, I met this guy online again. Surprisingly, it was still a bit flame between me and him that I thought I had fully been moved on. I think I can handle such feeling and make sure it's not flaming up as the past. Thank you all of you for your kind words and good advice in the past. I just want to say, thank you.

    You shouldn't "handle" this feeling - you should block him online. Its not a test to see if you can handle it.  There is no need to communicate with him at all.  if you want to see this as a test, see it as getting the chance to do the right thing and eliminate him from all of your contacts and block him completely.  Just don't go there

  14. You should never do something for someone with the motive that you are doing to force a reaction in them (they have to reciprocate, etc) .

    A lot of people who struggle with codependency have a bit of a martyr complex "look at what i do for you/i bend over backwards and you do nothing" They feed off of it. 

     

    • Like 1
  15. If not seeing your mom means that you won't see all of your other family - i would just set boundaries.  Don't "spend the holidays" with them as in being there 24/7, but be there for Christmas dinner or the main event but then going for Christmas dessert with your boyfriend's family, for example.  Keep it short and sweet.  schedule seeing friends or other relatives surrounding Christmas so you aren't sitting at home all the time

    Is your mom worse one on one and she is better when there is a "buffer" -- ie Aunt Gladys comes over and she always tries to show her best to Aunt Gladys, etc. 

    my mother and i really butted heads - but a couple years after i moved out - our relationship really changed.

  16. I would have a mediator or your lawyers as the go between. Do not involve a friend.  Be very business like when you communicate, preferably in an email.  Do not put emotions or feelings into it - just state what needs to be done.  "our daughter needs to have signatures on her documents.  The signature is due x"

  17. If you are cheating with someone and they are unfaithful to their husband with you, what makes you believe that they would be faithful to YOU?  I think that's the crux of the matter.  Do everything you can to be the best dad, have a stable home for your child and fight for a fair share of custody- both legal custody and physical custody.   If she moved on that quickly, she already moved on long before in her mind

    Be single for a good while to figure things out as a divorced dad

  18. The simplest way for her to stop financially helping you is for you to say no to the money. Don't accept it. Simple.

    I think this is not a supportive relationship - its a codependent one. She is making it so that you can't live or do adult things without her doing them.  That's why you are worried about losing her.  If this relationship was healthy, you would not be afraid of her going to school.  You would be the supportive one - being flexible about when the two of you saw eachother, etc, around her demanding schedule.

     

    • Like 2
  19. I am sorry your husband has checked out, but someone can only go so long being ignored.  Grief brought me and my guy closer -- not farther away when i went through a loss of a baby.  I would continue going to counseling for yourself. You have to shift going to counseling "to get him back" and do it just for you.

    It may be too late.  I know you say you are feeling better, but is there anything you have done in the past three years to make your husband feel valued? 

    I can't tell whether he is saying these things to get you to act or he is sincerely done with you. If he was done, he would have moved out.   Continue counseling but also exercise, put some care into yourself again for yourself.  That way you are strong enough for either outcome

  20. 3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

    Lol. I am talking about cell phones. They also have caller ID capabilities when a phone call is received from a number that is not saved as a contact.

    I'm surprised that some people don't realize this or know what I'm talking about.  Maybe it's different based on the country you are in.

    Yes. indeed names sometimes come up especially if its the same carrier. 

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