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Seymore

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Everything posted by Seymore

  1. Trust me, nobody understands why he sleeps at that time...lol. He's retired and I tend to think sitting in the dark basement most of the night/day has thrown off his circadian rhythm (he claims he "just can't help it"), but either way it's not my problem to solve. My mother has nagged him to get every medical test in the book, and apart from getting a stent a couple of months back, he's fine, so that's a blessing. I do have a life, as suggested - if I have a prior commitment with friends, work or otherwise, I tell them I'll just catch up with them the next week. But usually, I just try to spend an evening or two a week with them - I don't want them to be gone and regret not being there for them. I guess maybe my frustration stems not so much from eating so late, but that it feels like dad just doesn't care or see anyone else's time as valuable, and expects everyone to wait around for him. There have been times where he'd say "Well if I knew you had something important I'd have gotten up earlier"...like THIS isn't important? Like I've said - I can go to dinner with my mom and leave him at home. But she won't do that. So I can either frustrate myself trying to control the situation or just accept what it is and tell them when I'm available. Thanks for letting me vent, and for the advice.
  2. I can eat before I go there, sure. But it's always been our thing to have dinner together so that's why I've always waited. If Dad isn't into it anymore I suppose I can just eat by myself and meet them for coffee later though.
  3. They do have fond memories of those groups. My mom has expressed interest in joining a new group from time to time, but she's somehow convinced that people don't like or accept her. I try and remind her of how choir and her old garden club made her feel like she was part of a good group and she just replies with "I don't know" and changes the subject. I know I can't make them do anything, but they've always told me to make friends and be part of a group, and how it gives a sense of purpose - and I did, and I want that for them. They have no hobbies anymore, yet they're good at so many things.
  4. Because when she used to have friends and was part of the church choir, she wasn't so fixated on my dad and what he was or wasn't doing. She was happier having friends and things to do with others. Same with my dad, he would attend Freemason meetings and be happier. When COVID hit, they both became shut-ins and never went back to their respective groups.
  5. I remind myself of that all the time. I know I'm not the easiest to deal with at times. Ideally, I'd like to find a common interest group for my mother so she can develop a sense of identity and independence. So far she's made an excuse not to join any group I've suggested. She does all of the cooking, cleaning, yard work etc. and it would be nice for her to have some friends so she can get out more.
  6. Thank you. I'm always worried that my frustration causes problems between them. If I'm upset, my mom picks up that vibe and acts off of it so I feel responsible. She always claims she has to keep her mouth shut and not say anything, but deep down I feel like I'm the one who really can't say anything. So I try to listen to her, and stay positive around them hoping that will rub off. Today I couldn't keep it together so I felt like I set this whole thing in motion. I will probably either do what you said and say "this is the time and place, I have things to do", or visit them closer to when my dad wakes up so I'm not sitting around wasting my evening.
  7. I visit my parents, who are in their late 60s/mid 70s, married 45 years - a couple of times a week. Wednesday evenings I stop by on the way home from work, we have dinner and I take them out for coffee afterwards. If they need stuff done around the house, I'm always happy to help them in the meantime. Usually I'll talk with my mom for about an hour, and then I sit around for two and a half hours waiting for my dad to wake up. Over the past few years, he's developed an aggravating habit of going to bed at 3pm and waking up at 8-9pm, and usually only because my mom has to wake him up 2-3 times to get dinner. Every night she does this, whether I'm there or not. And while she's usually hungry at 5-6pm, she basically starves herself waiting on him. I hear about it constantly from her, complaining that he sits in the basement on the computer all day, doesn't do anything unless he's reminded 15 times (my mom even had to wrap her own Christmas gifts from him this year - that she bought for herself), and gets upset with my mom when she explodes every so often because of it. But Friday nights are his "bar time" with his friend, and that, he will always be on time for. So many times, I've told her that he clearly isn't interested in waking up at a normal hour, so if she's hungry, we should go to dinner, just me and her. She won't do that. So I end up waiting, and listening to her try to wake him up multiple times. It's frustrating to no end, but I've always kept my mouth shut, because if I'm upset, my mom feels it and she gets upset and then everyone's upset and dinner is silent and uncomfortable. Tonight, I finally blew up. It was 8pm and my dad was dilly-dallying along, and I was sick of it and hungry. He asked what was wrong, with an attitude, and I told him I was sick and tired of sitting around starving because he didn't want to wake up. I told my parents I didn't feel like dinner and stormed out. Once I got home, my mom called me telling me she left my dad and complaining to me about him, saying she was going to sleep in her car. Part of me wanted to go off on her saying she created this by revolving her life around his schedule, constantly waking him up and reminding him to do everything, reheating his food when he didn't come down to eat on time, etc...I wish she would just detach and focus on her needs instead of mommying him, then complaining when he acts like a spoiled child. I know she's going to get herself dinner and then go back home to my dad and sleep (she's threatened to leave a few times in my lifetime) and I feel bad for her, but this is driving me nuts. I like talking to my mom when I visit. I even like talking to my dad when I visit - when he happens to not be in a crappy mood, which is more and more frequent. When I can keep it together, our coffee time is nice, although I'm usually lamenting having spent half my evening sitting around waiting on him. Part of me feels like a jerk for storming out like that, but part of me feels good that I let it out. My mom won't go back to therapy, my dad CERTAINLY won't go to therapy. And I know I'm going to get an e-mailed lecture from my dad about "this is the way it is" and more messages from my mom complaining about my dad. The only thing I can think of is just meeting them for coffee on Wednesday nights and church on Sunday nights and that's it. Just cutting back on visiting them. I hate doing that because they have nobody else - my brother lives half an hour away but sees them maybe 5-6 times a year. Am I wrong for feeling so fed up?
  8. Well, update...I'm so livid right now I can't see straight. I was some of my hobby friends tonight, and they asked me what the heck happened with her. I told them I didn't know, and two of them told me that she's telling people I tried to steal her from her husband and wouldn't leave her alone. Friends for two years and this is what she does. I am so hurt. I know calling her out wouldn't accomplish anything so I just have to keep my mouth shut but I can't describe how upset I am by this.
  9. I appreciate the responses. She had been my friend for a couple of years prior to this and was like a sister to me, so even though there was attraction on my end as well, I really enjoyed her friendship above anything, which is why I suggested they work things out. Her husband was always ok with me, the three of us had been out to dinner together multiple times in the past month. I'm going to assume she confessed her feelings for me to him. A friend asked me if I had seen her post the other day, and because of that I found out the two of them didn't close their social media, they just chose to block me. I guess I'm confused and hurt that a friend would tell me she values my friendship above all, then two days later blocks me without a word. I understand why it happened and I hope for the best for her, I'm just not thrilled how she went about doing it. Now mutual friends are asking me what happened between us since we were such good friends and now suddenly aren't. They know something is up, but I just tell them that I don't know, even though I know they don't believe me. So now they're speculating all sorts of childish things, but I'm just doing my best to keep my mouth shut.
  10. You're right. I was confused why she wanted to be friends if she was going to just drop off completely, but I respect that. Thank you, I won't send it.
  11. A couple of years ago I met a couple through a mutual hobby of ours. We had become good friends and the three of us would get together every so often. Over the past few weeks, the wife had confided in me that she was having marriage struggles and we ended up talking more and more. Eventually she revealed her crush on me and said she'd never cheat on her husband but that she wanted me to know how she felt. I told her that I wouldn't let her cheat anyway (even though I secretly had a crush on her for a long time) because I liked the two of them and thought they made a good couple, plus I didn't want to spoil the friendship we had. I had suggested counseling/therapy and other things...anyway, the other morning she messaged me saying her husband was going to try and work it out, and she needed me as a friend more than anything. I said of course. Yesterday morning I texted her asking how things were going...no response - she would always message me back within a few minutes before. This morning her and her husband left our hobby group chat and deleted their social media accounts. People in our group are wondering what happened, but I'm keeping my mouth shut. Regardless, I'm a little taken aback being ghosted as a friend like that, but I'm assuming they're taking a step back to work on things. I'm inclined to send her one last short email saying I hope she's ok and I hope the best for them (without expecting a reply), but am having my doubts about sending it. Do you think this is a good idea?
  12. I agree. Thanks guys. It's her problem and not mine, whatever "it" is.
  13. Just weird because she's still super nice to everyone BUT me. It's kinda hurtful.
  14. So Monday was her first day back at work since our last interaction - where she said she wished she'd met me earlier, I replied that I understood, and withdrew from being anything more than just coworkers. I decided to just keep it civil, say good morning, good night, just like with any other coworker. Now she goes out of her way to avoid me - she used to pass my desk 4-5 times a day since I sit near the restrooms - now she takes the long way through the warehouse...she walks past me without saying good night like she always did, turns her back to me when I say good morning to her department, etc...I noticed she also threw away all of the gag gifts I'd left on her desk over the course of the last two months and also not only unfollowed me on Instagram, but removed me as a follower. I am absolutely lost as to what I did for her to act this way, but she won't even act like a coworker to me anymore. I mean she seems SUPER reactive to something. Does this seem childish? I know I'm gonna get the "You dodged a bullet, she sounds unstable" stuff, but I just wanted to vent.
  15. By my experience, any attention is good attention for people like that so I'm not even going to do that. I haven't interacted on social media with her all weekend so I think she's picking up that I'm less than thrilled with her. I just don't get how people expect you to not feel anything or brush things off. It's crummy.
  16. I went to work today and went about my business. Said good morning to everyone and wasn't out of the ordinary that I know of. As she left for the day she squeezed my arm and gave me a note saying that she liked my seriousness and I should smile. It was so frustrating. Like it's nothing to her. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act when I get strung around for a year and a half. Half of it is my own stupidity for not being clear earlier on but her actions on top hearing conflicting things really confused me.
  17. A couple of years ago, a new girl started at my job, "K". She didn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish so we didn't interact much. We have a mutual coworker, "J", who speaks both languages and works close to her. A couple months after K started, she told J that she likes me. J told me this and was pressuring me to ask her out. After a couple of weeks, I did, and she came up with some reason that she couldn't. So I took it as rejection and told her to let me know if she changes her mind. I had mentioned this to J, who told me that women want a guy to chase them, and that she still likes me. I told him I'm not going to play that game and the ball is in her court. I stayed friendly with her, though. Learned a little Spanish and would tease her and flirt lightly. Over time I had heard rumblings that she had a boyfriend, but according to J, she wasn't in love with him and still liked me. So I dialed it back a bit. Time went by and about a month ago she friended and messaged me on IG. We got to talking and she mentioned that her coworkers tease her about us, and asked if I would teach her English. I told her sure, if she taught me Spanish. She agreed. I made plans for us to learn on our lunch breaks and she suggested that we go somewhere just the two of us and learn, since the break room was too noisy. So we made plans for a Saturday. That Saturday morning, she cancelled due to a family emergency. I told her maybe next weekend, and heard nothing more about it. So I started to distance myself for a week. J asked me if I was ok with K, and that she noticed I wasn't paying attention to her. A day or two later, she messaged me and asked if I was mad at her because I didn't talk to her or smile or even look at her like I used to. I told her I was super busy with work, which I actually was, but I was holding back also. She sent me a photo of her, nothing raunchy, and I commented that she was pretty. Today I did the usual - smile, say good morning, act goofy and stuck my tongue out at her. She laughed and messaged me a few minutes later telling me I'm funny. I replied saying that I just like to see her smile. She replied with a heart saying "You are sweet and I would like to have met you sooner". I was pretty bummed out. All I replied with was "I understand" and left it at that. I know things get lost in translation but she never brought up this boyfriend to me and there are zero posts of him on her page. I almost don't want to get into it with her because I don't want to make work awkward. At the same time I know she's going to ask why I'm being distant. Why would someone string someone along for a year and a half like that? I'm getting a lot of mixed signals and stories from people.
  18. That part honestly doesn't bother me. My concern would be if she was the type who couldn't stop, or was obnoxious and embarrassing to be around. She didn't even get drunk. Most of my friends drink AND smoke pot...and they (as well as this girl) respect my decision. I just learned that I don't want it, and I'd rather watch others enjoy themselves, than party myself.
  19. I won't get into details and make this a super long post, but she said she had proof refuting every single accusation against her and has no fear of anything happening to her. She also outlined the accusations against her managers, what was reported and what really happened. She was very transparent about things and where the investigation was at, etc. She had over 1,000 photos on her phone of her with her students, and the way she talked about them I have a hard time believing she would do anything damaging to them. Maybe things are false, maybe they're true. But the time I spent with her last night made me feel better about her. Still cautious of course, and trying to take my time.
  20. Sometime in the next few days. I work days and she works evenings so I have to move something in my schedule and couldn't give a specific day yet, but I asked her on another date and she said yes. Probably Tuesday if she's free.
  21. Just an update - last night she divulged everything right off the bat, without me even prompting her - the accusations, how the investigation process and committee works, abuse in gymnastics, etc., in great detail. It was basically the first thing she talked about when we talked about how our days went, so it put me more at ease.
  22. I know you are right. If I find that I'd like to go on another date after tonight, I won't come up with the day on the spot this time.
  23. Thanks guys - yes, the making plans for the next night was kind of dumb of me. Here I am talking about going super slow and seeing if she spills anything about this whole thing and yet I jumped to making plans already. We were in a group setting most of the time so I guess I wanted just a one-on-one thing. I do have a history of self sabotaging but at the same time I try to be overly cautious and research the person. We already made the plans for tonight so I guess I'll see it through - I may find other stuff that deems her incompatible anyway, who knows. I need to chill out a bit but remain cautious.
  24. She's named in general, but her two superiors are specified as the ones doing things like taping a student's mouth shut and body shaming. The superiors were already under investigation and now this girl is the third coach under investigation.
  25. Jeez...in high school? I thought that was just a college thing. This is a gymnastics "after-school" school for high school ages - she helps coach them to compete on a national level. She had told me all about her students and showed me videos of them training when we talked last night, but that's all she mentioned. When I googled her name online plus the town she lives in, the first result was article about the gymnastics school. This girl was named in the article, but the only example given was one of the other coaches taping a students mouth shut for two hours. I still don't like that, but I have no idea if this girl had a part in it.
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