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abitbroken

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Everything posted by abitbroken

  1. If he said "are we really doing this?" it makes me think you were giving him mixed messages about your interest. you talked about exclusive - and then ask if you are dating or are gf/bf in your mind. Or if you didn't Being exclusive is being exclusive. it means you have paired off and are dating just eachother. A boyfriend/girlfriend label comes over time.
  2. If there is a silver lining - you don't own a home together. There is no "don't leave, because you will lose the house" thing. You will both lose the apartment at the end of the lease. I still would not leave to keep the kids routines the same for now until you establish everything. You don't want to go live with a friend and make it easy for her to get 100% physical custody. Set up custody groundrules about the kids not being able to stay with a boyfriend, etc, though.
  3. Do not buy a house with him. Only buy a house with a man you are marrying (there is a wedding date plannned). Otherwise, buy your own house, or he buys his (whether you both live there, or one of you does). Many people stay in relatonships just because of a house. Its a red flag to me that you are worried his mental health is dependent on what you do or say. I think you feel obligated and trapped - you are so worried about him being upset at you for things that you shouldn't worry about if you were with a mentally healthy person. You are walking on eggshells. I think you honestly need to seek counseling - DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH HIM and maybe even take a break to figure out what is mentally healthy.
  4. Oh, i was soooo upset when i had my first period. I was weeping in the bathroom. I was bullied by supposed friends because i matured faster (was the first in the friend group to need to wear a bra.) - and i wished i could just stay a kid a little longer. I am really glad i am a woman but up until your early 20s sometimes you don't really feel like you come into your own -- your body might still feel awkward, your whole self could feel awkward etc -- its normal!!!
  5. She is a girl who doesn't like girly things whose parent is inappropriate for foisting "boy" treatment on her. Its not her own conclusion. When i was younger, kids would say "oh, you don't have a boyfriend/you won't tell me what boy you like, maybe you are gay" Honestly, boys still had cooties when i was 12. I wasn't "interested" in boys as far as wanting to kiss them or date them or something, - i really wasn't interested until my senior year --being a late bloomer or the absence of attraction doesn't mean you are nonbinary, fluid, demisexual --- you just haven't hit that part of your life yet. Its sad that a young woman has to wonder if she is really a gay guy because she likes girls and doesn't like pink ruffles and someone in their life is nudging her towards boy pronouns if that is truly the case. She should be fearlessly living as a girl - who hates pink dresses -- vs trying to shrink herself or bend to what someone else is telling her. Tons of awesome straight women out there who are into cars, rock climbing and such and wear sneakers or boots on their wedding day. Heck you could not bribe me to put a dress on from the ages of 5 to 17. I am really into having different purses and i like dresses now - granted they are tailored with zippers and stuff on them -- nothing Barbie would ever pick.
  6. You know -- i had short hair and liked frogs and turtles when i was a teenager. Short hair does not make you "gender fluid". you are simply a girl or a woman with short hair. It didn't matter if we did or didn't like frilly princess things. It did not make us boys or gay. The problem now is that people jump on every fashion choice or interest and say "oh that means you are really a boy!" Dads like their sons AND daughters to be confident. Its not something one gender is and one is not. Poor treatment by a parent (referring to a girl as a boy if they really wanted a boy) doesn't mean you are anything other than the way you were born. Enjoy being a girl who likes her hair short because its more comfortable or fashionable that way and don't question yourself so much. SPend time with people who love you just the way you are
  7. You indicated that you have nothing to worry about because you are way more attractive than her. So right, its not about looks. Because you see yourself as more attractive does not mean that your good looks means that he is not interested in her. "time stops when i am with you" is a really big load of crap and you are buying it. "the world stopped when i saw you from across the room" soo many schmoozey lines. usually "he told me he loooooved me so he doesn't mean anything.." If you believe that, then i have a bridge to sell you...
  8. Stay off the internet chat boards. If people don't know you, why do they have anything to bully you about. Are you sure you are being bullied by every single person, or does when someone not agree with you, you don't compute that and take it as meanness, when its not? Sometimes people who are autistic can't always read social situations or tones of voice. Are you sure *everyone* is really bullying you? What kind of ulterior motive do they think you have? I doubt if all therapists actually yell at you....
  9. Look at all the supermodels who have their boyfriends and husbands cheat on them. Was the other woman more attractive? 99% of the time -- nope. Most of the time, the other woman is a quite ordinary looking woman. Its Nooooot about looks.
  10. They say he's good for you because then they are off the hook from listening to you and spending time with you.
  11. ^^^This! I would do yourself a favor and read up on codependency. There is a BIG difference between the give and take of being there for eachother/being helpful and being codependent.
  12. That's like saying someone should accept a date from anyone who asks. Most people don't "request friendship" unless you are talking about facebook friends. You meet someone through a common interest and if they are a total downer, you decide not to initiate plans with that person outside of that photography class or whatever. Some people through life do fewer things with some friends and make different ones. You can also set boundaries. When someone starts putting themselves down "i understand that you like to put yourself down, but i wish you wouldn't. I like talking about cooking with you, but when you put yourself down, i am going to go do something else.." If most of your friends are in the same boat as you - lamenting about their plainness or what they think they are lacking instead of as a sort of hobby - it drags you down
  13. I think this goes down to different value systems. If he were unemployed, of course, lots of people were. If he were pursuing other training to try a different line of work while waiting for a job in his field to open up but just hadn't landed a job yet, then that's fine, too. Or caring for a sick parent But mommy filling out his paperwork? yikes. Yikes YIKES.
  14. Some people babble or say awkward things when they are nervous on a first date and that's okay. I really, truly think the woman that you are ultimately attracted to is either 1) a totally unavailable but extremely attractive women so you can say "see, i'm undesirable". 2) a woman who reinforces your own thoughts about yourself. A woman who tells you that you are "plain and overweight" and speaks exactly what your inner dialogue affirms you as. You are suspicious of anyone who contradicts how you feel about yourself. Honestly - "plain" might mean you are not a head turning specimen of male perfection, but you are not Quasimodo either. That is exactly where *most* guys fall in this world. There are a small percentage of men that could walk into an agency for fashion and fitness models and have a multimillion dollar contract and a small percentage of men who are considered "ugly". In otherwords, your looks are absolutely no barrier in meeting a woman and having a meaningful relationship. If you are "plain/average" and you are unclean (you always smell, you don't regularly bathe/shower), and you have poor other hygiene (never go to the dentist), then you will have no luck. So make sure you have a somewhat up to date haircut, ditto your glasses if you wear them, and take an honest look if you are wearing clothing that show you to your best (does not have to be designer, but the styles you choose and that they are clean as well), and that goes a long way. Stay off of bumble and tinder. that is very much an app for the very young or quite attractive. Or you need to have a thicker skin. Other apps might work better for you - where there is a longer profile, or branching out in more ways to meet other groups of people but i think having a better friend group goes a long way
  15. If your friends brag who has the smallest ego -- get new friends. If you choose male company that is happy where they are in life, working towards goals if they are not, etc, and have a healthy sense of self -- its going to rub off on you.
  16. She might be playing the long game. You know, one on the house, bigger tip next time. Sorry, if she were straight up every time with you (being an efficient waitress, small talk but nothing that is really flirty or anything) not accepting a tip might mean something but all the pinching and stuff -- can you honestly think she doesn't treat other customers the same
  17. Sorry, that's pretty much sexual harassment to me. If the genders were reversed, there is no way it would fly. Honestly, i would break someone's finger if they pinched me. If i were you its one thing if you bonded over talking about hiking or dogs and sort of one of you said "well, there is a great trail at the nature preserve..." and one of you took the other up on the offer that's one thing but immediately telling someone where you live? You might be flattered but i think its pretty boundary crossing but that's me
  18. The best cure for shyness is practice. Is there a toastmasters chapter that meets locally or online where you prepare and practice talking in front of a group about a topic? Or a hobby you like where you can join a group and have something to talk about with people - talking to men, women, people regardless of whether you want to date them or not. I think saying that her father won't approve is just a crutch. you want to create scenarios in your mind where women are pining for you and WOULD be with you except for a dad, except for shyness, etc, and honestly, if woman was truly interested, talking wth eachother would come so naturally. Also being quiet does not mean a person is shy.
  19. I should have prefaced it as "this is what my gut would want to do" not that i would...
  20. Heck, i would call the woman up and find out if she is aware that not only he is married but he has a newborn at home. Does she feel good having him shower with her and flirt with her knowing he has a newborn and a wife?
  21. Why not go on a trip that you can both enjoy? Go to a destination where there is a biking trail, but is nearby to shows, antique shops, etc. You go to a nice breakfast and dinner, she pokes around antique shops while you go biking. Also, why not talk about what you BOTH would like to see on a vacation. What one does on a trip is different than daily life. What about finding MALE friends that like to do what you do. My dad travels with 2-3 buddies and goes to car shows in other states = my mom could care less about going to one. Its wildly inappropriate to go with a lady.
  22. Coincidence. People only have so many clothing items. Its not a secret message
  23. If the other WOMAN is shy around you after this long, it could be that she just doesn't enjoy talking to you. Why not find someone who really does
  24. She is a very perceptive young woman. If she is wearing the same colors as you, its coincidence because she could not have known what you were going to wear that day Please distance yourself. This is concerning. She owes you nothing. This is how obsession/stalking starts.
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