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rosephase

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Everything posted by rosephase

  1. Have you suggested a prenup? Have you told her you are not comfortable being the solo bread winner? I would suggest getting a lawyer and having her agree to wave any right to alimony (child support is it's own thing). I would also explain that you won't be having children with her if she is going to give up her career. It's about safety. Your safety, her safety and your future child's safety. How are you supposed to save money for college if you are only scraping by? How are you supposed to give your child the opportunities you want to give them if you have no savings? I think you need to sit down with her and explain these doubts. They aren't small things. These are the type of issues that will build resentment and slowly kill a relationship. A lot of people do pre-marriage counseling. That might help if you can't get her to talk without dramatics.
  2. How long have you been together? How long have you been long distance? What would you have to do/give up in order to move to where he is?
  3. I don't know if I would visit someone I work with in the hospital. If they didn't directly ask me to I would assume they wouldn't want someone they worked with just stopping by when they are in pain. Personally I wouldn't expect work colleagues to go out of their way when I was sick. It would be lovely if they did (or maybe terrible depending on the person)... but I don't think of those relationships as being "come to the hospital" type relationships. I'm glad your ex was there for you. Who did you ask for help and how did the brush you off?
  4. Your feelings aren't out of line, they are how you feel. But you telling him not to go? That would be way out of line. You can't limit your partner out of insecurity, your insecurity is yours to deal with.
  5. Well you can start to think of them as his friends instead of the parents of his friends. Do you want him to spend more time with your family? You could ask for that. Jealousy usually comes from insecurity. Do you feel secure in the relationship? How long have you been together?
  6. His friend's girlfriend's parents are apart of his social circle. They are his friends. If you don't want to hang out with them don't go to group events. Is there some reason you don't like them? Or is it just that your boyfriend having a close relationship with people your parents age, is to strange for you?
  7. You are guessing at what will happen. Why not work on being the person you want to be and see what happens? I find having my own life means my partner and are closer, we have more to share with each other. Do you think he'll be supportive of you spending more time with your family and going to church?
  8. My mom told me about her two miscarriages between my brother and myself when I was in college. When we started talking openly about sex, relationships and reproductive health. I'm glad she did simply because I feel closer to her but I'm also glad she waited until I was mostly an adult.
  9. It sounds like all the reasons for wanting to end the relationship are you wanting your partner to fix issues with you. You want to go to church? Go. You want to spend time with your family? Spend time with your family. You want to be more light and positive and spiritual? You need to work on that inside of yourself. It sounds like you are looking for someone who will MAKE you grow and who will keep you from ever having to do things on your own. If you want to grow that is your job. It's wonderful if your partner can support you in your desire to grow... but he can't make you do it. That is on you.
  10. My best guess? It sounds like he really values your friendship. And knows he would lose you if you tried to have a relationship because he knows he can't handle relationships. So being friends is a much more stable way for you two to get each other in each others lives. I tend to feel very in love with my friends. It can even look romantic at times. But that doesn't mean we would be good in a romantic/sexual relationship. In your shoes I would mostly be worried about the other people each of you is dating. How you act would cross the line for a lot of people into cheating sounding. I would be worried that either or both of you would end up with people who are simply not okay with the level of intimacy you two have as friends.
  11. Sounds like you aren't over your ex enough to be dating. It's kinda unfair to the person you are dating. How would you feel if you went out with someone and found out that they spent their time with you having crazy emotions about their ex?
  12. You are 18. Just... stop dating. Give it five years of figuring yourself out. You are risking your future over some guy who isn't even nice to you. Live with your Dad. Finish high school. Go to college. And just stop it with this guy. He isn't a good partner. And he isn't ready to be in a committed relationship... and here is the thing: neither are you. You need to get to know yourself more. You need to figure out who you are on your own. The fact that you keep after this guy who has treated you so poorly and helped you get into such bad situations... it a bright clear sign that you aren't ready for a relationship. And get on effective birth control if you are going to be having sex. Bringing a child into this mess would be so unfair.
  13. Yeah, he's a bad boyfriend. He doesn't sound like he is interested in you. Seven month in and you are finally living close by for awhile and he has only seen you once in two weeks? That's someone who does not care to spend time with you. Most people are in relationships because they enjoy spending time together. Leave him. Find someone who is as excited to be with you as you are to be with them.
  14. You said you disagreed with me but then said the same thing I said. It's important to treat all the children in the family equally. I was just asking more about the OP relationship to her daughter because she sounds somewhat demanding of "gifts".
  15. You can't be independent... not really. You are in high school. You live at home. You are deep in limerence: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence Your dealing with the falling in love drugs and they can screw with your head. Make you insecure. Make you dependent, clingy and anxious. If you want to feel more independent keep up with your hobbies. Keep up with your friends. Keep up with work and school. And get older, get a job, support yourself, move out, figure out who you are and what you want... you know... normal growing up stuff.
  16. It sounds like you daughter is kind of demanding about getting things from you. Is that how your relationship normally functions? In general I do think it's kinder to treat all the children in the house equally. They are small and don't understand why they are being treated differently. Although I don't understand why your daughter would tell them that you hadn't sent money to them... they are so young they probably wouldn't notice unless she pointed it out. In the future maybe send the same amount and explain it's for all three of them and then your daughter can choose what to do. You shouldn't be spending money outside your budget. And you have no obligation to give any of the children anything. But it's kinder to treat them equally if you are giving one of them something. Although I'm still not sure why your daughter would choose to rub the difference in her step children's faces.
  17. How old are both of you? How long have you been together? What actions are you doing that make you feel like you are being dependent?
  18. Keep in mind you do not know him. You just know what he is preforming for you. It might be honest... but it's very easy to hide the difficult, annoying or controlling parts of your personality when you connecting on-line. It's very easy to curate what someone else sees. Be careful and remember the feelings you are feeling are towards a guy that you are mostly making up. Before we know someone well we attribute a bunch of positive things towards them if we like them.
  19. You were together for nine months? Three of which he was dating other people. Then you mutually broke up because of the distance? Is that all correct? Has the distance changed? Do you think he's suddenly open to a long distance thing? Or do you think he's just seeking comfort after another break up?
  20. I get that no one wants to admit they are a bigot. I get it hurts to be called one. But if there is a chance of changing the way people think it’s important to call people out on bigotry. Is it judgmental to call someone racist or sexist? Or are you pointing out there judgement? You may have decided you ‘read between the lines’ so you can tell me I mean something other than what I have been saying... but saying ‘oh I can just tell you mean this... instead of what you insist you are actually saying with your actual words’ isn’t a real argument. You don’t like the terms that’s fine you don’t have to use them. You can insist I’m judging people for thier sexual choices even though that is the exact opposite of what I’m saying. You can keep defending someone who IS judging people for there sexual choices... which is somehow better because there choices are in line with yours. You can do all of those things and it won’t change the fact that talking about this stuff is useful. I don’t think I’m going to change your mind. You clearly aren’t open to changing it... so much so you avoid actually looking at the argument and insist that I mean something else... because there isn’t any ground to disagree if you actually address what I’ve been saying. The only way to disagree is to say: I’m bigoted about other people’s sexualities and/or sexual expression and I’m okay with that and I think that is a good thing. Which is where Sherry has come down. So keep deciding I mean something different then what I’ve said so you can disagree with me without facing it directly. That is much easier.
  21. Well you don’t get much say in it. She gets to date whoever she wants. She’s an adult and at 31 it’s not that strange to be dating someone who is 50. I’m not sure why his age is an issue. Figure out a schedule that works for both of you and stay out of her dating life.
  22. In what way is he acting out? adding you back on snapchat before deciding not to? That isn't acting out. That is two different button clicks.
  23. You do understand that I have said dozens of times that I want people to have the kinds of sex that works for them. You are trying to misunderstand me if you still think I'm trying to convince others to start sleeping around. I understand that is an easier idea to fight, than admit you are fighting for your right to be a bigot towards people who live different lives then you. I haven't said one thing on this whole thread that belittles you for your choices. Or anyone for anyones choices. You are the one doing that.
  24. You have every right to your sex negative opinion. Does it not seem odd that you are criticizing me for (what you perceive as me) passively putting others down for thinking differently than me, when you are ACTIVELY putting others down when they think differently than you? Sex positivity isn't asking anything of you other than you stop trying to put others down who aren't like you.
  25. You are writing yourself a fantasy. You don't know this guy. You haven't spoken in five YEARS. How long have you been talking now? When was the las time you saw him? how much time have you had together over the years after you worked together?
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