Hi, l an looking for insight or advice into my situation. Please bare with me, I am very long winded. I am a 35 year old female. I fell very hard for a guy I worked with even though I am married. I know I was wrong, but I am human and we make mistakes. I did not cheat on my husband. In fact, I came clean to him about my feelings for this man. He was surprisingly understanding and we decided to try work things through. However, our marriage was on very shaky ground prior to all this. Ultimately, we could not get passed this situation and are currently separated. We even tried an open marriage at one point to allow ourselves to see other people while remaining together for the kids, but he was too jealous for it to work. What made things even worse is that I lost my job three months ago and had to deal with the pain of not seeing this guy anymore. At this point, I am trying to figure out if there was anything even there between me and this guy in the first place or if I was imagining something in my head. We worked together for almost 3 years and grew to be close work friends. We did not have a relationship outside of work, but we did confide in each other about personal issues and he told me I was someone he could come to about anything. I did complain about my marriage to him at times, which I know was probably not appropriate. There were many signs of intense chemistry between us. We didn’t work in the same department, so we often had to go out of our way to create work together, which I feel like we did. He would always make up the dumbest excuses to come to my office to talk to me, often leaning his whole upper body entirely on my desk with his face close enough to kiss me. We often were in a room together talking to clients, but our eyes would be focused on each other. If were together in a room with a bunch of coworkers, I was the one he would come stand next to. Our conversations were sometimes awkward. He would stumble over words, say stupid things, and blush all the time. One day he even brushed up against me accidentally and apologized but made no real effort to move out of the way. He was always doing nice things for me such as cleaning snow off my car and holding my hand in the parking lot so I didn’t fall on ice. He got me gifts for Christmas and hand wrote me very sentimental Christmas cards several years in a row. Keep in mind that he works very closely with about 60 women in his department, more closely than me, yet he did not buy them anything for Christmas. He was always complimenting me my work ethic, dedication, friendliness, and even my wardrobe and sense of style. We actually had a client mistakenly believe us to be married. When I told him that he said I should have just went along with it, because he had been single for so long and he liked the idea of being married to me. This led to us joking around about getting married for weeks after that. I always felt like there was some truth to the joking around.
The day they furloughed me from my job, I first went to a female coworker who is one of my best friends and told her that I was being laid off effective immediately. Then I went to find him next to tell him. Turns out my friend was in his office talking him about work related things. The three of us had a tearful goodbye. Him and I exchanged phone numbers and promised to get together. My friend then started joking around and it seemed like she was trying to get us together. When he reached on a top shelf, she said I should grab his butt. Then when we hugged, she joked with him that he liked the feel of my boob against him. That night after work my friend called me and said he was very upset about me being laid off and talked about how upset he was after I left. He was also texting me heart emojis that night. My friend, even though she knows I was/am in a bad marriage, admitted that she was trying to get us together. She asked what was going on between us. I admitted my feelings for him then and she admitted that she felt there something between us. She felt like she was interrupting an intimate moment when the three of us were together earlier that day.
Her and I went out drinking about a week later. Still in pain from losing my job, I acted Like an immature teenager and told her to tell him I wanted him. She did tell him, but his reaction was he did not believe her. He stated to her that nobody wants him. He does have terrible self image, I believe mainly due to his ex who hurt him badly after nine years together. I think his insecurities have gotten in the way of him even having so much as a date in the past four years. He always said that he got no attention from women. She did convince him that I did want him, which he questioned why and how I want him, being that I was married. She told him I was in an open marriage, which still technically was at that time. She said he seemed intrigued by that. She said she later reiterated to him about my open marriage and he said he felt like his simple life would break open. He did admit to her then that he missed me. Him and I did end up texting each other in the following weeks, and things were kind of heating up between us. Sometimes we would text later in the night and for 4-5 hours in a row. We even agreed to get together to hang out. Then the texts stopped all of a sudden. He wouldn’t respond to any of my messages.
my friend intervened on my behalf. He told her he cared about me and wanted me in his life but just wanted to be friends. She told him he was being a coward and should at least have the decency to be honest with me and return my texts. He said he would. He did eventually text me to apologize for ignoring me, stating that he was it was tough for him to socialize right now and he stated that he didn’t feel able to Invest in anyone at the moment. At first I took that as he was going through a hard time in his life, then later felt like he was blowing me off in a nice way. I did end up texting him a few weeks ago when I was drunk and admitted my feelings to him and asked him to he honest about his. Of course I did not receive a response and didn’t really expect to.
The whole situation has me questioning my sanity. Does it sound like he did have feelings for me? My friend believes he does or at least did have feelings for me and didn’t want to come between my marriage. My marriage was basically over anyway, but he didn’t really know that. To me, he would not be acting this way if there wasn’t feelings. Does anyone agree? By not responding to me he is totally disregarding my feelings which is contrary to how he treated me before. If we were/are friends, how could you do that to someone you supposedly care about? What reason would he have for avoiding me like the plague? If I was truly just a friend or even just a silly girl he worked with, he would simply shoot me quick texts to see how I was doing, and tell me he wasn’t interested, let’s keep things platonic, blah blah. But he seems to be making a very big deal out of all this. I know him and I aren’t going to be together, but I do feel like for the sake of closure I need to know how he felt about me. But how do I start to move on? It’s been three months since I have seen him. I’m still very much in love with him and very heartbroken. He still dominates my thoughts. How do I get over him?
