Bradley

This is probably a year too late, but I hope it helps all the same. A few years ago, I started working with a younger guy. He was about your age. I thought he was really a nice guy, and frankly, I thought he was pretty cute. A lot of people around the office, however, didn't really like him because he was really out-going. This was probably his first real office job, and he was making the best of it, and they were always putting him down. Well, I found out some months later, that they had labeled him as gay, and had paired us up. I am gay, and I wasn't pleased that they were making this guy feel so bad, and I went to confront them about it. But my friend didn't want to make a fuss. But he did want me to come back to his place, have diner, and sleep over. Of course it would have been on a cot in the living room, and when I said I couldn't, he kind of shut down and said "well I've got a lot of work so it's time for me to get back to it," indicating that I should leave. But for a few moments there, I was feeling what he was feeling. I could see he was disappointed. I knew he didn't want me to leave. I didn't want to leave, but I had already gotten a few mixed signals and didn't want to get hurt or pursue. Nothing ever really happened between us, except an unfortunate MSN screaming match some time later. You see, he had real difficulty expressing his feelings for me, so he would always start the chat conversations with things like "Hot Sex" or "I'm rubbing myself...I mean, Oh Hi 'Brad.'" One day I had just had enough. From my perspective, I felt like I was being lead on. Probably from his perspective, he didn't know how to express his feelings, or if he should, or what would happen if he did, even though he knew I was gay. I'm not mad at him anymore, mostly because after reading your post, I realize that he was probably going through the same thing you have been. I still care about him, but we don't have contact. I wish we did, he's a really nice guy. And about 10 years ago, when I wasn't out to all of my friends, I really fell for a friend. About a year ago, I contacted him. He got married, was expecting a kid, but I still remember the mixed signals I used to get. I think a lot of people are bi, and I think it is a very honest expression of human behavior, because human beings are essentially bisexual. That is the nature of our existence, according to most psychologists. So I told him "well, I'm kind of sorry you got married, I always thought you were really cute." The response was not negative at all. He simply said "I had no idea." We're still talking, we're still in contact. And I felt better for doing it, because I resolved it and I was honest with both of us. I think in the 21st century, it's so much easier to tell people what you are, if you chose to. I think in any century, it wouldn't matter though: people will either accept you or they won't. So, I know it might be difficult, but I would find a way to let him know, unless it's either dangerous to do so, or it's going to hurt him. Thank you for showing me the other side. Being that older man, I couldn't understand what was coming my way. He is a really smart and together guy, so I just took it for granted that he knew how to express himself. I didn't realize that maybe he was struggling with something that I had forgotten I myself struggled with long ago. (By the way, the good news is that, someday you will feel better about being bi; it takes a little time, but it will happen. Trust yourself). Good luck!