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Everything posted by rosephase

  1. He's told you what he wants. A friendship. You aren't over him, he's dating someone else, you can't offer a friendship at this point. Go back to no contact. Feel free to tell him why. He might be more respectful of your space if you are clear that a friendship is off the table at the moment.
  2. If you aren't ready to date then, yeah, dating is going to feel depressing. Heck, even if you are ready to date, meeting randoms from the internet is going to feel very different then they way you feel for your ex. I think you should relax on this whole "I don't think I'll ever get over him." thing. It's been been three months. Healing and moving on takes time. And if he messed with your head it might take more time then normal. I wouldn't start worrying about your healing until you've been out of the relationship as long as you were in it. For now? It's going to keep hurting. That's what break ups do. Don't force yourself to date to get over him. Take your time and heal.
  3. Moving out is the right choice. You are an adult with your own kid to think about. Give yourself some space from your folks and stay out of their personal lives. Whatever you do stop going through your mom's phone. That is unbelievably invasive.
  4. You know he hasn't forgotten you. He probably misses you. But he was clear, he needs to see you change. So even though he remembers you and (probably) misses the good things about you, the reasons why he broke up with you are still present to him and he's been clear that he isn't willing to consider getting back together until he's seen that you've changed. If you were hold that much resentment why do you want to get back together with him?
  5. What healing do you feel like you need to do? Some types of healing need to happen before you give another relationship a real shot (trust issues, depression, damaged self esteem... things that would get in the way of you being able to truly be with someone) some types of healing can happen great during a relationship (making emotional space from your ex, redefining yourself without them)... so it depends on why you are hurting and if you can actually show up for a relationship at the moment. What do you think "healed" is going to feel like? What are the signs you are looking for?
  6. Dude you need to check in with yourself. What you describe is abusive. It's okay to be irritated at a partner. I love my partner of 12 years deeply and no one on earth can irritate me like him. But you are getting so irritated you are intentionally saying mean things. You are hurting her so much emotionally she is in tears... over your irritation? You are hurting her on purpose. That isn't healthy. Saying things to hurt a person you love is abusive. It doesn't matter how irritating they are. It doesn't sound like you are emotionally ready to be in a long term committed relationship.
  7. The way he's acting is abusive. Silent treatment? Acting like you are the one who messed up when all you did was point out the way he was f*cking you over. Taking your money and holding you to a different standard then he holds himself? This dude is a jerk. Don't stay with people who treat you so poorly. And if you regularly are attracted to folks that treat you poorly DON'T give them money.
  8. Wow. I wonder if he would want to date you if he knew how out of his league you think you are. It sounds like the biggest issue you have is the deep impression that you are way better than him.
  9. You've been with him for a few months and you're fighting and breaking up and cheating? And what do you mean he wanted to overdose? Honestly it sounds like a mess. I would walk. You guys aren't in a functioning relationship during the time period when people are all head over heels.
  10. What do you want? How do you feel about the fighting? How do you feel about the relationship?
  11. He left you flat. He has a temper. You two fight a bunch. What exactly do you want back? Don't play head games with what you want. It's dishonest and a waste of time. If you need to hear that he is sorry (understandably) ask for that. Don't try to manipulate.. that's such an unhealthy approach.
  12. You know cocaine is a chemically addictive drug right? I'm not judging. I did coke here and there when I was younger. But its the opposite of an anti anxiety drug. Do you actually feel like you are in danger? At the end of the day the choice is her's. She is choosing her home, her car, her phone, her college and her family over you... which is probably the smartest thing she can do. Not that it doesn't hurt any less. Her parents are still taking care of her. A lot more care then you can offer.
  13. So she just had an abortion. So you recently got her pregnant? How was that for her? For you? Do you get along otherwise? Is she brazen and sexual normally? (personally I have a bunch of friends male and female who have seen me naked and who I've also seen naked we can make sexual jokes like that and it's a friendly normal part of our friendships)
  14. It sounds like time for a therapist. You both are unhappy. The underling issues are pretty massive. Being isolated socially is HARD. Losing your father is HARD. moving is HARD. Changing your relationship is HARD (moving in together getting engaged) In the past year you've done like half of the most stressful things a person can do ever. Of course it's going to wear on you. Stress can rip apart a relationship. It can rip a part a person. A couples therapist might be able to help you two work together through this struggle. You are struggling because what you are going through is very hard. It's okay to need help.
  15. Wow... I hadn't read your last thread. You don't trust her. You have 'forgiven' her for cheating twice even though you don't know if she actually cheated. You monitored her conversations FOR MONTHS trying to catch her out. And what you found out was she was rightfully pulling away from you. She wasn't even cheating. She was talking to her friends to help her sort out her feelings about you. Dude leave her alone. How you treated her was terrible. And going to the gym for a few weeks isn't going to fix that.
  16. Why did the break up happen? What have you changed that makes you think the relationship will go better this time? Why do you want to get back together with someone who is making you feel used and disrespected? Why do you feel like you NEED to try to get back together even if she isn't interested? You can not save this relationship. This relationship is over. If anything you *might* have a chance (but it really doesn't sound like it) to start a new relationship with her. Why do you think a new relationship with her is a good idea?
  17. I think you shouldn't date anyone until you get away from the idea that there is someone you "can't live a day without". Clearly you can. You have for many days before you met. You have for many days after he dumped you. You will keep living for many days after he got his panties in a twist because you acted like a single person, while single. He's a jerk for breaking up with you and expecting you to wait around for him. He wanted to go out and have fun and for you to stay waiting for him. That isn't a nice guy. That a guy who thinks he owns you. Don't be with that guy.
  18. That isn't a simple mistake. That is abusive behavior in public while black out drunk. That is a LOT of mistakes. For my emotional wellbeing I don't stay close to folks who get black out drunk and become abusive. If a friend came to me saying that this happened with their girlfriend I would recommend that they break up. You are still you when you are blackout drunk. You can't point at that and say "that's not me" because it is. Just because you don't want to take responsibilities for those actions doesn't mean you aren't responsible.
  19. He didn't cheat. He broke up for the right reasons. If he's dealing with deep feelings for someone else it isn't fair to you to stay with you. When a relationship ends (if it isn't a mutual ending or sometimes even when it was mutual) it's normal for one or both parties to feel betrayed. That doesn't mean he betrayed you. It just means you were attached to something that you suddenly realized wasn't a real thing. That is a betrayal. But it's just your own hopes and dreams betraying you. It has nothing to do with him.
  20. Attachment inevitably causes pain. But you live life anyway. I try to make sure my attachment are worth the pain. loving people deeply is the best possible use I can find for the inevitable pain of life.
  21. I have partners I know are more or less commercially attractive. I know they aren't models. But I'm still very attracted to them and I love them. Do you really think she isn't beautiful? When you think about the passion, the care, the love you get from her and you can't think that's beautiful? When you say she is beautiful it feels like a lie? Because beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. If those words feel bad why not use other ones? Like "I'm so attracted to you" or "You make me happy" or "I so enjoy the time we have together" or any other words that are true and don't feel like a lie. Are you really this twisted up because she doesn't physically look the right way to you? You love the sex, the companionship and everything else but you can't "lie" to her and call her beautiful? When someone calls me beautiful I don't assume that they have done an exhaustive search of all female faces and bodies and decided mine is the best. I assume that they have feelings for me that make me beautiful to them. Are you by any chance on the autism spectrum?
  22. So you like her. She makes your life brighter. She's made the last few years of your life the happiest ones you've had. You even say in this post that you love her for more than her looks. To me it sounds like you love her. Just that you expect love to act or feel some way that it isn't at the moment. But even if you don't "truly love" her it doesn't sound like their are any down sides to the relationship. So why think about breaking up? I agree with DancingFool, a psychologist might help you sort through your ideas about love, attachment, attraction and commitment. I certainly don't think you should walk away from someone who makes your life so much better because you are worried that you aren't feeling the right kind of love.
  23. I had a grandparent who started going down hill fast at 67 form Alzheimers. And grief is never fully done. It'll comes in waves for the rest of your life. If you are having serious suicidal ideations you might consider finding another councilor or therapist. But if you are just wondering if you are alone, you aren't. The human heart does amazing things in the face of loss. It sounds like you are doing really well in the face of something deeply hard.
  24. You are in mourning. There is nothing wrong with you. It is deeply painful to lose someone you love. It's super hard to watch someone you love transform into someone you don't recognize in their later days. To watch your Dad go from a strong component father to scared and confused is heart breaking. Have you thought of seeing a grieving councilor? Personally? I don't have that line of thought because I don't believe in the after life. The only way I can be close to people who are gone is by remembering them, honoring them and keeping them close to my heart. Because once I'm dead I won't be able to do any of those things... because I will be dead.
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