j.man

I mean it's a conversation to be had, especially if you didn't go into your relationship already as a swimsuit model. I'd like to think that if for whatever reason I decided to do some shoots in a speedo my wife would just give me the salute, but it's nothing I'd take for granted. At the end of the day, if this is something you feel you need or want strongly to do, then by all means do it. However, you may require a partner who's cool with it. Generally speaking, this isn't a boundary which inspires much compromise or negotiation. Assert your own best interests regardless of his if you feel so confidently in them. It's your life to live and there are plenty of men out there. Best of luck to you.

[Duplicate]

I've been with my wife 8 years, 4 married. If she decided to book a 4am flight, she'd be taking an Uber. I personally couldn't fathom booking something like that and expecting her to drive me, certainly not for a flight I had weeks to schedule at a reasonable day and time. Why wouldn't I want her to get a full rest? Because I'm not? Sounds petty. Luckily, it's a non issue as neither of us would do something so goofy. Being in a relationship isn't a license to arbitrarily inconvenience your partner to your own benefit. It's every bit as much what you ask of someone as it is what they'd do for you.

Obsessing over your adult daughter's sexuality is pretty ****in' weird. It's not like they're bringing strange dudes over. It's literally zero effort to simply not ask or wonder, and that 100% would be just that. How instead your mind wanders into what the bits inside their pants are up to is very thankfully beyond me. Frankly, I don't know what dimension we'd have to exist in where them strategically lying to you wouldn't objectively be the smarter decision for their parts.

I only allow myself one selfie every two years so you get what you get. Blame her for yawning. She's 100% healthy, gaining weight, fartin, lacking critical thinking skills, etc. She gets some restless spells but luckily (knock on wood) she's been phenomenal with cues before resorting to any kind of shrieking. I'm sure there's plenty of struggle to come, but first month of parenthood has been an absolute dream. Couldn't complain about a thing. Even her pooping on my hands while changing her out of another poopy diaper (what I'm now calling a "double tap") leaves me loving her more. Wife and I are fortunate and privileged to both be able to comfortably take time off, and we have a pretty good system that allows us both to get some decent rest-- obviously her a bit less so on account of feedings. I'm sure I'll be around to ask some questions and get some insights from the more parentally experienced here, but in the meantime just wanted to give a little back to all of you I've enjoyed BSing with for these last several years! Love from j.man and l.girl

It all went pretty smoothly. I met him at the car and offered to walk around outside for about 20 minutes to catch up. Toward the end, I showed him the baby through the glass screen door. Didn't feel great doing it, but it's the best I could come up with. Put her back down and met him again outside to see him off. To his credit, he went along with it all. FWIW, it's not really the village aspect I have a problem with. Pretty much anyone could tell me they want to visit and I'd go with it. At the beginning it was just a minor inconvenience, but last minute throwing in the fact he was sick before coming down really hit me the wrong way. It's great hearing other people's experiences, though. Many thanks for all the warm wishes and congratulations! Means a lot to me. Promise to be back with a more positive thread with a picture or two very soon!

Alright, I promise a better, happier post with pictures in the near future, but in the meantime my not necessarily estranged, but definitely at this point not at all intimately related step father, also known in this moment as the d1ck of all d1cks, tried to pull the most smooth brained fast one I've ever witnessed. We were due March 30th, and he calls me last week just like "lol hey passing through when's a good time to visit next week?" And as tactfully as I could, pretty much just told him the due date and that i don't know what the **** would be the situation on any given day. We don't exactly have a line of people trying to visit us straight away because fortunately, most people we know and love have that ounce of common sense, particularly those who would at least ostensibly know better after having had a kid themselves, so I just told him I'd let him know if the baby came and that we'd be fine if he wanted to swing by for a quick visit. Little girl popped out on Monday, and we were able to bring her home Wednesday. We arrange for him to stop by Saturday (today). Come this morning, I hear my text notification go off with a text from him saying basically, "On my way, be there in a few hours, not gonna hang around long because I'm getting a cold and don't want to get you guys sick." Legit just a "oh and P.S." No call, just a text letting me know like it's just happening. I call him, he doesn't answer, and then I text saying it's not a good time if any of the three of us might get sick. But I guess he's just on his way. I like to think myself a pretty laid back guy, and we're pretty far from expecting visitors present vaccine statuses before visiting or anything close to that, but taking for granted you could just show up with a cold is absolutely ****ing wild. EVEN WORSE, I call my sister to vent away from my sleeping wife and baby, and she tells me they gave him a heads up their kids were sick before he visited and suggested he visit them on his way back down *after* visiting us, and he still chose to visit them first. Swap my already small brain out for a gerbil's and I'd still have enough grooves to process how categorically stupid that **** is. I don't think I have it in me to thank him for his visit through the front door, but he's definitely not coming inside. The most I think I'll do is walk around the block a couple times with him safely distanced to catch up a little bit. Thanks for reading through my rant. I needed to let off the steam so I could be better present. ETA: And by walking outside, I definitely mean without the kid. He gets to forego that visitation altogether. Not taking that risk.

In this case, his/his/ours. "What's mine is yours" works when you're genuinely OK with upfront on the balance sheet seeing the fact your SO drops a whole $80 or whatever a month in discretionary spending treating his friends and family. If you don't wanna see that, do separate accounts for such expenditures. Additionally, you claim that you don't want to hold it onto him for the fact you're making more money than he is, but clearly your emotions are dictating you lord it over him. You are arguing with him fairly regularly about it after all. That's something to address likely both internally and with him, even if through a mediating counselor. Also-- I didn't read catfeeder's latest post before this paragraph, but it's really worth heeding. Wishing the best for both of you.

Personally, so long as we're talking an actual family celebration or something, I'd opt for the birthday. But my wife and I are also on the same page where at a social and logistical level, we agree it makes more sense to opt for a gathering when we can much more easily rearrange a special night for just us two. That said, conventional wisdom will probably almost always be that your anniversary celebration has to be that special day for the sake of the ~*magic*~. Assuming we hadn't communicated about things like this prior to tying the knot, it's not something I'd die on a hill over. If your wife would be legit upset, I'd just stick with the plan and make it a point to visit your niece another time soon with a gift. Hopefully she's not holding a grudge for you having simply floated the idea in good faith.

Alright, others are giving you some rightful and righteous advice, so I'm gonna hone in on this bit as your topic asks more generally how couples [healthily] argue. First and foremost, you accept what's in bold. While it's not a 100% thing, it's a pretty damn good sign a relationship is at least healthier if you don't need to look at each and every issue as something that has to be tackled right at the moment, lest you sit their anxious not wondering where a resolution would land you. Knowing that things are essentially okay even if a conversation will need to be had at a later appropriate time is pretty key to a healthy relationship. My wife and I argue infrequently, and constructively when we do need to. There have been a few pretty big issues over the several years, but at least since we've been serious, there's been nothing that leaves either of us so anxious something's wrong to where we can't let it go and carry on more or less just fine until an appropriate amount of time has passed and we're in an appropriate enough setting to have a solid conversation about it. If you don't have that underlying solace, it's a pretty solid indicator things are kinda ****ed and headed in pretty much in only one direction. ETA: And while she's not here for me to advise she work on her stress levels, I will kinda pile on you but suggesting not to get ****in' tanked before your lady so much as shows up. And if you do, acknowledge you've forfeited your right to get indignant. C'mon.

Was literally just typing my agreement with hitting up friends and family first. Then you replied. Glad you went through the appropriate channels and I'm glad that at least relatively speaking, she's doing well. Don't kick yourself for being concerned. You handled it perfectly.

Just a protip-- if you find yourself acting like... well, I'll try hard to put it nicely... not the best person you could be, it's a good time to reevaluate whether you're with the right person. Your boundary itself is perfectly fine. Not everyone likes or wants cats. However, presenting an ultimatum that she get rid of what any semi-responsible adult would and should consider commitments is not. Animals aren't something you treat in the same regard as headphones you held onto the receipt for. A lot of people meet each other in college. A lot of people move on to meet other people after college. Sounds like you should've stuck with the decision to go about the latter. Lording over matters as significant as whether to have animals in the house isn't the best look, nor would it be much fun. At least I'd hope not.

I say go have fun. He doesn't have a real leg to stand on, especially considering you at least seem to really only be going because your friends invited you to a one-off celebration. It'd be an extra level of rich for him to get meaningfully upset when in his context, he didn't even have that excuse. Dude just went to look at some live knockers. You had your conversation and he gave you his assurances, even if it seems kinda pouty. It's not really a matter of permission, so I wouldn't delve into how it makes him personally feel and keep dragging that matter out. Again, he doesn't have to enjoy it. But he either learns to accept you doing the same **** he's done or he doesn't. How he deals with you enjoying the same freedoms he enjoys is about as good a litmus test as anything else.

Wait so did this dude go to strip clubs while he was exclusive with you? Kind of a key detail if we're gonna be calling him out for a double standard or if he just happens to have simply been to them and has different boundaries when he's single vs. when he's committed. In any case, I'd go if you wanna go. Personally they're not my cup of tea, but if my wife had friends invite her to a strip club for some kind of yaaas queen celebration, it wouldn't be any hill I'd care to die on. Particularly if he has been to strip clubs while committed to you, I'd take him at his word. He's told you both that he "understands" and that he'll get over it. We don't have to enjoy every decision our partners make, so just see if he lives up to the getting over it bit. If he gets tiffy or insists on holding a grudge over it, there's your sign. ETA: You replied a split second before I hit submit-- disregard me inquiring on the order of events!

Why not just "let's chalk it up to a busy weekend for both of us?" Frankly, weekends are when people generally have to do ****, and sometimes one or both of you is going to have enough going on where either you get comfortable enough to keep yourself entertained at their place for the better chunk of an afternoon or you're both fine foregoing a weekend together. I find it difficult to imagine you never have enough going on some given weekend where he wouldn't essentially be in your shoes now. I did this kind of thing for maybe half a year with a woman. By that I mean the "not quite long distance, but enough distance where staying weekends is pretty much the only thing sustainably worth the trip." This specific guy and situation aside (it sounds like there's a lot more to the story), I'm not sure it's the right dynamic for you. It certainly wasn't for me once the novelty wore off. It's really something you engage in because you thrive off of it, not you hope to succeed despite of it.

Of course he's going to give you some excuse like he was going through a rough time. Dude's not gonna just be like "lol what can i say i wanted a lady to treat my face like a rocking chair that night." Take it for what it was / is and let that be the context from which to determine whether this is really a values-based deal breaker. Trying to dream up a scenario whereby you could tolerate it or expecting him to jump through hoops to make it happen is hardly the way to go about it. My days of debating the moral dilemmas and ambiguities surrounding sex work at 9am are long over, so I'll just say I've lost the mutual respect in people I've dated for a lot less. I didn't and don't feel the need to defend it, but I also didn't project it. It's just kind of a "sorry, not feeling it anymore; wish you the best." Dude can't take back his evening with Candy, so unfortunately the onus is on you to either get over it or not. No real wrong answer answer there so long as you're being honest with yourself about it. I will say it's a good idea both he and you get tested. As someone on team "no kids, no STDs, no business of mine," that's honestly just a good practice in general going between serious intimate relationships. And while it's certainly your life to live, I'd ditch the "open phone" policy rikky tik, at least as anything beyond how pretty much any healthy relationship treats it, which is simply being able to use each others' **** if you happen to need to. I don't know. All of 8 months in, I'd ask for the check. But if you've somehow come out of these last two years with too few problems, I suppose more power to you trying to work it out. Best of luck.

Kind of an awkward way to title the thread if really all you want is to let him spend time with his daughter / family while you spend time with yours. How much of the argument has been you being willing to go but-for the ex being present rather than simply, "Hey, it's a good year for me to get to hang out with my siblings for the holidays while you enjoy being around your daughter and her family?" While I'd definitely lean toward it being a good idea for you to go, I actually don't think you should be compelled to go. That said, I'd also make sure you're not framing it spitefully. So long as you're being genuine and communicating in good faith, he shouldn't have a problem with you guys enjoying yourselves with your own people for a single weekend. I might see the point if you were involved with his daughter at any point during her childhood, but it sounds like you and he got together when he was or was right about to be an empty nester. I think at that point you can forego these kinds of politics. You mention she's come around for holidays before and you've gotten along well. It doesn't seem to me you're forsaking the fact he's got a daughter or anything.

She's physically abusive. What's life if you can't feel safe in your home with someone you're supposed to trust the most? Frankly, for as bad as it is to lie, it's tertiary to the fact she's physically harming you. If that on its own isn't enough, consider if you'd ever need to push her away or restrain her, one mark is all it takes for it to be her word against yours and you suddenly finding yourself in a world of legal trouble. It's not worth it. Find a woman who's comfortable with either or both of you consuming porn. They're certainly not unicorns. Nor are women who'd simply assert their boundaries and leave without resorting to demanding you forfeit your privacy and hitting you.

Alright, folks. Vasectomies are among the less invasive surgical procedures out there, but no, a 32 year old shouldn't have to put his money where his mouth is by going for one when you can get a bulk order of good condoms off Amazon for $0.30 a pop. Early 30s is hardly "oof you're where you're gonna be." And nobody should treat even the most minor of surgeries as something you just casually snip and maybe reverse. People who change their minds leading into their mid-30s are a dime-a-dozen, particularly in an era the average age of people are starting families has gone absolutely parabolic. I'm not seeing anywhere the OP suggesting the woman should so much as even go on the pill, so I think it's bad faith to assume he's putting the responsibility of birth control on her. That out of the way, one of my biggest concerns with age-gap relationships with one party happens to be so young is the older individual abdicating on the responsibility that comes with relative life experience. You're at a point where, even if not 100% certain you ever want kids, you should at the very least be able to identify such ginormous clashes in present life goals and values. She wants kids; you don't. It may well change between either or both of you, but that's not how you treat a discrepancy in such rudimentary life goals. We're not talking whether she'd ever come around on going to a Moby concert with you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You don't need to be, as a wise man once said, "jerking her around." If there's any objective criticism to be had, I'd lay it there.

Why would you need to wait for him to come back with his availability? Surely you've got your own schedule. Find a time you're available and would like to see him again and ask. If he's initiated the first couple dates, just reciprocate. It's really not meant to be a game. As far as "OK" goes, enough people use it with "let's do it" implied with it. It's not worth mulling over IMO. You either ask and he agrees to see you again or he doesn't.

Quoted for emphasis. Too many people conflate controlling behavior with some kind of altruism because they really care about their partner. Fact is he's not up to your standards, and you'd rather compel or nag him to conform to them than find someone who actually is the willing partner you'd like. The good news is you're only 18. It's better to learn the lesson after having dated a 19 year old, for all intents and purposes kid caught in a typical enough late adolescent slump than hitting 35 and finding yourself still investing in trying to fix what will be then genuine dead-beats. And on the other side of that coin, making it a habit to control or fix people quickly goes from the generally miserable dynamic it seems to be right now to toxic and borderline abusive practice. Date, be picky while treating yourself and others with respect, and learn to live and let live by simply voting with your feet. Trust me, everyone ends up happier. You're gonna meet plenty of 19 year old dudes like this one, and you'll meet a dozen clingmasters who have yet to learn what overcompensating means, which incidentally will probably be the guy who does eagerly want to celebrate something like a 6 month anniversary. It's all about learning to recognize what fits and what doesn't. As your picker gets better and better, you'll find guys who are a much healthier median between the extremes. Being this young and in such a target rich environment certainly isn't the time to start settling for relationships that turn unhappy after all of half a year.

Sorry to post and ditch. Amazing all the love you guys have given! We're incredibly pumped, and she's just started to get her baby bump going strong. Due mid-March. I'm eagerly awaiting the phase where she wants random junk / fast food so that I can hopefully catch a short break from the oven, but we'll see. I'll definitely pop in as things go along. I've slung enough amateur advice to where it's only fair I shed some personal experiences myself. Got a homestead going and so long as everything goes well and healthy, am gonna be a SAHD as she makes a boatload more than I do and I can work from home and dictate my own hours as finances demand. Certain there will be plenty to write about! Pics too if you guys like babies and goats.

Such a needlessly convoluted dynamic. If for whatever reason your respective porn interests are a topic of conversation, keep it as such. I'm kinda doubting he's sending you d1ck picks to compete against a 9" shlong you've seen in a video, so why send a t1t pic under such a pretense? As others have noted, focus on your romance in healthier and much more direct ways. Nothing you've provided is adequate information to make any kind of judgment on your overall marital dynamic. But while I understand many couples do comfortably share things like porn preferences, it's obvious the topic doesn't seem to benefit you much. Probably a better idea to let each other enjoy it on private terms. I'd go from there.

Everybody throw your hands UP

Got about 45 five-gallon buckets with different chile peppers ready to go into the backyard. Thursday night is supposed to hit 30 / -1, putting our final frost at about 6 weeks late. Hoping we get a nice Indian summer to make up for it.