is there any children? perhaps she is feeling insecure about her body.. I know this can be a problem with some women. When you mention holding her.. that is so nice of you. I know that it id frustrating for you but it truly shows your love for her.. Sometimes we have to look at the big picture.. Is it worth it to leave and do you really want to after so long? Perhaps you could try masterbating together? This could re -connect you.