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NewLifeforMe

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About NewLifeforMe

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  • Birthday 05/03/1963

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  1. Forgive me for not being back in so long. I guess I thought this thread had died out a month ago......little did I know it was still going strong. Not to get everyone riled up again, but my current status today: I never have told my husband about that "incident," and it is all behind me. I will not do anything like that ever again.....I have definitely learned my lesson there. In my heart of hearts, I believe that he is better off not knowing. Thank you everyone for your input and kicks in the rear, too, along the way!
  2. This scenario happened about 2-1/2 years ago, when we went through another rough patch, right around the time that I was seeing the counselor and looking into divorce, which he was unaware of....it was with a different picture, short of out and out infidelity, but of meeting up with a man as a "friend" in which my hubby discovered the plans in my emails. He was basically heartbroken at that discovery, and did not want to lose me.....and took me back and enveloped me at the time and let me know that he very much wanted me still as a wife, even if I was having doubts. I felt guilty enough at t
  3. I would heartily agree with this statement.....but I think he also knows on a very conscious level, too; he just buries it deep down, and neither of us talks about it. I think he doesn't ever bring it up because he is afraid of what the outcome might be.......like I might want to LEAVE.
  4. Now, THIS is a profound statement and again has me looking at it two, three times and more.... .......and makes me think that if I skip over this episode and sweep it under the rug "for his sake" and pretend it didn't happen, going back to the status-quo, I'll be just returning once again to a life that I just feel I SHOULD be in on the outside because it's obviously all I've ever known, but my heart may very well still yearn for something more way deep down. Hmmmmm.
  5. Wow. That stuck like a knife in my chest.....and there is truth to it. I'm afraid of hurting BOTH of us with the truth...AND our family unit, which does still get together for holidays, camping, etc. That dynamic would not be the same anymore, definitely.
  6. My "kids" are 24 and 22, and out of the house.....but I'm sure they've sensed the tension through the years. Let's just say they probably wouldn't be absolutely shocked if a breakup were to occur.....saddened, but not shocked.
  7. ???? I don't get where you are surmising these things from what I've posted about his characteristics, which you asked me to list.
  8. Actually, I have wished that we could be divorced, or I have wished to somehow be free, for a while now but lacked the initiative to bring that to light. Maybe this act was a final subconscious effort to try to put the ball in HIS court if he became aware of the transgression.....but now that push has come to shove, I realize that it would be a bad, bad thing all the way around and for everyone. "Be careful what you wish for......" I didn't find out many of the differences until after we were married, believe it or not....and the other ones, in the interest of dating/courting, were
  9. This has all been building for years, actually...about five that I can count, and it didn't just happen overnight. A LOT of "ifs" might have resulted in a different outcome, such as ....if we shared more in common and weren't such opposites in our likes/activities.....if I were more "head over heels" in love with him....if he brushed his teeth more and took better care of his hygiene and wouldn't repulse me at times, which is a big turnoff......if he would stand up for himself and not let others take advantage of him, as happens a lot, I would perhaps have more respect for him and I would
  10. Sorry, but I guess I'm not following the questions.....transition phase of WHAT, exactly? Prevent WHAT from happening? What can possibly be lacking in him that would have prevented it if he has WHAT? Maybe it's just too late at night for my brain to think.....or maybe the syphilis is starting to take over. Sorry, made a bad-taste joke. My bad.
  11. I DO FEEL badly about this, now, after the fact and am looking back on it in extreme remorse. I wish I could take it all back. But it's too late. I would highly recommend someone NOT take this route if dissatisfied with their relationship........ Yet I DO still hesitate about coming clean and leaving. For I fear that if I came clean, he STILL (because of the ever-present fear he has of being alone, plus his fear of financial losses of divorce) would suck it up and keep me around, with the appearance of a happy marriage to others and for our family's sake, yet with his crushed soul underneat
  12. to be safe and not take the other guy's word for it that he doesn't have any diseases. I have made an appointment at my gynecologist's office tomorrow for an exam and testing. And I'm embarrassed as hell to have to go there for STD testing and admission of my indiscretion, too. When you play with fire, you get burned. Oh, what amounted to just oral sex (and even without ejaculation orally), what a can of worms I have opened up.... ](*,)
  13. Okay. I got home today......and my husband was in a very loving/attached state for the rest of the day as I told him all about my weekend with the girls but, of course, left out some other key info. I did feel pretty guilty at that point and remorseful in my heart and wishing I could take all of last night back, but alas, what is done is done. I then vowed to rededicate myself to him and be the wife that he wants me to be.....not distant and raising suspicion by my computer activities, etc. I then came on here a little while later and got a little worried by all of the talk about herpes, e
  14. I'm going home today. I have decided that for the time being anyway, I will not tell him...I know his soul deep down and his insecurities and this will absolutely eat away at him and kill him. He does not want to be alone.....he has stated that over and over in the past to me....and what would this confession do but force him to consider an option that would put him in just that state? And I know him, I think, pretty well by now.....I do believe that he would forgive me and keep me around, but this knowledge would crush his very being. Meanwhile, this experience has done for me what I kind
  15. Thank you, LouLee, for your understanding post, instead of the constant flaming posts. I know I did wrong. It's okay to laugh at my Bart Simpson experience.....I have a feeling it will keep me on the straight and narrow for a good long time. Like they say, KARMA.
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