tattoobunnie

Knew my hubs for two years without every once looking at him romantically prior. A change of scenario sometimes is all it takes 😉

Yes, I would clarify this! My mom stopped making me lunch for school by the time I was 8, and we didn't have a cafeteria, so I couldn't buy it, nor did she ever buy me food I could prepare or pack, or a lunch box or Thermos to put it in, so I would bully boys for lunch; they felt bad, so they always gave it to me with no issue. Don't get me wrong; she loves me, but she was raised in a household that from the age of 8 on, had to take care of her 3 younger brothers because mom had tuberculosis, and dad was gone 9 months of the year, all the while being physically hit by her mom each day. She just didn't know better back then. So, now I make my kids lunch and snack every day, and leave money in their lunch account so they can splurge once a week of their choosing, cafeteria food. To me, this is spoiling. There are many ways to teach children how to value money, life skills, and give back to the community without being stingy. I am religious. My hubs is an atheist. Never an issue, nor has it been taking the kids to church a handful of times. If you are completely against letting your children practice Catholicism, which btw, has been pretty cool teaching my boys about respecting and learning about different perspectives from different faiths and parallels to Science and overreach. You can add that dynamic, which my hubs and I do, religious or not. I control all the finances, including my hubs. He couldn't pay a bill on time to save his life; it's the executive dysfunction from ADHD. So, I manage all fiscal matters, and we have no issues with this. I would get to know them more; 6 months is still up in the air if you are the right fit for eachother. Other factors (not on paper) which make a huge difference is how you are together when one is sick, gets a promotion, loses a job, family member, how you are when you travel together, doing a project together. There's so much more than what's on paper that helps gauge if the a relationship last.

I know this stings, but it's so true. I find journaling helps. Getting out with friends and family. Try doing something different each day. Even just going to the beach or park by yourself, and just be present with how cold or hot or whatever it is. How the sand feels, how the grass feels between your feet and fingers. Try new restaurants, cuisines. Take a class like running, hiking, photography, cooking, etc. And, make sure you put away all her photos and mementos for now in a box in the closet. You don't have to throw them out, but photos of them everywhere will not help you heal. Also block on all social media. It will drive you crazy seeing what she is up to, not up to, etc. Hugs; it will be okay! It will feel like a roller coaster of emotions, but hang in there.

In an interracial marriage with biracial kids here, and we are fully supported on all sides of the family and friends. At the end of the day, doesn't matter if the parents(step) were racists, even though you loved each other, she wasn't the one. Love is not enough. And move to New York...you won't have nearly the same issues.

Asian here, born and raised in NY with immigrant parents, and happily married to a white dude, and I am the only Asian woman he's ever dated, but he has learned many of our traditions over the years, and I enjoy not having to tolerate any micro-aggressions or overt racism when he is around. And, I used to teach a long time ago, but got out of it to go into business. If your parents are hot to have grandchildren, MARRY the TEACHER! They have every single school day/holiday break off, and you won't have to worry about childcare on those days. And, unless you plan to marry your parents, they don't get a say on your love life. Even though I have known my hubs since I was a teenager, the year we got back together, he came to visit long distance in a blizzard, and his car had a hole in it (long story). They asked me if he was crazy. They love him so much now; they call him when they need something, almost never with my two big brothers. What you need to ask is if this person is right for you. If they are, go have fun, and enjoy each other, and see what happens. There is no guarantee that a person who looks good on paper will be kind, faithful, and dutiful. My hubs was a pauper when we married, now he makes 3 times more than I do, and I make descent money. So, if you love each other, and want each other, explore it.

If you look up in the dictionary, "garbage person," there will be a picture of him. Please move on, and never ever touch him or talk to him again. Block him on everything. He is so disrespectful with no empathy. I have been in your shoes!

I have a few friends who say they need to check their calendar. Then, they do, and confirm yes or no. I don't think it's weird to say that. Some people still handwrite everything down in a planner.

No one here has a crystal ball, so it's up to you if you want to take a chance. My ex did 14 years later of absolutely no communication, and we are happily married with 2 kiddos for well over a decade. He was my 1st love too, and is the perfect one for me.

I got around by bus and train since I was 14. In college, I would walk two miles one way to get to work in the top 3rd most high murder rate state. He's a grown man, and can figure it out. And, you don't just get your license. If he has never practiced driving, he's never going to get it. Taking driving lessons from a professional who comes to your house will help with his anxiety. I would never date or marry someone who couldn't and won't ever drive. It's one thing if you live in a city with tons of public transportation. It's another if you live in the 'burbs. I have no idea how you take him seriously; he acts like a child.

I just say their first name.

Don't have to. That car isn't yours. Just because your father changed his mind, does not mean you are still entitled to anything of his. Let's say you pay off the mortgage, you still have yearly taxes, home maintenance and repairs, utilities, on top of which you need to cover things for your kids and yourself. If Child Protective Services wasn't involved, how did your in-laws just take your kid?

I also want to add, next time, take the keys, and tell him to find a ride home.

Why can't you work and pay off your own mortgage? It is very hard for CPS to take children away, so I'm not going to get into this. Instead of fixating on someone else's car, save up for the mortgage, get a part-time job, or a job, and pay it off yourself.

In New York, child support is 17% of his salary, and goes up depending on how many kids you have together. Get an attorney asap, and it doesn't matter if he's an absentee dad, by law, he's not allowed to be a deadbeat dad. If he skips on paying child support, they can legally garnish his wages. Consult with a lawyer asap. Don't kid yourself with a trial separation; you've already been living separate lives.

I am married to a yapper too. Just tell him directly, you need to go, even in front of friends. If they are your real friends, they won't blink an eye at it. If they are his friends, next time say, "hey, I only want to stay till this time." And if he blows you off, don't go to the next event. If he says that you have to be there, tell him, since your comfort is not one of his top priorities, neither is going to the (insert event) for you. My husband will yap for a few more minutes, but I am not shy to tell him we have to beat it, because when he needs to leave someplace, we go.

Writers (especially for novels) write what they know. If you have any friends that are cops, I would recommend going out with them one day. Fire stations also are willing to help teach people about fire safety. And, you can shadow EMTs. Going to a forum where no one is exactly a protocol expert, and you are going in hot, these people don't know you. Even if all your books are fiction, it should stem from some experience with it or the concept of something. Strangers (especially Reddit) don't care to school you.

I use emojis all the time, cuz it's fun. I wouldn't read into a pic and an emoji. It really means nothing. And btw, with how you did treat her in the past, you need a grand gesture. If you want her, you need to put your heart on your sleeve. Do not wait for a signal from her after you spent 9 months telling her she is "Ho." Go hang out; I mean to dinner. To new places. With the baby. Museums, parks, aquariums, zoos. Plan the 2nd birthday party together. If you think she may be the one, do the work, and make the effort. Don't leave it all up to emojis.

Write out the plan; set dates together. It's very hard to argue there.

What are you to her? A manager, marketing manager, sales? If marketing, write up the plan, and go through it together.

Yup. In NY, which is an At-Will state. But firing someone is lot more complex especially if you are dealing with a union worker. People can also sue for wrongful termination. Not completing your application correctly with HR who didn't do a deep dive, while doing your job well, are not grounds for firing.

Great news!!

I personally knew someone who did this, and legally, they had zero grounds to fire him. He mentioned an event, and HR just didn't due pursue a deeper dive on this person's past.

One, his felony is public record, and you can look it up by his full name. And two, most standard background checks only look back 7 years. So, he could just not check off that box, and explain the light version of what happened when he was 18, and let HR check it off, and nobody be none the wiser. Once he gets hired, does a good job, even if they find out, legally, they have no grounds to fire him. So it comes down to how his family and friends view him, and how he treats you, strangers, waiters, how he handles himself when driving. If he's an even keeled person, and everyone treats him well, and he treats strangers and wait staff, cashiers well, then it most definitely was a dumb mistake.

Next time, tell him to ask one of his kids since they'd be getting the house eventually. Learn and practice saying, "No."

Common tactic for a narcissist to be vague in their messages. Block her. She will soon try to reach you by using other people's phones, or have them call it. It sucks (them trying to be sneaky), but the estrangement is worth its weight in gold. I am a big fan of Call Control because it answers and hangs up, so they are unable to leave messages. And it is connected to QKSMS that blocks their texts.